The Unexpected Note

Her smile seemed almost nervous as I looked at her in disbelief as the insanity of what she said hit me in waves. This was, by far, the most fucked up thing I had ever heard of anyone doing. I realized I should be pissed, that I should scream at her and tell her to get out. But if you're still reading this I very much doubt that you'll be surprised to learn what I actually said. I was quiet for a long time, and when I spoke my voice was horse and cracked, "Can...can we watch the video together?"

She nodded and the soft tinkle of her laugh is still to this day the most pleasant thing I've ever heard. After we watched the video together she deleted it, but we were both so worked up that we made love one last time that night. I didn't finish, but she did and I found that I had no real complaints about that. I held her tight against me and kissed her softly on the top of her head. My voice was mostly back to normal now, but even I could hear the slight waver in it as I whispered softly, "This was the best apology I have ever received."

The really fucked up thing is that I meant every word of it. Eventually things broke down enough that we decided to get divorced, but we're better at being friends now than we ever were as husband and wife. When I'm alone in bed I think of that night often, and I wonder if I'll ever find anyone who's fucked up enough in all the right ways to do something that intense to me. I hope so. If I'm really lucky I'll find someone who does stuff like this for fun and not just because they want to apologize.