All Comments on 'Those Eyes - The Sequel'

OK, so he knew that Debbie was stepping out with him behind Marty's back at the start. But he still decided that she could be the one, the woman that would love him faithfully? He married her? Given his history what could he really have expected to be the result?

How could the hospital's head guy have had the "I hold your career in my hands" thing working when her husband was so f**king rich?

She knew what his company did. She knew what his skills were. She kept cheating. She was so very upset that she got caught?

Who are these people?

I’m tired of stories where some billshit plot device comes along and kills the baby. I don’t care what justification you paint on it, it’s still just punishment and I’m sick to death of it. It’s like honour killing: someone has to be punished so the aggrieved party can regain their honor. It’s just bullshit.

Rob, you are too good a writer to be dragged down by poor wordings. Yes, I'm being pedantic BUT... the abbreviation of "you are" is "you're" NOT "your". I stopped counting once it got past 20 times.

Anyway, nice story. You made Jake out to be a naive, clinging dickhead at the end which didn't mesh with the rest of the story but... that's life. Good luck with the next one. Cheers.

Great fantasy story, it could only happen in the mind of man.

Thanks

I don’t know what story you read, but I read mine over again and found only one sentence where my spell check didn’t catch you’re or your correctly. If you were counting your and you’re, you missed the story. That’s a shame. Get over it.

of that story - - there are no faithful women outthere????

stupid story with stupid characters

2starrs

one half of which is the name of that game but both are integral if her life, TK U MLJ LV NV

you really expect us to believe a wage slave nurse with med school debt who married a man worth a half a billion before his divorce, and nearly 5 billion after, who runs an international PI agency, with a hard line about fidelity would be so stupid as to risk BILLIONS of dollars by continuing to work (at all) for a man sexually harassing her?

No woman mercenary enough to think she deserves a side piece would be dumb enough to upset that gravy train until well after they were married long enough that she would get a good payout in a divorce

So much foot/toe nonsense that it was distracting

That justifies ‘fetish’ category to me

Can only deduce that he should be looking for a woman who has had her toes removed. Nothing enjoyable about this one. Try again.

Again, you killed off the wrong woman but it IS your story.

Turns out she cheated. Shocker. You marry a slut, then you find yourself married to a slut. If you have a pet rattlesnake, is it really the snake's fault when it bites you? He's paying stupid tax. This bs is on him.Sure, she's a snake. He married her anyway.

She's worth billions He's worth millions. And yet, the dumbass tolerates her being more gone than present?

He's a world famous PI with many people at his disposal and he gets surprised by Sandy? WTF?

To all authors, when you use words like thick spunk etc, it's not hot. It's just funny. It's like you are trying to write satire.

Page 2 Jim's got to go down.

Janet is just a disaster magnet isn't she?

Debbie the unprofessional gold digger nurse...Sure, take your kids to eat at a woman's house you know squat about. It's not like he has a huge investigation firm at his disposal.

And she's ready to take care of his boner day one. Sure. He's apparently a slut magnet.

And then the next time he sees her at the hospital she's all embarrassed by the way she acted because she "never does that". Riiiiiggghhhttttl. Never heard that before back in my dating days. Only many times.

And then she slutted out again.

On the yacht. How about that, instant relationship.

She's fucking him but hasn't given him any indication she want's to be exclusive? If a woman is fucking you while you are not exclusive, at least in her mind, she is not wife material.

ANNNNDDD he's having unprotected sex. Guess he's going to spread babies around like Easter eggs.

End of page 4. Hedging her bets. Run guys. Run.

Page 5. Marry her? What a fucking moron. I no longer blame Janet for fucking around on him. He deserves every bit of it for being a terminal dumb ass.

Annnddd she married a many millionaire and she's still working. Right. Total BS.

Page 6. Of course she's a slut. She made that obvious day one. Again, it's on him for being a dumb ass. Good grief.

"Thick warm semen into her womb"...that's some funny shit right there.

He doesn't trust Janet? Obviously he should trust her more than Debbie and more than his own judgment. Fun story but absurd. Better than most on here. Not close to the best on here.

All over the place, with not single character that resembles a normal person in the slightest!

Jesus. Interesting story until too many grammar errors, and use of first person. I seldom abandon a story mid stream. Who the hell did what????

That asshole seriously needs to polish a baseball bat with his balls. Repeatedly!

While I enjoyed the story there was nothing likable about Jake. He is just an uncaring pompous Ass that doesn’t have a forgiving bone in his body. When he runs away from his wife, doesn’t talk to her, gives her the impression he is divorcing her, what does he expect?

