All Comments on 'The Warlock'

This story did not disappoint.

What a shame you didn’t continue on with it.there’s sooo much more to this story. What happened to Olivia for a start.. ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

This story and all it’s potential should be continued. Congrats, a very enjoyable piece.

I've loved all of your stuff but this is up there with the missing dragon with sadly a lot less content.

I hope to see you back someday, here, Patreon, or wherever. I'll follow.

Thanks for the fine prose and tasty smut

Enjoyed this story and it could have many more adventures!

Left me wanting more.

Well written very enjoyable tale.

Best of your tales and I've read a few!

Fun, great details, well thought out, simply a great story. I sincerely hope you come back to them and write more.

Amazing, I'd absolutely love more 🤩🤩

Fantastic, one of the better beginnings of a warlock story. Wish he was still churning out more.

Fucking amazing

I'll never stop hoping that one day you'll return with a new story.

Good story can't wait for more

as always your writings are detailed, the magic is well structured and unique and of course you leave me wanting more!

It could happen ;)

Loved everything about your story and want to see more soon

This could spin into a series of stories following his adventures with Channa.

perhaps something further, to explicitly close the thread with Olivia and the undercover case / assignment she was working on? the murdered pros ...

Well I do understand that you may feel this story is at an end for you. But may I say that the potential in this yarn is too high to just let it fade. With a little more research into demonology you just might get a few more chapters out of this. The time line is perfect to continue. The content is bursting with flavor. And not to mention it has coaxed me of all creatures to resopnd to it. The story hits very close to my ticker so I feel you should know that there are those out there that like the close and gritty tale spinning you have started on this story.

Oh and by the way. I personally have read nearly all of your works. I feel that one day should you finally let loose and break out of your shell you could be a fantastic novelist.

I like the fact you started to go into the darker aspect in this story. Most of the time writers want to keep thing honest and good, but it would be interesting to see more of that grey area or the metaphorical 'dipping of the toe' into some darker magic and what sort of mischief the character can get into with contracts. Even with demons involved, you have all of the underworld that is untapped. Maybe fallen angels could even make an appearance. Certainly a lot of possibility with this story.

I know it's quite old here but I still loved it. I only with there was a sequal, as this story could go so much further and grow so much bigger. come back and write more liem your prose and style are very much appeciated.

I love your stories/writing style. I am waiting for another installment on the missing dragon. I think this could easily be turned into another 5 or 10 part series. Keep up the gifted work my friend, and thank you.

fourth time reading this story, for me it comes second best after T.M.Dragon.

Their is definitely more than 10 pages to this story.

I hope Lien is working on it and we shall get to be swept away by one of his masterpiece articles once again

♡♡♡♡♡

You have a natural talent at this. By far my favorite of your stories. "The Missing Dragon" is of exceptional quality, but if I had any say in the matter I would vote for you to put your effort into this one.

Best of Luck, and I hope to read more of your work.

Fellow Storyteller,

LuckyDiamonds

You are too good at this. We'd all like to see you continue this story.

Seeing as this was a single chapter story, started with it to see what type of writer you were...THANK YOU...now I´ll start on another one. I´m sure you won´t disappoint..

You are such a great writer it blows me away.

Such an honor to read your incredible stories!

Thank you so much!

Best of luck to you:))

Ed:)

You have some of the best short stories on this site. Your writing and editing are superb.

Started by accident with Missing Dragon, but have read All of your work since then. Great Writing! Some others should view your Bio to understand things take time.What do Nasty Comments do but Aggravate Everybody? Patiently waiting for next Dragon, can't wait to see where it goes next. The Santa thing was Cool!

I've read thousands of stories at this site. I've even submitted a couple. This is one of the best I've ever read. I'm not a big fan of serials, but I'd like to see more of "The Warlock". This has great potential, and yes, I'd like to see more of Olivia. It was anything but boring. Well written, witty, sexy, and clever. Encore... encore. Well done, mate!

Outstanding storyline, content, structure, error free. Really great, hope you continue with the "The Warlock", maybe mention something about how she took your virginity, if that helps establish something of import to your storyline.

Anyway great story.

I would love to read more of his adventures also what becomes of Olivia?

Stephen J

Really enjoyed this - would be great if you could continue this please :)

Enjoyed reading this one. Your surprises worked out well, too. You were clear about Channa's changing role, but implied two different ends for Olivia. Still, it was a very fun read! TY

It is just too much fun.

thanks

Please write a sequel

This is an awesome story, you are a gifted writer, I'd love to see a sequel, or 10...

Are you going to continue this one?

Great read! I would buy the book

Loved this along with the rest of ur work. Pls continue this story and make into a series.

This could easily become a very good series that I would read and wait with baited breath for while perusing your other books. Thank you for the effort.

Cheers,

SM

Powerfully written. Very creative. And, considering the category, quite believable.

I look forward to exploring more like this.

