To Have A Sweetheart - David Ch. 00

He breathed heavy, looking away from me, sitting in silence for a few moments before saying with an uncharacteristically uneasy voice "I've only ever had my former wife."

Damn, only his wife? And he hasn't had anyone, for what, two- three years? Should I drop it? Or just pull the bandaid straight off? I guess I couldn't sleep for weeks if I didn't. "I see. And what is this for you?" I asked implying to us and our date not-date situation.

"It feels nice to be around you, I haven't really enjoyed being around someone like this." he sighed, playing with his fork nervously.

"Luke, I am hoping for more than friendship here."

"I know."

"So you're not saying no to me, like as in, to a man?"

"No, but I can't really say yes yet either," he said apologetically.

"Alright, that's fine. Maybe is good enough for me." I said trying to sound reassuring. He gave me a shy smile and I quickly tried to find an easy subject, luckily the second enormous tea pot that Nancy had just brought over gave that opportunity. "Luke, how much tea do you drink?" I asked laughing. He joined the laughter and we chatted on about our drink choices and other little things, eating our meals slower than any reasonable person in this world would.

He walked me to work later, well I was on his way, quite literally. He gave me a squeeze on the shoulder with a warm smile and a promise to see me, before leaving me at the staff entrance. I could call that a date, like young kids still figuring out how to be intimate, yes that was what we were like. But I'd take that any day for a chance to spend time with a man like him.

Half way through the work day I realised that it's my last day working that week. I was off until Wednesday. He was moving out next week. Quite probably he'd be gone by Wednesday. I cursed myself for missing that, I should have told him, should have planned for that. Finding myself pacing back and forth in the bar, I forced myself to stop. What would my usual goofy and fun me do?

I searched through the drawers under the computer, finding what I was looking for, an envelope and paper. I wrote "Off till Wednesday, call if you still want to see me. -David" and scribbled my number under writing 'L.Serene' on the envelope.

I pondered on a drink for a while, deciding to go with a saffron gin sour. I called room service, saying a mystery customer had ordered a drink for a room and left an envelope as well - they bought it. I sent the drink with the note upstairs, wishing I'd see the reaction.

Not even ten minutes passed as I got a text saying "I will, thank you for the drink, I loved it. -Luke."

I grinned like a mischievous kid and almost floated around the bar for the rest of the night and all the way to my bed. But a demon still whispered in my ear, that all of this could fall apart any moment. He had never been with men, almost anyone really, any moment he could realise that this was not for him and all of this would add to my endless list of shattered dreams.

We kept meeting for brunch coffees every other day and occasional walks. We were getting along nice and he was slowly getting closer with me, pats turning into touches, touches into short hugs, a few occasional innocent caresses.

He'd moved out of the hotel and was toying with different career options. Gardener and carpenter being his top two choices. I thought he'd look good doing either. I could watch him do physical work all day. Oh hell no, who was I kidding, I wouldn't last an hour. Especially since his stubble was slowly turning into a beard, I could barely look at him without getting hard.

One day waking up, I decided that we'd been touching the water long enough and pondered on asking him out, like date style out. Before I knew it, I had him open in the messenger and the stripe flashing in the reply box. But what? Or where? I really didn't know him that well, didn't want to push him either. Nor be cheesy and invite him drinking.

I wrote "Dinner? My place? I'll cook." and sent it.

Should be ok. I mean I wouldn't be trying to get him drunk and/or possibly put him in an awkward position in public. My heart beat hard in my chest. I just invited him to dinner. That had to count as a date, a real-real date. Did I just over play it?

The answer had not come as I finished my breakfast, which, considering the time, would have counted as his lunch, but he did tend to work out around that time as well. I decided to go shopping and just grab stuff for the dinner as a precaution. Worst thing that could have happened was for me to share my meal with my cat.

"Will that be my late night snack or will you be having your lunch? Yes, I'd be happy to come." was his reply an hour later. 'Joking are we now?' I laughed in my head.

"I hope we can compromise, 7 o'clock? 12/76 Flinders street." I answered grinning, he's really coming for dinner.

"Looking forward to it, I'll bring a drink."

I pondered at sending a thumbs up, but decided to skip it. I decided to go for a chickpea salad and a roasted cauliflower with some green salsa, getting just fruits for dessert.

