The Three Loves

I paused and stared at the top. Before I knew what was happening I held the armpits of the undershirt to my nose. I took a tentative sniff. The smell was ripe, similar to what I had smelled when I hugged her. It was a mix of her natural scent and deodorant and again I felt my cock stir in my pants. This time I breathed in deeply and her natural bouquet filled my nose. God, she smelled good. By now my hands were trembling.

It felt like I was getting away with something. This was an intimate thing about her, a secret. I felt like a pervert smelling her dirty laundry, but something about that made me want to do it more. I finally put the undershirt in the wash.

When I looked down my heart leapt into my throat. Underneath the undershirt there was a pair of her panties. They were striped white and green. For a few heartbeats I stared. The undershirt was an appetizer, but this was the main course. I picked up the panties and held them in front of me. I imagined her thin waist and round ass inside these, and I felt my cheeks get hot and my dick rise.

The panties were green with white stripes. In the front, right where her pussy would have been there was a little shamrock and the words "lucky you." I gulped. Indeed. I almost didn't want to bring these up to my hungry nose. If smelling the dirty pits of her undershirt was perverted, then this was way beyond that. My own cousin. But I broke and held them up to my nose anyway. Time stood still as I took my first whiff. Now I had never even kissed a girl. The only ideas I had about how a girl smelled was from my friends' dirty talk. But then it hit me.

I had expected a fishy smell, which sounded unpleasant. But it wasn't like that. It was an earthy, musky aroma. Perhaps a little meaty, but not remotely what I would call fishy. There was a slight sweet tang to it, and the smell of sweat. My hardon strained against my pants. I inhaled over and over until her aroma was my entire world. I wanted it inside my head, stuck there forever. Would it smell like this if I went down on her, or had sex? I remembered that this was my cousin. My propriety clashed with my lust. If she did smell like this, that would be a heavenly experience.

The panties went into the wash. Surely there were others. I found another pair of jeans, and inserted my head deep inside of them. There was that same musky and sweaty smell. I was in heaven. I sniffed the underarm part of her bra and then searched it for the size. Finally I found the tag. Thirty four B. The size was meaningless to me, but I felt like I had uncovered another intimate secret.

I picked up another pair of panties. This one was pink with little red hearts and said "sweet" over the pussy. I felt like I would explode as I imagined these dropping and seeing her brown curls. My cock was painfully hard now. I pressed the panites against my face. I felt like I wanted the smell inside of me, imprinted on me forever. My hand wandered down to my cock, and began to rub it through my pants.

My lust built inside me, and I looked down to see another pair of panties sitting there. This one was black and said "foxy" with a silver, fur-like pattern. I frantically undid my pants and brought my hand down, rubbing the panties on my cock while I breathed in the bouquet of the other pair.

They felt strange on my hand, but my cock was extremely sensitive by now. I closed my eyes, and imagined myself lowering my face to her pussy. "I had no idea, James," Fantasy Charlotte said to me. "Please eat my pussy. And then fuck me. I want to be your first."

My tongue lashed out, licking the crotch of her panties and her pussy in my fantasy. "That feels so good James. I said I came here because I needed a place to stay, but I also wanted to fuck you so bad. I want to reward you for taking me in. Please!" My breath came ragged.

In my fantasy I spread her open. I had seen what a pussy looked like inside from watching porn. Unfortunately I had no idea what to do with it, so I licked blindly. Fantasy Charlotte loved it anyway. "Oh God, James. You're gonna make me cum." I licked until she let out a strangled moan. I readied myself to take it to the next level and put my cock inside her. But my traitor cock had other plans. I felt the familiar lance of pleasure through my member and it bucked. The feeling was intense and I pinched my eyes shut. I caught the cum in Charlotte's "sweet" panties.

Then I was left, rapidly cooling and with two pairs of panites in my hand. One dirty, and one much dirtier. Charlotte's funk was rubbed all over my face just as I had wished. But now that the demon of lust was out of me, there was nothing to hold the guilt back. What I had done was seriously perverted. It would have been bad enough if this was just some girl. But I was taking advantage of my desperate cousin who was here for my hospitality.