Now, off to see what else I can find by Lien_Geller

This is really good

I've had time to read two of your stories so far and was very impressed. I'm gonna make it my goal to finish every story you've written. U r talented.

a very refreshing take on writing, just makes me wonder though what happened to Olivia afterwards.....

If you could make this a many part series it would be fucking awesome..

You do have talent, my friend!

Dear Lien_Geller,

This was a fantastic read ! Want more of our succabae and her warlock =)

Had me hot and bothered and panting for more ...

You have created here a premise of a possibly much larger series with this ...

Thank you so much!

Regards

justice

I thoroughly enjoyed the read. "The Warlock" is extremely well written with an interesting plot, humorous (with dark overtones) themes, and very engaging characters. It is currently 2:45, I have a serious test tomorrow, but the read is well worth it. Very well done, I am excited to read more of your material.

the best story i read so far!

Keep it up!! fucking unbelievable!!!

EXCELLENT!

I get that it's mostly a doodle for you and that the next chapter will happen when it happens.. so just consider this one more voice for crying out for that to happen a little sooner.

Your writing style also makes me want to read your novel when it's done so do keep those of us reading your biography from time to some up to date. :)

This is a really, really good story. Your writing style is engaging and fluid. Please write some more of this story.

I just finished reading missing dragon and now this. This is insane no one should be able to write this well. Good FUCKING job man. I hope you get back at it because as long as you keep writing I will keep reading

It's nice to see a story on here like this... well thought out, nary a misspelled word nor misused grammar, thoroughly enjoyable, well developed characters and a great plot and story line... I hope you'll write another chapter, perhaps turn this into a novella. My only gripe is that I'm limited to giving you only 5 stars....if I had my way, you'd get 20.

This was really well written. Looking on your other works, I realize it isn't the first of your offerings I've read -- your Aphrodisia series is also a must read.

Speaking on this story, your characters seemed to come to life in each scene, full of their own passions, wants, dislikes, and such. The description of dark magic throughout was stupendous. Kind of reminded me of Magic, Inc. Looking forward to reading The Missing Dragon.

That was one of the most impressive stories that I have read on Literotica.

More please! Love it! Moar!

Simply fucking amazing.......amazing

Way better than Path Of The Necromancer

Really liked your descriptions and mechanics of magic. Great build up of characterization and all. Overall a wondering and sexy story. I hope you continue this story.

Best thing I've read on the site

Whole lot of fun, looking forward to the next chapter or a bunch of them!!!

Seriously awesome as both a one shot or making a sequel

What a strong start! I enjoyed the characters most of all. I thought you did a great job with the main character/narrator, and his moral ambiguity and sharp wit made this a very fun read. Looking forward to more.

I think you wrote about my husband if he was in this position. The witty warlock sounds just like him and I love the humor you aren't afraid to show in your stories.

DAMN!! That was hot. For kinky women everywhere I thank you.

Dude i love all ur stories and this is my fav. Hurry please!

wellll there is this lean feller who writes this wierd shit . . .

Seriously, this is fine reading (like the rest of your submittals) and I certainly see it as a way to dive into a whole new world of magic for you and me :) I know, I am impossible to satisfy, but damned if I don't love your work. Everything you have submitted I have enjoyed. The only thing wrong with you writing is that you can't turn out 10 or so chapters a day, as that's about what I like to read :) Hang in bud, you are greatly appreciated on this front. Lynn

I am an avid reader of your stories and have found this story to be just as amazing as the others that i have read. Will you be writing a sequel to this one any time soon?

Everything else is just commentary. Thank you so much.

more. please. this was completely amazing!

But that won't stop me from asking the same thing. ;-)

Also: saw the profile update -- YAY!

Remember how you mentioned that 'The Warlock' would be a lot like Intrepid_Fate's 'Path of the Necromancer'?

Unfortunately, we haven't seen an update from him since late October :-(

I think he might be done, which really sucks.

On the other hand....

Out of the two of you, I think I slightly prefer your stories, if only because I seem to identify with the characters a bit more -- especially Wilfred. I'm definitely a bit of a deadpan snarker. And I love sarcasm

I feel like I just got done reading a real published work. Such a good story, but I can't decide which of your stories I like the best. This one has so much potential, but I was hooked on your aphrodite stories. But I also love the missing dragon. Please write faster. :) :) :)

Loved the story. I especially liked the bit about the circle of protection being a cylinder open at the top and bottom. That's been one of the things that's bugged me.

Good story. :)

I hope that Missing Dragon 3 will be as awesome as this :)

*sigh* Please read "in the beginning of this story" instead of "these stories" in my last comment. I mixed two different posts up.

kacar - It's emphatically not my view of rape victims. It's, however, what I imagine the view of someone who's by his own admission a bastard who abuses people's ignorance about the value of their own soul. Part of writing (and criticizing writing) is imagining how people fundamentally different from you view the world. Go slower with the judgement and condescension, if you'd be so kind.

