All Comments on 'Thursday Sucks'

You could write so much more with this start. Different perspective from each of the characters

Could have been a little bit longer. AA++

have been longer not much of a story these 750 word projects are not storys at all and i wish people would stop

Pretty much a story outline, though considering the story doesn't really push any new ideas, maybe it's better leaving it this way instead of fleshing it out.

Not amazing. But at least no willing cuckold in this ready to eat her bf's creampie...

Too short. No real background. Sentence structure and flow was difficult. Got the gist of the story but it could have been much more interesting.

The story is left hanging, please finish.

Finish the damn story.

rubbish

Where's the rest? Will there be a part 2?

No direct confrontation with the wife or her lover or the disloyal friend makes the MC look pretty much like a keyboard warrior - all bark and no bite. Bytes don't count.

Needs more of an ending, maybe two pages more. Details are good in this but describing things needs to be deeper. its a good story, you write well, but need to go a further step. R.Bachman

so what, another ho!

Violent. Self absorbed. Arrogant. Mean. No wonder shes cheating on you mate, you’re a fucking wannabe thug.

If she was smart she would call the cops and claim spousal abuse because idiots like you will execute your kids and drop their decapitated heads on her doorstep.

There are some holes in this story. If you are on the street how did you do all of the banking and divorce paperwork before getting home. Normal is to wait till daylight 1. move out, 2. bank, .3 divorce paper work.

4. sent video. done......

Liked the last sentence!

5

Too shorts it there pt.2

So, what exactly was the point? He catches his wife cheating and... What?

No plot, no characters, no story, just the raving of a bitter man.

Short, to the point. Nicely done.

And……..?????

I will be interesting to see the aftermath of their betrayal - they deserve a very heavy fall.

Very good, the best part was that he sent her parents a nice video! 5*!!!

Too damn short. The best part of this would be the follow-up and reactions.

Thanks for a readable story.

Awful style of writing . More like a menu of events unfolding than a tale of a failing relationship .

No drama or emotion , just a male doing this and that to BTB conclusion .

Boring and unimaginative .

I think you cannot be bothered to actually try and write a halfway decent story , preferring instead ti get yourself off by seeing your ' pen name ' in print .

Really hard to read. I bit choppy and at times sentences were disconnected.

I felt the author is trying to rush things or is doing the 750-word story.

I could have enjoyed the story if not for my observations.

Hope NylonDreams do better next time.

Was this guy terminally stupid?

Keep practicing your writing. You should check out some of the stalwarts on this site to see story structure and character building. Granted a lot of them are actual published writers working under pen names. 2 * for effort

Half (or less) of a story.

Hubby won, by losing her. LP

Six inches is NOT a "little" cock. I don't know just how narrow it was, or how narrow is considered small, so I guess I'll have to give you that one.

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Simply removing valve covers doesn't let the air out of the tires. You either have to depress the pin in the valve stem or cut off the valve stem.

I think the point of the 750-word project is for writers to learn to be concise. You weren't. You just skipped important plot points instead.

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"His marriage was failing " but he never knew or suspected it was. His mate gave him funny looks/ his wife sometimes didn't come home but he never knew they had problems.

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It seems like the lover's car was a 1950's model, maybe?

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And why do writers portray women as collapsing and wailing when their cheating is discovered? It seems like a victimized husband's Disney story that she gets so emotional when her evil deeds are exposed, yet this is the second LW story I'veread today with it.

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Thanks for writing. I think the story could have been fleshed out.

My apologies. I misread. I thought it said "valve covers," looked back and it did say the valves themselves.

Danny, Donna, Dave, dubious display!! Why wasn't Kathi named Dana? Nice 750 word story messed up bu your hubris.

first story you've written?

I really like your writing, but this one feels very unfinished.

This was barely a ‘story’

Adding Danny to the "won't enjoy" list,sending the entire video to the "proud" parents, employers, and other relatives, and a mention of tossing all her belongings, pictures, and valuables on the front lawn would have made this a ten star story. But it is a flash story entry so a hearty Well Done!

The hard part to the 750 word challenge is to have a complete story. You have an outline but no story of substance. Consider expanding it out to a full story and see how it grades out differently.

Sorry I missed the loving wife in the story....

Another nicely done 750 word story. Get rid of excess baggage.

