Tiny Tina's Teacake

"Ta, Azza." Trinity replied, before smiling over at Tina, "Good to meet you."

She sat down in the chair, idly fiddling with hands and feet, and staring around at Aliss' artroom. Everything was a mess, but the woman never seemed to look before she picked up another tool. Everything had a place in her head.

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"Sorry." Aliss said, eyes fixed on her canvas, "Seems like Mel is taking a while... Not what I wanted to show you. Then I went and got distracted. This stuff is all crap. It's bugging me."

She put down the charcoal, turning and grabbing a rag to clean her hands, "So... How do I make it up to you? Coffee, tea, or hot chocolate? We can take it outside, where it isn't frigid from the fans."

Tina blinked, "Oh. Um... I'm okay. It's kinda fascinating, watching you work... Why the mix of oil and charcoal?"

"Markers. I'll paint over it, later. But I find charcoal easier to visualise stuff than pencil." Aliss shrugged casually, "You're... Not a hot chocolate girl, are you? That's just for when you're depressed. So... Coffee?"

"I'm fine." She said with a smile, "Really. So... These are all yours, then? They do all seem a bit... Dark? No pop of colour or anything. Trinity said you might have some... Demons."

"Just the one. And I figured you hadn't mentioned it because you're polite." Aliss shrugged, and then when Tina didn't immediately respond, she stared. "Seriously? Okay. Uh... Look at my throat."

"It's pretty. You're pale, but there's no tattoos or scars or anything. Got nothing." Tina shrugged.

Aliss burst out laughing, wheezing so hard she fell into a crouch, leaning on her legs as she did. The woman shook her head, grinning and laughing too hard to be able to talk.

Her own cheeks went red, and she moaned shyly, "What did I say!?"

"A-adam's... Apple!" Aliss wheezed.

Tina blinked, and then her eyes went wide as she realised that it was on obvious display and she hadn't even noticed. Not just obvious display - it was one that jutted out hard enough to have a visible V-shape in the centre of the very masculine object.

Her jaw dropped, "You're... A guy!?"

"No." The laughter immediately cut off, and Aliss stood up slowly. "Well... I've got a dick. But I've never been a guy. Ever. I've never been confused or uncertain about it. I was three the first time my parents spanked me for stealing my sister's skirt. Still a girl... Just... Different."

"A more complicated question than I could comprehend." Tina said slowly, "I... God. I feel embarrassed."

"Don't be. Having someone who didn't notice, for once, has been a bit of a relief." Aliss shrugged, smiling. "I would have preferred not to tell you, honestly. But... Everyone else knows. And I didn't want them to tease you or no shit. But... I didn't want to tell you. I like the way you were treating me, even if I wasn't treating you the best."

"You're... Hoping to help me with work." She said cautiously, "That's more than most people ever do for me. So, I'll... Make you a deal. I'll go back and pretend I didn't notice, and you not tease me for being an unobservant idiot."

Aliss frowned, "Nah. You know. Which means you got questions. Don't worry, can't insult me. Heard 'em all. So... I'll give you five minutes to get them all out of your system."

"Uh..." Tina scratched her head.

She felt like she was supposed to have questions. However, put on the spot, she didn't have a single one coming to mind. Aliss had always felt more like a girl than a guy. Tina didn't really get that, but if that was how it always was, then that's how it was. What exactly would the question be?

"When you said that you weren't flirting with me... Did you mean it?"

Aliss nodded, "Yup. I mean, you are cute. And I do sorta date outside all of the lines. I don't care if you've got boobs, dick, neither or both. That's not really the bit I find attractive. But the bit I find attractive is a romantic head, and a romantic heart, which you don't really get to see when you've met someone two or three times. You're just a hurting girl I could cheer up, a lil."

"Hard to stay sad, around you." Tina gave a small smile, "I dunno why. It's... You're like this rock thing. I know you've probably cried, but... I can't actually imagine it. You're solid as... I dunno. Just solid."

The girl grinned, "That's sweet. But... I've cried harder than you ever have. I can break, just like everyone else. Shoulda seen me after my last boyfriend dumped me. I actually did the stupid... Sit in a bath and cry, thing."

"Nope." Tina shook her head, "I can't even picture it, sorry."

Aliss rolled her eyes, "Well, it happens. So... Um... This is kinda awkward. But I did basically just decide to be your friend, after I saw you cry. It's... Not too much, is it? I've been... Pushy. Sorry."