Jake... just such an unlikeable person.

Cliche central.

So many things not good here so let's focus on the smallest problem first. If you want to write from several points of view, stay in that persona until the point of view changes

I have to admit skipping most of this story, reading for a while at the start then skipping to the end. From what I understood:

-was cucked by Wife # 1, even after she knew she was in trouble with him

-got cucked by Wife # 2 and took her back

-got cucked again by Wife # 2

-got cucked yet again by Wife # 2, so took back the first wife that cucked him (even when she was in deep trouble with him)

Whether or not that is completely correct or not, this is most definitely not my kind of story.

However, Jake was amazingly dim-witted which quite spoiled the story for me. Too many coincidental meetings at restaurants etc. didn't help credibility.

The author seems to be obsessed with semen and its consistency. I'm not, nor toes either.

A bit of proofreading would have been very useful. As always the unintentional funnies are entertaining. A surveillance company chief who can't even SPELL 'discreet' has a major problem!

I know it's arrogantly patronizing to say so, but I think this author has the potential to be very good indeed. A combative editor would have dealt with most of the issues raised by commenters before the story was submitted and made this a winner.

Interesting how Jake takes the high road all the time, destroys the women he loves by allowing them to get into situations where they screw up. Then he throws them even further into dispair and expects them to not be a target. He set himself up each time. You create your own reality in this case. I know it is a story but I found it kind of wimpish that Kale did not fight for what was his and played like the poor little victim all the time.

One whore, two whore, three, these bitches cheat more than any sluts on TV!

I'll make more enemies and say the first wife was "written" to be a slut, just so we can have wife two. But... but, wife one is the mother of his kids.

Number two as stated above jumped on Jake on day one, then banged the doctor as soon as she got back from a "fun" trip? And let a guy finger her in public after going to diner with him without telling her husband where she was going.

Then ran off to be with the finger fucker in Cali.

I mean she managed to top off wife #1. She only had one night of bad indiscretion.

As said before, Jack has bad judgement for women.

First of all, edit you story!

Jake was a real dumbass. Marries number two almost immediately! Just because you have sex with her does not make her marriage material.

I appreciate it. good, bad or indifferent.

Personally I read for the pleasure of it, not to count grammatical errors. With that being said I enjoyed reading your story as you chose to write it and was entertained by it.

So I gave you 5* and a fav story and am moving on.

Thanks for sharing your story.

The title refers to the writing, not the characters.

The first tip-off was the misplaced comma that lead me to understand that the 10 year old son was a tranny. On this site, that might be understandable. The punctuation only got worse (especially since the boy was normal) later in the story.

Seriously, how could someone end up being such a loser? Are such people actually alive? I know that most people with money don't come with common sense (especially if their exceptional looks are the fallback used to save from defeat), but get a clue!

The second tell that this was an unreasonable waste of time was when he asked what she was going to do with the fetus, then told her it was nothing he was interested in hearing when she responded (so why ask it - dumbass?).

couldn't get past page 3 - sorry. Get an editor (they're free)

Smokepole

The original seemed to belong in the Fetish category. This one fits better in Loving Wives, although Fetish could be applied to this too. I think Susan shouldn't have killed off. She seemed to be his soulmate. Everyone else was just a place holder...

On occasion a writer gets a mania about a story.

This is what is happening to Rob5373.

"Those Eyes - The Sequel" (Gotta love the title, ha) belongs in a Bizzarro world. A place where bad is good. Where common sense is nonsense, 🤯.

I'm not going to critique. I'm just saying goodbye Rob5373. HA, HA, Ha, ha, ha........

AMerryman

Way, way too much. A good story if you have nothing else to fill your time.

Sorry but my bad for wasting my time.

T.T.

The sequel felt almost like a stand alone story. A predictable story of wives that travel too much and begin having late nights at work. Still worth a read.

Since I'm for reconcilliation, I wasn't too happy with the ending.

Janet, rather than go home and have her sexual urges satisfied by her very capable husband, decides to spend weeks away and ultimately gives in to her desires and became an easy prey for one of her previous lovers that she was with for a long time.

From a background of wealth and associated easy virtues, she easily allows men to be touchy with her. That was her first mistake...having got married to the "only" man she ever really loved and had two children, one would expect some respect for her husband by not letting other men put their arms around her or kiss her on the lips. Something that is personal should not have been shared. Then she agrees to meet the old flame and it all goes downhill pretty graphically!

