All Comments on 'Three Wicked Sisters Pt. 01'

This was a great story please keep going

As you write more you will get better :)

The only thing of negativity here is the grammar, there's a difference between "Your" as in "You own it, it's yours." and "You're" as in "You are"

Back when I was learning English they used a very simple drawing of a girl pointing at a guy in a car going "You're in your car."

So a sentence like "Your beautiful, your awesome, your fucking your neighbor's kid, your so sexy, fuck me, fuck me, this is awesome."

Doesn't make sense, it should be: "You're beautiful, you're awesome, you're fucking your neighbor's kid, you're so sexy, fuck me, fuck me, this is awesome."

I liked the chapter and look forward to more chapters. You will get better as you write. Thanks for your time and efforts.

Kind of goofy and has a definite English as a second language vibe to it still overall a good read. Take the previous grammar advise to heart.

Fix the grammar, the structure a bit and you're all set to go. It was a fun story with an interesting twist and I'm honestly looking forward to the next part.

Don't get me wrong, I love this story so far, but, there are not four people any where on the globe that are that age and have attended public schools that can be that friggin' ignorant about sex.

I realize that the stuff on Literotica is fiction, but c'mon....... don't insult readers' intelligence with BS.

2 stars and I was being generous.

You described Sean very well, but you didn't describe the ladies at all; height, weight, hair length and color, eye color, build. I don't recall Sandy's age. There is no description of the father at all other than being a male workaholic who dose care for his son. The setting is bare bones. A description of the house would also help out the story.

An interesting twist on the Cinderella fairy tale, but the suspension of disbelief required to go with it is extreme.

You can't have 0% body fat you'd die I think bodybuilders get down to like 2% for competition not sure but I know 0%=death look it up.

Like one previous comment stated, the homonyms can cause a lot of confusion. The ones I see misused the most are: there, their and they're;read and red; deer and dear: bear and bare; Just to mention a few. Proofread before posting. You might want to solicit the services of an editor. You can always open a browser window and search for the word to check the spelling and definition. Do not give up, I liked the story. Take the information the critics give you and do better with the next story.

I have to say that while there is some very real potential here this story is rough as all hell. The dialogue and character interactions are just straight unbelievable. They just don't sound or feel real.

I thought it was a good story so please write more about the Three Wicked Sisters

I agree Crescenthammer. Spell check is not your best friend. Develop a relationship with a Literotica editor who is a proven long term creative success. Develop a plausible background and buildup. Develop the story line and characters. Don't rush into it. Four naked ladies is a bit much - thin it out. Same goes for the horse cock and giant tits. This aspect is so over done; but then again this is your fantasy. Same goes for the OMG. Loose it!

A reasonably good effort so far but don't leave the cleanup to your readers. That is your responsibility. Three stars for this submission and my comments are with the best of intentions.

My comments are coloured by the standard of the plot and the standard of the editing.

I haven't read any of your other stories, but having checked your profile I saw that you have added eight in a little over 12 months. That surprised me because this, your latest, seems to have been dashed off without any attempts to correct grammar slips - some of them basic.

Other reviewers have given some suggestions for ways to improve the grammar and structure and i urge you to look at them objectively and revisit and improve this before committing the next chapter to Literotica.

There are many examples of tales that are grammatically superior to this but that don't approach the quality of your plot. Once I had strolled past the shortcomings, the story was very enjoyable. I have no intention of making suggestions about the plot or characters because you're definitely on the right track with them.

I don't think the problems are going to be difficult for you to deal with. By far the most difficult part of writing, in my experience, is in the structure and plot and you're OK there.

You and I have written technical manuals, procedures, and such in similar fields and, although techical and fiction writing are very different, I've found the experience of one is invaluable for the other... provided you pay attention and leave the machine to do no more than what it does best: store and print. You control the rest.

3/5

I appreciate the comments and criticisms. I do learn from them. As many have pointed out, grammar is not a strong point of mine. Grammarly helps but certainly isn't perfect. I have been writing for a year and have not found editors wanting to work on longer stories. I often breeze past 80 MS Word pages for a story. It's a lot of work to edit any story. I do the best I can and with each story and I try to get better.

detail about what knowledge of the aspects of sexual activity having had no previous sexual experience. As an example - his comments about Sandy's vagina during cunnilinguist,, the limited sensation on the outer lips and much more sensory feelings in the inner lips. He would not even know the terms.

Over all, a good story.

I really enjoyed this story. I hope you continue.

"Your beautiful, your awesome, your fucking your neighbor's kid, ..." SHOULD be "You're beautiful, you're awesome, you're fucking your neighbor's kid, ..."

because 'you're' is a shortened version of 'you are'!!

"Look, some people get to be president of the United States and some clean toilets for a living ... " That is not the most important thing, as we recently have been shown.

He is virtually inexperienced with sex and especially with oral sex and yet he knows exactly what to do? Sure, some is a bit instinctive but what he does is beyond instinctive.

Lack of knowledge by the girls makes no sense. The would have talked with girlfriends at school, even boyfriends could have given them knowledge of what to do and how to do t.

