The Three Loves

—

When I got back Charlotte was on the phone. She had on a plaid skirt and sweater that managed to look naughty and wholesome at the same time. That along with her glasses made her look like a fifties housewife. Her face was already lined with distress and fatigue. She asked if Dana was there, but once she got Dana on the phone, she was no help. Charlotte hung the phone up. Her eyes shined and her face grimaced.

I always thought I was clueless about other people, especially with their emotions. But I knew exactly what she needed. As I approached, I saw a pentagram necklace around her neck. I came to her, and wrapped my arms around her. "James, I can't," she sobbed, "I just can't." Her body shook with her grief.

"I'm here, Charlotte. Please, shh." I rubbed her back and felt her warm, trembling body against mine.

"I called nine people today. And..." her voice was strained, "none of them were there for me, none of them cared enough."

"They can't have all told you no. Could they?" I didn't know what else to say.

"I only got to talk to three. The rest weren't home or the person on the other end had never heard of them. My friends, James!"

I grimaced. "It's going to be ok, Charlotte!"

She looked up at me, her face red with grief and rage. "James. It's never fucking ok! You told me that when we were kids and Dad gave me a fucking black eye. You told me that when our families said they never wanted to see each other again. Fuck you, it's not ok!" Her voice was a tormented wail.

I had never seen her like this. It was as if every frayed nerve from her week on the street, no, her life with her parents' cruelty had bursted. "I'm here, Charlotte, just please. Take a few breaths."

She stared at me, and opened her twisted mouth, and her words came out as a wail. "No! I'll never go back out there! I'll die first. You don't know what it was like!"

I was desperate now. I was sure there was something I could say to make her better. "Don't do this, Charlotte!" The wheels in my head spun, "When I said I was going to be alone forever you told me I was a fool. You told me who I was, and I knew it was true. You gave me hope, something I haven't felt in so long. And now I say to you, this isn't who you are."

Her body rose and fell with her desperate, gasping breaths. At least I had her attention. "You say you can't do it. And maybe you're right. But we can do it. Together. You're everything to me Charlotte. You're my best friend and I love you."

Her mouth had gone from a grimace to a gape and I felt some of the tension come out of her. She embraced me again, and this time her voice came not as an irate wail, but as a whisper. "James, please. You're all I have now. I've faced all my life alone. But I can't anymore. Just be here for me. Help me get through."

I don't know how long we held each other. Her breaths were slow and the tension subsided from her body little by little. It felt like a miracle in my arms, calm overtaking her. I didn't know what it was like to have your friends turn their back on you, I had to have friends first. I didn't understand but I could help her. I hoped I could.

Slowly, we made our way to the couch. Charlotte's face was red, wet, and puffy. "Jesus, I must look so horrible now."

I shook my head. "When I got up today, something happened for the first time in ten years. I wasn't alone. And now that you're here, Charlotte, I don't want to be alone anymore." I took a few deep breaths. "Please, stay here with me. I need you, but you need me too. We'll be here for each other just like we always were."

Her eyes fixated on me, and I could see the gears turning behind them, but she said nothing. She just took a few deep breaths and sniffed. She took my hand and silently held it.

"Charlotte, please, I nee- we need each other." I squeezed her hand, "I've never felt like this before. Not just the way I feel about you, but the hope you've given me. I thought that I was alone in the world, that there was no one for me. But now that you're here, it's different." She sighed, and my hope started to dwindle. "Charlotte, come on. You owe me an answer."

"James, I'm glad I found you again. And the kindness you've shown to me..." she shook her head, "I mean I knew you would help me, but that doesn't make it any less overwhelming. But I just can't."

My stomach did a turn inside me. "But Charlotte, I can tell you're happy with me. You're safe here. You've been calling all day looking for a friend to take you in. Well that friend is right here in front of you. I'm here and I love you and I want you to stay. This isn't an imposition."

She broke eye contact with me, and I saw the tears welling up in her eyes again. "I just can't. I can't."

"Why not?"

"I'm afraid! Staying here..." she shook her head again and her tears were flowing free. "It's just too much for me. I have so much to lose and there's so much danger. I'm so sorry James. I'll just fuck it up." Then she broke down again. For the second time I found her in my arms, wetting my shirt with her tears and snot. I was panicked now, deeply at a loss. I so badly wanted her to explain what she was afraid of. I could protect her. I could guide her and make sure she was happy. It was all I wanted.

