The Writer's Muse Ch. 02

Thank you for the comments and emails about the first part of The Writer's Muse.

It certainly is a challenge to write about situations of which one has no experience and I hope I have done it justice even if it is taking longer to write.

Once again I caution anyone who is not interested in sexual acts with a transgender female to go elsewhere.

LB

Chapter 10

I wait in bed while she spends a long time in the bathroom freshening herself up after her mammoth crying session. She looks nervous as she re-enters the room as though I might change my mind about her sleeping in the bed but I smile at her and flip the covers open. She returns a shy smile and turns off the light, before lying down as far from me as possible with her back to me.

I chuckle and roll onto my side facing her back.

"You'll fall out of bed if you move any further away. Come on, back here, we need to cuddle while we talk."

In the diffuse light through the curtains I can see her lift her head and peer over her shoulder. Her voice is unsure.

"You don't have to do that ... "

"But we can't just ignore it ..."

"No ... cuddle me ... I mean."

"But I like cuddling with you and given that you gave me a handjob ... and a bit of a blowjob as well ... I think our relationship has moved to a cuddling one ... don't you?"

"But ... that was before ... before I ... I didn't ... I wasn't honest with you ... before you knew I was Trans."

"So ... because just about every one else in the world that you have told, or have found out for themselves, that you are a Trans female suddenly treats you differently ... you think I will as well. Is that it?"

"Welll ... yes ... why wouldn't you? I'm not who you thought I was ... and a lot of straight men ... "

She is silent, leaving the obvious truth hanging.

"I can't say that I wasn't shocked and a bit confused ... but ..."

I struggle to compose the next bit because I can't quite believe how I am feeling myself. Chloe rolls over to face me so we are almost touching. I can tell that she is waiting for me to finish my sentence. I don't and she prompts me.

"But ... what?"

"Umm ... well, my confusion was as much to do with the fact that ... I found touching you like that ... very sexy. That's why I came so hard."

Chloe gasps quietly and I see her eyes widen.

"You liked the fact that I had balls ... and a cock?"

"Err ... yes. I might even have been expecting it, I guess. When I first saw you ... in the shelter ... when all I could see was your face ... I thought you were attractive, especially when you smiled ... beautiful even ... but I couldn't tell if you were a girl or boy until I saw you had boobs when you took your coat off. However, I know I would still have been attracted to you, physically, if you had turned out to be male ... and that is something that has never happened to me before ... no bi-curious moments at all, even as an adolescent."

I can hear the surprised amusement in her voice.

"It's never too late for new experiences and I guess you've got the best of both worlds then ... boobs and balls in one package."

I chuckle self-consciously.

"If you put it that way ... I guess you are right .. but my attraction to you isn't just physical ... I like you as a person ... we seem to be on the same wavelength ..."

She silences me with a gentle kiss and I can see her eyes shining with humour when she backs off.

"It's OK, you had me at 'I like your balls'"

She giggles and I can't do anything but chuckle with her as she pushes me so I roll onto my back and then inserts herself into the crook of my arm. She throws her left leg over the top of mine and is almost lying on top of me and I feel her soft boobs against my side and the definite presence of her genitals against my hip. She strokes her hand across my chest in a gentle caress.

Once again I find her nearness and scent intoxicating, made doubly so by the knowledge of who and what she is. I start to get hard, I don't know if she is aware of that fact but her voice betrays that she is happy and relaxed.

"There, you wanted to cuddle ... and by the way, I like cuddling with you ... "

She is silent for a moment.

"I guess you want to know the gory details, huh?"

"Only if you want to tell me sweetheart."

"I think I'll leave some bits out for the moment ... I still worry that you'll end up getting hurt because of me. I hope you don't mind?"

I can't say I'm surprised by this but hope that she will confide in me at some point in the future so that we can try and sort out the problem, I tell her so. She insists that it is better this way but kisses me gently on the cheek and whispers her thanks for my desire to help her.

