This is How We Change the World Ch. 01

Maddy stared at her. "Wow, that's a lot."

Lyric shrugged. "I know, but the housing market is what it is. And like I said, if you don't feel like you want to pay half, it's fine-"

"I didn't say that, of course I'll pay half. Hell, I should pay more, I get the bed after all. But that's... I mean..." Maddy's brain really kicked in. "You don't work many more hours than I do, do you?"

Lyric blushed and cleared her throat, and then didn't say anything.

Maddy looked at her, and suddenly it clicked. "Oh," she said.

"Yeah," Lyric said and looked away, out the window. "I've got... other things that I do."

"Oh," Maddy said. Her mind whirred, and then she registered how tense Lyric was. "I don't judge," Maddy added hastily. "I don't... I mean, I haven't, but I don't care, or I do care, but like... I don't judge."

Lyric glanced at her from under her brows. "I'm not a child."

"I didn't think so. I mean, I thought you're so young, but... I think I maybe thought you were even younger."

"Because I look like a kid?"

"No! No, just... I'm 37, you know, and I'm almost the oldest at Downtown Grind, and I just... I just think of the rest of you as 'the kids'."

"You're too young to think like that."

They looked at each other. The corner of Lyric's mouth twitched, and when Maddy smiled she returned it with a radiant grin.

"Is that safe?" Maddy asked. "I mean... oh my god, do you need to, I mean... All of a sudden I have so many questions. Do you bring them here?"

"Oh! No, no I don't," Lyric said. "Hell, no. I... when I... I have this app that I use to arrange the hookups, and then I meet them somewhere that's definitely not here. Sometimes it's a handjob. Sometimes it's a blowjob. I don't go anywhere alone with the johns. That's... that doesn't feel safe."

She looked at Maddy with a defiant glint in her dark eyes. Maddy looked at her, and thought that yes, she wasn't as young as Maddy had previously thought. She was slim and cute, and that made her appear younger than her twenty-five years.

"Is it always men?"

Whatever Lyric had expected her to ask, this wasn't it. Her eyebrows rose under her bangs, and it made her look very young again. She shrugged, which Maddy took to mean yes.

"I guess what I'm also asking is if you're seeing someone, or... you know... like... what you do for sex, now that... that I'm staying here for a bit longer."

"I'm not seeing anyone," Lyric said quickly. "I don't bring anyone home, if that's what you're asking."

"Yeah," Maddy said. It wasn't, or it wasn't all of it, but she didn't have the right to demand Lyric explain everything about her life. "I certainly won't, either. Gosh, I hadn't even thought about it, but this is gonna... I mean, with Amy and Frank, just about the only thing we ever do together anymore is sex. Now that they're staying at Frank's parents, I'm definitely not going to go over to boink them."

"Gosh?" Lyric said and grinned. "I take back what I said earlier. You are that old."

Maddy laughed. They smiled at each other, and Maddy felt like they were okay again.

"Do you want me to come cover you? Like, watch your back? The next time you go out?"

Lyric looked at her, long and evaluatively, and then shrugged. Maddy didn't know if it was a yes, but it wasn't a no. She made a mental note to ask Eric to assign them to the same shifts, just in case.

***

10 Jan 2023

Maddy and Lyric sat on the bus, on their way down Webster Ave. Maddy was staring at their reflections in the glass, straight across from them, and had a thought. She turned to Lyric, leaned her head in, and said, "You know... they really suit you."

Lyric just blinked at her, and then blushed when Maddy nudged her boob. "Oh!"

"Yeah, like... I've seen you with them, and I've seen you without them, and both ways look very... natural. You somehow look like yourself both ways."

"Thank you?"

"I think what I'm trying to say," Maddy said, narrowing her eyes into the middle distance, "is that you picked a good pair."

Lyric nodded slowly, and then casually adjusted the set of her shoulders and chest. "Thank you," she whispered back. "I think I want to get surgery, eventually, but I don't just want implants to have implants. I want it to look... you know... nice, and that means a good surgeon and that costs money."

"I get it," Maddy said. The bus slowed for their stop, and the two of them got off. "I do."

"No you don't," Lyric said, laughing but maybe not really laughing. "Your tits are gorgeous." Maddy was taken aback, but before she could respond Lyric kicked an untidy pile of tiny rocks along the side of the road and growled. "Sorry. No. I know you do. Body issues are, like, fucking universal. I shouldn't have said that. I'm just..."

