To Worship Ch. 02

"No, we're going to head back to the van. Tom, your nurse is going to drive us home." Tom had talked about taking us to lunch as a diner nearby, but I assumed, given Josh's state that was off the table.

Tom emerged from the van with a cooler. "Here put this on your neck, it's going to feel incredible." he handed out blue towels filled with ice packs, which did indeed feel incredible in the mid-day heat. "I like to keep these around for long drives."

"Thank you," I said shaking his hand, "that was very thoughtful. So are we about ready to get back on the road?"

"I'd say so," Tom replied as he started to maneuver Josh's chair. Josh was of course blissfully comfortable.

We went back to the van. Once again I sat in the front with Tom, but this time the dog slept comfortably in my husband's arms. In a short time, my husband and the dog were both asleep in the air-conditioned backseat.

Tom drove in silence until hitting the highway. Since we appeared to be going in an odd direction I asked, "Are we going for lunch?"

"Your husband has a fear of penetration."

"So that's a no." I laughed at my own confusion. "You need to explain further, no more cryptic shit. I promise I'm good at keeping a secret."

Tom sighed, looking out at the long empty road. "I've worked with men like Josh before; victims of abuse who pile on the drama until they can no longer see the original problem. They just think it's gone forever."

"Until brain cancer starts to ear away at their barriers."

"Josh is unable to give or receive penetration, due to a series of incidents (sexual in nature) that happened around the time of his mother's death."

My mouth hung open. "But I've given and received penetration with my husband." I'm still not sure why I felt the need to admit that out loud.

"Was he possibly in a sleep state at the time of these occurrences?"

I had only one occurrence on my mind and unfortunately, Tom's theory would fully explain Josh's behavior. "I'm not sure. It's possible." I crossed my arms over my chest, defeated.

"I cannot disclose anything more than that without Joshua's express permission. Just know, that those events left him sexually confused and deeply ashamed. It is my professional opinion that his repressed feelings towards the aforementioned events are what cause his irrational aggression towards Christina's life choices."

"What can we do?"

"For starters, we can Get some of the best coffee and pie in the deep south."

"I could go for some coffee."

Tom placed his hand upon mine. "Just so you know, Josh really does know you care." He turned, momentarily looking me in the eyes. "And he is grateful."

I wiped tears from my eyes. "Thank you, that means a lot."