Therapy yes no Maybe

Sleep was so wonderfully easy. It had been so long since I felt the warmth of a man's arms around me. The warmth and security they provided gave my soul a contentment that had been missing. The

The morning I expected to be awkward, uncomfortable, but as my eyes eased open against the shimmering sunlight, and I saw him propped up on one elbow staring warmly at me, it felt right. "Thank god." He gushed. "I'm bloody starving, but didn't want to wake you."

"Why not." I mumbled groggily.

"Because, you are a vision of loveliness, watching you lying there. It 's like seeing a great work of art for the first time. It's like the world suddenly made sense."

I giggled at his obsequious flattery. "Wow, who knew that you could be so poetic."

"Not hard when you wake up with perfection laying beside you."

I shoved him hard, rolling him onto his back. "Stop it. You are making me blush."

"Hey, it's just the truth."

I flung the blankets off, swung my legs out of bed and stretched. "I need a shower."

He followed me into the bathroom. "What are you doing?" I asked.

"I need a shower as well. We may as well do our bit to save the planet."

I loved showering with Kent, somehow this felt wrong. As his soapy body rubbed against mine, those feelings dissolved. He seemed to know me so well. After breakfast, we sat together, enjoying a nice sunny morning. "Tell me Ashley. Did you take me last night to make him jealous?"

"No Zach, maybe it was to make a point to him, and my mother. I wanted to say, it's over. I invited you because I like you. I wanted to go with you. I ran out of patience waiting for you."

He chuckled, as he sipped his coffee. "Ran out of patience huh."

"Zach, I have been having those feelings for a while. I hoped you would ask me. I waited, but it was like you weren't interested."

"I was scared, I saw all that stuff in the newspapers and stuff. I wondered if you were ready, and I'm shy."

"Shy my arse, you're just lazy."

He shrugged. "Maybe, but I like you Ashley. I like you a lot, and I didn't want to stuff it up."

"How could you stuff it up?"

"I don't know Ashley. I have managed to bugger up some relationships in the past. I like you and didn't want too add you to the list of Zach's stuff ups."

We ended up taking a drive out to the beach. A wonderful day filled with conversation and laughter. My world, which had been a little sad, was now full of joy.

I was shocked when Wendy said to me at work on Wednesday. "Have you heard, Zach just resigned."

"What, why?" I felt my pulse racing. I gazed around the office, in a panic.

"He never said. He just came in today and gave Jerry his resignation."

I jumped up from my desk and tried not to run. I found him talking to colleagues. He saw me, his face warm, no hint of sadness.

"What the hell are you doing? Wendy just told me you resigned?"

He nodded. "Yes I have been offered another job, and it was too good to pass up."

Stuttering, I said. "But I thought you liked it here?"

He grabbed me lightly under the elbow, and led me away as he said. "Excuse me guys. I need a moment alone with Ashley." He led me down to the lunch room, where we could be alone. "Ashley, do you like me?"

I nodded hesitantly. "You know I do, we have been together every night this week."

"Do you want to keep seeing me?" He whispered, as he glanced around.

"Yes, of course I do."

"Well, what does this Company say about inter office romances?"

Scowling, I grumbled. "They are frowned upon. But nobody needs to know. We can keep it a secret."

"No." His sharp rebuke shook me. But before I could say anything he added. "Ashley, I don't want to creep around, worried somebody will find out. I'm proud that you like me. I want to announce it to the world. I want you in my life."

"But, I don't want you to leave."

"I was offered this job a while ago. It's a great offer, and a wonderful opportunity. Initially I turned it down, so I could spend time with you. Now, we can have a proper relationship."

He got down on one knee as if he was going to propose. With my hand held tightly in his he said. "Ashley, will you do me the honour of becoming my lover?"

Sniggering, I replied. "Lover, well I don't know."

"Okay, what about girlfriend?"

Screwing up my nose I grumbled. "No, I like lover, lover is good."

"There are strings attached." He mumbled softly.

"Yes, and what would they be?"

"If we do this, you're mine, and I'm yours. There can be no others."

"But, I have hundreds of 'Others' what am I going to do with them?"

"Burn them, bury them, I don't care."

He stood up and pulled me into his arms. "I will happily fight that other dickhead, but I need to know you're mine."

"Nothing would please me more than being Mr's yours."

