The Worst Succubus

"I said it was fine," Aztra said.

"I know. That's what Dheni told me too. And, like, I don't know. That weirdly kind of hurt."

"Oh."

"Yeah. It's all weird. Still trying to figure it out."

Aztra squirmed and let her tail twitch free of her hands. It didn't want to stay confined in such an emotionally tense situation.

"I didn't want to say it was ok," Aztra admitted. "Just... it felt unfair to say anything else. I don't want to have sex with you."

"I know."

"But I don't really want someone else to have sex with you either."

Finan let out an audible sigh of relief. "Ok, good. Az, I think I really like you."

"Same. I just... I don't know what to do with that. Jen's been trying to explain it to me. But I don't know if she really knows either. She just wants me to... think about things. Mostly."

"You guys were talking?"

"And drinking."

"Ah."

Aztra threw her hands up helplessly. "It's so confusing! I don't want to stop you having sex. That's not fair. But, like, maybe I really want to cuddle with you or something. Or just like... like... be your girlfriend maybe. Only I know it doesn't work."

Aztra slumped after her admission. It was all so dejecting again. She'd felt a glimmer of something before. Now, saying it out loud to Finan, it sounded crazy to her again.

Finan sat up. He kept the covers over his lap, but he was definitely without a shirt.

"You know, I thought about asking you out," he said.

"You did?"

"Yeah. I mean I don't know if it even made sense-"

"Yeah. That's what I was afraid of too."

"No no. I mean, like, would you be comfortable, like, going out places? It'd be a lot more people, and you're... not human."

"Oh. That." Aztra considered. "What's the worst that could happen?"

"Impromptu exorcisms, I expect."

"... could that happen?"

"I dunno. Maybe. I've never had a demonic girlfriend before."

"True."

Aztra went thoughtful again. Finan rubbed his face with his hand.

"Look, sex with Dheni was... I mean physically it was amazing."

"She knows what she's about," Aztra agreed absently.

"She does. But it's weird because, like, I don't know her. I don't like her. I don't dislike her either. But just... ugh, I don't know. That's what I'm supposed to be into. So society tells me. Casual hookups with hot girls who can blow my mind in bed, and no attachments after. That's supposed to be the dream. But it's all so... nothing. It feels good, but it's like emotionally complicated masturbation more than anything." Finan paused. "Really, really good masturbation though."

"Sounds more like you're on the fence about this than actually rejecting it."

"I mean... maybe? I'm maybe not describing it well. Like, here's the thing. If I never met you, if Dheni had been the one to come into my room randomly some time, and she just kind of like... well if we bonded enough that it wasn't super weird to fuck around some... I dunno. I'd probably just kind of enjoy it for what it was. Maybe. Maybe I'd still feel weird. I definitely don't think I'd be ok with sex straight after she'd broken into my room and she was a total stranger and clearly not human and all."

"People are surprisingly ok with that sort of thing, from what I understand," Aztra said with a wan, crooked smile. "Though convincing people it's a dream is an often used tactic as well. Among some other common ploys."

"Makes sense."

"So... you want to get to know her better?"

Finan shook his head. "No. I mean, yes because she's your friend and seems kinda cool overall. But that was not at all the point."

"So what-"

"The point was that... that sex isn't everything, you know?"

Aztra smiled ruefully. "I do know, in point of fact."

"Right. Of course you do."

"But that's 'cause I don't like sex. You do."

"Sure, but I like you too."

Aztra shrugged. "So what do we do with that?"

"I... don't fully know. And I'm not sure this is the best moment to try and figure it out. For either of us."

"Fair. I should go, maybe. You're very... naked."

"I am. But... maybe you don't go?"

"Finan..."

"I mean, let me get changed and stuff. But... I don't know. I'll meet you out there, ok? Let's just hang for a bit. Like we always do."

"Ok. Yeah. That sounds good. I might... sit a little possessively close to you out there."

"In case of your friends?"

"Mostly. Also just because."

Finan nodded. "Works for me."

****

Aztra did, indeed, sit close to Finan when he sheepishly came back out to join them.

Dheni looked eagerly toward him as he approached, but then pouted as he sat with Aztra. Aztra smirked and settled cozily with him. She was going to be just a little petty about this. That was just her mood at the moment.

Dheni was fine anyway. Jen was teaching her and Erota some drinking games with playing cards, and the demon girls were losing badly. But then, they might have just thought it was a good excuse to get drunk, which seemed like a solid option the way the night was going.

