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"Damn girl I love the way you look doing that shit; I wanna fuck you all night like I should've been doing since I got here. Damn bitch, I wanna empty my balls before I leave here! You're gonna have to toss me up outta here or I might take you with me! KEEP SUCKING!! AW SHIT KEEP SUCKING ON THAT DICK BABY!! DAMN!! DAMN GIRL!!"
Rashida's lips pressed into my mound held there until she was forced to relent coughing hard. Her right fist was balled up under my balls with everything bulging over its top. She pressed a hand to her chest, handling me just watching.
"Sorry daddy."
"WHAT?!!" I was confused as she applied pressure squeezing hard.
"Ah, that's enough I'm tired." Rashida playfully wagged my cock starting to chortle as I realized the karmic prank.
"RASHIDA, no you don't...why're you gonna do that shit?"
"Maybe you should get me a pizza puff, some steak fries, and a pint of fucking pralines ice cream." My earlier misdeeds were thrown back in my face as she bounded over me running into her room situated on the other side of Daisy Kelly's.
I was left with an angry boner while she guffawed from her little rented cubbyhole.
"Bitch." I eventually got up from the floor picking up the house between the living and dining room getting dressed to put the soiled beach towel in the wash for the night.
My eyes settled on the daisy dukes on the floor near the short stairwell leading out of Jaquan's house. I picked them up raising an eye towards Rashida's room. The door curtain was drawn and quite obviously locked. She correctly expected me to rush in and ravage her.
But we were on different time tables as I looked at my phone setting an alarm.
There were seventy five unanswered calls from Takisha along with a plethora of texts some with pics attached.
I deleted them without hesitation before editing together an epic teaser with some of the footage shot.
I made a point of putting my phone on vibrate before drifting off on Jaquan's new couch. Just before I fell asleep, I chuckled at the thought of my cousin having the carpet ripped out of the living room because I'd boned Rashida there too.
Rashida's snores echoed throughout the house.
"Bitch need a cpap machine."
[DARKNESS]
***********************************************************************************************************
"HUH?"
My phone was pressed against my face buzzing intently with an incoming call as I found it just after five in the morning. It was a number I didn't recognize making me feel as if Takisha had a burner phone or something.
"Hello?"
"Hey, sorry to bother you this early in the morning, but you are, the Educated Simp, right?" Some guy with a smooth silky sounding voice was in my ear at once as my brow furrowed.
"WHO IS THIS?!!"
"This is Sly from the 96K-Jay, the last remaining bastion of real urban music in the Midwest, that smooth silk that pays it forward along with my cohost Sidney right here in the American diaspora. You're on the early morning show brother because enquiring minds want to know."
"Are you for real; is this a joke?" I wasn't in the mood laying on Jaquan's new couch which turned out not to be as comfortable as his original.
"No brother, this is the real deal with all the sex appeal and we're on a mission this morning." I heard some additional voices in the background starting to wake up further.
"Oh really?" I reached down on the floor switching on Jaquan's sound system with his universal remote. My voice filled the house for an instant prompting me to lower the volume considerably.
There wasn't any real danger of waking the heavy sleeping Ms. Sikes in the other room.
"You're gonna have to turn your volume down bruh." Another guy chimed in while I was still pointing the remote at the system.
"Way ahead of you; so what's up?"
"First things first, are you really the Educated Simp?"
"Yeah."
"COME ON MY KING; IS THAT REALLY YOUR NAME?!!" A female voice cut into the conversation loud and obnoxious. I listened to the local station on occasion a few times but had faded out over the past year in favor of other platforms.
I remembered these guys did a livestream on social media switching on my cousin's television bringing up the simulcast on You Tube.
"Yeah that what they call me."
"WHAT'S YOUR REAL NAME?!!" She cut in again irritating me as I started to sit upright clicking on their live stream lighting up the darkened room.
"That's the only name I'm gonna give, now state your business or we're done."
