The Virgin Ceremonies Ch. 11

"Hold me."

I lay down beside her, our nude, wet bodies sticking together, her head on my chest, my chin on the top of her head. We were both quiet for a long while, at least half an hour, my hand gently caressing her bare back, her hand petting the light hair on my happy trail.

"Thank you for an amazing night," she finally said. She sounded so sad.

"Of course. Are you okay?" I asked.

"I can't stay any longer," she said softly.

"You can. It's only 7:30 a.m. Checkout isn't until 11:00 a.m. We have hours. We could order breakfast."

"The sun is up, Beau. I have to go. I have to get away. I can't let the night spill into the day. I have to end this."

"Do you?"

"Yes. Please, you have no idea how hard this is for me."

My throat was starting to itch now. "I have no idea? I'm the one person who does have an idea."

"You don't, because you want to stay in here forever, and I'm almost stupid enough to stay with you and ruin both our lives."

"Ruin? How can something so beautiful ruin our lives?"

"Beau, please, I don't want to argue. I don't want bitterness to ruin our perfect night."

I didn't say anything, just kept silent. I had to believe this wasn't the last time, otherwise I'd never let her go.

"I just, I don't want a hard goodbye," she said. "I want to go into the shower and come out and you're just... gone. Would you do that for me?"

"If that's what you want," I said softly.

"I do. Please don't make me say goodbye. Just, just go."

"Let me clean up in the bathroom first."

"Okay," she whispered.

I left her there and went into the bathroom, looking at myself nude in the big mirror. I pulled the mask off, sighing. I cleaned up quickly, wiping myself off. I'd left a couple things in here, some deodorant, cologne, and my toothbrush. I used all three, taking two with me. I left the toothbrush for her.

Mask back on, I stepped out. She was still in bed, but the blankets were over her head. I could hear her crying under them. I sat on the edge of the bed.

"Ginny?"

She sniveled. "I can't say goodbye. I can't do it. Just go."

"Ginny, give me a hug. Don't let me leave without that. Please."

She lowered the blanket, and I saw her red eyes. She wiped her face. She sat up and threw her arms around me, hugging me tight, her heavy tears on my shoulder. I rubbed her back.

"You can still change your mind, you know?" I said.

"God, no, I can't, never again," she said. "Just give me a kiss, our last kiss, okay?"

We separated enough to bring our lips together. It was a long, wet kiss, filled with tears and spit, punctuated with gasps and sobs, and it had to end. She soon broke it, sniveling, wiping her nose with her hand.

"Damn it," she said. "I'm crying so much."

"I am too," I said.

"I don't see any tears," she said.

"They're behind my mask."

"This is really it, isn't it?"

"I hope not."

"It is," she said, taking rapid gasps. "It has to be."

"You can ask me to stay, Ginny. We could shower together, walk out of this hotel together, have breakfast together. We could spend the whole day together, stroll through the park, visit the museum, make love again tonight. We could--"

"We can't. God. I can't. Please, Beau, stop."

"Then go take your shower, Ginny."

She stood up from the bed, nude, moving to the bathroom doorframe. She flipped on the light and looked back at me.

"I loved you last night, Beau. I really did."

"I loved you too, Ginny, and I always will."

"I know," she said softly. "You are going to make some woman the happiest wife on the planet, you know?" she said, sniffling and wiping her nose again. "Like, whoever she is, she's so fucking lucky, she has no idea. I'm so jealous of her."

"And whoever she is, I'll never love her like I loved you."

She dug her palms into her eyes to push the tears out of her vision. "Damn it. Okay, I'm closing this door. That's it, okay? No stalking. No calls. No meetings. It's goodbye forever. I mean it."

I stared at her, admiring her beautiful body, memorizing her image. This wasn't really it, right? It couldn't be.

"Goodbye, Beau," she said.

"Goodbye, Ginny," I said.

She closed the door.

I heard the shower turn on. I gathered my things, dressing in jeans, a shirt, and my jacket. I put my suit back into its garment bag. Then I went to Ginny's bag and slid an envelope inside. She'd find it later. I glanced around the room, looking at it one more time, cherishing this memory. I put my key on the counter and my hand on the door.

"Beau! Beau!" Ginny called from the bathroom. I had my mask on my head. I pulled it down just as she burst out of the bathroom, her hair soaking wet. She was wearing a towel around her chest. She ran to me and crashed into me, hugging me tight.

"Damn it, I love you!"

My smile was huge. "I love you, Ginny."

She was crying hard. "I can't do this, you know? I can't meet up with you for sex and feel nothing."

"I know."

"Why did you have to be so good, so sweet, so perfect at everything? Why can't I get over you?" She wiped her eyes and looked up at me. "Tell me why?"

"The same reason I can't get over you. Because you're made for me. Because we're soulmates."

"If that's true, life would let us be together. Destiny wouldn't set us up for complete failure like this."

"Maybe it's a test to see if we really love each other, if we want to fight for this."

"I can't win this fight though. I can't. You only have to fight for yourself. I have to fight an army."

"You'll lose every battle if you always retreat."

She sniveled and hugged me hard, her face in my chest. "I hate loving you."

I breathed out, holding her tight. "I love loving you."

"Stop that. Stop it," she said, looking up at me. "Make this easier for me. Stop saying you love me. Just, just break up with me right now. Tell me it wasn't that good. Tell me you tricked me to get into my pants. Tell me it's over, and you're actually married and going to live happily ever after and laugh in my face. Do something, Beau! Make me hate you!"

I swallowed, letting her go. "You want me to make it easier?"

"Yes! Please, say something instead of the perfect fucking thing all the time. Say anything to make me believe this isn't going to crush my soul when you walk out that door."

I collected my things and moved to the door, putting my hand on it. I stared her down. "I hate that you won't fight for me. I hate that you stood me up at that fountain, that you couldn't be bothered to give me a second thought, that you forgot me, that I waited there every day for six weeks wondering if you cared. I hate that I have to love you knowing I can't have you. I hate that you won't even look at me without this mask, like you dare not see my face, because I'm not worthy of you. And I really hate that you're breaking my heart right now. I want you to ask me to stay. I want you to say we'll figure it out. I want you to say we'll take on the world together, but I know you won't, because you're a fucking coward."

Her eyes were wide. She was shaking. "Get out!"