All Comments on 'They Wanted My Wife'

Kind of feels like a starting point but not finished

Not much “there” there.

That's it?

FTDS, please!

Short, sweet and to the point. I like it.

Have to agree with the comments, it definitely needed more input of how things came to be as you started, Good luck with your next story????

This writing very nice development, just you stopped in the middle of the story.

A story needs a beginning (introduction to MC), a middle ( what is the conflict), and finally the ending (resolution) as minimums. Where is the conclusion. so, get to you keyboard and write part two and keep you readers happy.......

No ending, so 1*.

Part 2?

That's it?

A good start. Needs more.

This story is NOT finished.

It did catch my attention, and it deserves to be finished.

Pleeeeassse?

I agree needs more

The rest of the story could be interesting

Finish the story please

Your plot is innovative, and the thought processes of "drunk or drugged" male was well done. However, you have an incomplete story that needs/should be finished.

Well here is the rub, he might have been drugged he might have been drunk but he did commit assault, both domestic and otherwise. Two felony assault and batter and a good shot at attempted manslaughter at the least. Minimum of 12 months and loss of access to his children for life, good job.

I hope this is not a one and done story

Some writers succeed at writing "just the important part" without all the padding, but this falls short. And I doubt them drugging him will get him out of jail for beating them. You turn in people that drug you, you don't assault them.

We need part 2 !

Crap - its the start of a story

Incomplete!

Not a bad start but it is only half of a story. Please write a second chapter. Was he actually drugged? Did he get arrested? Were the people in the lounge in on it? So many questions.

I like your story. It is interesting. I think you ended it just right. I disagree with most of the comments.

Interesting. But does need to be finished and more information to answer questions lioke who, why and how long has it been going on..

ok.finish it

not much of a story but this is a free site so i guess i got what i payed for (:

Nice opening scene. But it needs a payoff.

Finish the damn story!

FINISH THE DAMN STORY

I have read all of your stories and have thoroughly enjoyed them. Please make this just as enjoyable as the rest of your stories.

Finally a good story and it’s o oh a page long

@Kalixmaxos Re: "No wife does this unless her husband is either a shit she wants revenge on or a slug in bed and she needs to score some good sex." OR No wife does unless SHE'S a shitty cunt.

Where's the rest of it ?

You need to finish this

It was a good start, just needs the meat and an end to finish it. An interesting idea for a story too. Maybe some of the big writers can explain something for me though; Why do women, once they get close (or older than) 40 feel the need to cheat? Is it because of menopause? Or the higher doses of Estrogen they're taking to combat it? I just thought I'd ask, as it seems like most of the Cheating Wives in the Cuckold stories seem to do this (a very large portion do). Or am I missing something??

I will rate your story once you finish writing it. An interesting start. Like putting all the ingredients in the bowl, that's the easy part. Let's see if you know how to prepare and serve it. Good luck.

And thanks for the effort.

***Thank for the shorty.

***Thanks for the shorty.

Interesting start, but the incompletion tells me that nothing more by this author is worth my time.

Empty inside. Started something then left.

Problem is it feels incomplete and also similar to a bunch of stories on the lines of 'husband gets drugged, then wakes up and goes hulk on the philanders'. So it doesn't really work as a unique flashpoint because you can imagine the story playing out exactly like all the others. And it doesn't stand on its own, because nothing really meaningful happens during its course.

The premise to this was great, looking forward to part 2!

Really need a second chapter..too many loose ends

Interesting. But I want to know more. How many were involved? Who were they? What was their motivation?

Got my money's worth on this one...$0. Otherwise I'd be asking for a refund.

needs to be finished

Not erotic. Wrong category as the primary theme of the story was not extramarital sex; there was barely any description of extramarital sex anyway. No plot, no character development. Unbelievable turn-around. I couldn't relate to or sympathize with any character in this story. Unsatisfying from start to finish. Written by someone who has never been drugged or anesthetized. One star.