Lien - Oh, I do enjoy your stories. No discussion there. I even enjoyed The Warlock, my issues with Wilfred's characterization notwithstanding. The thing about the soul issue is, in the beginning of these stories, Wilfred basically gloats "See, these people are stupid enough to sell me their imagination, creativity, their very will to live. And I take the chance, of course!". And, perhaps we just have to disagree here, but I don't think taking away someone's basic drives is much better than rape.

Now, I know the counterpoint to that - He doesn't take it, not completely. He could, but he doesn't, he just keep the "excess" to himself, leaving people with more than enough to carry on their daily lives. It's a fair point, and I admit I didn't consider that in a first moment as hardly as I should. And that's because, basically... He still could. He can abuse. He has the ability to reduce his clients to mindless, catatonic husks (If I understood your concept of "soul" correctly) on a whim. And, again, I don't consider that better than a rapist.

And there lies my problem with characterization. I can understand a character with a non-standard set of morals. Wilfred's morals, however, seems to change according to circumstances, a monster in a moment and a standard guy in the next. I just wanted to point that out.

Thank you, however, for listening. Many writers seem to only accept praise.

Anyway, I hope I made myself clear enough. This is also my last word on this.

Easy guys, let's not break out the boxing gloves.

HighLord, thanks for offering your views but I'm sorry in that I just flat out don't agree with you. If that's to the detriment of future installments of Warlock then that's unfortunate but part of taking criticism is understanding it and I just don't understand what you're saying here. Or at least I hope I don't.

Wilf, for the most part, gives the souls of the people he takes a boost and then skims off the excess power they make. This doesn't hurt them in the slightest. The only way they could suffer is if they discovered how to use magic and none of them have. He only torments people who he finds to be very horrid human beings. What he does to most people is the equivalent of siphoning gas, except he's still leaving them with a full tank.

So to say that this amounts to the same thing as drug induced rape is just ridiculous to me. That's the same as saying someone who sells marijuana is the same as someone who's committed armed assault with a baseball bat. Just because Wilf isn't your fuzzy uncle fluffy or some stalwart anti-hero doesn't mean he'll cheerfully stand by and watch a truly horrendous crime take place when he can very easily stop it from happening. Even at his most jaded and cynical, he would still have stepped in and put as stop to it.

This is my final word on this. You're perfectly entitled to disagree with me and if this puts you off reading then so be it. I'm sorry and I hope you enjoy my other stories.

Wow, you might not want to expose your views of rape victims in such a public way. Otherwise people might get the impression you are the ignorant and stupid one.

Drunkenness might equate an inability to make wise judgment calls, but that in and of itself does not equate ignorance and/or stupidity.

To Anonymous: "Character complexity/Multiple dimensions" is very different from "Character inconsistency". And in fact, it's perfectly easy to fall into the latter while shooting for the former. Complexity requires verisimilitude, internal consistency. Done wrong, it looks silly, or someone with a multiple personality disorder. Which is not quite the case here, but it's not good either.

To Lien: As have been said before if we look at this story from the lenses of "a jaded Warlock look back to his younger, 'naiver' self", it makes better sense. But, see: Older Wilf gloats about how he buys souls from people who are foolish enough to sell them for baubles. He's, in a way, abusing their ignorance and stupidity. That's the same thing the club rapists were trying to do. But Younger Wilf apparently was disturbed enough that he went out of his way (And that's a big thing for a character established as a bit of an egotist) to help. And that feels... Off. This is the case that stands out, but there are others. I suppose we should wait to see what will happen in the future to change him so much, or perhaps accept that he simply is a hypocrite like that. It is, however, an issue with this story. And since we don't have any other stories in this series, we can't look at it through "character development" lenses - we go by what we have. You could think about it or simply ignore the issue. It's your story, after all, and quite a few people seems to like it regardless. But it's honest criticism, for whatever that's worth.

great characters, please write the sequel.

I find it silly to want a character to "be an asshole through and through, or just be the heart of gold jerk." Character complexity, multiple dimensions: these are the things that create good characters.

I thought it was fantastic.

5 stars.

However, I do dislike your apparent disregard for Aphrodesia. I was hoping that storyline would continue. Also, keep up with the dragons please!

You said it perfectly.

So since a few people have brought this up, I thought I'd address this issue. Wilf is, I would say, a bit of a dick. As the story continues, he'll have moments when he's downright evil. However, he'll also probably have moments when he behaves heroically too.

Is this character inconsistency? No. No it is not.

Wilf didn't get much of a moral upbringing, or any upbringing of any kind as a boy. His parents were there, but they didn't spend much time actually raising him. As a result, he has a bit of a misguided view of morality that he's figured out himself. Good includes things that make him happy and fit in with his views of logic, bad includes things that make him sad and angry. (Yes, that's the easy-reader version of it, it's a bit more complex.)

