All Comments on 'The World Made Yonder Pt. 02'

FreddieTheCamel, you magnificent bastard. You manipulated the hell out of us in the first installment with the betrayal and anguish, only to follow that up with a cleansing fire of retribution and realization. That is a sneaky bit of skilled writing and my hat is off too you.

The depiction of the boy's pain felt real and kept the story centered on the real victim when adults play their stupid games. Thank you for not glossing over that angle, as so many writers do. It elevates the story to something more human than a lot of the formulaic ones do here on LW. I can't say that I will like all of your stories, but I do respect the way you write.

I loved how he found his balls with his wife. Some women are just nasty when they don't get what they want and she is eager to demean him as a man. She pushes him down so she can be on top. Joey, like many modern men, are taught to respect women, so when he is latched to a woman who is abusive of him, he swallows his pride, takes the hit, and soldiers on. But it isn't right anymore than when a man is constantly demeaning the woman in his life.

The ending brilliantly illuminates that Joey has not only rejected this relational paradigm but also understands the full meaning of what his wife has been doing. He comes roaring back and shatters her little abusive world and neutralizes her stolen power, reclaiming it to himself. Being a good person, he also realizes that attacking his wife too viciously would hurt his "son", so he refrains from doing that. He has also regained his manhood by having GREAT sex with Lorna and obliterates his wife's attacks on his "inadequacies", giving notice that her games are over.

However, what is it with lying women? Lorna lies to him as well. She said she was on birth control and she is not. Further, she declines to take the morning after pill. Yes, he might welcome a son of his own but shouldn't it be his informed choice. Men are told that they should be partners with their women in birth control. Lorna took that choice from him. Joey will probably forgive her because that is his weakness, to overlook the flaws in women he likes. I can't get over the feeling that he will be manipulated by Lorna as well. Maybe in trivial ways but THIS manipulation was not trivial. That doesn't bode well.

. . . I did for this story. The writing was excellent, and the ending, when it comes, could go in different direction; the path of the next chapter wasn’t telegraphed.

Joey had stayed with Celia despite knowing that she had fucked Bjorn. It obviously ate at him, but he still stayed. While my conclusion, were I writing the story, would have him staying with his wife, this was well written enough that I can feel Joey’s emotions, and wouldn’t be unhappy with the story if he bolted.

You know what this story really was? It was mature, in a way so few are. Joey had stayed with Celia, and despite knowing about her tryst, he didn’t go all Saddletramp and destroy other worlds. He is genuinely conflicted, in ways few other stories convey.

Go on change my mind. You know it's true.

Tangledweed already said it. Excellent effort.

Even as a stand-alone, this is a 5*. You capture the anger and angst from every perspective. A true collection of imperfect humans.

I’ll be watching for more.

~Enkidu

but....I am glad I did.......

Much better than chapter one. Looking forward to chapter three where Joey finds out he is Stephen's father. Then finds out he will be a father a second time. Celia would have confessed for nothing and loses everything. She needs to get a job. After Joey dumps her, she seeks out Bjorn who is now married with a family and wants nothing to do with her. Jackie no longer has time for her since, "mission accomplished" she broke up the marriage and is on to other evil doing. Of course Freddie might have a different idea.

What Weed said. Well written and full of fire. More, please.

Wow she is really cold.

My only concern is that she took the DNA sample. If I where him I would do it again myself.

I really hope he has a great lawyer to protect his assets. Not that he really needs to burn her to the ground (wish he does) but she sounds like the type to take his company and hurt innocent employees and also take the kid far away. He did raise the kid and does love him.

OK.... this is really good.....

First of all, I would like to comment on a comment by "ReedRichards". In his remarks, he adds that Joey is behaving "grown up" by staying with Celia. And he says it is not like Saddletramp who destroys the world of others. The dear "ReedRichards" is exactly the problem our society suffers from. If someone names the evil by its name and fights it, he destroys the world of others. But when others do evil and destroy others' worlds, they still ask what reasons can be used as excuses to justify the destruction. With them, the victim suddenly becomes the perpetrator and the perpetrator is pushed into a victim role! This is fundamentally wrong and must be put right! Because if the idiots are not contradicted, at some point the idiots will rule because everyone believes they are right! In this story, Celia knowingly and deliberately destroyed Joey's world. She has never considered what impact this can or will have on Joey and her son in the future. She didn't care at all. Joey's stay in this pharce of marriage only lasts as long as the author wants. That's why it's a fantasy story! In reality, my dear, things are different! Not for otherwise there are still equities that put this type of fraud (including the forgery of a birth certificate) under penalty. It is the ultimate way to completely destroy a human's world. So maybe I advise you to look at your personal opinion from the perspective of not pink glasses but to look at the facts.

This story is really well written and deserves the praise that can be heard in the comments! Above all, the conflict that opens up in the son and that will surely accompany him for a lifetime. But not because the father might leave the marriage, but because he was born to a selfish, egocentric mother who only had her own interests in mind. I look forward to the sequel!