I liked it, to a point. I read so many stories in LW where the plot gets to a point where I say to myself, "Here is where, in the real world, the main character would call law enforcement." Except the writer doesn't do that because it would kill the story's dramatic tension. Instead we get a page or two of unrealistic, but dramatically and emotionally satisfying conversations. The only story that I can think of where cops get called, but the story remains dramatically centered on the protagonist is "Put It in Writing!" I think it succeeds only because the writer resisted the temptation to turn the story into a police procedural.

I like your story as it is written. But, you have to admit, it is only the first act, not a dramatically complete story. What you wrote left to many questions. As a good teacher once told me, a short story should either answer all the questions raised in the story, or at least give enough clues to let a discerning reader figure the rest out.

One thing I especially like was the screams coming from the house as the protagonist waits for the cops. Obviously from the wife of the man the MC beat.

Reed Richards is correct, the MC would be arrested. Depending on the severity of the injuries to the man he beat, the charges would either be dropped or pled down to a fine and a few years probation. Do you notice how that last sentence made the story boring?

Anyway, I hope that you eventually add at least one more chapter. I think this setup has lots of potential to turn into a really good, well rounded story.

One last point, adrenaline can overcome the effects of drugs or alcohol, at least temporarily.

Sounds like a concept or outline for a story. Maybe try actually writing the story next time, unless you like getting flamed in the comments. If so, carry on.

I've counted. There are three positive reviewers, out of 148, who consider this story to be complete.

Now there are four.

It stands alone. It's extremely brief. it's all there.

Anything else is trimmings.

What a bust. No beginning, no middle and no ending.

good start but no rating till story is finished. "0"

I mean, it’s a complete story. We know the rest really well, I guess I’m just spoiled and want the rest anyway

I think I understand the plot. Three couples go out to dinner. Two of the couples are brothers and their wives. The third couple are long-time friends? Know each other from childhood? Know each other from the neighborhood? Know each other through their kids' school or work? Whatever it is, the two brothers and their wives want the other couple's wife. That is the title of the story. But why? The two brothers, their wives, and the MC's, plan the night out to end at one of the brothers' houses where they will drug the unsuspecting husband and spend the rest of the night screwing. The MC gets a sense something is off at dinner. He wakes up in a dark room with a drugged bottle of water on the bedside table. That's not a bad plan. Leave a bottle of drugged water next to the MC. If he wakes up feeling hung over he will assume his wife left the water there for him. He will drink it, and pass out again. In the morning everyone will tell him he overdrank, passed out and they let him sleep it off in the spare bedroom. Did the wife intend to go home to sleep and then return in the morning to pick up her husband? The plan goes bad when the MC wakes up, fails to drink the drugged bottle of water, beats one of the brothers, then calls the cop.

It's a pretty straightforward story except for all the unanswered questions. One thing really makes no sense to me. People play these games in their twenties. Once you get into your late thirties / early forties, you are smart enough not to do this shit. People get more cunning. They don't drug someone, then screw in the room next door. They set up times during the day when the can screw without getting caught. The story doesn't make sense given the ages. I would have accepted the story if the MC and his wife were 27 and 25 respectively, with no children. Why would a 38 year old woman with two teenagers pull this shit? Makes no sense. Was it revenge for the MC cheating? Was it revenge for the MC scamming the two brothers in a business deal? I don't think it comes from some lingering animosity from when they were all kids. Those fade by the time you get into you thirties. If those old childhood feuds linger into your thirties, most people cut ties with those people. People in their late thirties with jobs, kids, marriage don't have the time or energy to play childhood games. So what was the motivation for the setup. That is the biggest hole in the story. Can only give 3 star.

Why all the grief from readers? It's a classic short story format, leaving the reader free to imagine the outcome. Well done 👍.

Good start, would like a finish.

Please warn us the next time you write a BTB story.