Now, just because he's ok with dealing in souls doesn't mean that he's going to be ripping them from innocent bystanders. As stated, he only saves the VIP treatment for truly nasty people. He summons a demon because he wants the challenge of it and he wants to meet a succubus. He doesn't release her and let her run rampant through his home city. (Though she might do that anyway, regardless of his feelings on the matter.) He burns Olivia's contract because the challenge of getting it was over and, despite his success, he doesn't really need it right then. He realises that his little game means nothing if she's not staying of her own volition. So he takes a gamble and out of curiosity and sympathy, she sticks around.

Finally, though Wilf might be partial to torturing people who offend him or dealing with demons, that doesn't mean he's just going to stand and do nothing whilst a girl gets raped by one or more men. He enjoys showing off his magic to himself and the men catch his attention in a very bad way. So he goes and drives them off.

This is all in his character. Having a character just be evil or just be an asshole or just be a badass only serves to do one thing: Make them one-dimensional. I don't want to write a cardboard cut-out. Also, the younger Wilf is somewhat different and less experienced than the older Wilf who is telling the story. They're different because part of why I'm writing this story is to explore (everybody say it with me) character development. As he goes on, he's going to change and have experiences that shift how he views the world.

So there, that's all I'll say about that.

Happy New Year!

Lien

Ah, urban fantasy, my favorite genre. Add generous amounts of sex and you get perfection.

As someone who occasionally bumps into something similar to what I'm writing myself, I can sympathize with the face-palm after seeing Intrepid Fate's "Path of the Necromancer". In the end, all we can do is simply roll with it. Personally, I kinda like similar stories, to see where my ideas find echo and where I differ with other authors.

Now, about ShawnSwift's criticism: I don't know if this is exactly what he's getting at here, but I felt something similar: If the Warlock was supposed to be an asshole... He wasn't very successful at that. I mean, if he's a sort of a Jerk With a Heart of Gold (Damn, can't link to TVTropes =P) who likes to put on a facade of a big mean soul dealer, but is actually somewhat decent, then it was a success. But if he's really supposed to be an asshole... Going out of his way to help a girl who had her drink spiked? A man who gloats about conning people out of their souls for something less valuable would probably scoff at the girl's foolishness. Burning the contract? Being all nice and respectful with his Succubus? Yeah... There's a dissonance there. You could look into it. Personally, I would prefer the Jerk with a Heart of Gold route. I'm not very enthusiastic about stories with assholes protagonists. If you want an asshole, go for an asshole, but an asshole through and through. Not a part-time asshole. These are confusing.

Anyway, looking forward to next chapter of TMD.

This is an excellent story which maintains the light heartedness which I loved about Lien Geller and brings in a darker less loveable character. I love the fact Channa has joined him and I am VERY curious as to what she will do and how she will act and how Wilfred will react.

This new series I'm sure will be awaited with eagerness like all the others have done. And you know what Wilfred...... I really want to know what you did in university. :D

I wanted to wait a bit to submit my comment. It should come as no surprise that Lien_Geller is my favorite writer here on Literotica. When he sent this to me, I read the first page and smirked and said, "Oh, hell yes!" After reading all of his other stories, it was awesome to see him tackle such an "asshole" character. I also love the way he interacts with Channa, and I'm really looking forward to seeing more of this series. The power struggles those two... Yeah, I can't wait! Great job, again, Lien!

I'm English. There's ALWAYS a need for sarcasm.

The reason I don't agree with your point is this: I hate rap music. I mean. I REALLY hate rap music. There's a movie called The Last Boy Scout starring Bruce Willis in which he's about to be kneecapped by some mobsters and he looks at them and says "If you really want to torture me, then play me some rap music." I am right there with him.

So I don't criticise people who make or like rap music. I have no ability to tell if the music has any qualities because, to me, it all sounds god awful. Because of this, if I ever hear any rap music, I just switch it off. I know I'm not going to like it. You could write the best rap in the world and I'd still hate it. Still, I'm quite content to let people who do like it cheerfully carry on with their excessive amounts of skank ho's, firearms and marijuana that they seem to enjoy talking about so much.

Other than gaining the ire of rap fans across the globe, my point here is that I wrote a story here in which the character is a bit of an asshole. I made this clear from the very beginning. If he's a badly written asshole, then by all means, feel free to criticise. If you just don't like stories with this type of character in the first place, then just don't read it. Your post to me reads a lot like someone who went to see Godzilla and then said: "Well that sucked! I HATE huge fucking lizards!" My point being that there's no one to really blame for your lack of enjoyment but yourself.

Take ShawnSwift's comment down there for example. I don't agree with him, but at least he highlights actual points in my writing of the character that he doesn't like. This is helpful as I can look at the text, see what he's talking about and make a point to agree or disagree with it. This helps me to write and to improve by either re-enforcing my own ideas or changing them for the better.

So when you leave me a negative comment casually brushing off a character that I've spent hours writing for a character trait that was both intentional and blatantly obvious from the get-go, I hope you can see why I might get a bit annoyed.