Almost a story, but it needs more to be complete.

To short

Too brief. Hard to care when we are not provided ANY context.

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3 ***

What there was is good, just to short for my liking.

A bit sketchy, but I liked the angle where his friend and the friend's wife was partying with the cheater and got burned along with her. He can do better for both a wife and friends.

Time to find a new best mate and a new woman.

Unfinished! Please continue.

TK

loved it

no second chances

a man who did what he had to do .... got rid of the friends and the bitch

5* 1000 hardons and a small orgasm

To short needs to finish

sorry dude most men would have drag his ass out. but not wimps

Meh - Narrative was stinted and broken, my too mention no background or follow through. 3*

Another whore and worthless friend bites the dust.

no additional material required. Well done and to the point.

OK for flash. Otherwise, details of marriage and its breakdown and Danny would be needed.

Wish it was longer

A good opening to a follow up story. Never understood why a cheating wife collapses when evidence of her actions are made known. This was a to the point story but overall it seemed too short.

Payback is a bitch. She and her fuck buddy have it coming....

I am not justifying her cheating, but if you would eat her pussy, maybe she would not need any others.

well an ok 1st paragraph, but where's the rest?

Garbage. 1* Terrible writing. Terrible plot. Just overall terrible.

kind of unfinished

Where the rest of the story? 3/5

1*

1 Star

Trash.

-26thNC

needs an ending

Good story

Typical 750 word crap. Wets your appetite and then leaves you hanging.

Good story

4/5

needs a what happens next

Good tease. Now where is the rest of the story? You good do something really good if you expanded this into a real story.

Pretty average really short story...awful lot or work compressed into 1 night.

Let me save some readers time..... nothing but a short story about a wimp that's not man enough to confront his cheating wife and friends. Don't bother reading.

Needs a second chapter where revenge is achieved against all of them.

Umm....

Too short. Finish the damn story!

It needs an ending

No there there.

Great job. Love 2 read more. Hope u add another couple of chapters.

PS: Tell26thNC to eat SHIT!!!!

This is a LOT in 750 words. Not bad - just a LOT.

Nope, worthless. Might have been good but it wasnt and imagine how hard it is for me to agree with the cuck version of the fragile white racist Confederate celebrating trash.

No comparison to "Friday sucks." No emotions, too short and boring.

26thNcuck did not approve so must be good.

Not much of a beginning, middle, and end. Why mention the bouncers? They did nothing for the narrative.

I hope this is just part one. To be a good story it needs a lot more than you have given.

Keep cool but make the cheaters pay.

Exactly why I hate the 750 word stories............you don't ever get a whole story, at least not a good one.

Thanks for the report. I have to assume all your characters are deaf mutes? Its OK, dialogue and verbal interaction are way overrated. And as to the confrontation as to why his loyal loving faithful wife became a whore, and why his best friend betrayed him, how dramatic and interesting can that be? I just wanted to make sure he took care to cancel the credit cards. And, oh my God, an ANGRY emoji? I bet she'll need counseling for the next few years just to get over the trauma.

Yeah, great work. Thanks for the effort. ;).

Good short one. Quick and to the point. 4 stars

To anon, it has an ending, she got fucked twice that night, once by her bar-friend and once by her hubby and got what she deserved for fucking around and after friends and family get the pics, they will all know that she is just a fucking slut and will be hit on by every swinging dick in the county!

Total waste of everything that can be thought of; no creative writing ability, no worthwhile story line because there is no story, whatever attempt at a story just goes nowhere and suddenly dumps you into the big black hole of don't bother!

Waste of my time. Too short.

Average set up and rushed ending, a generous 3 stars

There could have been more to this basic set up but rushed and little imagination

I have to agree with others: 750 words means cutting out unneeded words, not needed ones.

Well, for a 750 word story; it's good.

Anybody with any sense should realize you can't really have a thorough story in so few words. 750 words would only be a prelude.

It also tends to be an opener for other authors; that decide to finish the story themselves.

Not much to it other than its brevity.

***Thanks for the read.

The problem isn't that it's 750 words, the problem is that it's worth developing the story further.

Story? What story?

Cute story, quick read and good. Thanks for writing.

Pathetic woman hater writing this after losing his wife to a real man apparently.