I had nothing to lose as I found them on my television sitting in their cramped studio.
Sly was this older dude that favored Russel Wilson in the face with eyes hidden behind a pair of bedazzled shades while the rest of his gear was a pedestrian track suit. Sidney his cohost was wearing a fluffy yellow tracksuit at least from the waist up with a matching yellow bucket hat with numerous pins and buttons adorning it.
She was this female with a horse face done no favors by the red lipstick on her big lips matching big button earrings.
"Hey my man, we ain't got to bring that energy in the studio this morning. Whether you believe it or not, we're on a mission to help you out. We've been hearing some things about you, so we wanted to try and see if we could help you work it out."
"Oh really, and what is that Sly?"
"DAMN RELAX MY KING; JUST CHILL THAT ENERGY, GEEZ!!" Sydney cut in again intriguing me more than anything else as I decided to capitulate.
"Alright but only if you raise your right arm."
"WHAT?!!"
"Raise your right arm Sydney, and we can talk." I had the television muted watching the reactions of the people sitting around the table with numerous mics in their faces. It looked like a bunch of people hanging out to me as she shrugged at her cohost onscreen.
I watched everyone prompt her to hold up her arm as my ear was filled with laughter and peer commentary.
"Sydney, yellow must be your favorite color, but that's a bit much, don't you think?" I was almost fully awake watching as she glanced around even looking over her shoulder.
"AW HELL NAW!!" Some porch monkey looking guy commented getting some serious laughter while I interjected.
"I'm watching your show on the You Tube live; don't panic." The panel bust into more laughter until they were quieted down by Sly.
"Hey brother we good and all; but this is my show and you're on the spot; get off my girl Sydney over here. We're trying to pay it forward and help you out with your girl."
"My girl?" I facepalmed realizing what was going on and my culpability in it.
"You know Takisha, right?"
I hesitated making some of the goons around him snicker and comment about Takisha's probable homeliness. One of the guys I recognized as a benchwarmer from our local basketball team was getting admonished by a female that looked like a literal stripper sitting on his lap.
"I, know of her, yes." Sly and Sydney exchanged glances before continuing. Domino's "Sweet Potato Pie" was playing low in the background as some sort of mood music for the radio segment.
"What, she messy or something brother; you don't wanna claim her man?!!" This other guy a portly b-list comedian cut into the conversation getting more laughter.
"Is she on this line?"
"YEAH!"
"Tell her to send you her social media and ask me that fucking question again." I didn't know if I this was my fifteen minutes of fame, but I was taking it regardless on my terms whether they hung up or not.
"HEY SISTER, CAN YOU HOOK US UP?!!" This guy was maximum bluster and bravado yelling his request into the microphone as one of the other women playfully tussled with him.
An intern appeared briefly giving a thumbs up sign while these guys continued the conversation.
"YOU DON'T WANNA CLAIM HER BUT YOU GOTTA STUNT!!" Sydney accused.
"Please ma'am; I just wanna make a point." I was three steps ahead of them already as Takisha's disembodied voice filled my ears.
"WHY'RE YOU ALWAYS TREATING ME LIKE THIS?!! YOU WON'T EVEN TELL ME YOUR NAME!!" She was either putting on an Oscar worthy performance or legitimately distraught as I got up walking to my cousin's bedroom door cracking it open for a peek.
Jaquan was sound asleep wearing an eye mask as I pulled the door closed quietly.
"You know my name Takisha."
"THAT DUMBASS NICKNAME?!!"
"That's what they call me; didn't I tell you that already." I was talking casually watching the studio on my cousin's flat screen as Sly cut into our budding drama.
"Come on bruh, you've got a really nice lady here twisted up in knots over you; take it from me, that player act gets tired after a while. You ain't gonna be young forever and you might look back on this and find some regret." He was speaking from the heart but misguided as I continued calculating.
"Did she send you her social media, a link?"