Really, Finan didn't mean anything to Dheni. Just an excuse for sex. Aztra could be just as possessive as she wanted, and she probably wouldn't even get a fight. Still, it felt nice claiming him. She felt stupid for not doing it sooner.

The question still remained whether anything would come of their mutual like. Aztra truly didn't have an answer for that.

****

Aztra woke up in the dark. She was disoriented at first. Maybe a little hungover too. She decided she probably should have had some water before bed.

Though to be fair, she didn't seem to have made it to bed. She was on the couch with a blanket over her. She didn't know where the blanket had come from, nor where everyone else had gone. Though upon a moment's reflection, they'd probably just gone to bed like sensible people.

Aztra padded through the apartment, letting her dark vision guide her. She drank a glass of water and felt a little better. She also confirmed that she was the only one in the main area of the apartment. If Dheni and Erota were still around, they must have found somewhere to...

Horrified at a sudden, baseless thought, Aztra scurried over to Finan's room. She softly opened the door and peeked in, then breathed a sigh of relief that Finan was alone in there.

Pattering closer, Aztra felt a longing to be close. Finan looked so peaceful, all asleep and unaware of the world as he was. Probably she shouldn't disturb that or intrude on his privacy. Any more than she'd already intruded, anyway.

Aztra compromised by curling up on the bed next to him. Not under the covers or anything. Just next to him where she'd be close. She'd only stay a minute. Wouldn't make it weird. Just a minute, then back to her couch bed.

****

Aztra once again realized she'd fallen asleep without meaning to. The second time in one night. At least Finan was smiling when she cracked her eyes open.

"Hey," he said.

"Hey."

"You could have had some covers if you were gonna sleep here."

"I didn't mean to. Just kinda happened."

"Uh huh."

"That's not weird, is it?"

"I don't think so," Finan said. "It was kind nice to wake up to."

"Oh good."

"I think I want to wake up next to you more."

Aztra felt a warm flush in her cheeks. "Oh. Ok."

"I mean... if that's cool."

"I think so. I... need to process some more stuff."

"Fair."

Aztra hopped out of bed and left the room. Everyone else was already out and seeing about breakfast. Including Dheni and Erota. Aztra cocked her head.

"Did you two stay here last night?"

Dheni nodded. "Yep yep. Stayed with Jen."

"Both of you?"

Erota smiled happily. "Mmhm!"

Jen blushed, but could only shrug at Aztra's inquisitive stare. "They're really good at sex."

"Thank you," Dheni said, beaming proudly.

Aztra thought about it a moment, then decided everything was cool. It had initially felt a little weird to her, but there was no particular reason it should. Dheni and Erota would boink basically anyone they felt like. As long as said person wasn't Finan, it was all good.

Aztra felt like it might have been the initial sense of surprise she'd experienced more than anything. She hadn't seen Jen going for that kind of thing, let alone the two of them at once. But there was no reason she shouldn't. Everyone else here had by now, barring Aztra herself.

As Finan stumbled out, Aztra once again formed up close to him. She was perhaps overdoing it, but she continued to feel the need to claim him. Dheni and Erota had both obviously clocked that she'd come out of his room, but neither made any comment about it. Yet.

Jen smiled happily for her, at least. She more than anyone knew what was going on there. Aztra felt weirdly good about that. Like it validated her in a way she really needed in the moment.

Admittedly, once Finan warmed up some, he was even more validating. He didn't quite seem to know what to do at first, which made sense because Aztra didn't either. But they both slowly got more comfortable being closer and engaging in some light touching. The latter being a bit tricky for Aztra to work her head around, since she didn't want to give Finan any sexy ideas.

"We're gonna take off," Dheni eventually said. "We got school and all. You coming, Az?"

Aztra glanced at Finan. "I-"

"I actually have to get to work," Finan said regretfully.

"Oh, right," Aztra said. "Maybe I'll, uh, go home then. Come back this evening?"

Finan's eager smile just about made Aztra melt. "I'll see you later then."

"Cool."

****

"Did you even go to school today?" Katrin asked.

Aztra, lying upside down on the couch and staring absently at nothing, shook her head. "Nope."

"That's not like you."

"What can I say. I was thinking about boys."

Katrin sat down next to Aztra, not yet discarding her 'worried big sister' face. "And as happy as I am to hear that, I suspect you weren't thinking about boinking them."

"You know I wasn't."

"And... was it one boy in particular?"

"Maybe."