"I started to think about transitioning when I was 17. I knew I was uncomfortable in my body since forever but it wasn't until I was forced to play the part of a girl in a school play at the age of 15 that I realised my true orientation. I went to an all-boys boarding school and because I was small and no one else wanted to do them I always got the female roles but after that first time, I volunteered. I was in heaven, especially the period dramas with all the lace and finery ... not practical for everyday cross-dressing though but I really started to identify with myself when dressed as a girl."

She sounds wistful as she goes quiet for a while.

"I started going to various CD clubs, especially in London, during exeat weekends and school holidays. Even though I was underage there was always someone who would get me in and I learnt quite a bit about make up and how to behave like a woman when dressed up. My face was ... is ... quite feminine ... so it was easy to pull off the transformation ... actually I was introduced as 'Chloe' to one of my teachers in one club and he didn't know it was me ... and I didn't tell him because he wasn't very nice and I had no desire to be his fuck-toy for the rest of my time at school.

"I knew I was gay and lost my virginity to an older boy at school when I was 14 but once I gravitated to the clubs, I found I was attracted to older men much more than the immature guys my own age. It was one of these older lovers who suggested I should think about transitioning when I was 17 and I started seeing a therapist who set me on the right path ... introduction to plastic surgeons, prescriptions for the HRT and the like. I knew I couldn't do it all the while I was at school ... so I waited until I'd finished my 'A' levels and was back home for the summer before going to uni, although I did start the HRT a few weeks earlier and had been growing my hair for about a year. My father was away ... umm ... on business ... when I got back home ... he was away a lot of the time ... and I had about 3 weeks to do the other stuff ... laser hair removal, tracheal shave, some buttock reshaping and a bit of lip filling before he got back so I could present the new me to him.

"To be honest I knew he was going to shit a brick but I had not expected the reaction I got. I'd dressed up in my nicest clothes, demure stuff like I was at a garden party and nothing like I wore in the clubs ... Jesus, I really dressed a bit slutty back then... but anyway ... I hoped he would listen to what I had to say and while I didn't expect him to like it, I hoped he would at least accept the fact that I had made the right decision for myself.

"No such luck! He took one look at me waiting in the hallway when he arrived and said 'Who the fuck are you?' ... at least he didn't recognise me straight away ... but that was as good as it got. When I told him who I was and tried to say my bit about transitioning he was furious. He didn't let me finish and walked over and punched me in the face; he would have hit me more if I hadn't fallen to the floor. He stood over me and told me to get out of his house and never come back and then walked away. I have a separate trust fund from my maternal grandparents so he couldn't cut me off financially but from then on all communication was done through lawyers and I never spoke to him again ... he died last year ... "

Chloe is quiet as she reflects on this chapter of her life and I feel hot tears splash onto my chest. I caress and kiss her her to soothe her anguish. She hugs me back and sniffles her thanks.

"The punch broke my jaw so I took the opportunity to have some work done to soften my chin, not that I really needed it. My father insisted I change my name and I was not allowed to tell anyone who my parents were as he didn't want any bad publicity .. the selfish prick ... all he could think about was the negative impact on him ... no consideration for the fact that I was now much happier for who I was.

"I went to uni as a girl and made new friends, especially amongst the LGBT community but also met a nice straight guy there who accepted me for who I was ... I'm sorry, I lied to you about not having a boyfriend ... I just didn't want to give too much away."

She lifts her head to check on whether I'm looking angry and I give a nod of acceptance ... at least I understand why she looked uncomfortable at the time but I'm surprised that I didn't pick up on that lie. Perhaps it has something to do with the fact I was subconsciously hoping she wasn't in a relationship.

"Anyway, we stayed together for the three years at uni and decided to get married after we graduated ... we had to do it secretly because his parents were not happy when they found out I was Trans when we were dating and living together."

I am more than slightly perturbed by the revelation of the marriage ... after all she did give me a hand / blow job and we're cuddling like lovers.

"So, you've been married ... for what ... 3 or 4 years?"