"TOLD YOU THE FEMALE IS TORE UP!! WHY ELSE WOULD THE YOUNG BROTHER PIPE UP LIKE DAT?!!" The comedian was unsuccessfully shushed as Takisha took offense.
"SHUT YOUR FAT ASS UP!!"
"AW NOW SISTA, YOU DON'T WANT ME TO GO IN ON YOU LITTLE GIRL!! YOU AIN'T CAME UP OFF NO PICS!! THIS BROTHER MIGHT BE JUSTIFIED!!!" This guy was full of bluster wholly bombastic as several of the people in their cramped studio gave him high fives.
"Hold up, I'm getting some pics right now from Takisha. Let's take a look at this young lady and see why the brother's so reluctant. Let's have a look at your girl here."
Everybody sort of got quiet as Sly leaned forward looking at a monitor in front of him while Sydney did the same. On the opposite side of the panel the comedian had a monitor which everyone crowded around.
I noticed a visible reaction to Takisha's submitted pics with the studio quiet for a few moments with the comedian speaking up first.
"BRUH?!! BRUH, MY NIGGA THIS AIN'T LOOKING GOOD RIGHT HERE NOW!! THE GIRL IS FUCKING FINE!!!"
"36D-26-36, five foot eleven inches bare footed, six plus in heels former all state volley and basketball player at my school, fucking modeling lingerie since I was in high school; and I teach kindergarten classes too down at a charter. Can you believe how this guy treats me? Can you believe he'd rather lay up with morbidly obese hood rats instead of having a proper relationship with me? Won't even tell me his fucking name after sleeping with me two times!!"
Takisha was heartened making her case in public as I leaned back watching the live with a smile forming on my lips.
"DAMN!!" A graphic was shown on the channel revealing Takisha's pics to their viewing audience.
There were three in all, nuclear thirst traps. One depicted Takisha wearing a men's shirt and nothing else posing on a bed wearing a pair of glasses pretending to read as she supposedly waited for someone to arrive. The second obviously came from a catalogue with her in a skimpy bra and panty set flashing a million dollar smile while the last sealed the deal in dramatic fashion.
Takisha was seen facing away from the camera topless in what appeared to be a hot spring. She was standing under this waterfall with the heated stream cascading down her slim thick body.
She was looking seductively over her shoulder but the eye was drawn to her tight round bubbled butt and the skintight sherbert orange bikini stretched across said butt as visible steam rose from the water.
Those pics were large graphics on the screen eliciting various reactions along the lines of shock and awe.
"BRUH!" The comedian cut in already getting laughter after making some sort of gesture like he was adjusting himself in his pants. Takisha sent a fourth pic, a selfie with a time stamp killing all doubt she was the girl in the previous photos as I started grinning like a jackal.
"THAT'S WIFEY MATERIAL RIGHT THERE!!" Some guy, probably a rapper continued.
"Be cool with that stuff, we're still trying to help this couple out." Sydney cut in looking perplexed due to Takisha's visual appearance ignoring her noxious behavior.
"WHY?!! IF HE DON'T WANT HER, I'LL SNAP DAT RIGHT UP!! HELL, I'LL PAY HER TO PUT ON THAT LINGERIE AND WALK AROUND MY CRIB!!" Explosive laughter erupted in the studio while I watched satisfied with their reaction.
"Chill."
"ASK HIM WHY HE WANTS TO DOG ME OUT!! LOOK AT ME!! HE DON'T HAVE NO RESPECT AND HE WON'T EVEN TELL ME HIS NAME!!" Takisha's voice exploded in my ear making it ring as I noticed some of the people huddling before the comedian piped up again in more subdued tones.
"Uh sister; you're uh, a "REAL" woman, right?"
"BASTARD!! I'M A REAL WOMAN ALRIGHT?!! A FUCKING CIS-GENDERED FEMALE!! YOU WANT PROOF, I'LL GIVE YOU PROOF WITH YOUR BUM ASS!!"
