The Trappings of Love Pt. 02

"Sure thing," said Josh brightly, all apprehension leaving his mind as he enthusiastically started doing what Boston asked him to.

It had certainly crossed Josh's mind before that maybe it bothered Boston when he did stuff like this, but he convinced himself that Boston would ask him to stop if it did bother him. This moment told him that Boston wasn't just tolerating it, he enjoyed it. This made Josh feel oddly weightless for a moment, as if it had filled him with an earnest joy that made him float. It wasn't lost on Josh that this feeling had typically been reserved for moments with girls he had been into romantically.

Even though they spent most days together even before college, it was like moving in together had changed something. Being together all the time without family or other friends around had created a new kind of intimacy between them. If they had been attached to eachother before, they were probably beginning to venture into the dangerous territory of co-dependency.

It'd been a month in college and the boys hadn't even made any new friends. Sure, they had people on the baseball team and in their classes that they chatted with and liked but it'd be a stretch to say they were friends with these people. These thoughts hadn't crossed either boys' minds but it's clear they were both beginning to depend on eachother beyond what was generally considered healthy for a friendship.

"Eh I'm bored with this tonight, here," said Boston suddenly, holding the controller over his shoulder for Josh to grab. "Put something on for us to watch."

"Okay!" replied Josh enthusiastically as he turned the music off, clearly happy to watch something with Boston like he always was.

In all honesty, Boston wasn't necessarily bored with the game. No, he moreso just wanted to lay down because he was hoping that Josh would want to cuddle him again. Boston obviously wouldn't ask him to, that would be too out of character for him and might give Josh the wrong idea and it wasn't his style anyway. He'd already stepped far enough out of his comfort zone tonight when he asked for Josh to rub his neck.

Boston just figured that they were having a sort of bromance going on but nothing too serious. Boston really didn't dwell too much on feelings or emotions much, he was a bit of a typical jock in that sense. Sure, he was aware that he and Josh were doing things most guys didn't do but he also figured this probably wasn't as unusual as people might think for two attractive heterosexual guys as close as they were.

Cuddling was also on Josh's mind too and he was starting to feel some butterflies fluttering in his stomach. He remembered what he'd done earlier, masturbating to Boston and he once again felt guilty for feeling this way. But he couldn't help it, he wasn't doing any of this intentionally. Josh was a much more emotional kind of guy, he was always "feeling" and that was something that Boston understood about him even if he didn't really relate to it.

Josh started worrying about what this could mean for their friendship, surely nothing good could come from catching feelings for Boston. And if he let it keep going like this, he knew that's probably where this would go. He had never considered himself anything but straight, yet he was beginning to consider the implications of having a burgeoning crush on another guy. As excited as he had felt just seconds before, he suddenly felt anxiety and a sense of dread as he once again got too deep into his own head.

Boston assumed his usual position on the bed and, once Josh picked what they were going to watch, he did the same. Unlike he normally did, however, Josh laid flat on his back and kept his hands to himself. Both boys stared at the TV screen but weren't really paying attention to what was going on. Both boys felt a tension in the air and, naturally, both wondered if the other felt it too but neither dared to speak about it.

Josh's mind was racing and Boston started to sense something was wrong. He would glance over at Josh every couple of minutes, wondering what was wrong. It's one thing if Josh didn't try to cuddle him as that was something new that had just happened for the first time the night before. It's something else that Josh wasn't even playing with his hair or lightly tapping his fist against his arm or thigh like he always did as they watched TV. It made Boston feel a little uneasy. Part of him worried if Josh could sense that he was wanting to cuddle again and he wondered if that had made him feel uncomfortable or something.

Josh, on the other hand, avoided Boston's gaze altogether. He kept his eyes glued to the screen as his mind flooded with different thoughts. He wanted so badly to turn onto his side and start running his fingers through Boston's hair like he always did but he had started to question if it was a good idea for him to keep being so touchy-feely with Boston. If he started doing that, then he might end up being stupid and trying to cuddle Boston again. Clearly he'd started to feel differently about his best friend and he couldn't let that continue. It made him feel pretty lousy, both the fact he was having these treacherous feelings for somebody that trusted him implicitly and for also having to stop himself from showing Boston the usual affection he did. And lousy was the complete opposite of how he always felt when he was with Boston.