Katrin studied Aztra, who finally had to turn herself right side up as she felt at quite a disadvantage in the conversation from her previous position.

"You really like him," Katrin finally said.

"Yes. I do. And I learned that maybe that doesn't need to involve sex."

Katrin struggled with that one for a moment. "But then what does really liking someone mean? Isn't that just being friends then?"

"That's what I thought too. But I also super didn't like it when Dheni fucked Finan. And... I don't know. Lots of complicated emotions."

"Sure seems that way."

"But..." Aztra offered a cautious smile in her sister's direction. "He really likes me too," she said quietly. "And I don't know how this 'no sex' thing is really gonna work. For him, I mean. But so far he's into it."

"Really?"

"Yeah. I mean, it could all go disastrously at any time. But I feel like I really need to try."

"Sure. I respect that. I may never fully understand it-"

"I know," Aztra said, smiling crookedly now. "No one gets it. But... Finan might. And even if he doesn't, there's Jen. She helped me understand this stuff a little better. I think maybe... maybe however this goes I want to spend more time in the human world. I might belong there more than I do here."

Katrin took a moment, then nodded slowly. "You might," she agreed softly. "I'm sorry I couldn't be-"

"No. No shush. You've been a great sister. It's not your fault. Not any of it. It's just... me. And society. We don't mix well. But maybe there's a place for me somewhere else is all."

"I hope so, Az. I really do. I want you to be happy."

Katrin enfolded Aztra in a big, sisterly hug. Aztra happily hugged back. The embrace lasted longer than Aztra anticipated, but she stayed with it and just enjoyed it.

"You should come visit with me sometimes too," Aztra said. "I mean, obviously please don't fuck my... my maybe boyfriend. But his friends seem into it. And I'm sure there's other options too. More people nearby. More friends maybe."

"Well I definitely need to meet this guy," Katrin said. "But I promise no boinking him."

"Thank you. That's all I ask."

****

Aztra was getting better at transporting herself between realms. She was doing it so frequently these days that she'd feel bad always whining to her sister to give her interdimensional rides. Her aim wasn't great yet, but she was really improving, she felt.

"So you really just, like, warp between worlds at will?" Finan asked.

"Kind of. Not really, but close enough," Aztra said.

She sat curled up next to Finan on his bed watching him play his latest video game obsession. He'd expressed embarrassment at not being good at it yet. Aztra really didn't care.

"I mean, it takes practice," Aztra said as an afterthought.

"Well sure. But that's crazy though. Like if I could just practice hard and eventually learn to fly."

"Don't be silly. I can't fly."

"No I know. It was an example of how wild that is to me."

"Oh."

Silence reigned for a while. Aztra lost in thought, Finan tactically smashing buttons.

"Should we... go out sometime?" Finan asked.

"What?"

"Like... like a date. Should we do that?"

"Oh. Maybe." Aztra's tail twitched anxiously. "That would be... a lot of people though, wouldn't it?"

"Probably. I guess that'd be tricky, huh?"

"Kinda. I think. Your friends are cool. But it took time for them to be cool about me. Like they don't even hardly look at me weird anymore."

"Be different in public," Finan said with an understanding nod. "I get that."

"Yeah. Sucks though. I'd like to maybe go on... dates."

"Mmhm. Maybe... maybe we can disguise you."

"Disguise me?"

"You know. Like covered up all over. Hood up. Might work. Always does in movies and stuff. At least for a while."

"Ah."

Aztra considered the idea. Her lips slowly twitched into a smile. "Is it weird that I kind of like that idea? Like, even just no one really looking at me."

"Not that weird. Lots of people just want to do their thing without attention. You've probably got a better reason than most."

"Hm. Ok." Aztra smiled cautiously. "I think we should do it."

****

The dark theatre was nice. Aztra was all bundled up in jeans and the hoodie Finan had given her. Even with gloves to hide her hands, though she'd taken then off now.

It was nice feeling like no one could see her. Either from clothes or being tucked away in a corner of a dark room. The theatre was fairly empty, which left Aztra and Finan plenty of privacy.

"So explain this again?" Aztra asked. "Why is this different from watching a movie at home?"

"... the screen's bigger?" Finan said uncertainly.

"Oh."

"And it's louder."

"Ah."

"And..." He trailed off blankly.

"So bigger screen, and louder," Aztra said, popping open a box of candy. "And for that you pay money."

"Right."

"And you buy snacks-"

"Overpriced snacks."

