All Comments on 'The Tears of the Stars Pt. 01'

I'm almost done with part 2 of this story. I love feedback so please feel free to give me your thoughts. There's always room for improvement. Thanks again for reading.

Thanks for sharing.

Well written and creative. I'm a hard core sci-fi nut, and I really enjoyed this one. I was beginning to despair as I waded through one more bad story after another on this site until I happened on your jewel here. My reading morning coffee hasn't tasted so good in a long time. I offer no criticism, just encouragement to continue. Thank You.

This has the makings of a really great one. Looking forward to the next installment.

Great story. Good work.

Great start. I do wonder how big his harem will become and if it will include his mother. After all, its the only way they can reconcile. With her need for religion, he will probably, become her god.

Really well written and so curious to see where you take it.

Beautiful. Very well done. I'm really looking forward to the next chapter!

Its a good start of what could easily be one of the best stories on this site, and i hope you write many more chapters, though I do ask for an ending of some sort as soo many great series on these site seem to have been lost in time without a proper conclusion, I sincerely hope you can comit to finishing this story as it has the makings of something great, also personally I would hope you don't include the mother in his future harem I feel like it would detract what you have started to show as a life time of neglect,persecution, and judgment by her, she and her son should reconcile but not to the point of her jumping in bed with him.

Great story, very detailed and involved. Please continue.

Great story, good plot and characters. I hope you continue this series! Good job.

Was a little bit too much, and the first time with Dana looked kinda uncalled for.

I don't know, I think I'd rather have more story

I read your former work, "The Novelist" series few years ago when they just came out, up untill part 7. The thing I didnt like was the fact that the incest part of the story was too dominant in the story itself. It seems you fixed the problem in these series. Im not a too big of a fan of incest but i like the spice from it from time to time. After you developed Stacy, i feel like she is Jacksons lover instead of a sister, even though the memory is still here, adding the spice. Kudos for that.

I like sci-fi. Im a fan of many sci-fi stories here on good ol' Literotica. Etaski, Lien_Geller, LTPC, Intrepid_Fate and such are my favourite writers. If you pull off this how they did I think you will be very successful.

The story (9/10): It's intriguing and very well thought of. Not entirely original, but processed enough to be refreshing. The story itself isnt focusing on sex itself which is good because I would recommend the next chapter to focus more on the story and character development, having from 1-3 sex scenes but with detail so the horny people can do their business. :)

The grammar (9/10): The sentences are well written, not hard to understand for non-native english speaking people, myself being one of them. I've seen some grammar mistakes in the editing itself but they are too insignificant to worth mentioning. But, since my knowledge of english grammar improved over the course of 5 years of reading erotic novels on this site, I can recommend you to use more complicated words. When I'm reading something I always have google translate opened in another tab in case I dont know a word.

Sex scenes: If I were to put a grade on them, I would have chosen 8/10.

They are well developed, but a bit too short and when the female characters are climaxing, at least for my taste, theres to much dialogue. Instead of typing "OhOHohOOOOH" or something you can just type something like "Right on the verge of climaxing, Stacy started moaning frantically while her hips started moving irradically, all the while impaled deeply on Jacksons cock."

I'm not a writer so sorry if i messed up something, but I like a sex scene to be very visual, so I can imagine it vividly enough to make it seem at least remotely real. I hope you understans what Im trying to say. :)

So yeah, the cons are (for me):

-Too short

-Not described enough, used too much dialogue and too little circumscription

All in all, My grade for the story is 8.7/10 but since you took a leap for faith and succeeded for the most part I rated the story as a 5/5 piece of work. I believe you deserved it. Keep up the good work and I will try to do my best to review it from a readers perspective. :)

P.S. This was my first attept at objective reviewing and I hope I didnt mess up too badly. :)

Also, accept my apologies if I had any grammatical errors in my review, english isnt my native language and I feel Im not the best when it comes to english knowledge and its grammar. :)

Svenos, thanks for your comments. I thought they were well done and your English seems pretty polished to me. The incest is much lighter in this story versus The Novelist series (you should give the last two parts of that series a read. I lost a lot of people after part 7). I know this isn't exactly a new concept, but I very much wanted to try and write something in the sci-fi genre because it's a challenge for me. Moving forward is going to be difficult. I've already written most of part 2, but part three still seems elusive. Part 2 does have broader focus on sex and continue to highlight his struggle to fully understand his purpose. Part 3 will be where the story breaks open again with more significant plot. I'm not sure if that was a good choice. We'll see. I leave it up to readers to determine. I am an amateur writer after all. This is more a hobby than anything, but I find it rewarding and am always looking to improve. Keep supporting writers on this site. Feedback is the most helpful gift you can give any writer... As long as it's constructive. Thanks again.

How did he not notice the sandwich he split with the dog was four days old?

Many of the good stories on the site struggle with too much sex and not enough conflict. I feel like that's what separates the good writers from the elite. My preference is 1 sex scene per 4 Lit pages. As such, I did feel like there was tons of sex. Perhaps too much as the scifan genre is much more tolerant and in some cases expects more plot.

What I really think you have done excellently is characterization, description, and theme. I myself am quite taken with exploring what it would feel like to live for billions of years. You handled it phenomenally well without needing exposition to give that sense from your different POV characters.

My caution with the harem tales is to not throw too many women too fast, so that I have no sense of who the new name is. Another thing that is often poorly executed on is sexual tension.

Finally, on certain scales and situations I think incest ceases to be. I agree with the other commenter. As such I think you do balance the taboo vs wider audience appeal. After all, it is our genetic similarity (and more specifically they redundant copies of bad genes stored within the same family line) that makes incest such a taboo for the procreation of our species.

I would suggest keeping the mother as one of the antagonists. She does such a great job of it, that letting her and the relationship off the hook seems like such a waste.

Dialogue was well done. I loved that nurse when he first woke up.

Finally, there were a few hiccups in the grammar (not many) and some minor consistencies that you might want to fix on re-edit. Although its possible that was caused by lots of POV switching in some situations and sometimes there is confusion about pronoun resolution. I do like the choice to mainly stay out of the head of Jackson, keep him more mysterious to the reader as he is mysterious to himself.

I wasn't sure what to expect, but it was definitely a well-done story. I couldn't help but turn the page because I was so curious. Great character development and pacing.

I didn't mind the incest part one bit. He's turned into a god with all kinds of powers, so having a sister for a lover isn't a big deal in my book.

You have a great heart as well as great writing skills. Thought I'd share the thought that came to mind as I voted 5 out of 5 stars... "Wish there were a higher rating to give you." :-)

Yes, this was extremely well thought out, written, and presented. I congratulate you!

The poetic nature of the title the tears of the stars plus the perfect setting in the hospital and of course the pathos of the whole scene was simply perfect. I like erotica because simply put I'm an adult. But anyone with the capacity to read and write will clearly declare to any author nothing beats a great story!

"The trees lost their contrast as they became silhouettes against the night sky... the stars began to appear like fireflies, popping up a few at a time, until they littered the roof of the world." ... ... ... ... ... AUTHOR, you wrote such graceful prose ... it seems to effortlessly paint emotionally poignant and vivid images upon the canvas of my imagination ... From opening scene to the chapter break... great flow ... simply a solid mature expressionist work that touches the boundlessness of space while staying grounded with spirit. ... ... ... I find my self wanting to punch you, kiss you, and then shrug it all off by saying, " what?! I'm not gay... I just like a good book!"

A truly wondrous tale. Top shelf!