Kisses and Lollipops.

Lien.

Yes I am looking forward to the next part of the missing dragon very much. Even though all your male leads tend to be a wee bit Gary Stu, at least Greg is a good bloke. Your Warlock, he's a pretty big douche.

To respond to your comment, surely people saying they do not like a particular character for whatever character trait you have given them is just as valid a criticism as someone who says you write all the leads as superhero stud-muffins ? Character criticism as opposed to writing style criticism - it's all the same. Now I love your other stories, I just don't like your warlock, there was no need for sarcasm by mirroring the context of my original comment. Thank you for your time and I shall look forward to your other stories.

Shawn I saw your post... Ill check it out and comment if I find necessary...

---MR_Anonymous:P

After taking notice that you happen to be the one who wrote "The Missing Dragon," I thought: "There's no way I'll not read this." Your work is awesome and while my only complaint is that you release stories over slightly long periods of time, this is an example of why that doesn't matter. With such great qualities of stories you deserve all the time you need.

All characters were chosen well and the one and only thing I would have to say about this story* is that on the first page when Wilfred "reached out and pulled open the thick black leather cover of one of the tomes". I'm curious if any of the others have any importance. I realize that you mention he got through 1/3 of the tome, but in a way I find it hard to believe that after making such a discovery one would stop at a single tome. I know this is a little out there (considering the tome is huge) but do you think that there could have been any more possibilities/opportunities in introducing another tome??? Distortion of time maybe and/or reference to the other older warlocks(besides the one that got Wilfred started using dark magic like an experience of someone earlier). Oooooo or maybe your next one one can be of a completely different person reading Wilfred's experience and he gets ideas but does entirely different things than Wilfred (like an orgy or... IDK something creative)

The list goes on in terms of what you CAN do, but what you DID do was write a fantastic story and I agree in that I can't wait for the next one. A solid 5 stars!!!

*I wrote this comment before looking at others. If what I said is similar to other thoughts/comments/ideas, it is merely coincidental and I apologize for having done so.

---MR_Anonymous:P

I acknowledge the ground-work you laid for Channa coming back AND the hot tub scene, BUT I'm stating that one meeting isn't enough to take the leap of faith. How many times in Channa's very long life do you think someone has tried to sweet talk her, only to set her up for an ass-plowing later? How many times has a would-be Romeo summoned her looking to steal her life-force? You've set up a world where all of the major players are going to be lacking in scruples, so I imagine a lot.

That said, she'd probably want to feel out our boy a little more before signing her being over to him. It would actually be more true-to-character if she did write a loop-hole in and he got caught with his pants down (literally and figuratively). A "well, fuck..." moment would be priceless.

There are, MANY different directions you can go with the cop based on what you've already written thus far. My problem is, is there wasn't enough ground-work for the direction you chose to go in. A long line of uncaring lovers has made her suspicious of men. Years on the force has taught her to be suspicious of people in general. That lady-cop is going to be one tough nut to crack.

As part of Channa's character building, you could potentially have her work on the cop with the warlock to break her down. It would build bonds between the harem members as well as endearing them both to the warlock. My biggest beef isn't the end result but that the path taken to get there is to short. You bi-passed a lot of potential character building which is easily my favorite part of any story. I don't care if people I don't care about are having sex. Making me care makes the sex hotter.

The main character: You've written him as such that he's a powerful, jaded individual looking back on what he considers a "lame" portion of his past. That's cool, if done right but one does not simply go from burning contracts to lording his power over 350 souls. I understand that she did it to keep up appearances in front of the hookers and he did it to make their interaction less forced and more real. At the same time though, you've created a paradox. He is now very much a contradiction of terms. As he is now, he strikes me as a "all sales are final," type. You're either going to have to explain how he went from hot to cold in chapter two or you're going to have to abandon his callous facade. (I'd personally just remove the chick getting drugged in the club bit. If the whole purpose was to get him out of the room, he can go take a leak, buy some food, etc).

Part of characterization is keeping the character in character. You've chosen a very difficult plot-line to make the character "lovable," so that's out but you're going to have to shoot for at least "likable." If you turn him into a Warlock with a selective conscience in an effort to make him "likable," I can't speak for everyone else, but I'd probably just stop reading.

If he's a warlock with a conscious, you've got a heap of re-writing to do. If you can some-how turn the trust of the cop to his advantage though (he is if nothing a self-serving bastard), then the contract bit can be forgiven. I'm sorry but a booty-call does not equate to "his advantage." Make it work.

As a fellow author, I appreciate the sheer amount of effort that went into writing this and I in no way, shape or form meant to tear you down. My wording comes off as harsh because I'm a blunt person. If I stroke your ego, you don't learn anything. If I say: "you suck" and don't tell you why, then I'm just shitting on you for the sake of it and I'm the one who sucks. You mentioned publishing a book either here or in your bio (forget which) so I hope that you take what you like and make it work for you.

