The Veil

On the last day, the day before everything would change, Jackie called me.

"I haven't heard from you lately," she said. "You aren't answering my texts. I'm worried about you."

"I'm fine." I clicked onto another link, this one a blog of a man who claimed his father reached out to him three times. He was so comforted by the last connection that he didn't have the urge to try again; he knew his father was waiting for him and they would be reunited in the afterlife. That was finally a comfort to me. So many well-meaning people had assured me Mom was in a better place and that we would meet again someday, but I hadn't believed it. Now I did.

"You sound weird."

I sighed and turned away from my laptop. "I'm fine. Really."

If only she had displayed this concern before, I thought. Maybe that wasn't fair of me, but she was distracting me from my research. My obsession. 

"I was thinking we could go out tomorrow night. Drinks, movie, whatever you want."

I looked back down at my laptop screen. The title of the blog, THE DEAD ARE ONLY WAITING, stared back at me.

"I can't, sorry. I have plans."

I barely paid attention to what she replied. We talked stiltedly for a few more minutes, and I might not even have said goodbye before disconnecting. I thought maybe I should feel bad about it, but I ignored the little twinge of guilt. I had more important things to think about.

And then Alex called me a few minutes later. My brother sounded exhausted, which was enough to wake me up a little from my internet searches.

"Are you okay?" I asked after exchanging pleasantries.

He sighed. "I've been having terrible dreams about Mom. She keeps warning me about something." He paused and then continued with, "About you, actually. She keeps saying you're in danger and that I have to... not stop you, but I have to help you."

I laughed, but a shiver of something unpleasant traveled up my spine. "I'm fine. No danger here."

"Are you still seeing Gabe?"

"Yep. He's great. Thank you for introducing me to him. I guess grief groups are good for something."

"What do you mean?"

I clicked on another link on my laptop and frowned. "What do you mean? You guys met at a grief group."

"No, we didn't."

"Uh, yeah, you did. Gabe told me. No need to be embarrassed."

Alex was silent for a minute. What he said next caused a flurry of chills up and down my spine in a continuous loop this time. "We met at the cemetery. I was at Mom's grave. I can't even remember how we started talking. He said he was visiting his grandma."

I clicked another link, ARE WE REALLY HEARING WHAT THE DEAD ARE SAYING? Alex breathed into the phone unsteadily as he waited for my response. What could I say? I didn't have words.

Finally I managed, "You're so scatterbrained, always forgetting the details. You met at a grief group."

"I didn't," he said. "I know I didn't. I remember the day I met him quite well. He was really persuasive, wanted to know everything about me and our family. Wanted to take me to drinks and hear about Mom."

"You're mistaken," was all I could say. Alex started to talk again, but I cut him off with, "I have to go," and quickly hung up. Disconnected, just like I disconnected from Jackie.

I ignored the rest of his calls and texts.  I didn't know it yet, but I'd disconnected from more than those phone calls; I had disconnected from the living world. 

________

"And you're positive this is what you want?" Sally asked, her eyes pleading with me to say no.

Gabe pressed a hand into my lower back. "Yes."

"I don't know how long she'll be with us. I... I have never done anything like this before." She glanced at Gabe and then quickly moved her eyes back to mine. "You must be certain. This is dark magic, the darkest kind. Taboo. It's not meant to be done, Catherine. I am unsure of what she'll be like, if she will be like what you remember. And I don't know if anything will come back with her. You must--"

"I want to bring her back," I said clearly. "I want to talk with her. I want to be with her. One last time. I accept all the risks."

Sally's expression crumpled and I almost felt guilty, but I was too greedy to stop. She gave me one slow, firm nod, then sat on the couch. Her eyes glazed over and rolled upwards, much like they had the first time I met her, looking almost completely white. She began chanting some unrecognizable language under her breath. A door slammed somewhere in the apartment, then a book fell from the bookcase and I jumped. Gabe's hand moved to my upper arm and tightened.   

Something was forming, an obscuring mist, a miasma.

It was covering a tall figure. It moved through the haze and stepped into the light of Gabe's living room. 

