Tied Up in Knotts Ch. 17

I might've had personal reasons for not wanting Jason there but at the end of the day, it was about Penn. And for them to put him in such an uncomfortable position, knowing he was already out of his comfort zone just being a part of this game to start with, was unbelievable to me.

I was so focused on Penn that I didn't hear anyone's answers but I knew Jason was an active participant in the game. Good for him. Whatever. Then it was my turn and I just couldn't.

"I'm sorry," I shook my head, "I'm out." The room booed and gave me thumbs down. So, I continued. "Well, I'm not comfortable talking about this stuff in general but I have my ex-boyfriend sitting across the room and his boyfriend on the phone and I just think this is not only inappropriate but insanely disrespectful—to me, to Penn, and to Jason," I said. "Who's the best lay? Seriously? Are any of you married people going to name someone other than your spouse?" I asked. Mostly, no one answered but a few people shook their heads. "Didn't think so. This means you want Penn to sit here in front of me and Jason and answer this question. Or me to answer this question in front of Penn and his current beau, knowing I'm going to say Penn. It doesn't matter how you roll it; it's putting us all in an awkward position. If Penn wants to stay and answer this, good for him, but I don't see the benefit of this game." I stood up and shimmied my way out of the closed circle of furniture. "Sorry, but no."

Penn stood, snatched the phone from Abby, and followed me out. In a perfect world, we could've talked about what just happened but that's not how life works. Penn mouthed thank you then I watched as he took the phone off speaker and walked to his room.

I went to my room, the one I shared with every male in the house between the ages of twelve and twenty. My sorry excuse for a mattress sat on the floor because I was a guest in this house and too kind to claim a real bed even though I was in my mid-thirties and too old for this crap. Seriously, it didn't bother me until that moment but now it was too late. On top of that, they'd be back soon and then I'd lose all privacy and any chance of sleep.

I sat in the room trying to calm myself but I was pretty furious. It was a dick move. I was so angry for Penn but I had to check myself because it wasn't my place to fight Penn's battle. Whatever relationship or dynamic he had with his family was between him and them. It wasn't my place.

It was late when the kids came home. I pretended to be asleep when the older boys came in to change while the younger boys got ready for bed. An hour later they were all in bed, sleeping. Which never happened. If I was a betting man, I'd put one-hundred large on their parents feeling guilty and threatening them an inch of their life if they woke me up.

I got out of the sleeping bag and carefully grabbed my bedding and the mattress and tiptoed out of the room. I didn't have to walk through the living room to get to Penn's room, thank god. I propped my bed against the wall and took a breath as I stood in front of his door. Then I knocked; loud enough to get his attention should he be sleeping but soft enough to not make a big deal out of it.

I heard him moving around, then the door opened. He stood there, eyes lidded with sleep, wearing nothing but charcoal boxer-briefs. It took him a second to realize it was me and, when he did, he woke up a little more.

"Everything okay?" he asked.

"Yeah," I replied. "Just wondering if the offer to share a room was still on the table."

Penn regarded me for a moment then glanced inside the room, to the window that was being pummeled by rain. He sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. I was about to walk away because I didn't want sharing a room with me to be such a difficult decision. What I thought was a simple knock on his door all of a sudden became more complicated.

Had I really thought it was a simple gesture? Was I telling myself that it was or was I trying to alleviate the guilt for knocking on his door in the middle of the night? Because the truth of the matter was, that as much as I wanted to see if he was okay, to let him vent about the evening, to fight for our friendship, to mesh and converse like we used to, the ball was in Penn's court. I knew that if Penn wanted anything, and I do mean anything, I would not say no.

So, I guess that knock was not so simple after all.

Anytime we did something on the sly like stealing candy, drinking from the milk container, or lying, my Grandpa would say, 'you're looking a little crooked, must be from all that bad posture'. I learned from a young age that bad posture wasn't just a physical ailment. I knew that I needed to say no. I needed to say it for both of us. He was obviously conflicted and, as honorable as my motives may have been, it was also of bad posture. Which is why I was about to walk away, but then he opened the door wider and stepped aside. Our gazes locked as my feet crossed the threshold.