"Yes. Overpriced snacks. Instead of bringing your own."

"Not allowed."

"Mmhm." Aztra chewed on some candy thoughtfully. It was ok. Not as good as chocolate though. "I'm probably missing some of the nuance."

Finan shrugged. "Well, for one, most of us don't buy one of every snack."

"I wanted to try them." Aztra opened another box. "Besides, Katrin gave me all this money, and I don't have much else to do with it. She got all weird and proud about me going on a date finally. Even though I was very clear no sex is happening."

"Where did she get all that cash anyway?"

"I dunno. People she fucked, I assume. You know people will actually pay for sex?"

"I, uh, yeah. I was aware, actually."

"Oh. Seems weird."

"Well-"

"You want anything?"

"Sure. You got M&Ms?"

Aztra dug through her small pile of sugary treats on the seat beside her. "Probably."

The movie started and Aztra focused on it for a while. She sort of started to feel like she understood the point. The bigness and loudness were more compelling than she'd given them credit for. A much different experience to watching a tv at Finan's place.

Plus she still enjoyed the experience for her own reasons. Out in public without any stares. No one checking her out, let alone staring because she wasn't human. It was nice. As was her abundance of snacks to occupy her.

And just getting to sit beside Finan. She always liked that. In his room or otherwise. This was a pretty good excuse, as well as feeling more... official, somehow. Like there was a difference between sitting together just because they happened to be hanging out, and sitting together because they'd specifically made plans to do so.

Aztra leaned over against Finan, just tentatively at first, but when he wrapped an arm around her she gave in and settled herself nicely. This felt right. She liked it.

She even pulled her hood down. It was dark and probably no one else would even look their way.

Aztra liked that little extra closeness. Especially when Finan would absently toy with her hair. She wasn't even sure he realized what he was doing.

It was just really nice, was all.

****

Aztra lay in bed that night next to a sleeping Finan. She'd cautiously asked if it maybe would be ok, and he'd seemed happy with the idea. They'd cuddled and just talked a while, then he'd drifted off.

Aztra couldn't sleep. She didn't need as much as he did anyway, but more importantly her head was too full and wouldn't slow down. It was good stuff, mostly, but it was a lot.

She didn't mind too much. She could lie there and watch him sleep all night. It was soothing. Not quite soothing enough to put her to sleep, but close.

The window started to slide itself open in the wee hours of the morning. Aztra lifted her head curiously, then wasn't overly surprised to see her sister peek in.

"Date went well?" Katrin asked, smirking over at Aztra.

"Good," Aztra said. "Really good."

She quietly and carefully disentangled herself, then padded from the bed to where Katrin clung to the wall outside the building.

"I didn't fuck him," Aztra said.

"Trust me, Az, I know."

Katrin kept climbing. Aztra grabbed her favourite hoodie, then slunk out the window and followed her big sister up to the roof. The two of them sat at the precarious edge of the building, totally at ease with the height and the glow of the moon illuminating what lay below.

"You really like that ridiculous shirt," Katrin observed as Aztra slipped the hoodie on and embraced its coziness.

"It makes me feel like me."

"Yeah. I guess it does." Katrin idly kicked her leg back and forth, dangling it over the abyss. "You think you're gonna stay with him? Your boy?"

"Finan. You know his name."

"I do."

"We... haven't talked about it. Not about, like, anything permanent." Aztra brushed her hair back and smiled. "I think I'd like to. Eventually. Maybe take it slow, though."

"Mmhm. I'm gonna miss you if you move here, you know."

"Aw, Kat. I'll visit lots. If that even happens. And you can come see me. I still want to introduce you. Finan's friends'll love you."

"Oh?"

"Maybe Finan too. I haven't figured out the whole sex thing. He might need it sometimes. I kinda freaked out a little last time though." Aztra frowned. "It shouldn't be such a big deal to just, like, let someone take care of that for me."

"Oh, Az. Maybe just trust your boyfriend, hm? Don't go causing problems by trying to solve issues you don't even have."

"That's fair. But... you saying you wouldn't bang him if I asked?"

Katrin grinned. "Oh he's a cutie. I totally would. But... actually no. No I wouldn't. He's yours. Wouldn't be right."

Aztra smiled back and took Katrin's hand, squeezing it gently, sharing a sisterly moment.

"Thanks for not wanting to bang my boyfriend."

"Hey, what are sisters for?"

Aztra curled her legs up, still smiling, and just sat and watched the moon for a while. Katrin was equally silent beside her.