Everyone was fall out laughing while Sly remained static having lost control of his morning show. He knew a good thing when he saw it along with Sydney as Takisha sent a fifth pic. Everyone crowded around their monitors taking a look. I noticed Sydney and a few of the females do a doubletake as Sly spoke up.
"Takisha, we didn't ask you to send us that kind of a pic." Sydney was shaking her head admonishing Takisha as the comedian cut in again.
"HEY SLY, YOU GOTTA DO YOUR THANG BECAUSE OF THE STATION, BUT SEND ME THAT SHIT!! THE KAT IS EXCELLENT MY NIGGA!! HEY GIRL, YOU DON'T NEED THAT BROTHER WHEN YOU GOT YOUR SUGAR DADDY RIGHT OVER HERE IN THIS STUDIO!! I'LL TELL YOU MY WHOLE NAME AND MY MOTHERFUCKING SOCIAL SECURITY NUMBER TOO!!" This guy was on a roll.
"Hey uh, Educated Simp? What's the deal here my man?" Sly asked as the raucous laughter died down a bit.
"Well it depends."
"Depends on what?"
"I don't understand why she's making a big deal about it; and we only met like a bit under forty-eight hours ago. She asked me for sex and I gave it to her, both times."
"OH NO YOU DON'T!! YOU USED ME!!" Takisha yelled doing what I expected.
"And what's up with this about me liking morbidly, obese women, huh Sly?" I continued firmly in control of my emotions.
"Takisha says that you guys met and shared an instant connection. She says that's why she slept with you those two times, but you uh, cheated on her with a body positive uh, female."
"A body positive female?" I trolled.
"DON'T LIE NIGGA, I CAUGHT YOU TWO TOGETHER AND THAT COW PUT HANDS ON ME!! YOU DIN DO NOTHIN!!" Takisha's tone was becoming more "hood" as she raged drumming up some crocodile tears to get sympathy from the everybody watching and the radio station as well.
She was validating my reasons for not giving my name.
"That's a lie Takisha."
I turned up the flat screen finding the censors were having a hard time bleeping out the profanity.
"NO IT AIN'T!! YOU JUST USE WOMEN FOR SEX!! I'M TRYING TO GIVE YOU SOMETHING REAL AND YOU SHIT IT BACK IN MY FUCKING FACE!! YOU SCARED OF THIS BECAUSE OF THE WAY I LOOK!! THAT'S WHY YOU WANNA FUCK THAT BIG ASS HEIFER!! DOES SHE KNOW YOUR NAME?!! I BET SHE DOES!! COME ON, TELL EVERYBODY ABOUT IT!!"
Takisha was raging out of control almost blubbering uncontrollably as Sydney spoke.
"This woman is in a lot of pain; I'd like to have you two on my afternoon show for some healing talk."
"Takisha, what's up with this lie about me being with fat women; and for that definition, what do you have against body positivity?" I ignored the request from Sydney intent on poking the hornet's nest some more.
"DON'T LISTEN TO HIM!! I CAUGHT THAT BLIMP GOING DOWN ON HIM AND SHE MAKES HIM DO HER LAUNDRY TOO!!" Takisha sounded panicked going out of her comfort zone to control the narrative.
"BRUH, TELL ME IT AIN'T TRUE!! FUCKING FAT BITCHES INSTEAD OF THIS GODDESS?!! STONE COLD TELL US IT AIN'T TRUE BRUH?!!" The comedian interrupted again. Takisha was audibly heard sobbing drumming up more sympathy.
"Takisha, can you hear me?" I ignored the comedian.
"YES!!"
"Are you talking about Rashida?"
"HELL YES I'M TALKING ABOUT YOUR STANKING THOT!! I HATE HER BIG COW ASS!! WHAT, SHE TAKE YOUR CHERRY OR SOMETHING, HUH NIGGA?!!"