"It's been one of the sweetest things anyone has done for me, in a very, very long time." Tiny sighed, sliding down in the chair until her chin was on her chest, "So... I should say. Um... Well, you know I got fired. For saying something I thought was reasonable. Don't stick up for the pedo boss until it's proved he isn't one. Just try and keep the story quiet. Play the cautious card."

"Makes sense." Aliss nodded.

Tina nodded, "Yeah. But... Fired. So anyways... Same day? I found an album of photos on my boyfriends phone. I wasn't spying! I went to answer it for him, and missed the call. Um... He apparently likes to rent the Roosevelt brothels. Especially for limo trips."

"Fuuck!" Aliss exclaimed, "Oh, honey. That's fucked up!"

She winced, fighting back tears, and nodded. "It's... Well, I know why he was never feeling up to much with me. Still feel like it's my fault for not... Dressing up enough... Or whatever. But I know it's a dumb feeling."

"So dumb." Aliss shook her head, "Those little heels make your ankles look amazing. Do you know how many jealous looks I got on the tram, holding you? Guys perv. It might not be the best way to confirm you're sexy, but it's true. They all look at you."

Tina blinked, "I uh... Didn't notice. Noticed people watching you."

Aliss snorted in amusement, grinning, "Of course you didn't. God, girl. The only way this could be worse is if you were a virgin, too, but I doubt that."

"Shuddup." Tina's cheeks flushed and she looked down, "I... I know I'm bad at noticing stuff."

"Makes ya cuter."

She looked up, glaring, "I hate being cute. I wanna be sexy! Like you!"

The last two words just sort of popped out, uncontrolled. She immediately wished that she could cram them back into her stupid mouth and swallow them down into a void where nobody could notice them. Why did she get to be both a coward, and an idiot without a filter?

Aliss blushed, and scratched at the back of one of her wrists, "Me? Sexy?"

"I didn't... Can we forget I said that? Please?"

The woman swallowed, "No. Because no one has said that to me in a very long time. So, tonight when I'm alone, I'm going to remember it and burst into happy tears. So you don't get to take that from me. But... I won't hold it against you."

"What?" Tina said in shock, "No one calls you sexy? What about... You had an ex-boyfriend? Got one now? A girlfriend? Something... Other?"

Aliss shook her head, "Zane was my last. Ended it, just over a year ago. Been trying to forget him. And just for the record, Zane never called me sexy. He did call me his beautiful bootay, though. If that counts."

"Not really." Tina turned up her nose.

The artist shrugged sadly, "Yeah."

"Well... You're sexy." Tina repeated, her cheeks flushing as she did. "Not that I'm into girls! Even if that girl has something I didn't think she did. I'm straight as an arrow. I never even kissed a girlfriend in high school or anything. I've always been dead straight. Which, probably makes me kinda boring, compared to you, doesn't it?"

"Oh, stop with the put downs, girl!" Aliss said with concern, "Everyone is just themselves, honey. I've never had lines. You've always had lines. Comparing it, doesn't make any sense. It means we can squee over the same guys, if our tastes are the same, but that's it. It doesn't matter a shit. I haven't been trying to get into your pants. Though, I wouldn't mind getting a quiet drink with you. You seem the type I'd like. We can sit and be quiet and stew... And then we can play darts and complain that everyone else is too noisy. I'm guessing."

Tina giggled, "Uh... Yup. Most of my friends call me a buzz kill. Which is why I don't really have many left. Also doesn't help that every drunk bastard in the world thinks a short girl is just desperate to suck his cock!"

"Gross." Aliss made a face, "Being tall kinda saves me from that. Most guys find me real intimidating when they've had a few, and then when they notice... Stuff... They kinda freak out. But anyways, I've got no clue about the short stuff. It must suck, sometimes."

"I can't reach my favourite yoghurt at the supermarket." Tina whined, feeling free. "I always, and I mean absolutely always, have to ask a staff member to get it down for me. And every fucking time they act like it's the end of the world! Try being the short bitch who has to ask like she's a kid or something!"

"That sucks!"

Tina nodded, "Some weeks... I just go without. I don't wanna be embarrassed."

"Aw, that's no fair. I've got no good shopping stories to cheer you up, either..." Aliss hesitated, "Actually... Maybe you'll get a laugh out of that one time? Just the once, mind. I was kinda depressed, so I grabbed some stuff to bake some chocolate cookies, from around the corner. It was like three in the morning."

"Mmm." Tina nodded.