He gave me a brief kiss before disappearing. It was sad and joyous at the same time. In just a few days he had wormed his way into my heart. Not seeing him around the office was sad, but not seeing him in the evening was worse. He sent me a text, a fucking text. "Sorry, can't make it tonight. Got work stuff."

I was distraught, I wanted to see him. Every night it was the same. The weekend came and I hoped he would turn up Friday night, but no. I wondered whether he even meant any of the things he said. Maybe he was just another Kent. Off cheating with some other bitch.

I was loading my washing machine Saturday morning when the doorbell rang. I wandered out with my long sad face. When I opened the door, there was Zach. With the biggest bunch of flowers I had ever seen.

I wanted to stay mad at him, but with his smile beaming across the top of the flowers. It was impossible. I pushed past the flowers and our lips collided in a searing kiss. My arms were so tight around his neck, I just didn't want to let go.

Inevitably, I had to, the neighbours were staring.

As we staggered inside, his arm around me he said. "I'm sorry Ashley. I wanted to come around, but I wanted to make a good impression with the new employers. I had to stay late."

I couldn't believe I had already forgiven him. "I don't care, I was scared you were leaving."

"What!" He snapped curtly. "Ash, I will never leave. I will stay until you kick me out."

"Promise."

He said chuckling. "Yes, I promise. I have to work, but I will never cheat, never lie, and never leave."

I put the flowers into three vases spreading them around the house. He waited before saying. "Hurry up, and get dressed. We are going away for the night."

"What, where too?"

"My parents have a batch over on the Coromandel, at Tapu. We are going and we are leaving right now. So grab some gear."

It was a lovely weekend. We went out for dinner. Drove up to coromandel the next day for lunch. I couldn't believe how easily we meshed. We had worked together for two years. He was always nice and polite, and fun. But now he was a different person.

"Why didn't I see this version of you earlier Zach?"

"Because you were a married woman. Sheesh, Ash. I'm not an arsehole. I liked you from the moment we met, but I put away my interest because you were married. Then you were embroiled in that horrible court case."

"But after that, why did you wait so long?"

"Because, I wasn't sure what you were really thinking. I mean all that publicity saying it was a love story. I wondered whether deep down you weren't still in love with him. I was an idiot. I kick myself for waiting."

"I wish you hadn't. Kent was obsessed, it was creepy and scary. I couldn't have been any more certain about it. I thought I made that plain to everyone."

"Yeah, but, I made the mistake of listening to the media bullshit. All I can say is sorry."

Mum turned up a few days later. It was our routine for Sunday lunch. We missed the previous one because of Zach and my Coromandel trip. This time she brought cake and some yummy snacks. It was a nice day so we set up out on the deck.

We were just settling in for our usual gossip session, when Zach walked in. He called brightly from the hall. "Hey gorgeous, where are you hiding?"

"We're out here on the deck."

He ambled out slowly. When he saw Mum, his happy demeanour wilted. "Hello." Was all he said as he walked around the table to give me a kiss. It wasn't the usual gentle peck, it was a passionate tongue swirling spine tingling snog.

The expression on Mum's face wasn't exactly panic, but it was close. As Zach stood and stepped back, he said. "I might go in and make a cuppa. Anybody else want one?"

With no response he walked away, as he was about to walk into the dining room through the French doors, he turned and said. "I brought you a little something. I'll drop it in the bedroom, when I pick up my laundry."

I giggled lightly as I replied. "Ooooh a present, goody." Why he said it I don't know. He had no dirty clothes in the bedroom. That was purely for Mum's benefit. It worked as well. She looked startled.

"Oh Ashley, please tell me you're not sleeping with him?"

"Sorry Mum, but, yes we are a couple. He is officially my boyfriend."

"Oh dear. What about Kent? Is there no hope?"

"Oh good lord mother. Kent and I will never be together again. I've told you so many times. Just give it a bloody miss."

"Ashley, I just want you to be sure."

"In another two months, my marriage is over for ever. I will have the final notification."

"I understand that pumpkin, I just want you to be certain, totally one hundred percent."

"Mum, Kent is now, nothing more than a very sad memory."

Zach must have heard the raised voices. He popped his head out through the open doors. "Everything all right out here?"

"Yeah babe, all good."

Mum frowned deeply. He gave me an inquisitive glare. I nodded and he went back inside.

"Ashley, this thing with Zach seems to be moving so quickly."