"Sly, can you uhm, give me your link; I need to send you something."
"DON'T!!" Takisha yelled, but it was too late as the show's link appeared on the screen. The hosts were letting us sort of run with the ball engaging in peer commentary, social remedies, and assorted jokes while I texted a single pic.
The studio went silent as everybody leaned forward looking at their respective monitors.
"GOT-DAMN!!!" Pandemonium broke out in the radio studio on screen as Sydney threw up her hands exasperated.
"BRUH YOU WRONG FOR DAT!! STONE COLD DID IT!! DROPPED A NUKE ON THE POOR GIRL!!!"
I muted my android doubling over laughing through the hand covering my mouth. It took me a moment or two to regain my composure looking at Jaquan's smart television again. The single pic of Rashida I'd sent was posted large as a graphic for everyone to see.
It was the pic I'd taken of her a day earlier in the kitchen. Rashida Sikes was leaning against the counter faux modeling with a pint of ice cream in even skimpier underwear which needlessly accentuated her ridiculous curves.
Sly and company posted the pic alongside Takisha's photo in the hot spring. A fair comparison that debunked her claim that Rashida Sikes aka Thunda was anything, but definitely not fat.
The packed studio was still reeling.
"DAMN BRUH, YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO HIT THE NUCLEAR OPTION ON OLD GIRL!!" The comedian chimed in again.
Instead of replying, Takisha hung up. The click was audible in the studio.
"Sly, can I send you one more?"
"I don't know what purpose it would serve brother; she ended the call when you embarrassed her. I understand your point of view, but somewhere down the line you're gonna look back at this and find fault with yourself. This young beautiful woman really liked you, but you threw it all away for a cheap thrill."
"Yeah, do you have any idea how much emotional damage you've done to Takisha?" Sydney added.
"CUT THE DUMB SHIT; BRUH, SEND THAT PIC!! I WANNA SEE IT EVEN IF THEY DON'T!! HELL, I KNOW EVERYBODY OUT THERE IN OUR AUDIENCE WANNA SEE ANOTHER PIC OF THAT UH; WHAT'S THE GIRL'S NAME AGAIN?!!" The comedian was uncontrollably thirsty.
"Just call her Thunda." I replied coolly sending them a surprise.
Everybody leaned forward again watching as the link hit. A few seconds into it, the social media teaser appeared on screen for the viewing audience. Luckily, I'd edited it together earlier before passing out on my cousin's couch.
Even though I had it muted on the television, I could hear the audio in my ear from my android phone. Strains of "It Ain't My Fault" by Silkk The Shocker accompanied what was essentially a trailer featuring Thunda.
The opening shot was various shots of the Jaquan's neighborhood with an added in post camera shake and IMAX quality audio of Rashida's "thunderous" twerking from the night before.
There was a quick jump cut of her sixty plus inches of online fame powerfully twerking in Jaquan's backyard going slow motion for a second or two splashing visible baby oil everywhere followed by a jump cut to her in silhouette against a golden hued wall as her logo appeared.
I captured that footage almost a year earlier at Mintzy's apartment building.
Everybody leaned back without words all turning towards the comedian holding court in the studio this morning.
"Bruh, a bitch so bad; she come with her own trailer...BRUH, STONE COLD MY NIGGA!! Bitch so bad, she got her-OWN MOTHERFUCKING TRAILER!! Straight nuclear on that "Takisha" person FOR REALS!! Why'd you do it bruh?"
"Ask Takisha." I replied.
"MAN YOU GOTS ME READY TO PAY A BITCH!! SERIOUS!!! BITCH-GOT-HER OWN MUTHA-FUCKING TRAILER!!! NOW CAN A BROTHER GET A AMEN ROUND HERE?!! I SAID CAN A BROTHER GET HISSELF AN AMEN ROUND HERE?!!" He sounded like a faux preacher and was the reason I hadn't hung up when Sly and Sydney tried to admonish me.
