All Comments on 'The Vampire Queen'

It would have been easier reading if you eliminated the many uses of "would" and just used the past tense of the verbs. If you were going for Medieval English usage you came up short. All that said, the ending was a welcome double surprise. Alice's unexpected sexual aggressiveness was one. The other was who the futa was. I was anticipating one character to be and it turned out to be the other. Nicely done. I wonder if Alexander knew. Hmmmm, maybe a second part where he returns to the castle and finds out first hand.

You night find leaving out all the " woulds " could make it more interesting and more of a smoother running story!

Its extremely hard to stay intrested due to all the Woulds you have put into this story

Just tell the story without all the damn woulds please!

Or lose readership!

something different but good do another chapter please 5 stars

It's a decent story, but the first half reads like you're recounting a D&D campaign. Who talks about levels in real life? You've got something here, but it needs some polish.

Now now, my dear fellow readers, one will not be afraid to lose one or two readers if they have 20 people loving their styles. Critiquing is okay, but putting down a writer is not okay (I'd know, I'm an author and English major) Let's be kind to the writer and give the benefit of the doubt, shall we? I for one am a fan of this writer's works. This has exceptionally much more errors than some of the other ones, but maybe the author was not reading over some of the errors.

A few technical grammatical errors don't hurt me when I read the story, although I agree that there could've been other words used in place of "would", but "would" in this case was a suggestive future, meaning this story could just be talked about at a table or bonfire and someone is using it in a suggestive way, saying that if you were captured by a vampire what fantasy would you think about with that vampire. Or what might happen to that character.

-Zayne.

Personally, I don't think the future tense would've been enjoyable for me had it been used completely, but that could just be a personal preference issue. I think an issue separate from preferences arises from the story not consistently using the suggestive future tense, often switching back-and-forth within the same sentence.

It may not be the case for some or most people, but for myself I was completely taken out of the story and had to resort to the most rapid type of skimming to be able to finish it.

I find it very interesting and erotic!!!!!!!!!! Especially when Alice took her and fuck her good and hard!!!!!!!! More please!!!!!!!!

Was this machine translated into english?

Wording could use a little work and there's some definite grammar issues but story wise it's very interesting!

I hope you continue writing.

I like the story idea and think there is a great idea there. I would strongly suggest getting some help with the editing so any grammar and spelling issues don't get in the way of the story. If you want, I will help. Just let me know.