"Shh, Charlotte. It's o-, I mean, I'm here for you. Come here." I took her hand and she looked up at me. We shuffled into the bedroom together. She was still quivering with sobs. I laid her down on the bed and lay next to her, stroking her hair and silently letting her cry.

She stopped after a while and closed her eyes. I got up. She needed a nap. But as I turned, she spoke. Her back was turned to me. "You don't know how bad it was out there. The first couple of days I was still shocked from what I had done. I had never before had a doubt where I would sleep or what I would eat. I only had fifty dollars in my pocket. Those first two nights I slept in my car. It was so cold, and I was afraid to run the car's engine because I needed the gas. When I woke up so much of my body was numb and shivering that I was afraid of what would happen if I didn't find a place to stay.

"When I got into Eugene, I parked in front of a 7-11 and called people I knew on the payphone. Quarter after quarter. Finally, a guy who used to be in the band with me, Sean, agreed that I could stay at his place. It was a small apartment. Smaller than yours. I knew that Sean always had a thing for me, and I guess that's why he agreed to let me stay. But I was too desperate. I needed to get out of these clothes and take a shower. And sleep somewhere where I wouldn't get frostbite.

"Even though Sean insisted I sleep in the bed with him, I took the couch. It was battered and smelled bad, but it was better than my freezing car. Well the next day I could tell something was off. He was angry when he got home from work and started drinking. I was afraid to have a drink there. By that night he was drunk and demanded that I sleep with him in his bed. He grabbed me and pulled me in. Once we were there, he told me about how much I should appreciate what he was doing and how he had wanted me for so long. I was able to placate and stall him and soon he passed out. I got up and grabbed my stuff as quietly as I could.

"I drove and cried all the way to Salem. I had a couple of friends I could call there. Still, I had to spend the next night in my car again. I was painfully cold when I woke up and I had no luck calling the people I knew. None of them were even there. The clerk at the grocery store told me there was a hostel in Portland. I guess I looked like I needed one.

"In Portland I called around. I had friends here. But half of them I couldn't even reach. I was desperate and running out of money. I found the hostel the man was talking about and I stayed a couple of nights. Well, there were two guys who were watching me the whole time. They cornered me when I was getting a drink late the second night. At first they were almost friendly, but I was trapped. I made it clear I wasn't interested and then things got ugly. One of them grabbed me and held me down," her voice started to crack, "But the manager heard the struggle and broke it up." Her breaths were becoming deep.

She opened her eyes and looked at me. "I know it sounds stupid, but that night I slept in my car and I had a dream about you. We were kids again and my parents were berating me for being gay. And you did what you always did." She smiled and my heart melted. "It was actually pretty simple. I found you in the phonebook. I had no luck with calling people on the phone so I just showed up." She blinked and a tear ran down her cheek. "And you did what you always do."

—

The sun had gone down and I decided to check on Charlotte. I had ordered Chinese takeout and brought a bit of pork fried rice with me. The bedroom was completely dark when I came in and I could hear her deep breaths. I sat down on the bed next to her and she stirred, sucking in her breath.

"Better?" I hoped.

"Yes, a little." We ate mostly in quiet.

After we were done I took her hand. I looked into her soft eyes in the dim lamplight. "I need you here-"

"Please, James. Not now. It's too much to take in." I needed to know, but she had been through so much. Whatever she said, I was sure I could make it work.

I was uncomfortable and changed the subject quickly. "Wanna play truth or dare?"

A laugh erupted from her mouth, her face incredulous. "What?"

"I mean, I've never played before. Isn't this what we do when I have a sleepover with a girl?" I grinned. I was only half joking. I was thinking about last night and horny for round two.

"Dude..." She rolled her eyes. "Well, I do have some questions for you. I don't think I'm up for any of your dares."

"Good enough for me. I'll go first. What's your favorite movie?"

"Evil Dead 2. Duh. No boring questions like this." She thought for a second. "My turn. Who was your first crush?"

I guess embarrassing questions were the point. I thought for a moment. "Molly Ringwald."

