The Sunshine Project Pt. 10

Chapter 28

Jess

When Beck suggested hair and nails, I thought it was our inside joke. Allie and I laughed, but then she gave me that look, the one that said she actually wanted it, and what was I supposed to do? I had no intention of doing anything with Beck. I don't like her. She's bossy and controlling toward Allie, and she makes me uncomfortable. I get the feeling she doesn't want me around. The way she looks at me when Allie can't see is pure hatred.

"Uh... Al?" I've never fisted anyone but Allie. I don't even know if I want to touch Beck, but Allie's eyes are filled with lust. I saw the way she kissed Beck, like she couldn't get enough. She won't kiss me like that. Fuck, she won't even kiss me at all. I hate this. It's like Beck's moved into my world with the single purpose of taking Allie from me.

"Fuck, yes, Jess. Fist me." Allie takes my hand and guides it between her legs, and how can I say no? I want to lean down and kiss her, show her that I'm better than Beck. I'm only doing this to make her happy because how would she feel if I told her no? It would push her right into Beck's arms.

I feel how wet she is from Beck eating her. She gets wet like this for me too, but I don't want to think about Beck eating her. I don't want think about anything with Beck. I don't want to do this, so as Beck gets into position, seated next to Allie with her legs spread and staring straight at Allie, I almost get up and walk away. I force myself to stay, for Allie's sake, but I'm not happy.

Beck reaches over and forces Allie to look into her eyes and then kisses her. And here I am on my knees between them, both of their pussies spread to me. I can't hide the disappointment on my face, but I don't have to. They're going at it like horny teenagers, making out and grabbing each other's tits, and all I have to do is put my fists in them and it can be over.

I touch Allie first. I'm doing this for her. I have to keep reminding myself of that, or I'll just quit. So I put my hand between her legs, and my other between Beck's and start to put fingers into each of them. First only a few, then all four. When I put my thumbs in and begin twisting and thrusting, I can tell Beck has never done this. Allie is loose, comfortable like a pair of warm gloves in winter, but Beck is tight.

It would bring me great joy to shove my fist in so hard it hurts her, but I'm not that horrible of a person. I put my fist into Allie easily, fucking her as she grinds against me, and Beck touches her clit. I hate that--Beck's fingers touching my best friend--but Allie seems to like it, and if a threesome is what she wants, then it's what she gets. I'm doing this for Allie.

Beck takes it much more slowly, a lot more twisting and pushing, but when it sinks, she comes instantly. Allie touches her clit too while they kiss. Fuck, all I can do is fuck them both with my fists while I watch Allie's lips claim Beck's over and over. Beck grunts and groans, and finally she pulls her mouth away from Allie and arches her head back. She's so selfish she stops rubbing Allie off too, so I lower my lips and suck her clit, but I keep my eyes turned up to watch her face.

Allie stares down at me with a frantic look of panic, as if she's right on the edge but she needs more. I stare up at her and move my lips away from her pussy, lightly blow on it, then mouth the words "you taste so fucking good," and she convulses, grunting and locking her eyes on mine. My lips suck her so good, tasting her moisture even as she massages Beck to completion. I'm spent, my arms are tired, and I feel like crying.

I pull my hands out of their bodies, and though I want to lick Allie's cum from my fingers, I don't. My heart's heavy. Allie watches me as I pick up my t-shirt and wipe my hands on it. She's quiet even as Beck breathes heavily and gropes her tits still. I can't make eye contact with her. I just pick up my clothes and pat her knee.

"I'm going to shower, okay?" Maybe she'll get rid of Beck while I'm upstairs. We need to get Cora out of her place in the laundry room and let her toilet before bedtime. And Shep needs to be walked too.

"You okay?" she asks, standing, but I see Beck take her hand.

"I'm okay, babe. I just want to shower now. I think I got sauce from dinner in my hair." I force a smile. God, do I want to kiss her, wrap my arms around her and hold her close. She'll come to bed soon enough though. Maybe tonight we can have that talk.

"Okay..." She lets me go and has a reluctant look on her face, and I fully expect that while I'm gone they'll fuck more.

My heart feels like lead as I make my way up the stairs. Feet too. I did that for her, because I want her to have anything her heart wants, even if it's another woman. That's how I know I really love her. Because what sort of person would I be to tell her no she can't have Beck when we've already promised each other that nothing between us changes? We'll only ever be friends. I have to push this feeling away. She rejected me over the weekend because she isn't feeling what I do. She isn't in love. This I just hair and nails to her.