Shameless plug: I currently have a chunk of story that is "pending" acceptance and I wouldn't mind you coming over and telling me what you like, and what you hate as well as why you feel the way you do. After seeing all of the: "You're the greatest, sign my chest" feedback, I'm worried I won't get anything useful from my "fans." I have a feeling, especially after this, that you'll have more to contribute than the average fan-boy/girl. It's called: "Pack Swift: A Growing Pack." If I have to tell you what it's about, then...

P.S. I'm a big fan of your work, especially the Winter spirit one. Can't recall the name off-hand but I personally can't fathom why it didn't get a W. The heroine was solid and never once strayed from character; she was very cool. *cough* I also liked: "The Missing Dragon," Though I think it needs more plot/less sex. Guess that's a matter of opinion though.

P.S.S. If you want to go another round, just let me know. I can't see how this will hurt your writing one bit.

Alright Anonymous, let's dance.

The reason Channa offers him the contract is because she wants to be permanently tied into our realm as opposed to being dragged back to where she came from. She wants the power that the souls in our realm have to offer her. This is established in the story. The reason she offers him the contract that she does is because she knows that otherwise he'll think she's trying to trick him. In their initial meeting he showed her that he didn't want to use or abuse her and nor did he want to steal her power. So he's established a level of trust with her that's uncommon between demons and warlocks. She's taking a risk, sure, but she knows that she can influence him to keep her around from the way he acted around her the first time they met. Your complaint that their meeting leads to a lot of pointless sex is genuinely baffling to me. She's a succubus. Pointless sex is kind of what they do. Her entire body is hard-wired to enjoy sex and she's incredibly casual about it because that's how she survives in her own realm. Again, this is all explained in the story.

Wilf's sexual expertise is also explained. His first time is little more than a mad and instinctive scramble with a creature that is quite literally built to enjoy sex. The subsequent binding of Channa to him gives him certain passive abilities.

"[...] unless you're severely missing the point here you'll have figured out that the master of a succubus gets certain enhancements designed to make their lovers feel like their bodies are about to explode like a blinding firework."

That being said, I do agree with your point about Olivia shifting from reserved to amorous too quickly. It was something I noticed but I figured I'd leave it in there because it was all in good fun. The reason behind it was partly the circumstances but also because she'd been so reserved and put down in her love life for so long that she just took the plunge, so to speak. I did set this up but I get that it's not as clear as it should be. My bad! Although I'm not sure why you face-palmed when Channa hypnotised Olivia and took her place. I explained that succubi could shape-shift and the moment was intended to be a surprise. She did it so she could get close enough and under Wilf's guard. Sorry you didn't like the twist but think I did do the groundwork for it.

I'm glad you didn't find the story too similar to PotN. As I said before though, it wasn't inspired by it at all. I'd been writing Warlock months before IF published his story. Any similarities (though I understand that they're there) are purely a quirk of circumstance.

Conclusion: Some of the points you make are fair. Some are not. If you like a lot of build-up and character development in your stories then that's absolutely fine. I do too. In this case I just chose to focus on other things and take a slightly more frivolous tone. I think the characters are three-dimensional enough to stand on their own. If you don't then I can only apologise.

All that being said, thanks very much for taking the time to critique my story! I shall keep your words in mind when writing chapter 2.

Lien

You've got a bunch of weak segues bridging some pretty big gaps. The biggest chasm is def Channa signing that contract. "You're better than those other guys," is not a reason to bind herself to the main character. There is almost zero relationship building which leads into a lot of pointless sex. More time needs to be spent exploring the Channa character and what she and the main character can do for each other. I felt like I was reading the penthouse forum.

I know, I know, it's Literotica but there should be a limit as to how far you can take things. I draw the line at a near-virgin satisfying two women at once (one of which is an insatiable sex demon). Granted, he's 18 and Channa is leaking pheromones like no other but come on... The fact that he's giving the sex-demon 2 orgasms to his 1 on his 3rd fuck is just a tad trite. There are men with sexual experience who can't spell the word "clitoris," let alone find one. Why would a bookish teen with zero experience be able to hone in on it with zero instruction from either female? *cough*

The last but certainly not least crevasse is the cop. Danger and excitement (like walking through a packed club naked) is one hell of an aphrodisiac but that's only for people who are "adventurous." She doesn't strike me as the type. When you wrote about her in the hot-tub, I was like: "really?" When she turned out to be the demon, I face-palmed.

As for the comments comparing Intrepid Fate's story to this one; no. The only similarities that the two characters share are that they both lost their virginity to succubi and that they're both building a harem. Ian is a decent sort who is making the best of bad circumstances. This character is a loner (typical of all of Lien's protagonists) who found a book with almost limitless knowledge. This story may have been inspired by Path of the Necromancer but it certainly isn't a parallel. This one is much darker with more sex and less plot (which with more setup, could def work).

