True Love

From one second to the next, Ralph seemed to deflate. Dani and I had obviously spent the nights in separate rooms and even on separate floors. How could this be an issue for him anyway? There had never been even a hint of anything inappropriate going on between us.

"Dani..." He suddenly sounded very small, like a little boy needing help. Dani softened immediately. Damn, he could still manipulate her at will.

After hugging him for a while, she came to me and hugged me, too.

"I need to go with him. He's too fragile. He can't handle this without my help."

"Think about what has happened earlier and what you want in the long run." I told her quietly as she followed him. I thought she might have nodded, but it was probably wishful thinking.

For the first time since we were kids, I didn't see any of my friends for several weeks. I wasn't sure if they saw each other. I knew I didn't want to see any of them.

The kicker was Maria's text, saying, "told you to stay away. damn. so mad at you."

That really upset me. I hadn't done anything wrong, just supported everyone as best as I could. Maria was about to damage our friendship with her thinly veiled insinuations, her refusal to tell me what was going on, her accusations. They obviously regarded me as a part of the problem, though I couldn't see why, so I did what grown up men do best, I sulked.

The separation was good for me. The black cloud in the background started to lift. I'd had it with being accused of causing other people's problems. I thought about Dani much less, only about ten or twenty times a day. At some point, I had even distanced myself enough from everything that I started noticing other women. I still wasn't ready to date anyone, but it was still progress. It was as if I was emerging from a divorce: from all of my friends, but mostly from Dani.

Then it all turned to shit again. I was having a peaceful evening, watching meaningless stuff on Netflix, when my phone rang. Absentmindedly, I took the call without even looking at the ID.

"Andy..." someone sobbed, and the fact that it was Dani's voice had me on full alert immediately.

"Dani, what's up?"

"Can you come over? Please."

I had decided that staying away from them was the best thing for me at the time. So much for that.

"On my way."

Damn, this had to be serious. Dani rarely asked for help. The fact that she did and was crying wasn't a good sign. I jumped into my car and tried to manage my panic. I debated calling the police, but had no idea what to tell them. A crying woman in the evening might not be enough to justify a SWAT team.

I sprinted up to their apartment, just to find concerned neighbors assembled around the open front door.

"Everything's fine," I said, trying to sound in control, although I still had not the slightest idea what was going on. "I will take care of this."

Nobody believed me, including myself, but they left anyway.

Inside, I found a mess in the living room, but none of my friends. Ralph was sitting on their bed, crying and not noticing me. Not wanting to stir him up, I left quietly. The bathroom door was damaged, but still locked. I knocked gently, called Dani's name through a gap that shouldn't be there, being extra careful not to alert Ralph.

"You!" I heard him yell behind me.

He didn't look good at all. His face was just as messy as his living room. Red, swollen, desperate, but no apparent wounds.

"Ralph," I started as soothingly as I could. "Dani called me. Said she needed help. I came immediately. Is there anything..."

"You, of all assholes? YOU are here to help?"

"What? Why? What's wrong with me?"

"What's wrong with you? Everything is wrong with you. You are stabbing me in the back after everything I've done for you. I've saved your life. Did you forget that? I've been the best friend anyone could wish for. That's how you pay me back?"

"What? What have I done?"

"WHAT?" he just shouted without further explanation.

"Calm down, Ralph," I heard from behind me. "I called him."

"Dani, I'm not joking. You know what's going to happen..."

"I'm reaching the point where I don't care," she replied, sounding surprisingly calm.

I took a quick look at her. To my enormous relief, she looked dirty, tired, maybe bruised, but not seriously harmed.

"I swear I will kill someone if you leave me."

That shocked me to the core. This was way too serious.

"Could someone please tell me what's going on?"

I looked back and forth, not finding any answers on both faces. What the fuck? Everyone assumed I knew what was going on, but nobody cared to tell me.

"Okay, what now? Dani, you can hardly stay here. It's not safe," I tried to reason, ignoring Ralph, the elephant in the room. "I'm surprised nobody called the cops and nobody got seriously hurt."

Dani then pointed to huge bruises on her forearm that I hadn't noticed.

"See? That's what happens," Ralph stated before he suddenly vanished into the back of their apartment.

"Okay, Dani. That's it. You need to leave."

"Andy, you know I can't do that. Ralph will harm someone. You heard him. I can't let that happen."

I wondered who she thought would get killed and assumed Ralph talked about suicide.

"That's blackmail. Does he really need to sink that low?"

"Well, Andy, we are hardly in a position to judge him, right?"

What the fuck did she mean by that? Before I could ask, Ralph returned, and he had clearly gained momentum again. His neck was slightly red, but at least his eye wasn't ticking.

"What the fuck are you still doing here, asshole?" He didn't exactly shout, but there was no doubt the neighbors heard every word.

"Hey, I'm your friend..." I started before he interrupted me.

"Friend? My friend? Seriously?" I didn't just hear him, I felt like I was standing in a wind tunnel. "I hate you. Always have. Let's be honest here, okay? All this pretense for years. I've had it. You hear me?"

"What?" was my brilliant reply. I had no idea what he was talking about and assumed he didn't really mean it.

"You always wanted her, you asshole. You know, I don't even care. Most guys want her. It drives me crazy, but I don't care anymore." He seemed confused at this point, and a confused, angry Ralph was downright scary. "But YOU..." he screamed, turning around and pointing at Dani, "you are the one who's really killing me."

"Ralph, calm down, please. You are imagining things..." I tried.

"Andy," Dani interrupted me, sounding calm and sad. "He's right. Let's be honest here for once, okay? He's right, this dishonesty is killing us all."

