All Comments on 'This Might be a Porn Game Ch. 01-02'

It doesn’t seem finished!

Seems like half of a story.

@Frisky60 you are 100% correct it is not. I have the next part uploaded and waiting review.

This story needs an edit/editor

The continuity is all out of whack, in only a few paragraphs.

"Michael spun Laura around and forced her over onto the stairs. He pulled her robe up around her arms, basically binding her hands together. Laura was now presenting herself to her nephew. She could feel the cool air running over her exposed sex.

"MMMmmm God." Was all Laura could say as she felt the head of Michaels cock kiss her entrance. One of his hands was already holding her bound hands. She felt another grab her hair and pulled her back hard. He sank into her in one smooth thrust, his heavy balls slapping her clit. With that thought Laura snapped back to reality."

Then

"Laura joked, finally getting her footing and being able to close her robe to hide what was left of her modesty. As she backed away to close her robe Michael saw out of the bottom of his vision what could only be his aunt's bare legs. It was only a side view so he could not be sure but it seemed as if she did not even have panties on."

There's more after this, but it seems like you rewrote the end of the story, but didn't reread it before posting.

In the middle Michael completely changes character to be all, rawr.

Then a couple sentences after that, it's like that paragraph never happened, and he's all shy and nervous that he may have "seen" something, when he apparently just fucked her?

Other than that, your writing style is good, you just gotta find yourself an editor.

@anon Thank you for the feedback. This section was meant to be a dream for Laura. It was not happening. I do see my mistake in the line. With that thought Laura snapped back to reality. I guess I could have made it more clear. I was tore there. I did not want to over explain. I will try to be more aware next time.

Great start. Looking forward to the next part!

A bit clunky with the interaction between Aunt Laura and her Stud of a nephew on the staircase scene. I am adding this passage confused me as the others have commented also. I have no aunts to imagine such scenes with any longer. #PurelyImaginary

Sorry I had to stop reading half way through the second page. It escalated ridiculously fast. Michael went from the teenager to someone who’s been having sex every freaking day, the dom attitude didn’t suit him. Also the lack of punctuation was very frustrating.