It couldn't be, and yet it was. My mother stood before me, wearing her favorite dress and her glasses. She even had her trademark purse with her. I tried to take a step forward but Gabe held me back.

"Mom."

She had her familiar, knowing smile, and my heart hurt with how much I missed her. I took a step forward, but some force pushed me back. I hated looking away from her, but I glanced at Sally and Gabe. Sally was looking away, almost blankly, at the wall. Gabe had an odd expression, one I couldn't place. Something satisfied brewed under the surface.

"Why is it holding me back?"

A book appeared on the coffee table. It was gigantic, with seemingly thousands of gold edged pages. There was a quill on top of it. Gabe put his hand on my back and nudged me toward it. I looked back at Mom, and she was beaming.

"Just sign this," Gabe said. His tone was light, casual, but I sensed something was off. My stomach twisted a bit. I kept my eyes on Mom and imagined what she would say to me. I thought about how Sally had said she wasn't sentimental, and it was true, but I wanted to hear things she would never say, and maybe now she would. She would say them all and I would finally feel complete.

Gabe shook my arm. "Pay attention. Sign this, and everything will be yours."

I looked back at the book. Signatures were all over it, glinting in gold in the light emitted by my mother's presence. 

"What is this?"

"Oh, just an acknowledgement, really. It's your promise that you'll do anything to meet with your mother."

"Do anything?"

Gabe looked annoyed for a second, but then his expressions morphed into amusement. "I thought that was why we were here. Don't you want to talk with her? Hug her?"

"You never mentioned this. Signing anything."

"Because I knew you would do it," he said. "I knew you would do the right thing."

In a daze, I reached for the quill. My stomach twisted. "What will I have to do?"

"It means you're mine," he whispered against the shell of my ear. "We shall always be linked. You're mine forever. That's all."

I was signing my name before I realized it. I stepped back and the quill dropped to the floor. 

My head swung to the left. Mom was in front of me, reaching for me. I felt her fingers on my shoulder. "Good girl," she said, but it didn't sound like her. Not really. Then she disappeared, along with the light, leaving only the candles Sally had lit. 

My hands reached out into nothing. I made a pitiful sound and Gabe laughed. 

"Hope you're not having buyers' remorse."

I spun around in a circle. "Where did she go?"

Gabe laughed again, this time without stopping. Sally gathered her things, looking terrified. 

"Can I go now?" she asked.

He gestured with his hand, supposedly in permission, and she hustled out of there without a second look. He finally stopped laughing and wiped his eyes.

"You're a greedy girl, aren't you," he said, looking me up and down. "You got everything you asked for."

My arms crossed and my back hunched over. I was suddenly freezing. "No, I didn't."

"You wanted to see her and touch her. You did."

I stared at him, waiting for him to say he was kidding. Waiting for him to admit it hadn't been fair, that we would try again.

He only stared back.

Finally, he sat on his couch and told me everything.

He told me he saw me visiting Mom's grave one day and that I would be perfect for his plans. He saw Alex another day and weaseled his way in, and was his charming self so he could get anything he wanted. Like an invite to Alex's party.

"It wasn't hard," Gabe said. He laughed a little. "You and your brother are pathetic after receiving a little kindness. Emotionally starved, mewling infants."

He explained that he needed a woman. That he needed more control, more power, especially in this fractured and corrupt world. That his father had agreed, too. They knew they needed a pure of heart woman for it, but that a pure of heart woman wouldn't automatically agree. They needed someone damaged, and what better than someone damaged by grief?

"So, you were perfect," he said, drinking wine. "You should feel honored, honestly."

"I have no idea what you're fucking talking about."

His eyes narrowed. "Perfect, but a little slow. You haven't figured out who I am? What I am? Who my father is?"

I shivered. "No." But I was starting to get an idea.

His smile was terrifying. "No? Look at the paintings on the walls. Maybe they'll give you a hint."

I looked at them. All stages of the devil, of evil, getting his way.

"No," I whispered. "No."

He laughed.

"My mother," I said. "Why would you help me with that?"

He studied his wine. "The only contact you've had with your mother is through your dreams. She was doing her hardest to stop us. Oh, well."

"You're lying. You're insane."

He put his wine on the table and looked at me. "You think so?"