It was compelling reading for a while. Then it just stopped. It was an interesting of the middle of the beginning of a tale. It needs a flash back to where everything started, and what happens when ems and police arrive. It needs some reason that it happened, and enough of your hero’s future to shape where he might go before it is enough to even be a cliff hanger. I’m all for a story leaving it’s readers wondering, but this is barely giving us background to wonder.

Beginning. middle and end. Any 9 th grade writing student has learned thes simple thetents Hopefully the writer has completed his waste of our time.

seriously, can't the writer's on this site construct proper stories with actual endings?

Ftds

Where"s the rest of the story?

Nice sketch....not a story though.... What is the drill...it is REALLY insulting to your readers to dump this unfinished kind of stuff and lay it out as if it is a real story.

It has the bones of a good story that would probably be about 3 -4 pages of carefully developed characterization backstory and epilogue.... I would suggest that you dump this one....rework it with some good advice from editors here...and resubmit the full story and receive the full accolades that you would be due. You are a good writer....you just got kinda lazy here.

Gave it 3 stars for the promise of things that SHOULD come...

It had a beginning of a good story, however, I feel the author could have elaborated more on the middle and ending of the story

lol... nice.

No ending?

As Servant111says below,

"it is REALLY insulting to your readers to dump this unfinished kind of stuff and lay it out as if it is a real story".

But he is far too kind!

Your MODERATORS need a kick-in-the-crutch for letting these total NON-STORIES through! Do REALLY have no clue as to the damage this can do????

I don't understand why 72 people have marked this as a Favourite! As DickSnugfit, servant111, AA82ndAA and probably a lot of others, have commented it needs a real beginning and end! At least this author didn't promise further chapters and never bothered. That is definitely worse, but maybe they had issues that stopped them (illness, death or the other half found them out and forced them to stop)! Otherwise it could have been a good story.

I was hooked and then it was over. Make this just the beginning of several more chapters.

...an excellent snapshot-style short story. Such a contribution will never supply enough details to satisfy all the Lit commenters. Did anyone notice the depth achieved here with just one Lit page?

...also an excellent opportunity to flesh out the plot as the majority of commenters demand. If anyone takes up that challenge, please point it out to me by email; I would enjoy such a story.

This author seems to have dropped out of the active contributing crowd. That's a shame.

I'll say it anyway: Keep 'em comin'.

Thank you for a MANLY character!!!

And then, what happened?

And then...?

Great why to leave the story for a follow up. Can live this this ending, a continuation would be fabulous. Enjoy the telling, though I doubt he would be that athletic after being drugged. Thanks for writing.

This story needs to be finished.

There was not enough story for any investment into it, if anything I think giving out such a small amount was inconsiderate to your readers and a waste of my time!

Not even 1/2 a story.......

WHY has this fragment been published alone? It's almost as if some hooking funt had shit his pants in mid-piss?

Kin morons!

Did they loose the shredder?

If they ever find it, tell them to jump in!

I think I'll give it one star just so others won't waste time with a piece of a story... To bad, it started off really good!

Ok. Good start. Where is part 2?

Lame. No beginning...no ending.

Why would someone start a story ( a good one) but not finish it? makes no sense !

not long enough!

1 star

even short story need a proper ending

That's it? There's no ending.

It that’s all you can come up with I don’t know why you bothered, complete load of shit

Waste of time. No plot. No details. No ending. Can't give "0". 1*

Where is the ending

Not bad, but not a story, either.

Loved it.

Ed

well???? now what

Could have been good but as it was one of the most laziest, shortest "stories" I've read i can't give this any more than 1*.

Could have had a higher rating BUT you chose to have NO ENDING!!

Need back story and better ending.

You’re just going to end it there? I feel so unsatisfied by this pretty good story.

A cuck writer fails to envisage strong male characters

Okay for what there is of it, but it's unfinished in my mind.

too short

1*

What was that?