She let out a long sigh, and then... something happened that Maddy didn't quite catch. Didn't quite understand. Lyric was standing taller, and her eyes were a little bit sharper. She looked more confident.

"He's already here," Lyric said, nodding ahead toward the gazebo in Claremont Park. "There's some old public phones near the street light by the fence up ahead. Stay there, and hold onto your purse."

And then Lyric was striding ahead, chin held high. Maddy watched her go with awe. The way she used her legs, just to walk, was incredible. Just to walk!

She did as she was told. She went over to the last phone in line, picked up the receiver, and held her thumb down on the hook switch so that the dial tone wasn't going off in her ear. After a few seconds of positioning herself, she found a comfortable way to lean, and settled into place. On the one hand, it was pretty dark and there was an inherent amount of danger, but if Lyric could do it then she could too.

From her vantage point, there was very little to see of what was going on in the gazebo. The two of them were sitting at one of the picnic tables. Then, she blinked, and Lyric was gone, and the man was leaning back.

Maddy was no prude. She'd seen this kind of thing happen, exactly that quickly, many times. Her early 20's, with Amy, had featured a blur of partners with varying levels of eagerness and excitement. Never in a park like this, and never for money, but once you got past that it was all remarkably similar.

Madalyn turned and watched the street. There weren't many people in the park, and most of them were by the basketball court a little down the way, but the traffic was heavier than she would have expected for so late in the evening. She wished she would have brought something to read, but she hadn't really thought through her part. Lyric had just said to be nearby, and she was fulfilling that requirement with extreme prejudice, but—

"Let's go," Lyric said, as she walked by. It wouldn't have quite qualified as a fast walk, per se, but it was in the neighborhood.

"Did it... Are you..." She was having to work to catch up. "Where are we going?"

"Subway," Lyric said. "Hundred and seventy fourth."

Maddy tried to look around, but she still wasn't quite sure where they were. In her head, The Bronx existed in an entirely liminal space, where any one place might be adjacent to, or three miles from, any other place.

"Sorry for being kind of rude," Lyric said, as they crossed the street. "I get a little snippy right before."

"Yeah, you seemed different."

They arrived at the stairs down into the subway sooner than she thought they would, and she noticed Lyric making a very subtle scan of the road behind them as she turned the corner. Maddy had just been listening for the sound of footsteps, and took Lyric's different level of awareness to mean that she should be doing more.

So she did.

"This is gonna sound weird," Lyric said, as they sat on the bench waiting for the subway. "I, like... It's like an alter ego when I go out. I've never been around anyone I was worried about offending, and I didn't... I slipped into it a little too soon. I'm sorry."

"Okay, stop." Maddy laid a hand, gently, on Lyric's knee, and leaned in close. "One, you're right. I don't know what it's like to be trans. Two, yes, I do understand body issues, but I know it's not the same. Three, that makes total sense. It's how you protect yourself, and I get it."

"Okay," Lyric said. Her eyes were moving constantly. Scanning everywhere.

Something about what she'd said struck Madalyn. "Alter ego?"

Lyric looked hunted when she turned, and she didn't answer right away. "Yeah. Renna."

"Okay," Maddy said. "Okay. And I bet talking about how it all works, and what it's like... I bet that's not helpful."

Lyric just looked at her.

"Okay. Okay." She blinked a few times, very rapidly, and nodded. "Okay. I mean, I have... so many questions, but... Okay. I'll... Okay. Later."

The subway car pulled into the station, and both of them stood. Lyric was still looking everywhere, but she was giving Maddy a lot of looks when she didn't think Maddy would notice.

***

13 Jan 2023

Mars lit up a cigarette and leaned back, getting a stream straight up. "Thank god you found a place I can smoke," she said, gruffly.

Sebastian gave her a droll look and shrugged. "Honestly, I was tired of hearing you bitch about it. All I did was google."

Mars pursed her lips and kissed the air, which made him smile. Lyric was pretty sure that, given enough time, those two were going to get together, and she was all for it. Mars was gay and non-binary, and Sebastian was a trans man, but they had so much chemistry. There was a tension between them that she and Rose tried to stay out of the way of, but neither of them were really ready to be with anyone else. Hung up on one thing or another.

Privately, Rose had guessed 'summer', but Lyric thought it would be over a year before it happened.