"Well ... yes ... and ... no. After we were married he had a lot of family pressure put on him to get a divorce or he would be disinherited. He resisted for about a year but it was always a flash point between us if we had arguments about other things and I could tell he resented me in those moments. I didn't want our love to disintegrate into hate ... so after a while I told him that we should separate while we still had some affection for each other ... he agreed and about 2 years ago we split up ..."

More quiet sobbing ... more caressing and kissing on my part to soothe her.

" ... but I never received any divorce papers ... I think I'm still married ... and ... err ... I haven't seen him or heard from him ... nothing ... until two weeks ago ... but ... "

I feel sure that she wants to say more but I don't push it as she obviously wants to keep some things secret for the moment. I decide not to probe further.

"It's OK, you don't have to say anything more. Let's just leave it there for now. Tell me more when you feel you can."

She nods and remains quiet and after about 5 minutes I realise she has fallen asleep. I smile contentedly to myself because at least I give her enough comfort and security to be able to do that. I stroke her stubbly scalp and kiss her forehead and she snuggles closer and mutters 'love you' in her sleep.

I'm surprised at how delighted I am at those subconscious words, even if she probably didn't mean them and whisper 'love you too' back at her and finally fall asleep.

Chapter 11

I wake before Chloe and I leave her hugging the duvet and muttering about it being too early to get up. I make tea for both of us and take it back to bed and she immediately moves back into my arms for a cuddle, only to grumble sleepily about me being cold but doesn't move away.

I remain awake revelling in the myriad thoughts and sensations of the simple act of holding a sexy, sleepy girl in my arms. I realise I can fall heavily for her and that may not be sensible given the circumstances and her hidden past. I reflect that I have obviously got over the shock of discovering she is transgender but that other things might conspire against our relationship ... the age difference for one as I'm probably just about old enough to be her father. That thought sets me thinking about her own father's reaction to her desire to transition and agree with Chloe's assessment that he was a selfish prick.

My investigative juices then start to flow as I try to join a few dots. Her father was obviously in the public eye if he didn't want bad publicity .. a politician perhaps ... but would having a transgender daughter be that much of a negative thing in the 21^st century? Maybe if he was a rabid conservative evangelical Christian perhaps but there aren't that many prominent ones in the UK ... it would be a possible problem in the US but she's a Brit. I try to think back on well-known right-wing politicians who have died in the last year or two and can't come up with any obvious candidate.

She obviously comes from a moneyed family on her mother's side if she has a trust fund from her grandparents that has paid for a lot of the cost of transitioning ... which can't be cheap. I start to think of rich people ... entrepreneurs, celebrities, captains of industry and the like who have died recently and who were already widowed. Once again I come up with a blank and decide I need to do a bit of googling or get the research team at the paper on it. Although I'm on sabbatical I've carte blanche from the editor to file stories if I come across them and there could be a very interesting one here.

I then berate myself for even thinking about using Chloe and her story to further my career ... this is someone who I like and care about for fuck's sake and exposing the story could put her in harm's way if what she says about 'he' is true. No, I will stick to google and leave the paper out of it until after it is all over ... if it ever is.

She moves in her sleep and gives one of those gentle snores that I find endearing and I hug her tighter as a silent apology for even thinking about doing a story on her. The sky through the curtains is now lighter I look over at the clock and see that is 8.30 and speak softly to wake her gently.

"Your tea is getting cold and my writing manager will have my guts if I don't get on with the book."

She harrumphs and her voice is sleep-tinged against my shoulder.

"She sounds like a real cow. I think you should sack her then we could stay in bed all day ... I could get used to waking up like this ... a cup of tea and a warm, sexy man cuddling me ... what more could a girl want?"

She opens a bleary eye and makes a face at me.

"However, I need the loo ... and you, mister have a book to write ... so get your lazy arse in gear and stop laying around in bed with some floozy."

I cannot help but smile at her transformation as she slides to the edge of the bed and stands up.

"You have a bit of a high opinion of yourself don't you. Are you sure you are up to 'floozy' status."

Chloe looks back at me and sticks her tongue out screwing her face up in an adorably childish show of mock displeasure. She starts to do the crab walk like yesterday morning but then smiles self-consciously and walks normally to the door. I notice the bulge of her morning glory against the bottom of her T shirt and catcall.