I stared at the panties and the cum-covered "sweet" almost seemed to mock me. Fuck, what had I just done? What would Charlotte think? Her stupid virgin cousin couldn't even handle washing her clothes. I hastily piled her clothes into the washer. As I picked up the last of the clothes, something hard dropped out into the basket.

It was a white box with a white cord that went into something that looked like a big capsule pill. The pill was bigger around than my thumb and almost as long. What the hell was this thing? The little controller had a power button on it and a plus and minus button. I pressed the power button and a little light lit up.

I held the cord and dangled the pill in front of me when I pressed the buttons. Nothing happened. But then I heard a buzzing sound coming from the capsule. I picked it up and held it in my hand. It vibrated in my hand and started to tickle after a second or two. Then it dawned on me. I imagined Charlotte rubbing this little capsule on her pussy, turning the vibration higher and higher as she squealed in ecstasy. I felt my boner coming back again.

The thing vibrated in my hand and I pondered the next step when the door opened. "Hey James, could you help me with some of these groceries? There's another-" she stopped dead when she saw me.

We stood there for a few seconds, staring at each other. After what seemed like hours, Charlotte made a nervous giggle. "So there that is. Sorry you had to see it."

"It was in the clothes pile. I didn't know... I mean..." My face grew hotter as she set the groceries down on the table.

"Jesus, James. I didn't mean to embarrass you this much. It's just a vibrator. It's ok. I don't guess you've ever used one before." She chuckled. I shook my head. "Well I'm certainly glad I didn't forget it." She came over and I handed it to her. "Really, James, I'm sorry to embarrass you, but you need to loosen up a little. I hope it wasn't too awkward for you washing my panties and bras." I felt hotter and hotter.

"It wasn't so bad," I murmured.

She reached up and squeezed my shoulders. "Hey, it's ok. It's just me, Babe." She hugged my stiff, awkward body and gave me a little peck on the cheek. I forced my arms around her and felt the softness of her slender form. I started to get even more hard smelling her sweat. "Now come on and get the other bag."

—

Charlotte made chicken parmesan for dinner and we sat across from each other at my tiny kitchen table. She had even bought a bottle of wine. I had been so flustered and shy this whole time she was here. I forced myself to talk, remembering the girl she was. "What have you been up to? It's been ten years after all."

She was rapidly making her wine disappear. A pensive look came over her face. "Well when we got home from Grandma and Grandpa's house Mom and Dad wouldn't hear any mention of you. I couldn't care less about Dad and Uncle James's stupid feud. I guess it was a big wakeup call for me that my family wasn't who I thought they were. I got to middle school and you know how kids are at that age."

I grinned, "Raging hormones."

"Yeah, though mine had been raging for a few years already. But it was that age when I started being a bit... different from them. I sneaked makeup to school and some days I would even hide clothes and get changed when I got to school. Mom and dad always wanted me to dress like a 'good Christian girl.' And I have made an effort since then to not be one. This is where I got my sense of style I have today. But that's for another time.

"Like I said, I was quite happy that all this shit pissed my parents off. I don't regret any of it, and I love it, but their reaction was always a bonus." She took a sip of wine, and the mirth left her face. "I had my first crush on a girl in my sophomore year in high school. It was my math teacher, Mrs. Deane. She was so smart and beautiful and put together. I felt like all my problems would be solved if I was with her. She was also married and had two kids.

"But it scared me. I denied it for years. I had rejected their ideas of right and wrong, but them finding out scared the crap out of me. I would later find that those fears were completely justified. I dated a couple of guys in high school. I also got my first tattoo."

I gaped, "They let you get one?"

"I mean, not my parents, but not all tattoo artists are ethical." She rolled up her sleeve. "I've always loved Cerce from the Odyssey. It looked like shit when I first got it, and if you look closely you can tell it stands out from the others." She held her arm out and I came over. I gently gripped her arm and looked the tattoo over. Most of it looked beautiful, but she was right about Cerce. Again, I felt the closeness of her body. It was all the more intense after I had experienced the aroma of her laundry. "Anyway, I drank a little too much during high school and failed some classes. I knew I should have done better, and I was even interested in some of it, but I just wanted to push back so hard on Mom and Dad. It made me even more resentful.