I am liking this story because it is eliciting some emotion from me. However, I made the mistake of not re-reading the first part first as I was thinking he should have sorted his situation with his wife out first. However, after reading part one again I think he should get out of the poisonous relationship as soon as possible because she is an absolute bitch who loves someone else and treats him simply as a provider. I hope he leaves her and she runs to her first love who "wouldn't get married ever" only to find him happily married with two kids she it a monster. Please don't wait another month to post the conclusion. 5 stars

I never discovered this till Part 02. Great pace, story telling and characters. Wonderful. I hope there is more to come, the characters are too good to just leave it there !

Glad to see Joey grew a set in this chapter but I'm having a very strong feeling I'm going to be very disappointed in later chapters.

What will happen when the paternity test shows it IS his son, but Lorna is now pregnant with his baby.

Well written capture of strong emotions, sadly believable characters and a number of possible outcomes, this can only get better with this quality of storytelling. Thank you it's really good work.

You actually made the characters come to life on paper. I NEVER comment.

Well written, though a little slow on the pacing. But however well written, it cannot make up for the fact that it’s about two very unlikeable characters, as for the kid, is he destined to become the next Einstein, have they tested his IQ score yet, clearly his ability to grasp abstract concepts marks him as gifted child.

Am I waiting for part three with bated breath? Nah!

Very interesting! I don't what is tougher: being married or raising a child.

5

I'm enjoying this, our evil villainess has more depth and reasoning than the run of the mill, I fucked my boss because I work there vibe. At the same time, the whole gender neutral debate sidetracked me a bit where Stephens parents (Amazingly Ceila doesn't support what the teacher said) made me think the author is trotting out his or her political hobby horse and trying to write a (very much better written) Atlas Shrugged. But at the same time, Joey is telling his son to make up his own mind. Also, the evil feminist appearing and arranging for the world's most desirable man to knock up Ceila reads wrong to me. Why would a feminist need a man or decide some men are more worthy than others. I would think she'd use a sperm bank, get knocked up herself because she doesn't need a man, and then raise the son by her own philosophy. So Ceila is willing to be steered by that force (Which still doesn't ring true to me, I think I prefer the way the feminist was portrayed in Caroline Alone by MortonGrange who had opinions and issues but was willing to learn and evolve. So this evil one depicted here smacks of Rush Limbaugh and i know you are better than that).

The third thing that throws me off is the instantly spreading legs of the large chested co-worker of Joeys who was happy to take him in and let him get some payback. So I'm trying to figure out the point of everything, if Joey leaves Ceila will he be responsible for Stephen, won't he WANT to be responsible for him because he loves him and was his father all along in spirit. Will he be dragged down now by another child from another woman and also will he succeed in knocking up Ceila again either for the 2nd time (unlikely) or to mark her womb. There seems to be a lot of deeper stuff going on than just the surface bang bang I hate you, I divorce you, you suck I got rich/laid/famous/and leave to go to another planet. Keep going, and don't change anything on my account, you seem to be doing great!

Damn. I'm really enjoying this.

And thanks for not writing a Richard Gerald husband. At least not yet. Oh, you've got the Richard Gerald wife down perfect; he's probably green with envy. But the husband is pretty much all your own. Congratulations. Its a tough transition, because it is clear up to this point in the marriage this poor sucker has been exactly an RG husband. But then he didn't realize until recently that he was married to an RG wife. RG would then make the cuck very angry and very sad, and very confused and very uncertain. And then very weak and very timid and very resigned.

Joey is obviously all the correct emotions, but none of the RG reactions. Not weak, NOT timid, and not willing to settle for what the whore was, is, and is going to continue to be; because she really is a selfish arrogant guiltless whore. What's rich is that she's not sorry for what she's done, and she's not sorry for getting caught. She's sorry because she miscalculated, underestimated, took totally for granted the man she married. She thought, hoped, she married a Richard Gerald husband. I wonder if she's as disappointed in her spouse as her cuckold husband? I hope she has more disappointment coming.

Some of the dialogue and contemplation is a bit dragging, or pretentious, but that's really a minor criticism. Overall you have made the story compelling, the characters rich and interesting, and the plot logical but not predictable. That's some real talent and imagination.

I hope you can carry through to an admirable conclusion.

I will wait to rate the entire effort. So far its a five, but the story ain't over yet.

Thanks for the effort.

Really good story! The characters are so real! No one is perfect. They all have their weaknesses that the have to live with and face the concequenses. And the plot keeps getting complicated...

I absolutely loved this!

So many important subjects, all handled with careful thought and grace.

Paternity fraud is a real killer of a crime, and that it isn't even punishable in most countries, is a testament to the time we live in. A time where sexism against one gender is a popular subject of public debate, but sexism against the other goes mostly unrecognized.

