All Comments on 'The Trojan Horse Wore Hightops Ch. 02'

Great story! Can't wait to see what happens next.

My optimism has risen from cautious to reasonable. The text is also cleaner, although my previous commentary still stands: there are odd comma placements that break the flow, some sentences seem to have words missing, and the section before Sunnie enters the kitchen has the syntax problems I mentioned in Chapter 1. Ex: "the video took a moment to process, nervously checking over her shoulder again" suggests it's the -video- that's glancing back.

Otherwise, same praise as before. You have a knack for painting intimacy without needing dialogue. I'm not sure if it's intentional, but Sunnie's rapid pivot from revenge-fantasy to guilty lover to meticulously-detailed RV-life fantasy is entirely befitting a teenage(?) drifter high on emotion. Young adulthood is marginally less volatile than high school, and there aren't many writers that capture that impulsiveness in a natural way.

Looking forward to the next chapter.

Really engaging story, definitely still enjoying this!