What might indeed be a great story was wrecked for me by poor punctuation and a lack of some much needed proofreading and editing. With the skills you show in developing a story line you surely can do better.
I have published one book, ghost-written a second, contributed to an anthology, and a number of profession-related articles. All were non-fiction. It is fun to write erotic stories. My hope is that readers enjoy reading my stories as much as I enjoy writing them.