There is No Joy in Trollville

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Mighty Ebeneezer has struck out.
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This story is nothing at all like anything I have ever written, and contains no sex or smut at all. It is intended to be an inside story for other Literotica writers.

Ebeneezer the Troll slunk along the back streets of the New Story Section of Literotica. He had a sack of one-bombs slung over his shoulder and when those ran out, there were plenty more available. Like all trolls, Ebeneezer had an unlimited supply of those bombs. His only complaint was that he could only throw one of them at any one submission.

"Fuckin' slut wife and wimp husband," he muttered to himself when he saw the story that had been posted to the Loving Wives category. He had no need to read it; he knew he didn't like it, and he prepared the first of the bombs he was going to explode that day. After clicking on the "1" he triggered the blast and watched happily while the score for the story crumbled from his assault.

"That'll teach 'em to write about sluts and wimps," he said, gloating over his prowess.

"Faggots! Lousy faggots!" Ebeneezer took careful aim at the next story, which was in the Gay Male section and launched his second one-bomb, scoring another hit. "Fuckin' queers," he muttered, congratulating himself on his perfect aim. "I don't gotta read about no fuckin' queers to know I hate 'em."

"Goddam dykes!" was the epithet he hurled at the next story, in the Lesbian category this time, before hurling a bomb at it. Once again, his marksmanship was flawless.

The next three stories were about Erotic Coupling, and Ebeneezer left them alone, not throwing any bombs. Sometimes he read those stories but he never voted, even in the unlikely event they found favor with him. A Celebrity story followed these and it featured an actress he disliked. He disliked most actresses and actors and almost everybody else anyhow.

"Take that, bitch," he shouted, and watched with satisfaction as his one-bomb found its mark and the score collapsed. He was in unusually good form that day, expertly using his bombs against anything he disliked, regardless of his reason for disliking it.

Ebeneezer didn't only launch one-bombs against individual submissions. "Hey!" he snorted when he recognized the name of an author. "That's the sum-bitch that just won a contest. Here, smarty-pants, I got your fuckin' prize right here!" and another one-bomb hit its mark. Possibly Ebeneezer would return and read the story; he had actually enjoyed others by the same author. Just then, though, he didn't have enough time.

"Got a lotta work to do," he reminded himself.

Except that he enjoyed it, Ebeneezer didn't know why he one-bombed the hard work of authors, only that he and his fellow trolls had always done it. Among his associates, he was held in the highest esteem for his perfect aim with his bombs and for his willingness to work long, tedious hours. Ebeneezer tirelessly one-bombed stories and poems and essays, combing through the lists of new submissions every day, besides looking at the top lists for additional targets. He and the other trolls firmly believed that nothing was deserving of a place there and they did their best to eliminate anything that happened to become listed. Once a submission had received the necessary ten votes, especially if each of them was a five, it was bombed mercilessly. Sometimes there were even trolls standing in line to one-bomb such a tale.

Although targets of those kinds were fun, the absolute favorite of all the trolls were the entries in contests. Several times a year, Literotica held such contests and Ebeneezer and his cohorts felt they had been given a mandate to do their best to reduce the scores as much as possible. If they had their way, no entry would ever have a high enough score to win anything.

Finally, after many hours of one-bombing everything and everybody he took a dislike to, Ebeneezer decided to call it a day. He had used up and replenished his supply of bombs several times, and considered the day's work to be one of his finest accomplishments. He would brag to the other trolls of what he had done that day and challenge them to try to match him.

Ebeneezer was tired from his long day and he slowly trudged past his handiwork back to Trollville. Suddenly, he heard a strange whining noise, much like a vacuum cleaner makes when it is being asked to handle too much debris. With fear and loathing, he recognized what he was hearing. It was a sweep! Laurel was doing a sweep, undoing the work that had just been accomplished. Ebeneezer was outraged that everything he had done would be for naught but, even more important, he feared for his safety.

Sweeps of this kind took the rubble that the one-bombs had produced and reassembled it back into what had been there before the attack. More menacing than that, they would include anything in the vicinity in the new structure. Ebeneezer tried to run; he didn't want to be included in a reconstructed story he had just bombed, but he was too slow and too late. Along with everything else around him, he was swept up and pressed into the rebuilt story. With extreme dismay, he realized the particular tale of which he had become a part was in the Loving Wives category. Unable to move, he was forced to stare at a stereotypical sexy blonde using the cowgirl position to fuck a handsome man. Ebeneezer knew, beyond even the shadow of a doubt, that he was being forced to watch the perfidy of a slut wife.

He was trapped. He could not escape and he could do nothing but watch the lustful coupling of the pair as they cuckolded her wimp husband. If some other troll came along and bombed the story anew, Ebeneezer would have little chance of surviving that attack and, even if he did, he would be the laughingstock of all of Trollville for having become part of one of the most detested of stories. Crying tears of agony, the former terror of Literotica accepted his fate.

*

I hope you had as much fun reading this vignette as much as I did writing it. You can vote and comment as you see fit but, mostly, I hope you enjoyed it.

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AnonymousAnonymousover 17 years ago
Sorry My Friend

But I think you really don't understand Ebeneezer the troll at all.

He actually loves stories about wimp husbands and cheating wives, and Gay stories really turn him on. His trouble is, he's in the closet, (probably waiting to watch some big stud shag the arse off his wife.) He thinks that by giving the lowest mark possible on a story of the types I've listed above it will show the world that he hasn't enjoyed (and got off on) reading them. It’s the classic self-denial syndrome!