There is a lot of this story that simply is beyond any kind of logic? The story appears to have been submitted without any attempt at serious proofreading.

Great story I loved it. Please ignore the anonymous comment re your and you’re. What a tool to leave a critical comment whilst hiding behind anonymity!

Please continue with your writing. Thank you for the FREE story. I appreciate the effort.

Nigel from the U.K.

I've enjoyed the story so far, the plot is okie dokie, I'm even ok with the four girls, hey, that's just more work for you in future chapters, hehehe! I thought it was hilarious that she was giving them dating/sex instructions on what makes a 'good guy/keeper' vs kicking him out at any point, but had no problem just shoving her pussy in his face, knowing he knew exactly nothing about what he was looking at, and couldn't be bothered with spending three minutes teaching him so he could work on being a good/educated lover. Kinda like her thoughts of kicking a guy to the curb if he didn't go down on you before putting it in you. ... did you ASK him to eat you? Are you going to go down on him too? Do you know if he's ever gone down on a girl before? Ever been asked to? Ever been taught? Even knows the parts?

Kinda like her whole laughable sorting hat method of deciding if he was going to get anywhere.

Unless you're just after a quickie/one night stand, if you don't go to the trouble of sitting down to coffee for an hour with your prospect and both talking about expectations, experience, likes, dislikes, willingness to try stuff, etc... Then you just get what you disserve and roll the dice. Throwing someone away or thinking they're selfish/careless because you were too lazy/shy/stupid to talk about it first...

When I was in my early 20's and finally out on my own, I was innocent as hell. I had never had a chance to date as a teen and was pretty shy. Now here I am out in the world and have women getting me into bed. They were all happy, but not one ever asked me to go down on them. Hell, I didn't know anything about that. Really! If one had bothered to ask and instruct, all the ones that followed would have reaped the benefits!! Never assume that someone should just know something, or expect something and get pissed when you don't get it.

a fraction above zero experience sexually, the boy is able to detect desire in a woman's face?

Once more our "typist" proves that it's just words that he types with minimal real life experience.

The story, the plot is interesting.

But again, a lot of "buts."

STDs - only through the cunt?

So you can suck it and syphilis isn't a problem?

And all the girls are experienced cocksuckers.

They don't study or work anywhere? They date guys, the oldest has been dating for 5 years, and they don't fuck? OK. But they have learned how to suck dicks. And they don't shy away from their brother, he's furniture to them. He didn't see them sucking?

Didn't hear the conversations at school?

I know it's a fantasy, that's an A***, but there has to be some logic to it.

It's really weird.

I have read 3 stories back to back and they all come out the same. The same things happen and the style. Maybe im reading same person work and don’t realize it. Son/brother that hates his family. They have treated him horribly but after a day or two of apologies and being naked all is forgiven. A tad bit of earning some trust would help. It goes straight to sex and I love you’s

"<i>I am 6' 5" tall 175 lbs</i>" - Even at 0% Bodyfat, I'd be surprised if the guy managed to push even half his bodyweight while bench pressing. Much less his full bodyweight, which everyone should be capable of.

"<i>The guys check out my bruises, 'Holy shit, this dude took one hell of a hit. That is one tough son of a bitch.'</i>" - that tough SOB just broke his hand on someone's face. Super tough!

"<i>I finish, she wipes me off.</i>" - Was this written by a women? Who TF wipes his dick!?

Normally, I thoroughly enjoy these types of setting. When the main character had to suffer in the past and now everything gets better. But at least put a <b>little</b> realism in it. If they treated him like slave their <b>whole</b> lifes, they won't stop just because the neighbor found out and gave them a stern talking to...

This is quite the story...again!!

The best part...the author is TEACHING his male readers about how a woman should be treated, with respect and tenderness. Guys, learn to take your time with your woman/women; put their pleasure before your own...you know you are "gonna get yours", so take your time, learn her body, what she likes, and PLEASURE HER!DIf you do, the payoff is not just physical, it is in the TRUST you build...believe me, she will let you do things she may not have encountered, or ever thought of letting happen to her. JUST BE NICE AND CONSIDERATE...AND, MAYBE...😈💨💥

These sisters did not "know better", kept their "Cinderfella' around, but now have Sandy to teach them!

**5**

Yeah, this one is a flop… you write with very little consideration of how the actual characters would behave and react. The story details are like an old bucket that just don’t hold water. I had other stories of yours bookmarked to read, but I’m afraid I’m going to have to pass.

Hey Maddog….. not cool commenting on your own stories using a different account. You’re not fooling as many people as you think you are. Kinda pathetic.

holy shit what kind of cuck shit are your writing here..... fuckin hell please burn this with the purest elemental fires known to man to erase the horrors that have happened within

After the first time you wrote "OMG" instead of writing it as a spoken phrase (like real people talk)....i stopped reading this crap immediately

Why are so many Dickheads getting so out of shape about this story??

If YOU think you can do better, PROVE IT!!

Personally I LIKE IT!!