"At the end, though, I managed to get it together. College was the motivation. The idea that I could be out away from my parents was what motivated me. Once I was out I wanted to study philosophy mostly. Of course Mom and Dad insisted on business and I kept up a lie about taking business classes. I played guitar in a couple of different bands, went all over the west coast following the music scene."

"What concerts did you go to?"

"I saw Pearl Jam in Seattle and went to the Warped Tour in Portland this year. I also saw Boyz II Men."

I smirked, "Boyz II Men?"

"Shut up, they're a great band. It was a hell of a time too." She sighed. "Well, I told you about the whole thing with Shannon. When I got with her, I was coming out to myself. I had just been with guys before her and no one had ever made me feel like she did. I prayed my parents wouldn't find out, nevermind that I didn't even believe in God. The ironic thing was that they found out after we had broken up. The night that happened Dad went crazy. When I told him that I was bi, he pulled me by the hair and shouted into my face, and then threw me down. Mom was pissed too, and was crying more than I had ever seen her." Her eyes left my face and her focus was far off. "Mom told me not to worry, that she knew of a camp where they 'helped' girls like me and I would be all well in no time."

I stared at her for a second, "I'm sorry, Charlotte. They were so cruel..." Her eyes had that glassy look again and I came over to her. I took her hand and she stood, then I embraced her. She sniffled, but didn't start sobbing as I feared she would.

"That night I decided I would leave. I had no idea where I would go, I just wanted to be away. Mom and Dad would never accept me. I had a few phone numbers of people up and down the coast. As soon as I got to Eugene I tried some. When I could get through, most were less than cooperative. No one wanted some damaged girl crashing on their couch. I stayed with one guy in Salem. He got... angry when he figured out I wasn't going to fuck him and I ran away in the night from there, too.

"In Portland I stayed in a hostel and made pay phone calls down at the convenience store nearby. It was a scary neighborhood."

"The neighborhoods aren't that bad here. I'm sure you were safe."

She glared at me, and I realized that I had definitely said the wrong thing. "You've been very sheltered, James, and you're a guy. It wasn't like that. Even at the hostel there were two guys... well they were total creeps. I knew something would happen if I didn't get out." She sighed again. "James, you were my hail Mary. I found your name in the phonebook and I hoped it wasn't Uncle James. I didn't have much hope. I had found a few people in the phonebook, only to find that they were long gone." She sat back down and spread her arms wide. "And that's it. I still don't know what I'm going to do, James. But out of all this crap I found you again."

We ate quietly for a few minutes. "Well," she said. "Now you know me inside and out and you know all my big fuck-ups. It's your turn."

I shrugged, "Well it was the same as in your family. I couldn't mention you around Dad. He would go into a rage. I had a picture of you and me together that he threw away. I dug through the garbage and then..." Now I felt a lump in my throat, "I cried like a little kid when I couldn't find it."

"James, you were a little kid. We were just eleven."

"Anyway, I never cried in front of them. I didn't want to give them the satisfaction of seeing they could affect me." I sighed, "I've never told anyone this before."

Charlotte nodded and looked sympathetic. I had to remind myself of who she was and remember the boy I was who could tell her anything and would never be afraid of what she would think. "High school... well it was easy for me. Too easy. It was hard for me to make friends, and girls never wanted anything to do with me. Even now I'm still..." I couldn't say it. It was too humiliating.

"A virgin?" Charlotte asked. There wasn't a trace of mockery on Charlotte's face, only compassion.

I nodded. When I tried to speak my voice croaked and I found there were tears in my eyes. I cleared my throat. "When I got to college I didn't even know how to study and I really struggled my first two years. It was just as hard to make friends here. And the ones I did... well they weren't good for me. All they did was laugh at me." More tears slid down my cheeks, "I wondered... and I still do if I'll be alone forever."

"James," Charlotte whispered.

"No, Charlotte. You don't need to say nice things to cheer me up. I know what's true and what isn't. Everyone says I'll find someone to make themselves feel better. You don't know how hard this has been. And how much I've missed..." my voice broke, "my only true friend."

Charlotte's face was a mask of anguish. Something dark inside me felt a small triumph that she felt a little of my misery. "People always think I'm so put together, because I don't drink or party and I get good grades. And I dress plainly. And I can't tell anyone."