I dump my clothes on the floor since there is no hamper in here anymore and turn on the water. I scrub my skin, trying to remove the scent of Beck from my body. Somehow it's permeated every pore on me, and I hate it. I hate Beck. I don't want her here. I'm so jealous. I want Allie to love I. But I will not ruin it for Allie. If she has a real chance at something with Beck then I have to be her friend and let it happen. She deserves that.

I'm almost clean and ready to get out when Allie walks into the bathroom fully clothed. I open the shower door and wipe the water from my eyes, confused. Why is she dressed?

"Hey, girl..." She sounds hesitant to say what's on her mind.

"Everything okay?" I blink back more water sluicing off my hair into my eyes and watch her face contort to a look of sorrow.

"Uh, Beck wants to take me home. She's not sleeping over 'cause she has court in the morning, but she thinks it's not safe for me to drive home." Allie chews her lip nervously.

"But you can just sleep over. I was hoping you'd hold me." I feel emotion that I can't explain welling up. Anger, fear, pain, sorrow... They overwhelm me.

"I know, I just don't want her pissed. She's finally loosening up. If she feels like she belongs with us, then we have a better chance of figuring this whole thing with Cora out and getting rid of the guns before Beck tells anyone. I just want us both to be safe."

I want to march down there and tell the bitch to get the fuck out of my house, but it will only hurt Allie's feelings. "You really like her, don't you?" I don't even actually want to know the answer to that question.

"A little." She shrugs. "But you're my best friend, which is why I have to do this. I have to protect you, especially after what happened with Cora." She reaches out and touches my dripping hair. "I'll come in the morning. Maybe I'll make you breakfast."

"She's not sleeping over?"

"No, babe, and I'm not doing anything with her tonight. That part is over. Alright?"

I barely keep the tears down long enough for her to get out of the room and shut the door. Then they fall freely. I slide down the wall of the shower until I'm curled in a ball on the shower floor and letting the water grow cold as it washes over me.

Allie was right about things changing between us. It can really ruin us. I know because it's ruining me. I don't want to move on and date other people while Allie is my best friend with benefits.

I want Allie.

Chapter 29

Cora

I've been in this damn basket for hours. I hear Jess and her friends out there having a grand old time, but of course they can't invite me. Then again from the sounds of what they're doing I don't want to be invited. Yuck.

Trying to escape hasn't worked either. The toolbox on top of the wicker basket they are keeping me in is too heavy for me to push off, otherwise I'd be climbing out of here. When Jess put me in the kennel with her dog I had company at least, though he didn't seem to like me much, and I was sort of afraid he'd bite. Still, at least I wasn't alone.

I sit curled on the top of her dirty laundry with my knees hugged to my chest. I've never been alone this long in my life without my phone. Even last week at Danny's house when I had nothing to do wasn't boring or lonely. Now, I am here with only my thoughts, and all I can do is wonder why I'm here. Why, on God's green earth, do I have no one who misses me? It's been almost a week since I disappeared and no one's even reported me missing? Or if they have, Allie and Jess have hidden it from me.

Part of me is really angry about that. The other part of me is depressed and has already given up. It might be better if I just stay small. No one cares about me. Not even a little bit. For a while I thought Danny did, but he's just as selfish as Glenda and Dean. And when I watched Jess rubbing Allie's shoulders something inside me broke. They're so close, such good friends, and here I am with nobody to lean on, no one to reach to.

I hear water start running, and I get the urge to pee. I can't pee on this laundry because it's also my bed. Jess gave me an empty K-cup before she locked me in here, but that thing is full already, wedged between some jeans and the edge of the basket. I covered it with the little foil lid, but I can still smell the stench of my own urine every now and then.

"Jess!" I call, but it's loud out there. I hear people talking and the pipes whining. Sounds like someone is having a shower. Probably a good thing because their sex sounds made it obvious what they did. It sounded like there were at least three of them too--so fucked up. Jess really has a problem. Glenda says she tried to seduce my uncle and when it didn't work, she accused him of rape.

Disgusting really.