Conclusion: More character/relationship building would make the sex hotter. If a succubus can't teach you how to be a great fuck; no one can. Channa taking the time to teach him would be a lot sexier than him tearing it up right out of the gate. It would also endear us to her. How many of your reader's had awkward, fumbling first-times because they lacked experience and didn't have someone to mentor or guide them? My guess: A lot, myself included. Good erotica isn't about how many times your characters fuck, it's about the length and quality of each session.

Wow, some epic comments there. Thanks guys! So here goes with the answering.

Anonymous - Yeah, I can see that it did get a bit theoretical back there. I'm glad you liked it overall though! Hopefully the next chapter won't have as much of that stuff cuz I've covered most of what I need to in the first one. :oD

kacar - Thanks for enjoying! I think that PotN and The Warlock will differ more and more as this story goes on. I dunno for sure but it seems like Intrepid Fate has a plan to stick to and a place to go with his story. In The Warlock I'm focusing more about just telling the story of Wilfred's life. The first part was the end of high school, the second will be at university, the third will be him getting a job, the fourth will be world domination. Y'know, the typical life cycle of your average Joe. He's also going to get a bit more evil, so that should be fun! As for writing similar protagonists, that's a totally fair point. Basically I'm still learning and I try to do something different with every story. I cut my teeth on Aphrodisia, tried comedy with TDT, Romance with Unleashed, a fairytale with Lady Winter. So I'm kinda exploring genre's at the moment and making a wildly different main character each time is HARD to keep consistent. So some traits do intermingle from time to time but I think they're different enough to enjoy them in their own stories. I'll work on better characterisation in another story.

Risax - Thanks for the epically proportioned comment again! Channa is definitely not an airhead. She's just new in the world and she doesn't really care about anything which tends to make her mouth run more than it should. Olivia's current boyfriend isn't a bully, he's just useless. So no fear of repetition there. The Nocturne Compendium was kept a secret by the warlocks who inherited it and the last one that did didn't have an apprentice to give it to before he died. So that's why no one's come looking for the thing. This story isn't related to Aphrodisia but it is set in the same world as TDT and The Missing Dragon. Though it's set on earth as opposed to the parallel world of Arolius. Aphrodisia is completely separate.

Since I came third in the Halloween contest then there's no chance I'll get anything in for any contest until six months later. It's part of the rules. I can't win anything and I definitely have lots of other stuff to do! So there. As for writers block? Well if I had the cure I wouldn't be as poor as I am. It's part of the reason I have several stories going at once. Whenever I get an idea I write it up (if I can't think of a way of putting it into any of the stories I'm currently writing.) The gear change of being able to move from one story to the other means I've always got at least one that I can get cracking on with and often writing that one loosens the block on the others. Other ways include going out for a walk just to think about your story or reading back over your story to see if you can make changes that will shift the focus in an easier direction. Finally, there's the tried and true method of just keep buggering on with it. It doesn't matter if what comes out is crap, once you get into the flow again you can always go back and re-edit. Thanks for the five stars and the favourite!

Snikkel - I'm glad you enjoyed yourself! Channa turning into Olivia to fool Wilf was supposed to be a surprise! It's called a plot twist. :op I'm glad you liked finding out about succubi and the like though and although I'm not in competition with Intrepid Fate, it's nice to know that Warlock hasn't come off as a second rate story in comparison. I have no idea when the next chapter will be up. I'm planning on finishing some stories and getting my ass in gear with writing a proper novel. But I'm also trying to make time to write more too! So who knows?

Thanks again to everyone!

Lien

and you didn't disappoint. This is the first story of yours I did read and after such a well written and witty tale I've high expectation for the others.

I was a little irritated when Olivia proved to be Channa because there were absolutely no hinds that this was going to happen, other than that she became really horny all the sudden. This left me wondering what had happened to Olivia, or even if it had been Channa all a long, during the rest of the scene. I don't even know if this is a good or bad thing, but it came a little sudden to me.

Then there are the commenters who mention the info dump which I didn't mind at all, mostly because of your style of narration, which is nicely paced. Moreover the sudden chance of style when you 'quoted' the book about the different stages of the succubi was very nicely done, in my humble opinion.

Furthermore there were those who compared your story to the Necromancer, although there are certain similarities, I all ready do like this tale more. And I have high hopes for some problems or character flaws which can't be easily solved by the protagonist's wise world views or awesome powers.

tl;dr I demand more chapters and they better be good!

Thank you for writing.

First off, the opening of the story was fantastic.

Wilfred explanation of how he is a Warlock was quite fun to read, especially the whole 'and I'm not your fucking fairygodfather'.

Anyway, onto writing a comment!

I really enjoyed this story as we get to see a 13 year old loner transform into the Warlock he is today. And honestly? Although there was a lot of info-dumping involved, I quite enjoy reading about the magic system you had developed and how Wilfred uses it. The limitations, the upsides, the downsides. All of it was quite interesting, though I have to admit that I was a tad dissapointed that we didn't get to see any epic magical battles...But who knows, maybe I'll get to see it in a follow-up chapter if you plan to make a series out of this.