I pre-cooked everything, leaving just heating and mixing up for the evening. I can't even describe how much I fuzzed over my wardrobe. Was it a T-shirt night or a shirt night? Jeans, slacks or shorts? I changed my outfit at least three times, even Jemma, was looking at me weird and I did sympathize with her. It's just a casual dinner date, nothing big, or was it, or... damn I was hopeless. Ok focus, simple casual dinner date, that's that and finally decided on a pair of nicer black jeans and a off-white patterned casual button down.

I kept the setting as simple as my day to day living was. A bucket of cutlery on the table, no tablecloths, no candles, no I don't know what people put on their tables stuff. I did give Jemma some extra attention so she wouldn't be too mean to our guest. She literally had fought off every single guy I'd brought home with only John being spared of her rage.

He arrived ten minutes early, just as I popped the halved cauliflower heads in the oven. He was absolutely beautiful in a plain light blue dress shirt and light casual slacks that both hugged his body wonderfully, but not too obviously. The shirt really brought out his bright eyes, oh those sweet silver eyes. I found myself staring and quickly snapped out of it inviting him inside complimenting his shirt.

Jemma was checking out our company in the matter of seconds. I told him to squat and let her sniff his hand. She accepted the hello by rubbing her head against him and twirling between his legs, which was by far the nicest hello she'd ever given anyone. He quickly noticed that Jemma was missing a leg and I just told him that she was a rescue cat.

He had brought over a bottle of white negroni that Kathrine had mixed. I got curious about their exact relationship again, but decided to leave that for after. I led him to the kitchen and sat him behind my little dining table. Jemma almost immediately jumped onto Lukes lap, cuddling up and purring away. Which was crazy new, she didn't even do that to me, unless I was sobbing my eyes out. My aunt, a vet who rescued her, always said that she's an excellent judge of character. The only 'date' she hadn't fought off before was John, so I guess she might have had a point.

Luke told that he'd never had a cat or pets in general and he looked like a kid holding a farm animal for the first time, it was so cute that it melted my heart. I joked that he couldn't move until she came off of him and he actually believed it.

He told me that he grew up on a ranch that his father had inherited, but his mother took care of it as his father was in the army like him. He had died on duty when he was a teen.

I served us salad as he asked about my folks. I simply said that I'd rather not talk about it. He luckily let it drop without any more questions on the subject. But I felt like a hypocrite after that, so I apologized and told that I had lived with my aunt after some problems my parents had. Failing to mention that it was rather I who was a problem to them, which was me being gay, resulting in the usual disowning story.

We ate and talked of our early adult years, well his early adult years and my recent past. He masterfully skipped the subject of his ex-wife as I skipped my many unsuccessful romances. Jemma had still not moved as I plated up the cauliflowers and I reassured him that he can move.

"She's quite soothing actually," he replied, caressing her head and I did have to note that he did seem surprisingly at ease on this first date like thing we were having.

"Well, I'm happy you two like each other. She usually fights off all guests." I told him as I passed him his plate.

"Are you a vegetarian?" He asked, staring at the second meat free meal of the night.

"Sorry, I should have mentioned." I replied, not really knowing why I'm apologizing.

"No, it's just another interesting thing for me, I've actually never met one." he said taking a bite, "Hmm, you cook well. Better than the room service or the army at least. How long have you been a vegetarian?"

"Since I moved in with my aunt. She's a vegetarian. She said meat tastes like death and raised me with the philosophy 'why kill when you don't need to' and so on."

"I've never thought of it really. I've been realising that there are many things I never thought of."

"Like?"

"Hobbies, pets, cooking, mixology, not shaving every day and other simple daily things."

"Hmm, I really like the beard."

"John said you would."

"Sorry?" I looked at him stunned. Did he know about us? Had they been talking about me? Oh god, I'd really hoped to skip that conversation.

"He said you'd admitted your fondness of beards to him once."

Hah, good one, once. Dragging his beard across my body was his favourite way to tease me and not once did he fail to do so.

"Oh, I was just surprised that you've talked about me with him." I admitted, relieved that I actually could skip that conversation for the time being and even more that he was telling that he was seeing me.

"Well, yeah, we briefly touched that matter when I stopped by their place today."

"So they know your here? With me?"

"They do." he quipped as he himself would be proud over the fact.

"Hope you don't mind me asking, but what is your relationship with them?"

"That's a bit complicated. They're sort of friends. They helped me a great deal with a lot of my struggles and ghosts over the years, or rather helped. Kathrine was like an informal therapist, her methods are controversial, but they worked for me and well John was just there when she wasn't."

"How controversial?"