At the end, she atones for her mistakes and loss by being the best ever mother and never has sex with anyone. She remains with hope for her husband to return. When that opportunity finally arises, a few years later, we are told that she had moved in with her ex-husband and children. They live a normal family life but they remain divorced. After so many celibate years and dedication to her family, husband can't get past his trust issues. What more does he want? Every day and night he can see and check on what she does (security guy). It would have ended nicely that he finally felt that he could take a chance on her again and marry her, effectively regaining his trust. Currently, the children live in a house with divorced parents, akin to "living in sin" , along with the social stigma attached to such situations.

Anyway, for me "Those Eyes" ended with part one.

"I don’t know what story you read, but I read mine over again and found only one sentence where my spell check didn’t catch you’re or your correctly. If you were counting your and you’re, you missed the story. That’s a shame. Get over it."

@Rob5373, There were many, many 'your' where there should have been 'you're'. Are you blind? Spell check won't pick that up.

"Thanks for the feedback,

I appreciate it. good, bad or indifferent."

I laughed at that comment from you. I've seen comments from you on other writers stories bitching about the feedback. So which is it, you appreciate it or not?

I gave up on page 4, it may be fiction but there needs to be some realism.

why were these wives working if you were a millionaire was it always a test

Poor Jake, he doesn't have much luck with his womens. Janet, the celebrity, is true to form. A rich slut with no self control and few morals. Debbie was a surprise slut. Didn't expect her to give up those millions for a mere surgeon. Just no accounting for whores. Mr ex ranger, PSI, Jake definitely ought to have something personal for Jim and Ryan, and Marty too. They know the whores are married to him and don't care. Jim even rubs it in. Just a little revenge would be appropriate and appreciated. Lastly, please lose the damn feet.

It's lonely at the top.

its a cookie cutter copy of the original. Same plot devices. Same chance discoveries in restaurants with the same lotharios they got in trouble with Jake over in the first place. Same toe fetish. Adds nothing to the original. Goes in no no direction. Only doubles down on the least plausible elements of the original with everybody saying and doing the exact same thing.

There is no reason to read the sequel if you have read the original. Me? Been there read that.

Well besides the toe fetish and the cream pie fetish it was a decent story. Best character was killed off and no retaliation against preditors..... this could be approved upon. 4

Way overly pious.

So everywhere Debbie goes with her side lover she runs into Jake or Janet? The fair, multiple restaurants, the bar, etc.

Great story all the way along but some glaring issues that can’t be ignored

First mechanically it’s hard to ignore the mixing of characters within the 1st person. A few times it switches mid paragraph.

The story refuses to address the real issue. The main character is nearly in likable but definitely unloveable. He may be great sexually as it attested multiple times. But he can’t keep a woman from cheating as soon as she sees a dick. Fool me once shame on you Fool me twice shame on me. He needs to figure out how to give women more than just a big dick and a pussyfull of cum

The toe fetish is way overdone. When everyone has a tie fetish it’s obvious the only toe fetish belongs to the author

Loved the story would really loved to give it a better score

Jake just can’t stop finding cheating sluts to marry! He rings all of their bells but as soon as some weasel touches them sexually, they all fall backwards with their legs in the air like dead cockroaches. Debbie stated that Marty couldn’t bring her to climax like Jake so why did she go back to Marty? Debbie’s husband is worth 100’s of millions of dollar why would Debbie care what her boss had to offer her. Debbie was rich!

Sorry fella you are sad.. stop the toe nail shit ..

No. Hell no. It is obvious the only shadowing being done is the Martian shadowing Jake ready to use his Martian Slut Ray on every woman who goes near Jake. None of this made any psychological sense, unless you believe stroking a woman will immediately make her crazed with desire and forget her husband and children. There are men who believe that. They end up in jail or prison, because women do not react like that. Also, no insurance company in the world would write insurance for any woman involved with Jake. The provable actuarial risk would be too great.

This was just not good. All thick loads, toes, ICU rooms... blech.

Yo Male characters just need to stay single

The story never builds. It takes one note and plays it to death. All the while leaving lots of loose threads.

This story is an odd juxtaposition of attitudes and beliefs about women.The MC is a foot fetishist who tends to idolize his love interests and repeatedly proclaim his devotion and reverence for whoever is his wife at the time. Sounds like the tale will portray women in a very flattering and complementary manner, right?

Umm...no, because the women he loves are narcisstic, entitled and impulsive creatures whose behavior is primarily determined by their degree of sexual arousal at the moment. They lack morality, loyalty, self awareness, self control and the ability to keep their legs together. In short, they are dim witted trollips.