Much of the story felt deeply personal to me. The feelings described when penetrating a woman - I know exactly what he was talking about. So many of us are carrying, or have carried, that burden of feminist training. No matter who you are, whatever your intentions may be, if you have a penis and have sex with a woman, then you are taking something from her. Something you weren't supposed to take. All intercourse is rape, and you are the rapist. You are always the aggressor, simply because you had the audacity to be born male. If you manage to fall for it, and never grow into loving yourself as a man, then you are doomed to be undesirable to nearly all women. Because guess what? Most women don't want a feminized shell of a man, even those who do their damnedest to train men to be so. I know this from hard earned experience.

And I think this is exactly what this story is about. A man finally coming to terms with his own identity, and thus finally truly becoming a man. That affects everything. Especially his choice in partners. New traits become desirable, and much of what was desirable before becomes unimportant. So true to life. So absolutely fucking true.

This guy will never, ever again be lured in by "feminine mystique". He will recognize it for what it really is: Selfish, manipulative female behavior.

Now he will finally see the true attraction of caring, genuine women.

A clear 5/5. Extremely well written coming-of-age story, tackling difficult, too often overlooked subjects.

Chapter 1 was a masterpiece. I didn't want to end.

In this second chapter the basics laid out in the first chapter are developed nicely. The plot is becoming more complex while the issues are becoming crystalized.

Freddie has left up with several key issues up in the air.

I hope he has chapter 3 near completion.

The first two chapters have laid the foundation of a great story. It will be most interesting to see where you take it. Looking forward to it.

An excellent second chapter with the beta male pushed to breaking point and turning into the kind of self-serving asshole that turns Celia on. He's starting to realise he no longer gives a fuck what she thinks about anything, thus finding his balls and letting him take control of his life.

It'll be interesting to see how this ends. At the very least I hope he gets Lorna pregnant, to give him the ego boost he needs, and for the drama it'll add to the story.

I also hope Stephen is actually his son... and that realisation helps break Celia. If ever a woman needed her ego to be crushed and to be turned into a submissive Stepford wife, it's this narcissistic bitch!

Incredible tale that sucks us readers into their world. I can feel the passion and the rage in Joey's heart as if it was my own. Anyone that doesn't rate this 5* is an idiot!

There is no doubt in my mind that this ranks as one of the top stories I've read on Lit. 5*

exceptional character development. I'm especially impressed by the glimpses of the social pathologies of feminism and "multiculturalism" that are woven into the plot. I do suspect, unfortunately, that there will be some reconciliation with Celia or accommodation with her "values", which would be a betrayal of an otherwise intelligently insightful tale.

By the way, this is one of the very few authors on LW who as a sufficient grasp of basic grammar to use pronouns correctly, e.g. "between her and me". In addition, I don't recall seeing examples of IFPU (Ignorant Feminist Pronoun Usage, normally manifest in the idiotic misuse of "their").

Yes still very good writing *5*again.

Yo write good mon. No matta what otha say. Like or not da plot or characters, yo do a betta story than many othars.

Five SPLIFFS, mon

Fucked up women and a man who settled...but powerful.

Laura’s manipulation of her birth control pills puts her in a similar boat as Celia , what’s going to happen if and when he finds out about that ? Manipulation is just that , and it’s not a character flaw anyone would truly want in their partner . And these characters , especially Joey and Laura ), seem to be very savvy at sensing the motives of others . This is fantastic story telling ! It leaves you in a state of suspended animation as to where the next chapter is going to lead you . Very suspenseful and inspiring ! Dear author , you either are writing from experience or you have an uncanny ability to convey the emotions and inner workings of the people involved in dramatic situations , either way I congratulate you on a stupendous achievement!

I will never understand why so many commenters in so many different stories replace their apostrophes with euros and trademarks like the Anon below

Wonderful complexity. Two people entangled with each other and their child who at turns hate, love, want to kill, want to make love. Both loving and loveable. Yet, at an inflection point--and unsure of direction or endgame.

Good story about a complete cunt. No man, not even Bjorn, could be confident of her love or her child really being his. She's worthy of no man.

I sence joey is going to raise two kids from two different women.

Why do LW authors have their characters flush pills down the toilet. Don't they know that is very bad for the environment?

This is incredibly intense. Great job with the dramatics. Really captivating

Freddie the camel is a great writer but he has no idea what real feminism is all about

It's a little well a lot of fun to watch and kind figure out what real feminism is

Great story!!!!!!

Man, you can write!

Wow! Amazing story! *****

Damn!!!

The pain suffered by children of warring parents is seldom pictured in stories here, but Freddie, you painted a searing portrait for us that exposes the passion of Stephen. These first two installments are classics that should be shoo-ins to the HOF.

He grew a spine, awesome the writing continues to be on par with the best in here and, yet she remains as vile as ever, maybe worse. I do love that you have included the pain of the innocent child in this. I get how he couldn't just walk away from the child, but I don't see how he could stay just for the child either, hope it continues on this arc.

If can't have the one you love love the one your with. You write at an emotional depth only equalled by another great literotica author Malroux

It always disgusts me when a cheating wife tries to turn the fault around to the husband