"Like in the Breakfast Club? Lame. But that's not what I meant. I mean your first real crush."

"Well, it was Sarah Zander. A girl from my school. I actually remember the exact moment. I was at her birthday party. It was July and I was the last one there with her. We went out back. Mom was running late picking me up," I rolled my eyes, "so it must have been ten or eleven. She had a telescope out back and she was focusing on something. Saturn I think. Anyway she had on this dress. It didn't exactly hug her figure, but I could see her boobs pretty nicely. It actually looked really wholesome and pretty." The memory was making me harder. "Then she bent and looked through the eyepiece. I don't know. Maybe it was the late night or the fact that we were the only ones here, or that she was into the same stuff I was. I fell for her right at that moment. Too bad she wanted nothing to do with me."

"That's perfect for you. Nerdy and sweet at the same time." She chuckled.

I rolled my eyes. "Anyway, it's my turn." I looked her in the eye. "How many guys have you been with? Like had sex with?"

"Just guys?" She smirked.

"Ok, girls too."

"Three guys and just Shannon. Don't look so surprised. Did you think I was a ho or something? The guys were Owen, Ricky, and Eric. Ricky was in a band with me. We only did it once, and everything was weird after that. James, you don't know how much sex can fuck things up. He wanted more than I did. Owen was my first. We went out on a couple of dates in high school and at the end of one date... well... at the end of the night we both were horny in his car. I hoped it would piss my parents off, though I never told them. It hurt when he was in me and he came in less than a minute. We were just kids. Eric at least took his time, but he was too boring otherwise. You know a bit about Shannon already. She was the first one who could me cum. The first time was when we went to see The Lion King. It was a late night showing so hardly anyone was there."

"The Lion King? And you said I was lame for liking Molly Ringwald."

"Shut up, it was a good movie. What I saw of it anyway. "The theater was almost empty. Shannon had a kink for doing it in public. We kissed and kissing turned into groping. Then she got down in front of me and ate my pussy out. I couldn't believe what she could do with her tongue. It was the first time I had orgasmed with someone else. The first time I came, I was so loud. A couple of people looked, but they couldn't see Shannon. Only me. By the time she was done I was hot and out of breath. But it would be shitty of me not to return the favor. So I pushed her skirt up and started licking her pussy too." I was uncomfortably hard now, imagining the two of them going down on each other. "I was surprised by how nice she smelled. I know people talk about how a pussy smells. But when you're in the heat of it, it's a really nice reminder of the passion. I'd always rather eat pussy than suck a dick." I felt like I was going to burst. "I had never done it before and she showed me where her clit was and how to finger her g-spot. And just like I had, she screamed with her orgasm. When the usher came by, Shannon had to talk fast. She told him the movie had jump scared us. Ridiculous. But I think he was a little turned on that a couple of dykes were getting each other off in the theater."

I felt hot all over, and my cock strained against my pants. "God damn." Was all I could manage.

"Yeah, she was great. They say that a woman knows how to please a woman better than a man does. It's true in my experience. But it's my turn now." A devilish smile appeared on her face. She was blushing and I could tell that telling her story aroused her. She skewered me with her eyes. "Did you watch me when I was in the bathtub?"

The question felt like a sucker punch. I never would have dreamed she suspected me. My mouth opened and closed like a fish out of water. "How did you know?"

"It's my turn to ask questions, but I'll take that one. I heard the floor creaking outside. I've been roommates with guys before, James. Y'all are horndogs. You always want to look. So I'm extra careful to make sure they can't."

"But you left the door open. I told you it was hard to close all the way."

She laughed, "Oh, so it's my fault now!"

"That's not what I meant. It's just that... well I think you're hot is all. I was curious about your tattoos." That part was true, but misleading. "I got really horny watching you. But I thought you would notice if I jacked off."

"Uh-huh. Well, I was a little curious too." She grinned. "It's your turn."

I felt dizzy from the last question and felt I was in over my head. "Ok... what is the most pervy thing you've ever done?"

"Oh God, James, there's so many things to choose from," she mocked. "So you think you're just going to get some sexy stories out of me tonight, huh?"

"Can't blame me for trying. It worked so far anyway. Aren't these the kind of questions you wanted?"