"Especially your mom and dad." Charlotte whispered.

"But I've accepted it. Isaac Newton was celibate and so was Tesla. Sex isn't everything."

"No, James. Stuff like this isn't just sex-"

"Charlotte, please. Don't fuck with it. You're not the only one with pain. This," I gestured to my physics homework, "is what I'm good for."

"I know you and you're not like that," I held my hand up, "No, James. Please. You're so much more than that. You know that I love you. And like you said, you were my best friend. You're so much more than what you think."

I didn't know if my tears were of anger or anguish. I hated her seeing me cry. I wanted to be strong for her, to be her knight and save her from the mess her life had become. But all I could do was fold my arms and look angry.

—

After dinner we washed the dishes, giving each other weak smiles and lingering touches. Though we were the same old James and Charlotte, we also weren't. Our relationship wasn't going to be what it was back then, it couldn't be. What were we now? Charlotte's life was dominated by wildness and chaos while my was dominated by boredom and depression.

I showed Charlotte the old bathtub for her to shower. "No, it's a bath night. It has been way too long since I've been able to get clean."

"The door is old, it doesn't always close all the way." She disappeared into the room and I tried to get back to my physics homework. I had a nine o'clock class tomorrow morning and this was due. It was dark outside already, and it was dubious that I would finish tonight.

My apartment was often quiet. There was music from next door occasionally, but for the most part the only thing I would hear was the whooshing of vents and traffic on the streets. Now there was only the creak of my chair and the clicking of calculator buttons. And swishing water. I could hear her in there, quite clearly. My mind wandered, and her slender form sitting in the tub entered it. I hadn't been able to make much of her body from what I could see. The baggy jeans and baggy t-shirt left everything ambiguous. Doing her laundry gave me a bit more of an idea of what she looked like. But only a little.

I imagined drying off her small, firm tits, feeling the hardness of her nipple through the towel. My dick took notice, and soon I was squirming in my chair, gaussian fields and amperes the last things on my mind. Then I rubbed the towel on her round ass, sweet and shapely despite her slender frame.

It occurred to me that I didn't have to imagine all this. I stood up from my chair. The same feeling crept into my brain that I had had when doing her laundry. I had never seen a girl naked in real life before and my cheeks were hot with my lust. Should I? All the voices inside me, my shame, my decency, my compassion, and my propriety, said no. One voice said yes, you know the one. Yet that voice overpowered them all.

I couldn't see if the door was cracked open from where I was, so I rounded the corner and eyed the doorway. The crooked door was indeed slightly open, casting a shaft of light onto the dark floor. I heard the tinkling of water again and a soft, contented moan. It was now or never. If I was going to be alone all my life, this would likely be my only chance. I crept forward.

Looking through the crack of the door, I could see the bathtub. And there was Charlotte, a look of contented bliss on her face. Her eyes were closed and her face slack. I could only see her head, the rest of her was under the lip of the tub. The bathroom was steamy from the hot water. She was just lying there, relaxing before cleaning herself in earnest. There was a pair of white and gray striped panties on the floor with the rest of her clothes, but they were wadded and I couldn't tell anything but the color.

This wasn't so bad. I could only see her head, after all. As if on cue she sat up in the bathtub, revealing the breasts that had occupied my mind. They would have looked small if she weren't so thin. They were high on her chest, and as she rubbed soap on them they jiggled and shook with her touch. They were slick and wet, and water dripped down their curves. I could imagine their exquisite firmness. My hand wandered down to my dick. But no. She might hear me.

Her tits were round, like two little plumbs on her chest. They were protrusive rather than wide. Her small areolas were pink from the heat of the water, and I longed for nothing more than to rub and pinch them. Her nipples reminded me absurdly of pencil erasers, and one of them even gave a bouncy quiver as she ran her hands over them. My cock felt like a branding iron in my pants, and it took all my effort not to touch it.

I could also see the tattoo up by her neck. It was Venus's mirror, the symbol for female. At this point, it was hard to imagine her as anything but. She had a scattering of freckles on her back and shoulders when we were young, and I was thrilled to see that she still had the vital spots across her delicate shoulders.