I sigh and clench my pelvic floor. If Jess doesn't come let me out soon, I really will piss on her laundry. There is enough here for me to rearrange it so I can sleep comfortably. I can't believe how she keeps me locked up like a little pet or something. Doesn't she realize I'm human? I have emotions.

After a while, I give up on the idea that she's going to walk me like a dog tonight. I lean against the basket and use my new outfits wadded up as a pillow. I close my eyes and just as I'm about to doze off I hear the laundry room door open. I stand as Jess moves the toolbox off the top of the hamper. I hear Shep whining, and she talks soothingly to him. Her voice sounds full of emotion, and she sniffles.

"It's about fucking time you let me out. I have to shit." I push on the lid and it rises and I see her vanish, carrying Shep. I don't waste any time shoving the lid off and climbing out. The wicker is easy to descend because of the way it's woven, and Jess left the door open, so I just walk right into the kitchen. She's at the back door, and I'm doing a potty dance. I glance around the living room; her friends are gone.

"Can you please help me? I'm sort of helpless down here." I wave my arm, and she glances at me. She's wearing a dark blue house coat, fuzzy and warm. Her hair is damp; she's the one who took the shower. And her eyes are red-rimmed and puffy. She sniffles and nods. Then she walks to the kitchen counter. I follow her and wait. It's humiliating waiting on her to give me a portable toilet and tissue to wipe my ass, but it's better than the alternative. I'm not wearing a diaper and letting her change me like a baby.

"Hurry the fuck up, Jess. I am going to shit myself." I grab my crotch and squeeze my legs together, bouncing a little. She moves so slowly I could cry, but when she puts the K-cup and tissue on the floor and walks away, all my frustration floods out of my body.

I yank the snug-fitting pants down and plop my ass onto the cup, nearly tipping it. This is worse than using a porta-potty at a festival. At least it doesn't have the stench though, but it does have that plastic feel, which disgusts me. It reminds me of the time I went to a music festival with Danny and his friends over spring break. They decided to rock the porta potty while I was in it. I had to hold my piss the entire rest of that day. Humiliating.

I finish and use a scrap of Kleenex Jess cut up for me to wipe myself. I feel so much better, and I know I'll sleep better too. I stand and pull up my jumpsuit and drop the tissue into the cup. I'm so glad I don't have to deal with that; Jess can do the gross deed of throwing it away.

I walk around the end of the peninsula bar and watch her. She stands at the back door staring into the darkness. I can hear her crying softly and I wonder what's wrong. Usually after girls' night I'm in a great mood, but there is an empty bottle of Schnapps sitting on the coffee table. Maybe she's one of those girls who drinks too much and gets weepy.

When Shep scratches on the door, Jess opens it and picks up him. Then she locks up and walks past me to put him in his kennel. She's not really paying attention to me. I could probably figure out how to get the front door open and just walk right out, though I'm so tiny I don't know how I'd get any place alone. Plus it's dark.

"Jess?" I follow her down the hallway and hear her sniffling more. She blows her nose as I round the corner and see her locking Shep up. "Jess, are you okay?" I don't know if I really care, but I'm not a complete heartless bitch. Danny says I'm a narcissist, but I do have compassion in me.

She cries harder and does something very strange. Jess shoves her tissues into her robe pocket and bends and picks me up. She's so gentle as she holds me to her chest and wraps her arms around me. It's warm, comforting. Her robe smells like lavender; maybe she uses it to sleep. I know Glenda does that sometimes when she's upset.

Just thinking of Glenda as Jess holds me feels conflicting. When Glenda's upset emotionally, she locks herself in her room and ignores me. I remember when I got my first period, and I had no clue what to do; Glenda was hidden away crying and sulking over something Dean had done. I banged on her door and pleaded with her to come help me, and she told me to go away. Her cries sounded a lot like the way Jess is crying now as she walks up the steps.

Come to think of it, Jess seems pretty upset now--enough that she should be lying in bed or eating a pint of ice cream, but she took care of me. Why is she so nice when she doesn't even like me?

In her room, she crawls into bed and lays me on the pillow next to her while she cries. She pulls the tissues out of her pocket and blows her nose a few times, but her sobbing doesn't stop. I feel bad, like I'm watching her grieve Gus all over again. I feel like I should say something or do something, but I'm so tiny what could I even do? I lay a hand on her head, and she cries even harder, so I recoil. I don't want to make things worse. I just thought that would help because I watched Allie do that at the funeral and it seemed to help.