Most of the MC's dialogue is devoted to telling his estranged spouse how he had loved, cherished and trusted her unti she acted on her innate, irresistible desire for strange. This twists his ardent proclamations of affection into the whinings of an angry and bitter cuckold.

Rather than beings worthy of love and devotion, women are slutty fallen angels with feet of clay.

Misogyny is indeed alive and well.

Ok these girls are just sluts.

The first girl susan seemed the only normal one, to bad you killed her off. Them I could have seen lasting.

Janet knowing she was seen and had to figure under observation due to receiving a picture he texted her, proceeds to go to a guys room and have sex.

BTW pissing off a billionaire, did she ever get revenge on him sending that info to her husband?

So really a story about a guy that keeps getting hooked up with sluts disguised as normal women.

Hmm, not as good as the first and still the same misses. Jim and Ryan intentionally sabotaged Jake/Janet's marriage, yet paid no penalty. Jack and Taylor did the same thing and again no penalty. True, Janet and Debbie were married and should have resisted but these guys are willful predators that cared nothing of marriage/vows. Jim even admitted to Jake his intention. Jake has a code to live by but is a pussy, especially with all his money, to not have put the hurt on all these predators.

/

So Rob53, all women are sluts and most men are predators having no virtue. Some may loose their job but were never remorseful in ruining marriages for a piece of glamorous pussy.

/

3.9*, barely, hooyah.

for the story. What were the settlements in the divorces? Were there prenupts.? I'm sure Janet had one but what about Debbie? Did she leave with her doctor as very rich woman. I guess it doesn't matter. Seems the guy doesn't lack for pussy just can't seem to keep it.

I know just how you feels. It's hard to find a woman that's gonna be faithful loving caring and a good wife.

Derp Derp Derp.....

Quite a good story, I give it four stars. It could ( should ) have been Five Stars, but all the toe licking/sucking fetish crap going on spoiled it somewhat for me...

anyone else thinking that susan should not have died? other than the time with susan everything else seemed like ground hogs day

Toes with polish and rings, part of sex, check. Cheater gets pregnant by douche bag, check. Spouse seems unaware of pregnancy risks with the other guy, check. Baby dies in a car wreck, check. Cheating spouse's leg is broken in same wreck, check.

These stories are a bit like Taco Bell, same ingredients, served up with slight variations. Yet, still edible, even if not too inspired. I'll have the broken leg AND ankle, please, with a side of dead cheater baby. And I keep coming back for more.

Should never have married Debbie in the first place,he knew what she was like,also with his wealth,why no mention of a prenup?.Also why didn't he seek revenge on Jim and Ryan?.

She had her last child at the age of 40? Very few couples will have children at that age because they would be in their late 60's by the time the children were teenagers. Now she is pregnant again at the age of 48/49. Perhaps you need to sort out your ages when you write a story. While it is possible for a women of that age to get pregnant it's highly unlikely.

Hilarious stuff. Considering what happened, wonder if he regrets saving Janet and getting Susan killed in the first story? But seeing how this goes, Susan would probably have been cheating on him in no time as well. Overall, it's too all over the place and slapstick to take seriously.

I.Q. lowering....... Derp, derp, derp.....

All I can says this is one twisted tale from Susan the Senator's daughter to Janet the multi-millionaire who got

Susan killed and then cheated on Jake after marrying him, then the divorce, Jake remarries and divorces to Debbie being a cheating Slut and ends back up with Janet moving back in with him and the kids, but not married because Jake can't trust her. Wow, this tale is truly one of the most twisted ones I have read in years. 5 stars for the writing.

Rob5373…if 73 is your year of birth and I am sure u are from America…or some civilised place other then Taliban occupied Saudi Arabia and Afghanistan? …if yes u surely would have heard of the morning after pill? Or are u so stupid that u don’t do ur research? This bitch was not some 16 year old teenager with no means to get an afte rmorning pill!…

I'm with Nitpic. Why with his money and resources would Jim and Ryan be allowed to keep their genitals. It seems he is only brave against women. He was much more likable with Susan. Jake was not an emotionally strong or smart person.

Such awful garbage from wannabe authors who invent the most ridiculous characters and have no real understanding of women. I have to stop reading this genre as other than a few good authors the rest are wounded misogynists with no talent. I fear my IQ has dropped reading loving wives and it’s time to go back to real literature.