Anyway, to continue with the magic...let's talk about demons. Before actually seeing Channa we get a ...fairly dry description of them in the Nocturne Compedium, then again reading about the stages of "life" of a Succubus as you interpreted it made up for a lot of it.

...Though I kind of expected that Wilfred would get a Succubus who was still in her first "stage" as it were, and we would see her "grow" over time. But seeing as those could only stay in the human world for a limited amount of time, and let's face it they don't exactly seem atractive, I was not too dissapointed when Channa showed up. (Though there were other reasons for that as well. :P)

So, let's talk about characters now, Wilfred first of all.

Like most of your male leads, Wilfred is the herioc sort, with a snarky and often self-deprecating sort of humor. And I say good, seeing as your male leads are a big part of what makes your stories funny. But he also seems a bit darker...he is a Warlock after all. But the whole mysterious anti-hero vibe makes him interesting, and it makes me wonder where his story will go... He has the very powers of creation at his fingertips after all.

And Chana, I like her. She seemed like quite the bad-ass when she was first summoned by Wilfred, and when it was her instead of Olivea in the tub I had a bit of a "Oh crap" moment. But she quickly revealed her to be a very flirty and naughty character, and also a bit of a ...I want to say "airhead", a little later in the story, when she is enjoying what the human world has to offer. But she's still an appealing character in my book.

Finally Olivia. The first she and Wilfred met, and their second meeting the next day, sure was a nice twist! She seems like a strong, confident woman who swears like a sailor, and I love her for it! I really can't say much more, but hopefully with her connections to the police and Wilfred's links to the magical world we'll see some Dresden Files-esque stuff. I just hope that breaking it off with her current boyfriend will go smoothly, seeing as you have a tendency of including phsyco bully characters in your stories lately. :P

But some questions still remain...

Like, how is the Nocturne Compendium normally handed to another Warlock?

Is it just like "Well, here ya go." while the previous owner throws it at the head of one of his colleagues in the field/apprentices?

And speaking of other Warlocks. Wouldn't they be on the lookout for the Nocturne Compendium? Or at least noticed that it had gone missing?

And finally, some questions just out of curiousity. Is this story, in anyway related to 'Aphrodisia' or 'the Defiled Temple'? I mean the way in which Channa appaears, with the green flames kind of reminds me of how Pugward appears in 'the Defiled Temple'. And the succubus that appears in 'Aphrodisia' also hasn't been treated kindly or loved according to Jamie.

I dunno, maybe I'm just looking at a connection that isn't there...

But I would be lying if I said that I didn't like the idea. ;)

Anyway, it's great to read another story written by you so quickly after 'Unleashed'.

Please tell me you have an entry ready for the Christmas contest, or Winter contest whatever it is called. :P

I myself have been suffering a bit of writer's block...I mean I've written a pretty sex heavy, plot-thin crazy ass story on Hentai Foundry to blow off steam, but I'm stuck with 'the Silver Arrows'... Got any tips on dealing with writer's block?

5/5 stars.

Favorited.

And if I don't speak to you again, Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.

-Risax

I have to say, I really love your work. I love how it's not JUST the hot sexy moments but there's also a world and story to go with it. Often times it's two people put in a place and then they do it, and after a while they all start to read the same. At least to me they do. However, your work with the characters, world building, and everything keeps your work fresh, interesting, and just overall a good read! ...not to mention a hot read too! ^.^

I, like everyone else so far, am totally in love with your stories and writing style. I've been reading Path of the Necromancer as well (also awesome, and yes, everyone who liked this one should read that as well) and while the premises are obviously similar, there are enough differences in the approach to writing, characters, plot, etc., that I wasn't at all bothered by it.

I actually like that you wrote this as a narrative. I'm a very inquisitive person and don't always like having to wait for several chapters to, for example, understand how something works. The info overload was refreshing to me. :)

I love that Wilf is kind of an asshole and completely aware and unapologetic of that fact. My favorite part was when he thought Channa was going to kill him and even in that passionate moment a tear fell down his face. It helped me to remember that he's ONLY 18, and I just thought it was a really beautiful way for him to acknowledge his fear and regret at dying so young.

I love how strong your female characters always are. It's sooooo refreshing to not read about whiney, needy, clingy women. I love that your main guys are witty and flawed. I would just caution about making your characters too similar from those in your other stories. This is a really small caution though because you obviously write these types of characters exceptionally well, and I will never tire of reading about them. Also, you're the writer and I'm so glad you insist on writing whatever the fuck you want, whenever you want. Your writing only continues to improve. Props to your editor.

Sorry for being so long-winded. Keep on being awesome.

Great interaction between the characters, maybe a bit too much theoretical info or delivered in a dry way I thought. I loved the fun nature to the story and the sex, and just about everything else. Look forward to reading the rest of your work!