"Thanks for bailing me out," Lyric said, giving Sebastian a meaningful look. "I was floundering."

This time, Sebastian didn't balk and went the whole way toward rolling his eyes. "Don't mention it."

"Well, I'm gonna," Lyric said, ramping up the sass. "I froze. It was awkward as hell, with everyone in group just staring at me. I mean, I've been worked up for a couple weeks now, but tonight was worse."

"We've all been there," Mars said. "I mean, the point of it is to be able to dig into the stuff that's awkward, because, you know, we get it."

They didn't. Not really. Yes, the things she talked about at group were real, and serious, and bothered her, but it wasn't the root of what was driving her crazy at that exact moment.

"Yeah," Rose said, chiming in with all her usual chipper-ness, "and, like... something to look forward to. You're all so much further ahead of me, and I think I'd probably give up if I didn't have this. You. This."

This brought the room down a little, because everyone knew what Rose meant by giving up. She'd talked about it once, the month before. Lyric gave her a wink, a careful wink that implied solidarity more than any kind of conspiratorial camaraderie or interest.

Rose's smile warmed up, quickly. She had a lovely smile. It was her best feature.

***

14 Jan 2023

Maddy yawned, loudly, as she came out of the bedroom. She still couldn't bring herself to think of it as her room, even in her head, because it just felt wrong. She was a guest, and grateful.

"You might have to go."

Lyric was standing in the kitchen, pouring out some coffee, in an oversized Metallica T-shirt and a pair of shorts. She threw the mug into the microwave, and pinched the bridge of her nose as it started doing its thing.

"Oh," Maddy said, taking a half step back.

"That didn't come out right," Lyric whispered, driving her thumb into her eye. "Listen. I didn't mean... Ugh. I'm sorry. I'm screwing this up."

"No," she said, nodding slowly. "It's okay. I... completely understand."

"You might want to go," Lyric said, putting heavy emphasis on the word in the middle. "I, uh... Listen... I'm... I have a routine."

Maddy just blinked, and repeated, "A routine?"

"Once a week, on my day off, I... take a gummy, and chill out, and let go for a little while, and..."

"Oh," Maddy said, brightening and jumping into the pause. "That doesn't sound so... what... why are you shaking your head?"

"It's gonna get weird," Lyric said, blushing and averting eye contact. "I mean, you can stay if you just wanna hang out in your room, but honestly, it might be better if you can just find somewhere else to be for like ten to... twelve to... fifteen hours."

"Weird how?"

"You know how I was telling you I don't bring anyone home? And I don't date?"

"Yeah?"

"Well, I don't not have needs. I do, and-and I meet them... today. On my day off. By myself. Why do I keep making it sound like I'm kicking you out?"

"Are you? Because, I'm not actually sure you're not."

"I'm not," Lyric said, exasperated, "but I am telling you that I need to spend the next however many hours jerking off and relaxing, and shit might get weird."

Maddy kind of leaned against the counter, and kind of fell back against it. She wasn't sure how to respond, except that the words, "I like weird," came out of her mouth.

The little brunette just stared at her for a moment.

"Listen, if you've ever been in a bed with five people, you know that shit can get weird."

Lyric said, "Queen," seemingly involuntarily.

"Honestly, I could use a day like that. That sounds really nice if you... don't mind the company?"

"Are you serious?"

"I haven't gotten off in..." Maddy's eyes focused somewhere past the wall in front of her.

Before she could come up with the end to that sentence, Lyric turned around and went back into her room, emerging a few seconds later with two blue-green gummy squares, with a little bit of granulated sugar coating the outside of them. She handed one to Maddy and popped the other one in her mouth.

"Raspberry?" Maddy asked, as she started chewing.

Lyric just nodded. "It's gonna take a little while to kick in, so, like..." She jumped a little, and pulled her mug out of the microwave. "Get some coffee. Get some comfy clothes on that you can reach under. Stretchy is good. Easy access."

"Oh," Maddy said, processing. "You've got a whole system? And you haven't been able to do this... since I got here."

"It's been a long month," Lyric said. "A good one, but... long."

"You should have said something," Maddy said, pouring herself a mug. "I'd have been cool."

"I know that now," she replied, "but... I don't know. I just kept putting it off, and putting it off, like I don't need it this week, and Maybe I don't need this at all, and then, when you told me about Amy and Frank, I thought Oh she a freak maybe I can just say something but then I woke up all foggy and grumpy and what came out was Leave Now. Sorry."