"Enough to not talk about them." he admitted uneasily.

"Sorry, I shouldn't probe like this." I quickly backed off, although I really wanted to know about John as well.

"No, that's alright, I'd be asking the same questions."

"Anything you want to know from me? I feel like I'm the one doing all the asking."

"Actually yes, when did you know? That you liked men."

"Early on. When others were looking at girls, I found myself looking at the boys. Even just being around a girl didn't feel as exciting or good as with a boy. Girls just felt wrong."

"I see."

"How about you, is this like your first spike of interest?"

"Sort of, I don't know, I've never been against the idea or so, but I don't know, life just threw Kimberly in my way before I could even ponder on that matter on a deeper level and you know, army and gay relationships don't mix the best, so I guess it just seemed like an easier way."

"So, when did you get married?"

"Twenty, she was eighteen. Thinking back, I think she was just in love with the idea of being an army wife and I just wanted someone to be waiting for me at home." Oh damn, don't really hear anyone being a virgin until twenty these days.

"No children?"

"No, we wanted to wait a few years, but never really got to that point in the end."

We moved to the balcony after our meals, both feeling fairly dipsy. I laughed hard as he panicky catched Jemma as she tried to jump up to the railing. He honestly thought that she's going to jump over. Taking the disappointed cat from his hands, I put her on the railing and explained that cats love to relax and sleep in and on odd places. Like drying racks, atop of doors, curtain rods and all sorts of boxes and bags.

He studied Jemma with great interest as she observed the world below. He looked so sweet and pure that moment. He flinched as I caressed his cheek, gazing at me with slightly alcohol glazed eyes. "Say no and I won't kiss you." I murmured to him.

He didn't reply and I closed in on him, standing chest to chest, his eyes darting between my lips and eyes. I pulled his face to mine and kissed him softly, like I'd still be asking for permission. He didn't take long to decide and parted his lips to kiss me back. Oh god he was kissing me back.

I wrapped my other arm around him and he followed my lead. I caressed his body as I started to make out with him with more passion. Damn he kissed good, or maybe kissing him was just good. I knew sex was out of the question, but like myself, I felt him bulge. I was thrilled beyond words that he felt aroused by me.

Trying not to scare him off, I pulled away from the kiss, resting my head on his neck for a moment before moving away from him.

We didn't speak as we stood in each others embrace as the sky darkened above us, going through all colours from blue to red and red to navy. Even Jemma got her courage together before us, jumping down and meowing to be let back inside. I opened the door saying that we should top up our drinks.

I gave Jemma her dinner as she twirled around me like crazy and mixed another batch of negroni through with ice. We talked on on easier subjects, nibbling on some fruit, he browsed my extensive bookcase and looked around asking "No TV?"

"Nope."

"I heard it's like a staple of civil life."

I laughed at his sheepishness, "My mother used to show me movies as bedtime stories instead of reading to me. Until this day, no matter how interesting the movie or show, I'm dead asleep in half an hour tops."

"I'm willing to dare you on that, I'll choose a movie you just can't fall asleep on."

"Sure, give it your best shot, and don't come saying I didn't warn you."

"Tomorrow, my place, we'll figure the time out later."

"Sure, I'll take that dare." oh, the little did he know. I had to watch lion king in eight parts to finally see it all, but I was keen on getting to visit his place.

We chatted and drank until the sky outside was black and our eyes weary. We were a bit more than dipsy. He opted that he should be heading home. I really wanted him to stay longer, but we had kissed that day, that was good enough progress.

I gave him a little peck on the lips for goodbye, but he pulled me back, kissing me deep. I felt my body tingle under his caress, eager to get more. I pulled him closer, feeling his hard on against my hip, I pressed mine against him, showing I wanted him. He didn't back away and I moved my hand to his bulge, stroking him through his pants.

Next moment he pushed me away, holding me to the wall, panting. "Do-don't..." he stammered.

"I'm sorry, I..." muttered through my ragged breath.

"Don't, it's alright, I'm just..." he said letting me go.

"It's good, we're good." I reassured him.

After a few moments of cooling down he looked at me with his still lusty eyes, or were they just alcohol glazed, and said "I'll see you tomorrow."

"Yeah, let me know when."

"Will do, sleep well."

"You too." I said closing the door behind him. He wanted me, I could feel it. Or is it just that he hadn't had anyone for a while? I scrapped the idea in my head, focusing on that heated kiss. I stripped and laid in bed, imagining him touching and kissing me as I stroked myself.