"I know so. There is no such thing as the devil. I don't believe in any of this!"

"What do you think you signed?" he asked.

I froze. "What?"

"Have you never heard of the Devil's Book?" He lifted it and pointed to my signature. "It's too late now, Cat. Much too late."

I burst into tears. He stood from the couch and approached me with a little smile. 

"Come on. This is nothing."

I wiped my tears away. "W-what do you want?" 

His marble eyes glinted in the low light. "I told you what I want." 

"Power. For what? What do I have to do with that?"

He looked down and his smile grew. "You're finally asking the right questions."

Then he came to me and stroked my stomach. "Why do you think I would seduce you? What could be in it for me?"

"I don't know. I don't know!"

Gabe lifted his hand and smeared a tear against my cheek. "I think you do. I think you already know. But I'll tell you anyway. My father had me to do his bidding. I've been doing an excellent job, but I need help. I need you. I need you to give us a son."

"No." I moved back, but he only followed. "No."

"What do you need to agree? To be... content?" he asked in a whisper. "Another visit with your mother?"

"That wasn't real."

"But it felt real, didn't it. Take a look at the world around you, Cat. The chaos, the darkness, the death. My side is already winning. Can't you see?" He put his hand more firmly against my stomach. "But you will always be protected. You, and the baby, and your brother. Your father, too. Can't you see all the advantages you will have? And when you have our child, you will be exalted. Cat, you signed the book. Think carefully."

"Will you kill me?"

He smiled briefly, then his hand pressed against me so hard it hurt. "Not if you do what's necessary." He leaned down and kissed me. Only then did I realize I was weeping. When he pulled away, he said, "You're already mine. And you liked me. You can like me again. I'm still Gabe. And you're still you. And to be frank, baby, you're a little evil, too."

His fingers worked at my clothes.

"Am I going to hell?" I asked on a sob.

He cackled and pulled his own clothes off. "Sweetheart," was all he said.

He pushed me against the couch and I took it. I took it because I signed the book. I took it because Mom was gone. I took it because all I had left was my empty apartment and a series of awkward calls with friends and family. I took it because I had no other choice, really. I didn't need it spelled out any further for me. Even more embarrassing was that I took it because I did find Gabe attractive, even after all this. I thought about the last time I'd had him and found myself growing wet. The shame competed with lust; lust won.

His cock was larger and harder than I remembered. His blue marbled eyes stared into my own as he drove inside, over and over, rougher than the first time. I lost all consciousness and felt nothing except the growing pleasure between my legs, shooting through my body.

"You'll take me," he panted, "until you're growing my baby."

He pushed forward in a deeper, more brutal thrust. It hurt, but it also felt so delicious. I was lost. His fucking became so hard that he moved the couch, grunting every time his cock met the deepest parts of me. Then he lowered his head, sucking my nipples into his mouth and it felt so good that I knew what he said was true: I was evil. I loved every moment of this. My teeth bit into his lips and he moaned, shoving his cock into me more roughly.

"You will be worshiped," he breathed. "You will be a goddess. You will want for nothing. Even your mother. Nothing else matters, Cat."

I thought of my father. How he would never understand what happened. And Alex, too. My heart broke a little over that. We were so close, and he was so good. My friends, especially Jackie, who loved me, even if they didn't know what to do with grief, would also never understand. Of course I thought of my mother, who loved me maybe more than anyone else. She thought I was perfect. How she would be destroyed by this. How I wished I could talk to her, be comforted by her. Have her save me.

But it was just me now, just me being fucked into couch cushions by the most unholy. It was too late, he'd assured me, and I agreed. It gave me permission to enjoy it.

Gabe picked up his pace as if he sensed my drifting thoughts. My body had no choice but to tighten around him, my head falling back as I orgasmed harder than I can remember. All the while, he pushed his hard flesh into me over and over again. He grew mad with it, fighting against the resistance until he was deep again. Then he finally came. Pulses and pulses heat hit the deepest parts of me until I was certain I couldn't take anymore. He held my arms painfully as he moaned through his pleasure.

"It's done now, Cat," he promised.

Flames surrounded me, and through it all, I could swear I saw my mother.