All Comments on 'Three Rules Ch. 02'

there should have been more what they did in their first semester at Uni.

not just them pining for the other.

....feel like they have to give this website a plug within a story:

"...Jason relegated himself to the bathroom after reading a particularly hot story on Literotica."

Its a good story, but that reference took me out of the mood you were setting...

Finish the story, just don't feel like you need to do that--I guess I didn't want to be brought back to reality.

Marvin

This was good, not as good as the first chapter. I agree w/Marvin about plugging the site during stories. It's distracting and it pulls me RIGHT out of the story. I wish writers didn't feel the need to do that.

I hope if you continue telling this story you forgo that gimmick and just tell the great story you started.

Janine

the first chapter was bad but this was worse. this was rushed and complicated making readers want to skip paragraphs to try and find something interesting to read. the whole college part was stupid, if it bothered him so much when she called WHY DIDN'T HE HANG UP OR NOT ANSWER AT ALL? why would he even think about going home for christmas if it bothered him so much seems he would find a way to stay at school over the holidays like a job or something. over all it was rushed, boring and way to hard to read. find a good editor and do total rewrite on both chapters BUT DELETE THEM FIRST.

Anonymous said that the literotica wasn't a good reference or something along that line, But i found it kind of humorous and chuckled a little when i read it. I think you did your best on bringing the back story between the two characters feelings towards each other. People don't realize how hard it is fitting back story into it once left out, So i think you did quite well with the circumstances. Keep up the good work and learn from reading and writing stories, Also if they don't have advice on the matter that they are putting your stories down with then what is the fact behind their acclaims ;). Love a peeping Vulture.

not enough detail about the first term at college. why would he answer the phone when he knew it would cause him pain hearing her talk about all the guys she was with. it was way to rushed the addition of the backstory was awkward and poorly done. the best thing you can do is delete and rewrite both starting from the beginning and working forward. the background and character development belong at the beginning of the story not tacked on in chapter two as an after thought. reads like a total waste of time and wasn't worth reading.

IF you are smart (and we know you aren't) you will delete both chapters and start over. start with the background then add what you posted as chapter one with more detail then go to chapter two which would be college but with a lot more detail. as said by others he would answer the phone or go home for holidays he would avoid her at all costs, as is it was a waste of your time and ours delete and do it right or not at all.

It's been nearly two years now, is Chapter 3 nearly ready yet ?

Your story gave me a yard on a hard long (okay, a 5 inch hard on).

I knew a set of twins when I was in Jr High in Arkansas. Since they wouldn't date anyone, rumors started up that they were fucking each other. Years later I found out that the rumors were true. I've always wished I could have had a sister like the one in your story. It would have made life a lot more enjoyable!

Waiting for chapter #3. Great story....need more ....

its been a long wait, please conclude...