They are a pain it the arse, but we live in a world that is full of them. They are people who shout the loudest about how you should live your life, whilst they are fornicating behind closed doors.

DC

starrkersstarrkersover 17 years ago
Brilliant

Oh, if only it were true!

duddle146duddle146over 17 years ago
Enjoyed it!

Blasting the Trolls. What a hoot!

Skip1934aSkip1934aover 17 years ago
Two thumbs up!

A great humorous take on trolls. Just wait until they find it.

SadieRoseSadieRosealmost 18 years ago
Mwahahah!!!

Excellent stuff, Box!

Hit 'em where it hurts! I enjoyed this so much that I nearly pee-ed myself, narrowly avoiding causing such arousal to my voyeristic, water-sports-loving, would-be cuckolder of a neighbour that he shot his wanton seed right out the bedroom window and into a bed of petunias in his garden!

Ta Much!

xx. Sadie

SEVERUSMAXSEVERUSMAXalmost 18 years ago
ROFLMAO....

....I SOOOOO wanted to read this when given the chance for a while, and now I know why. God, that is fucking hilarious! Solid work, Box. Too bad it can't happen to some of MY trolls!

angelicminxangelicminxalmost 18 years ago
~

Now that was funny. I bet your fingers flew over the keyboard with this one, lol. It's clear that you had a wonderful time writing it. ~Minx

elfin_odalisqueelfin_odalisquealmost 18 years ago
Thanks

Well written. I back all the plaudits you have received. This needed saying, and you did it in a superbly humorous way.

I've had to 5-troll ya.

DarkniciadDarkniciadalmost 18 years ago
Cheers!

Wonderful tale, and all too perfect a depiction.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 18 years ago
Someone's going

to have to help the troll get that dildo out of his ass, cuz you know they can't find their asses with both hands, a flashlight and a map. Great story box, even better with a second read.

FallingToFlyFallingToFlyalmost 18 years ago
Chapter 4

It was Janey Joe the redneck, black-cock loving cyber whore from hell who enjoyed getting raped by her husband's friends, father, brother, and uncles, and all there friends. She lowered her weeping gash over Ebeneezer's panicked face, the drippings of her past lovers filling his nose with the distinct fragrance of old oyster shells, over-ripe tuna, and bleach.

"NOOOOOOOGLARG!" he screamed, only to have his cries for mercy drowned in the septic swamp of her lustful crotch. He gasped for air between floods of sticky pussy-juice and creampie drizzle, eyes rolling wildly as he thrashed and flailed about for some sort of aid. One clutching hand encountered something solid and he grasped at it like a lifeline, using the last of his strength to heave it upwards, dealing the tasty trollop a whopping smack to the back of the head. She collapsed sideways and he dragged his abused body from beneath her rancid thighs, gasping and retching as he fought for air.

"And what do you think you're doing?" a smooth, richly amused voice purred. "Do you think I make such beautiful weapons of passion for use on things like this?" A black leather biker's boot nudged the comatose Janey Joe. Ebeneezer fearfully looked at the object in his hand. Burnished wood gleamed, smeared with glistening grey matter and slime from the trailer tramp's vacuous head. it was masterfully crafted into a dildo of impressive proportions, remarkably smooth adn silky in the hand.

"Well, you've ruined it now," the beautiful woman with her cap of short, sassy black hair sighed. "The stains will never come out... not that I'd use it on any of my precious ones after it had touched... well, either of you." Reaching down, Stella retrieved her handicraft and hefted it lovingly in her hand, her face sad. "I suppose I'll just have to.. find a new home for it." With a wicked grin, she kicked the poor troll in the stomach, flipping him over, and over again until he lay face down and whimpering on the floor.

"Now, normally," Stella said cheerfully. "I am the premiere advocate for lubrication. However, in your case... well, I'll make an exception." Ebeneezer screeched in terror as eight inches of hard walnut made it'self a new root system in his steaming guts. Agony rode through him in waves, with not even a half-hearted reacharound to soften the blow.

"My work here is done," Stella chuckled, giving her creation one last tap with her boot to make sure it was properly planted. "Enjoy the rest of your visit, Ebeneezer..."

Selena_KittSelena_Kittalmost 18 years ago
Mentioned

You've been mentioned in the New Story Review Thread in the Author's Hangout.

MrsTrblMkrMrsTrblMkralmost 18 years ago
Chapter Three

As Ebeneezer the Troll lay upon the floor, his bodily fluids soaking into the carpet of the Loving Wives story he'd been so neatly drawn into, he heard a sound that sent his heart to thumping, spurting blood from his wounds even faster.

He knew the voice and screamed as he saw her running towards him, her boobs bouncing, her lips flapping. He couldn't see the top part of her head because it was cut off. In her hand were a stack of pictures, all of them of her, or at least what everyone thought of was her.

"Oh, no, Ebbey baby, I was going to suck your one eyed wonder worm and stick it into my heaving dick garage. But you haven't put me in your favorite's list nor left a comment and a vote on my latest piece of tra....er...story."

He screamed as he saw her come closer...this being a fate worse than death because, behind the fake facade of red curls and heaving bosoms, an obese man whose two inch dick was hard and wagging ran.

Chapter four anyone???

PS. Great story, I couldn't help it, honest.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 18 years ago
~

A big thumbs up - thanks for the larfs! :)

neonlyteneonlytealmost 18 years ago
A Treat

Kudos to you Box for having the balls to write what most of us probably wish we had written.

Well done indeed.

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