"The guy on stocktake at the time was... Well, obvious why he was on night shift. Utter pervy prick." Aliss stuck her nose up, "He kept making comments and accidentally appearing at the end of the same aisle as me."

"Ewwwwww."

Aliss shook her head, "Haven't got to that bit yet. So, I decided to use the self-checkout. For obvious reasons."

"Yup."

The girl smiled slowly, anticipation building, "Then, whilst I was bending over to put something in my bag, he just walked up to me. Bold as brass, and started grinding on my ass."

"What the fuck!?" Tina exclaimed, "Did you run?"

"I thought about punching him in the face." Aliss said, and then smiled slowly, "But... Then I thought it'd be more fun to mess with him. So I turned around, all sultry like. As if I appreciated what he was doing. Reached down as sexy as I could, and popped the button on my jeans."

"Oh my god." Tina's eyes went wide, "You did what? In public!?"

"It was three. There was no one else around." Aliss smirked, "But anyways, I pulled my pants open a little. He got excited and leaned forward, and stuck his hand straight down. I doubt the bastard even thought it was weird that things were paying off so easily."

Tiny gave a nervous laugh, "And eh... When he... Noticed?"

"Vomited in my face." Aliss gave a tight smile.

"Ew! Ew! No, that wasn't funny! That's gross!" Tina giggled.

Aliss shrugged, "That's my only good shopping story."

"How did you cope with the... Gross?"

She yawned, "Eh. Manager caught the vomit on a screen in the security whatever, and came running out. I got some paper towels, and they comped my shopping. Wasn't that funny, at the time. Only in retrospect."

"Knock, knock." A gentle voice, almost sounding like a song, came from the doorway.

Aliss looked over, "Ah! Mel, this is Tina. Tina, Mel."

The woman was dressed in business attire, but her earrings were dark crimson pentagrams. She smiled sweetly at the both of them, "Melinda Grace, department head for Modern Art. But everyone calls me, Mel. So, Aliss tells me she wanted you to model for her?"

"She... Asked." Tina said hesitantly, "Uh... Sorry. I've done absolutely nothing to do with art before. I doubt I could tell a master piece from a toddler's finger painting."

"Most people can't." Mel replied with a grin, "Has Aliss told you much about the exhibition we're putting together?"

She shook her head, "Absolutely nothing. Said it'd be better to come from you."

"It's a... Portraits of time, thing." Mel said hesitantly, "Why don't I show you around, whilst I explain? You could come, too, Aliss."

The blonde hesitated, "I can come if you want, Tina. But I do have a crapload here, that I need to do, too."

"You work." Tina smiled, "I'll be okay. Little less freaked out, now."

Aliss nodded, "Sure. And if you change your mind, just ask Mel to get me, 'kay? She won't take offence."

The businesswoman led her out, and to a plain looking door. Opening it, however, led the two of them directly into the museum. The lights flickered on as they moved in, revealing a series of paintings and sculptures set out in the gallery.

"So, this is part of the exhibition. It isn't finished yet, I've still got some thoughts on it." Mel began, "The one-liner idea for the exhibition is that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Idea being, each of these pieces looks different, depending on your perspective. Like... See that cityscape painting?"

Tina nodded, "Yeah. Wow. That's... Stunning. So many details."

"Walk with me, but keep your eyes on it." Mel instructed, and as Tina did, she felt her eyes kind of flip out halfway, unsure what they were seeing, and suddenly the beautiful nightscape was the picture of a city full of garbage, rising up to choke the inhabitants.

"How the fuck did they do that...?" Tina breathed out in a whisper.

Mel gave a giggle like a bell being shaken, "Oh, that's just holography. Like those monster cards your brother had as a kid, that could change when you moved them back and forth? Except, in this case, it's done with water colours. A technique invented by a light artist, in the early 90s. That painting is actually one of Aliss'."

"Wow. I knew she was good... But uh... Fuck. Can I swear?"

The woman smiled, "Yeah, Aliss is one of the good ones. She tries really hard. Unfortunately, her contract for this exhibition requires she also do a couple of portraits, and she doesn't do self-portraits. Says it makes her skin crawl."

"Oh. Because of... That."

Mel nodded, "Yeah, probably. I tried to negotiate some leeway for her, but the clients are rich, which means that they're used to getting their way. But... Looks like she wants you to be the model."

"I have zero idea why." Tina admitted, "I'm... Really not cute. I mean... That landscape is crazy! I could spend hours looking at it, and still find new stuff! And the way it changes, is... I have no idea how she got everything perfectly lined up. That must have been so hard. That's amazing. I'm... Just me?"