Maddy laughed, and couldn't stop herself from snorting in the middle of it, and then laughed even harder because she so rarely snorted and it was an awful sound and so frigging embarrassing, but it was okay because it was Lyric. Lyric wasn't going to make fun of her.

She ran her fingers through her hair, brushing it back from her face, and sighed. "What about this," she said, gesturing to herself. She was wearing a very long shirt that came down to her knees. "Is this okay?"

"I mean," Lyric said, "that's fine if all you're gonna do is touch yourself down there, but that doesn't really let you at your nipples. Do you... do nipples?"

"I do nipples," she said, and they both started snickering. "Oh my god, I thought you said it would take a while."

"There's no way it kicked in already," Lyric said, smirking. "I think we're both just tired and worked up, and over it." She walked past Maddy, giving her a little follow me head nod as she went, and the two of them went into the main bedroom. "Here," she said, pulling out a crop top and a pair of long, gray sweatpants. "If you keep that long shirt on, eventually you'll wanna take it off, but once you cool off you'll put it back on again. This way, you can just slip a hand under when you need to."

Maddy nodded, because it made sense, and immediately just started pulling the long shirt up over her head.

Lyric watched for maybe half a second, laid the clothes on the bed, and went out into the kitchen. "So what do you wanna watch?" she called, from the other room.

"Something with girl on girl," Maddy said. She looked at herself in the mirror, and wasn't sure how she felt about some underboob showing beneath the bottom of the crop top.

Lyric laughed. "No, like... something normal. I'm telling you, it's gonna take, like, an hour to kick in. At least."

"Oh."

"I think I'm up for something swoon-worthy. Netflix, show me swoon-worthy."

Time passed. At first, Maddy had been giddy with anticipation, and feeling a little weirded out thinking about masturbating together with Lyric. The worst of that dulled when they watched the romantic comedy and relaxed on the soft, comfy couch amongst all the pillows. Lyric pulled the coffee table up and put a little cover over it. The curtains were drawn and the room was shadowy, though a few bright beams of sunshine from the side of the curtain lit up the room. Lyric seemed equally relaxed, lounging with her feet on the coffee table just like Maddy was.

The movie was stupid, and Maddy had been following it only half-heartedly. By the time the protagonist and her crush had finally figured out they were into each other, and when they finally kissed, Maddy felt a tingle on her skin. She was suddenly very aware of the soft fabric of the top against her nipples. How her limbs felt heavy, and warm. How her senses felt gently muted. "Hey," she said, and her voice was slow and raspy. She giggled a little, and even that sounded slow. "I think something's happening."

"Mm-hm," Lyric said. She squirmed a little and reached for the remote. "Oo-kaaaay." They both giggled when Lyric navigated lazily to PornHub. "Something with girl on girl?"

"Yessss," Maddy said and stroked her hands over her own thighs, over her mound, up to the bare skin between her sweatpants and top. It felt delicious. "Girlssss."

At first Maddy was aware of Lyric on the other end of the sofa. She'd had sex with multiple partners in varying combinations before, and on occasion she had put on a show of masturbating for her partners, but this was something else. There was a difference between exhibitionistic self-sex and masturbation, and Maddy had never had anyone in the room when she masturbated. Lyric was watching the TV, smiling minutely, and after a few moments Maddy was drawn to watch the ladies on the screen and not her passive roommate.

The girls were beautiful, and intense, and Maddy's body responded to how they touched each other. Her nipples ached to be touched, and so she did. It felt so good that her back arched and she gasped sharply, then giggled when she settled back on the pillows, a boob in each hand. Writhing happily. It had been some time since she last masturbated, and now she couldn't understand why. This was exquisite. Her cheeks grew hotter when she fingered her nipples, watching the pretty boobs on the young, beautiful women on screen.

She glanced at Lyric, meaning to say something about the girls, but forgot what she wanted to say. Lyric was watching the TV with slightly unfocused eyes. She lay back on the pillows, one hand inside her pants, the other plucking on her nipples over her shirt. Maddy's eyes fixated on how her nipples poked up, tenting the thin fabric, and her own nipples responded by becoming almost intolerably sensitive. She turned her head slowly, back toward the TV, reminding herself that this was supposed to be masturbating and not ogling her younger roommate.