When reading these stories, I wonder if it turns the author on and if they would be willing to take a cheating spouse back in real life after the first couple times they cheated? Yes, this is just a fictional story but with alot of the same RAAC endings from the author, it seems like he must enjoy it in real life or atleast in his fantasies.

Bigger load of garbage than the flawed original .

I read the whole story but got a bit bored with the back and forth with the two main lady characters. Just too silly a plot line to remain interesting. The emotional back and forth of the main character was totally unbelievable. Started with an interesting twist, but got stale after one got to page 4.

I really just don't understand this writer. He creates sexy and smart women and then makes them do absurdly inexplicable, marriage-ending actions for no reason and no warning. And it's always kind of the same spiel.

All these story are. The same all the plots the same all the events the same

I finally gave up on page three. When you have first person male, first person female and third person, all in a few paragraphs, and sometimes in a single sentence, it's just too much to deal with. I'm gone. One star, it could have been three stars, but you only get one.

Do you enjoy writing drivel?

Nonsensical.

Cuck rubbish

All of your stories are the same, same plot with a slight variation only. Like a one track record that plays over and over.

Scores 3/5, the repetition is getting to me.

Debbie was some random pastiche of a bunch of loving wives on this site. Uggh just a chaotic mess. Was like she was incapacitated le of making decisions. Meanwhile Janet was a bit of a different story. She had a jet setting life that she gave up for years with family. Sucked back into it she disconnected form her family which is always a wedge issue for both partners. At first swept up in the business and travel. Nit good but not a mortal sin. Don't believe she planned on doing anything with Jacques. But Jim was another matter altogether. He got her liqoored up and seduced her and then when she went yo the room saw a couple having sex. She tried to resist and leave but between the alcohol and the sexual tension and intimate touching, she lost it a entirely and reveled in being a cum dump. All for Jim to have revenge. She was mortified when she awoke. But was throughly scorched as her husband got the play by play. Worse she got pregnant and decided on keeping the child. They were done anyways. She was depraved all that one night for like 8 hours. Like a junkie getting a high fro.heroin again. Ironically she described it later as mediocre sex in comparison to her husband. While thrilling it was hollow and not as fulfilling. Doesn't matter, her husband moved on. Her accident got the unborn child out of the way. But not the fact that she got pregnant. About as bad as it gets with a one night stand. Jim was a.predator who knee how to target her vulnerabilities. What I don't understand is two things: (a) her husband is a PI with a lot of money (not as rich as her but still) and (b) she already got exposed.on TV, had an argument with her husband, and then lo and behold she still takes the room key and the steps into his hotel room. Wtf? Her husband's radar is up. Worse he didn't even need to have her followed (for security reasons), Jim sent all the photographic evidence anyways with a shitty note..when she realized why Jim did it, she w a righteously pissed. Surprised she didn't exact revenge on Jim with her money. At least have him black balled in the industry. Instead pregnancy, accident, dead unborn child, rehabilitation and motherhood. Nte why do these wives of many years, when they plan yo cheat, NOT think about birth control. I get in a flash setting, that the pill.may not be an option, but then again, what birth control wss she using with the MC? There are diaphragms with spermicidal gel, there are condoms, etc. If pre planned then have time to get stabilized on a pill. Nope they just get knocked up like teenagers, apparently having learned nothing as they aged. And especially Janet who is mega rich and an international name. She is supposed to have more knowledge of the world than a 15 year girl being shit talked by a guy only looking yo get into her panties.

Excellent!

It’s actually hilarious! Jake is the GOAT as far as a loser is concerned! He gets fucked over by Janet…then by Debbie! What’s with this man? A perpetual wimp? I just can’t feel that this guy should not even have been born!

Why did mister big shot Pi not go after Jim and Ryan?.Also how much will Debbie get from the divorce seeing how he had millions,that was conveniently overlooked.

What a mess. The prior story should have just ended. So.mamy rich, jet setting corporate women who marry, and then toss it all away for mediocre or obsessive sex. These stories are all derivative. Uggh.

Apparently married women who cheat in this author's fictional universe have no knowledge of or ever will use a Plan B pill. Wouldn't have effected Janet's divorce but it would have stopped a pregnancy. But all the author rights about is cheating wives who get pregnant. Is that a fixation?

Cheating wealthy, high powered, jet setting women who have no clue on birth control and no idea about plan B pills. A constant in this author's LW stories.

Why did Susan have die? She was the only one who didn't. cheat on him.

This guy must have something really bad about him. he women he's attracted to are all so untrustworthy. D

His weakness is promises of fidelity.