Mel shrugged and smiled, "We're all beautiful, depending on the right perspective. That's the point of this exhibition. To Aliss, you are beautiful. She sees something in you, and wants to show the world. Which, I get is daunting. Especially if you've never modelled before."

"Mmm." Tina gave a nervous nod.

The art director led her into the next room, where the lights flickered on and revealed a whole heap of portraits on the walls. They were all in differing styles, but depicted the same model. The woman who was the subject had a different over-the-top expression in each and every one of them.

Tina blinked in surprise, "Are these... You?"

"Yes." Mel grinned broadly, "These are all painted by River, who wasn't in today, so I don't think you met her. She's one of the up and coming prodigies. She's in her last year at high school. Only eighteen, and she puts most of us to shame. But, as you can see, all I had to do was make silly faces. Modelling can be fun."

"You're an artist, too?"

Mel's face fell, "I wish. I don't really have time for it, anymore. I just try and do my best for our little chaotic group, here. Run between them and clients, and try and make both sides happy with things. Anyways, River's take on beautiful and perspective, is that everyone sees us from a different one. You only get to see the real beauty, when you take the whole. The whole room is a single art piece."

"Deep." Tina said in surprise and gave a small nod, "But... I'm feeling it. God, she's really eighteen? Some of these are almost... You could tell me that they were photos, and I'd believe you."

Mel nodded, "Mmm. She's one who tries to make her art hyper realistic. She calculates angles of the sun and shadows. Always has a maths notebook with some figures open, whilst she paints. Not at all like Aliss, who sorta... Makes it up as she goes along."

"Aliss is a mess, but... An ordered mess." Tina mused.

The director grinned, "You've seen her art space. Just... Don't move anything."

"She doesn't look before she picks stuff up." Tina giggled, "It's... It's like walking into her head or something, isn't it?"

Mel nodded, "Yeah. Most of the other parts of the exhibitions aren't done yet. So we can head back."

The two turned and walked back through, with the lights turning off behind them automatically. Mel spoke lightly, "We can't afford to pay you much, unfortunately. However, there is a small amount, and a contract to sign as well, letting us use your image. It's about eighteen hundred, all up. Four days, with however many hours that Aliss will need you for."

If the modelling days were long, then it was barely above minimum wage. If they were short, then it paid reasonably well. The kind of short term contract that really could give Tina a little breather in looking for a job, at least for an extra week.

"Do... How long do I have to think it through?" Tina asked cautiously.

Mel shrugged, "It's entirely up to you. The exhibition isn't due to go on public display for another month. However, it sort of depends on Aliss, how long she needs you for. I've never seen her do a portrait, like I said earlier."

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The director dropped her by Aliss' office, and then waved as she drifted away. Even her steps seemed to play out some kind of musical sound, as her heels clicked against the floor.

Tina shook off the strange awe she was still feeling from Aliss' cityscape, and entered the room. The artist didn't acknowledge her, lost in what she was doing. She'd tossed aside her hoodie, onto the chair where Tina had been sitting earlier.

Underneath, Aliss was wearing a tank top, which was extremely loose around her. The woman had a touch of sweat on her brow, as she focused and did what Tina could never dream of doing. Not just painting, but painting two canvases, simultaneously.

Aliss had a paintbrush in either hand, both of them moving. The ridiculous blonde was humming to herself, and tapping a foot to the beat of a song that Tina didn't recognise. The streaks of paint going onto the canvas were fast, and well-spread.

The right-hand painting depicted a climber going across the West Gate. Climbing right across with arms outstretched for balance, as if they were utterly insane. Yet, Tina picked up on the perspective trick this time. If you viewed the picture from below, the climber was going up, but if you viewed it from above, then it looked like they were actually on the road below, on solid ground.

The other painting was a sunset on the Yarra. A couple leaning on a fence, and enjoying the scene. However, Tina could see that Aliss had started adding in some shadows that could suggest the couple being alone... Or in the middle of a crowd, depending on how you looked at it.

That the two paintings were so different made it all the more confusing that Aliss could do both at once. Was she... Showing off? Couldn't be. Tina hadn't even been in the room when she started. Aliss must be feeling the deadline, or something.

River had got a whole room for her stuff, but the cityscape of Aliss' had been one of only a couple pieces in that larger room that Tina had seen. Maybe Aliss was supposed to fill that entire space, or something.