"Oh for fucks sake Mum. This isn't a fling. Zach, is really nice. I like him."

Mum flung her seat back and snarled. "I can't believe this. Ashley, you're going to lose him." Her eyes bulged as she glared at me angrily.

I stood as well. "Don't interfere Mum. Just because you cheated and were lucky because Dad accepted it. Not everybody is that accepting. I won't accept his cheating. If Dad's stupid enough to that's his problem. I won't"

"You little bitch, you know nothing about life. Your marriage is the most important thing. Your father is a wonderful caring man. He understood, he realised our love could survive and grow."

"Yeah, your marriage was important wasn't it. It didn't take you long to jump into bed with somebody else? You and Kent are as bad as each other. Why don't you go and cry on his shoulder."

"Oh you make me so mad Ashley."

"Goodbye Mum, please, don't come back until you can have a visit without going on about Kent."

Zach came out after Mum walked out. "Wow, you know that woman is cuckoo, don't you?"

"Yeah, she worries me. God damn she knew that Kent and that woman were planning to drug me, and she did nothing to stop them. What mother does that?"

"A crazy one, that's who. I didn't mean to eavesdrop, but it seems like she is trying to reduce her own guilt, by saving Kent."

"You may be right. She is pissing me off though. All I want is to move on, and forget about it."

"Well, I hope I can help with that."

I moved closer, my arms encircling his waist, my lips grazing his. "Oh god I hope so. I was hoping you would kiss it better."

He smiled knowingly. "Where does it hurt?"

I stepped back, my hand sliding down my tummy to cup my bush. "Right here."

"Perhaps we should go to the bedroom then. I would hate it to get sunburnt."

The afternoon vanished in lovemaking. We took turns to get out of bed for drinks and food. We talked about things I had never talked with anybody about.

Zach and I became an item, a real item. Dad came to like Zach as well. Mum for some reason couldn't accept him fully. There was a cool distance between them.

Dad took us both sailing and that's when Zach and Dad really bonded. Zach was a sailor, a good one and when Dad saw how proficient he was. They feel into a bromance of their own. When Zach talked about his work, Dad listened like a fan boy. He nodded, they laughed at each others jokes. It was bloody painful, listening too them both tell stories about boating. But at the same time it was such a relief.

The weekend Zach moved in, Dad came with his ute to give a hand. I know that Mum probably gave him a hard time but, he didn't seem to care.

It was a magical time. We spent hours just hanging out. We loved the same music, the same TV shows. We never seemed to disagree about anything. It seemed to good to be true. Nobody is that tuned in. There had to be something we could argue about.

It got to me, it ate away at me sphyche. I started looking for things that would upset him. I wanted to start a fight. He was just too nice.

I needled him, changed TV shows midway through. I saw him grimace, but if it irked him, he swallowed it down. He spent time with my dad. They went fishing together and sailing. Mum, his biggest knocker started easing her snarky comments. She started tittering at his jokes.

It all made me feel suffocated. After the last year or so, I got used to a certain level of turmoil, I was looking for drama.

When mum stopped mentioning Kent's name. I knew I was in trouble. The thing is. Kent was supposed to be my life partner, my one true love. The man I was going to spend the rest of my life with. While we were together, things were perfect. I loved him, he doted over me, just like Zach.

Was it possible to have two soul mates. Was I getting a second chance at love. Or was I making a huge mistake. I couldn't push aside the unease.

Zach seemed completely ignorant of my disquiet. He appeared to be in love with me. I couldn't fight back my emotions either because with every passing day, I was falling deeper in love with him. All except this fermenting search for chaos.

It all got messy, when I went to surprise him and go out for a lunch date. His new office was only fifteen minutes away. I took an extended lunch break and went to catch up with him.

I parked my car and was halfway across the road when I saw him walking down the road with an attractive woman. She was about the same age as him, but the way they walked together. It was apparent that they weren't just co workers. She kept rubbing up against him, her arm around his waist. As I watched my heart began to race. Who the hell was she. My mind spun, it was Kent all over again. I followed them up the road, until they turned into a small cafe. I walked past, then came back a few minutes later. I saw them sitting at a table in the corner, away from the window.

She was all over him, he didn't seem to be reciprocating, but he wasn't exactly fighting her off either.

I watched for about ten minutes before I could take no more. Walking up behind him I said. "Hello Zach."