"Woo hoo ... nice package!"

She blushes furiously and turns her back to me and stops. Her voice is uncertain.

"Are you sure you are OK with this ... me having a ... cock and all."

I realise I have pushed it too far and leap out of bed and wrap my arms around her from behind. I kiss the top of her head as I hug her.

"I'm sorry to tease sweetheart ... YES, of course I'm all right with it. It's part of you and I'm rather fond of you ... so ... I rather like your cock."

Those are words that I never thought I would utter!

I decide that I need to emphasise the point and feeling very surprised at myself, I let my right hand slide down over her stomach and gently stroke the hard, not inconsiderable, shaft that I find there. We both gasp at the first touch and Chloe swivels her head to look at me in amazement as I cup her small breast with my left hand.

"O ... M ... G ... George Reynolds, what the fuck are you doing?"

"I'm stroking your cock Chloe ... err ... fuck ... I don't even know your surname ..."

"Duguid ... Chloe Duguid ... George ..."

"Ahh ... yes ... well, Chloe Duguid ... pleased to meet you ... I guess what I'm doing is addressing the elephant in the room."

I can see the trap I just walked into the moment the words left my mouth as she starts to giggle.

"It's not that big ... you don't need to flatter me ..."

I'm trying not to break out into laughter myself but it is difficult, especially as my hand is still wrapped around her erection.

"Well, it's the biggest one I've ever felt ... apart from my own that is."

She's still laughing and I'm close to guffawing myself as I desperately try to keep a straight face.

"Felt many cocks recently then George? What's the sample size ... an elephant sample? Jesus that would be a lot of cum ...!"

I can't hold it in any more and tears of laughter are streaming down my face in seconds. Chloe joins in with the hysteria and turns in my arms and leans against my chest for support as her body is racked with paroxysms of laughter. I shuffle us towards the bed and fall backwards and Chloe lands on top of me. I hold her tight as our mirth subsides and find my hands caressing her back in gentle pleasure at our physical closeness.

And what physical closeness.

Chloe's breasts are cushioned against my chest, her arms are under my shoulders, and her legs are now straddling my hips. Her groin is rubbing against mine and the realisation that our erect cocks are nestling against each other hits me and I hold back a gasp at the thought. I run my hands down her back and find her firm buttocks and grind her against me.

She lifts her head with a 'what the fuck are you doing' look in her smoky eyes and I bend my head up to kiss her parted mouth and caress her lips with my tongue. Her own tongue comes out to play with mine and together they begin a slow sensual dance in and out of mouths, sliding over and around each other. Our bodies melt together and my hands caress her bum and run under her T shirt up the warm skin of her body. She wraps her own arms round my head and the kiss deepens but remains slow and loving as we rub against each other.

The kiss ends slowly with both of us drawing back with our eyes fixed onto each other.

"You OK like this?"

She gives a short laugh and grinds her own hips down at me to emphasise the point. We both draw in a little moan as her eyes search mine.

"Duh! But are YOU sure you want to be doing this?"

I nod with certainty.

"Yes, but I think we need to lose your knickers for what I have in mind."

Her eyes widen with surprise and then narrow with laughter as I place my hands on the waistband of her boy-shorts and start to work them over her hips. She lifts up slightly to allow me better access but the tip of her erection gets caught on the waistband and without thinking I reach in to her knickers to free it.

My hand grasps the solid meat of her cock and I freeze with the realisation that I'm skin to skin with a penis that is not my own for the first time.

I gasp and my gaze locks with Chloe. I can see quizzical amusement playing on her face and I realise she's equally surprised at what I just did and is challenging me as to what I do next. I release the breath that I've been holding in and smirk back at her as I pull the waistband away and down from her cock but keep hold of the warm tube of flesh that feels so soft but so solid in my hand.

I watch Chloe's face as I gently but deliberately make a circle with my thumb and fingers and stroke the helmet causing her eyes to go cloudy with desire and she whimpers and catches her bottom lip with her teeth. She looks so sexy.