She narrowed her eyes at me. "Ok, fine. But I'm not the only perv here. Just remember that." She rolled her shoulders. "You remember Mrs. Deane, my math teacher." I nodded. "Well, she was the first girl that I liked, though I was in denial about it. One day she was teaching and she was wearing these stretch pants. I could even see her panty line. I had never seen a teacher wear something like that. Her ass looked so amazing in it. She was sort of fit but still had kind of a fat ass. She had a pretty normal button up shirt on, but as she was going around helping the other students, she would bend over the desk and I could see down her blouse. She had big tits too. She had a couple of kids and her body had gotten all curvy.

"So I put my jacket in my lap and started carefully fingering my clit. I sat in the back so I was hoping that the rest of the class couldn't see. I knew I wouldn't be able to take my time and I was crazy horny. Maybe because at the time I felt like it was so wrong. Something inside me wanted Mrs. Deane to know what I was doing, but knew I couldn't let her see. So this is the really perverted part." She had a nervous grin on her face and was blushing hard. "I had got my pussy so wet and the juice was all over my fingers. As Mrs. Deane went around the room, I wiped and dripped my juicy fingers, over and over, on my worksheet. I must have had like fifteen minutes to do it. I came so many times. At the end of class I lingered. I was grinning like an idiot when I turned my paper in. The paper had visible droplets of moisture on it, and when Mrs. Deane asked and I said I had spilled my water. And this was the best part for me. As she held up my paper to look at it, she made a face, just for a second. And I knew she had smelled my pussy on the paper. I went into the bathroom and fingered myself so much I was late for my next class."

The room fell silent for a few seconds. I was so hard it hurt, and agape at this naughty girl in front of me. It was too much for me. Having never even touched a girl...well, except for last night, it felt unreal hearing these stories. "Did Mrs. Deane ever do anything?"

"That's another question and it's my turn. But no. It never went anywhere." She grinned again and took my hand, "So I'm turning this around on you. What's the most pervy thing you've done?"

"You can't ask the same question back!"

"Bullshit I can't. That's half the fun. You ask questions that you want to answer too. So now you have to answer."

Crap. The perviest thing I ever did happened yesterday. In a strange way I wanted to tell the story. I wanted to look... edgy or cool in front of Charlotte. She already knew I had spied on her in the tub. Maybe I could just tell the story and not let on that it was her clothes. "So I was doing laundry one day and I came across a pair of panties," it already sounded suspicious to me. But the ship had already sailed. "They were pretty dirty, and at first I was a little grossed out touching them. But then I was curious, you know me. I had always heard people say what a girl smelled like. They always said fishy, but I wanted to see. I had to know."

"So I brought the panties up to my nose and started sniffing them. And really it was a nice smell. Like you said, it's intimate and sexy."

"James, James," she shook her head. "I never knew you were so naughty."

"That's not all. There were a couple of pairs in there and... well, smelling them had got me really horny. So I took one in each hand. I started to jack off, rubbing my dick with one pair of panites and sniffing the other...and licking it. When I came, it was right into the panties. Of course I washed them after." My stomach was doing flips and my ears were burning when I finished. It took all my effort not to just touch my cock.

"Wait! You left out the best part! Whose were they?" I smiled and shook my head. "Come on. Oh my God. Were you doing laundry at home? Was it your mom's?" Her eyes boggled.

I made a face, "Eww no! Fucking gross, Charlotte."

"Ok good. Jesus. But who then? Don't be coy. Who else's laundry-?" Her jaw dropped.

I gave a sheepish grin. "It was 'sweet' and 'foxy.'"

Her expression turned from astonishment to anger, "Fuck, James! That's really gross. I thought you were doing something nice for me!"

"You promised not to judge me. And that's what I had planned and things got out of control. Remember your vibrator."

Her expression softened a bit. "So you're perving pretty hard on your cousin. Doesn't that make you feel weird?"

It did. "It's not your turn." I smirked. "So what drugs have you done?"

"Not a sex question? Fine. Booze and weed are the only ones I do regularly. In fact I have some weed in my bag right now. You should try it." I shook my head, "Anyway, I tried coke once and hated it. Your face gets numb and you get crazy nervous energy. Not my idea of a good time. I did shrooms once too. They taste like shit, but the high lasts all day. Colors get weird."