After a while I hear snoring. I try to cover her with the blanket but it's too heavy for me to really do it well. Eventually I give up and curl up on the other pillow, the one Allie usually uses. Is this about Allie? She sleeps over sometimes but not tonight? Not after they've been drinking and had a girls' night? Maybe this is about Allie. It just confirms my suspicion that Allie really is a bitch.

I'm happy she hasn't locked me up again. I was beginning to think I was always going to be a prisoner. I yawn as sleep tugs at my eyes again and find myself dozing pretty quickly. Maybe tomorrow will be the day they make me normal again, and I can try to figure life out. Or maybe I'll just stay small, and she can take care of me forever. It's easier than thinking of getting a job, and it's not so horrible. At least someone cares for me this way.

***

I wake to Jess's loud snoring. The sun is coming up, and I'm thirsty. I have to pee too, but I don't want to wake her. For some stupid reason I fucking care that she had a horrible night, and next time I see Allie I'm going to bitch slap her. Maybe it's because Allie is a dumb cunt who deserves it, or maybe it's because I had girls treat me like that, and I'd be exacting revenge vicariously. But would it matter?

I sigh and wriggle to the edge of the bed. It's a long way down, so I lie on my stomach and slide off the edge feet first. The blanket slides with me, giving me a cushion to land on when I hit the ground. Jess groans, and I see the bed move; then she grabs the blanket and yanks on it. It pulls up across the bed right from underneath me, and I spin and tumble backward until my head hits the wall.

"Ouch," I wince quietly, not wanting to wake her. I rub my head and stand up. The urge to pee is growing now that I'm on my feet, so I hurry to the door and pray it's open. It is--Jess left it ajar last night in her drunken emotional state.

The stairs pose a challenge too. I stand at the top and stare down at them fearing a spill. I have to take each one individually, sliding my legs over the edge and dangling from my belly. Every goddamn one makes me have to pee more. Have you ever had someone push on your bladder thirty times first thing in the morning before you get to relieve yourself?

On the ground floor, I run. I know Jess left that K-cup sitting right where it was when I used it last night, and that is where I'm headed. By the time I get there I'm doing a massive piss dance, wrestling with the outfit I'm wearing to get it off in time. I almost make a mess as I crouch over the K-cup and let the urine flow, and there has never been a more incredible sensation in my body of relief.

I sigh and look around. There are no more cut tissues, so I hover there for a moment, dripping. Frustrated. The only thing I can do is drip until Jess comes down here, or pull my pants back on and sit in the grossness until she can reach my other outfit. She's been pretty good this week about helping me with that. In fact, Jess has been more of a mother to me than my own mother.

Reluctantly, I pull the pants on and stare up at the counter. A cup of coffee would be nice, but I can't do that alone. I walk into the living room and look around. Jess has the guns locked up in a closet--doorknob far too high for me to reach it. I think about attempting to push a chair up to it, but what good would that do? I'd be able to reach the knob but the chair would be in the way. Then how would I get the key anyway?

Instead I see a stack of mail on the end table by the sofa, hidden behind empty cups and bottles from their girls' night. I don't think I can get on the couch by myself, so I grab one of Allie's combat boots she left laying here. It's heavy and awkward, but I manage to drag it by the strings over to the couch so I can climb up. I nearly fall, but at the last minute I grab the piping and save myself from a hard tumble. Jess is such a slob. There are popcorn kernels all over the sofa here. They must have really been wasted.

After dusting a few kernels out of my way, I climb onto the arm of the ugly floral couch and then onto the end table. I'm careful not to bump into the empty liquor bottle as I walk toward the stack of mail. Jess hasn't gone through things in days. I move one letter at a time, barely able to handle how awkward they are. They're not heavy; I just can't get a good grip on them with such tiny fucking hands.

There are bills from doctors and city utilities, and a few pieces of junk mail. I see one that has only her first name on it, nothing else. It's a bit heavier than the others. Yeah, I'm snooping, sue me. If Jess hasn't opened this, it must not be important anyway, so I carry it and toss it onto the couch cushion and start to tear it open. It takes a bit of finagling, and I have to tear the envelope to pieces like it's a giant Christmas gift, but I manage to get it open. When I do, a key falls out and slides down the crack of the couch before I can even catch it.