"Are you okay man?" asked Boston concernedly, after Josh started rubbing his feet together roughly like he always did when he was anxious.

Josh's stomach lurched a little and he thought "fuck, he can tell something is wrong with me, he must know I'm starting to crush on him." Sure, the thought was irrational but when you have a new crush on a friend that you are certain is unrequited, you start to question everything. You feel scared that they will find out about your crush and stop being your friend, something that genuinely hurt Josh to even think about.

"Um, what do you mean?" asked Josh a little shakily.

"I don't know man, you just...don't really seem like yourself all of the sudden," said Boston.

"Oh, I don't know...yeah, I guess my mind is just a little fried right now for some reason," replied Josh, now shivering slightly even though he wasn't at all cold. He was anticipating something bad to happen with this conversation. Boston also was feeling a little weird, it wasn't like Josh to be so cagey like this.

"What's wrong?? You know you can talk to me about anything right?" asked Boston, a look of genuine concern on his face.

Josh felt his eyes burning as if wanting to tear up but he fought it. Boston's words didn't help Josh's feelings for him right now at all. He thought about how good of a friend Boston was and it made him feel a even more guilty about how he was betraying his trust. But even still, it also made him feel good that Boston cared about him.

"I don't know what it is man, maybe I'm just feeling a little homesick or something," lied Josh, who had yet to look at Boston.

"I can understand that but just remember I'm here with you, you still got me. Hey," said Boston as he put a hand on Josh's shoulder when he still wouldn't look Boston in the face, pushing it down to try to make him look back at him. Josh finally stopped rubbing his feet together and forced himself to look at Boston and Boston could tell something was really wrong.

"I love you man, you know that right? I'm right here," he told Josh seriously.

Josh couldn't suppress a smile, Boston had such a genuine look on his face that made Josh feel warm inside. This was also the first time that Boston had ever outright told him that he loved him. Josh knew Boston loved him as a friend but it was no less comforting to hear him say it out loud.

"I know man, I love you too. Please don't think I'm not happy to be here with you, it's nothing like that," said Josh, a little embarrassed.

"I know man, I know. I'm sure alot of freshman are starting to feel a little homesick, we've never been away from our families and friends like this before," said Boston sympathetically.

"Yeah that's true. Thanks man, that makes me feel a little better," said Josh honestly, even though he wasn't actually feeling homesick. He just couldn't help but feel good hearing Boston being so sweet to him.

It was unusual for Boston to be the one to draw Josh's feelings out of him. He was always sympathetic and kind, but he normally just waited for Josh to talk about his feelings instead of starting a conversation about it himself. He had no reason not to trust that Josh was being honest with him so he truly didn't want him to feel homesick. He just wanted Josh to be happy to be there with him.

As for Josh, he normally had no problem with expressing his feelings to Boston but this situation was different. He couldn't just vent to Boston about his feelings for him and maybe that's part of what made this situation so hard for him. He didn't feel like he could talk about this with anyone and for such a sensitive and emotional person like Josh, it really weighed on him. But for now, Josh really was feeling much better.

"Good, its gonna be a long year and we gotta help get eachother through it," said Boston. "So are you gonna be okay?"

Josh smiled at Boston and nodded his head. Boston couldn't help but smile back at Josh and then, before he could change his mind, he reached over and grabbed Josh's arm to pull him over to him. Josh hesitated for just a small fraction of a second before letting Boston pull him into his body. Josh buried his head into Boston's chest and threw his arm around his stomach just as he'd done the night before. Boston felt an odd sense of triumph as if he'd just won an award. He put his arm around Josh's upper back and then shifted his body into a little more comfortable of a position.

Josh knew he should probably break the hug before he started to crave this kind of thing all the time but he couldn't bring himself to do it. He was already hooked and Boston didn't let him go either. Josh decided he'd worry about things tomorrow, but he was going to be happy tonight in Boston's arms. That felt so much easier than fighting his feelings tonight, even if it was going to make things harder later on. It was a future problem for future Josh to figure out.