Hearing my voice he just about leapt out of his chair. He turned anxiously to see me. "Hi Ashley. What are you doing here?"

"Well, I came to surprise you for a lunch date." Raising my arms in mock horror, I said. "Surprised are you."

The girl just stared at me, and she didn't look happy.

"Um, Ash, this is Lita. We are old friends."

Turning to the woman I said. "Hello Lita, how do you know Zach?"

Scowling, she muttered angrily. "We were engaged."

"Really, engaged." Turning back to Zach I snapped. "Funny, you never mentioned you were engaged."

"Ash, it was a long time ago. Lita is in town for a few days and wanted to catch up."

"I guess I will leave you too catch up then. Goodbye Zach."

I turned and walked out. I was two shops down the road before he caught me. "Ash, it's not what it looks like. We were only having lunch."

"Yeah right. Don't play with me Zach. I'm not a fool. I watched you walk in there. She was all over you."

"Yes, she's always like that."

"And if you caught me and Kent having a cosy lunch, what would you say?"

"Ash, please. Be reasonable. We are nothing more than friends."

"Go back and catch up Zach. I have to get back to work."

I left him staring after me as I strutted purposefully up the street.

That night we had our first fight, the peace had been broken. It was a furious row. I accused him of cheating. He replied that I was just being insecure. I needed to trust him.

He stormed out and I didn't see him for two days. It was Saturday afternoon when he walked back in. "Ash, we need to talk. I'm sorry I never told you about Lita. It was stupid."

"Why didn't you Zach?"

"I don't know Ash. We aren't married. We each have secrets."

"No Zach, you're wrong. You know everything about me. It seems, I know very little about you."

I made us both coffee and we went out onto the verandah. "So where have you been the last few days?" I rasped caustically.

"I have been staying with Jack."

"Jack." I sneered. Convenient isn't it. Your ex is in town and you walk out without telling me where you're going and I hear nothing from you."

"Ash, I haven't seen her since the lunch date."

"Why did you break up?"

He looked scared, apprehensive, but he said softly. "I screwed it up. I travelled for work and while I was away, I got drunk and had sex with another girl."

His confession stunned me. "How did Lita find out?"

"I told her. I'm not a cheater Ashley. I made a mistake. I was young, and acting like a dick."

I couldn't believe it, "You told her?"

"Yeah the guilt was killing me. I had to tell her."

"So what happened?"

"She was pissed, as you would expect. We fought, she walked out. I chased her down a few day's later and begged her to forgive me. It took a couple of weeks, but. One day she walked back into my life. She forgave me."

"Just like that, she forgave you?"

"Yes, but it was never the same after that. She never trusted me, always wanted to know who I was with, where I was. It was impossible. I hated living like it. She said she forgave me, but every time we fought. She dredged it all back up again, and we went over it again, and again. In the end, I couldn't take it. For my sanity, I had to leave."

"I take it she didn't take that well?"

"No, she hated it. She kept ringing and coming around all the time. The other day, was the first time I've seen her in two years."

"She's very pretty." I hissed, with more than a tinge of jealousy.

"Yes she is, but it's over Ash. It's been over for years. It's you I love."

"Love..." My hand covered my mouth in shock.

"Yes, love. I have wanted to get those words out for ages. I love you Ashley."

"You're jut trying to shift the conversation."

"No, I'm serious." He pulled out a little box, opened it and showed me the ring. "Ashley, I want to marry you?"

"But we hardly know each other. I didn't even know you were engaged, and I find out you cheated on her."

"I'm not proud of that Ash. I was a real arsehole. She should have punched me, not forgiven me."

"She must have really loved you?"

"I suppose she did, what I found out was. I didn't love her. It was just easy. We had known each other most of our lives. We went to school together. We shared the same friends. Our parents were friends. I thought I loved her, but the truth is. I didn't."

"Why did you cheat? Was the sex not very good? I always thought, that's why Kent cheated. I blamed myself."

"It didn't have anything to do with sex. Lita, is one hot chick, and she loves sex. She's also very good at it."

"Ew, yuck. Too much information."

"I was just trying to be honest. It wasn't about sex. There was something missing. Love was missing."

I lifted the ring out of the box and slid it on beside my wedding ring. "Weird." I thought. "Why hadn't I taken that off?

Zach saw me playing and I guess he could see my mind spinning. "It will fit better if you take the old one off."