"Right," he added, totally unnecessarily in my opinion, as I still wasn't sure what they wanted to say.

"Okay, okay," I finally said, mostly buying time. "So I always fancied Dani. I admit it. I mean, who doesn't?"

"Fancied? Are you kidding me, asshole? You had this huge 'I love Dani' sign on your forehead since we were kids. You honestly think nobody saw it?"

"To be honest, yes, I thought..." Damn, the cat was out of the bag.

"Andy," Dani said, very softly, "everybody knew."

"You think I've been like this for no reason, you idiot? An angry, jealous asshole even I despise? I always knew you wanted her. I always knew I'd eventually lose her to you, and I always knew someone would die if it happened."

"What? Are you crazy, man?" I replied, already knowing the answer.

"Yes," he laughed bitterly. "Yes, I am. And you know what? You're the reason. Not just you, asshole, I could live with yet another loser wanting my woman. But DANI..."

She just looked at me as if she was ashamed, shrugging her shoulders.

"Dani?" I asked.

"Some of what he says is right. I always was Ralph's girl, there was never any doubt. Still, I always liked you. Like, a lot." She blushed a bit, which was as cute as it was inappropriate, given the situation at hand.

"See?" he yelled. "You could never hide it. I always knew what was going on. Why do you think I pretended to be your friend? Hell, I never even liked you. Keep your enemies close, they say."

"What?" I still had problems coming to grips with him being serious about this.

"Andy, think about it," Dani threw in. "Did you ever really like Ralph?"

"Umm, well..." Damn, I wanted things finally in the open, but maybe not that much.

"Truth time," she added, as they both waited for my reaction.

"Well, I admit I mostly stayed near him because of you. But hey, why did he save my life back then, in that dark side street?"

"What do you think, asshole? I tracked you that night, still do from time to time. When I saw where you were, it was perfect. Saving you would keep you from trying to steal Dani if you had any style. But of course, you haven't."

"Hey, I never tried to steal her."

"Seriously? Let's be honest, you don't like me. Say it, I can live with it. Why did you stay around? Why didn't you ever have a girlfriend? Because you want her, and only her. You love her, and only her. You love her enough to stay and suffer in silence. Enough to live as a monk. Enough to watch me having what you want."

Embarrassed, I could only nod. Dani poured oil into a raging fire by beaming brightly right at that point. Ralph snapped. While his eye was ticking, he grabbed a huge kitchen knife and looked at it, as if he was confused. I thought he was unsure who to kill with it, Dani, me or himself. Dani had moved in front of me meanwhile, obviously trying to protect me and not seeing herself on his list of potential victims. Before I could warn her, he vaguely threw the knife in our direction.

Contrary to what you see in movies, throwing a kitchen knife is not easy. Ralph didn't have skills, all he had was anger. The knife harmlessly hit the wall, handle first.

All three of us were stunned. Ralph stared at his open hands, unbelieving.

"Shit," he just said, suddenly looking close to tears.

Dani boldly walked to him and gently stroked his cheek.

"Ralph, I'm so sorry for everything. It isn't fair. It never was, to any of us. Ralph, I still need to leave now. This has gone too far."

His head snapped up. It seemed absurd, but he really seemed surprised by what she said.

"Yeah, sure. Go with him. I always knew you were cheating on me with him. It was always Andy, Andy, Andy. I'm sick of it. I tell you something, though. If you leave with him now, one of us has to die. I'm not joking. Me, you or Andy. It will be entirely your fault."

"Ralph, please get help. This can't go on," she said lovingly.

"Don't you dare leave with him," he just screamed, undeterred.

"No, Ralph, I can't stay. I'm terribly sorry. I will be back soon."

"Dani, please don't leave me." It was amazing how quickly he had changed from raging to tearful and pleading. Was any of this real, or was he just a brilliant actor? He tried every tactic he could think of and knew no shame. I was an unwilling observer of that undignified scene.

"I'll be back tomorrow, my love."

With that, she just beckoned me to leave their apartment with her, not touching me, which seemed like a good idea. Of course, we drove to my house. Without a word, she vanished into the guest bedroom, which I now thought of as her room, refusing my unspoken offer to listen if she wanted to talk.

Of course, I couldn't sleep even for a second. To my utter surprise, I heard my bedroom door open a few hours later. I didn't dare to move and just watched Dani, clad only in a T-shirt and panties, as she walked towards my bed in the moonlight. Despite the terrible general situation, it was a magical moment.

"You mind?" she softly asked. "Just hold me."

This wasn't just a tempting offer; this was the first step towards what I had dreamt of for my whole life. Wordlessly, I lifted my blanket, she cuddled to me, placed her head on my shoulder and seemed to be asleep immediately. Despite my numb arm, I was in heaven. Even if it was just that night, it was totally worth everything. Yes, we were confirming Ralph's fears, but it seemed we were all on some kind of rollercoaster anyway. We had no real choices and had to wait until it ended, hopefully not in tears.

She was still fast asleep when I woke up the next morning. I guessed the previous weeks had taken their toll on her. I couldn't imagine what living with Ralph might have been like. She had her reasons for staying with him, and whether they were justified or not, she was a hero for enduring it.

The smell of the breakfast I had prepared might have helped luring her down from my bedroom into the kitchen later. I went all out, trying to impress her. The fight for her was in the open now, and I would do whatever I possibly could to win it.

"Oooh, that looks delicious. I'm starving."

Sadly, after a good start, the rest of the breakfast was spent in awkward silence. One of us should have had the courage to openly discuss what we wanted, but it didn't happen. I certainly didn't want to beg her to stay, and I didn't want to coerce her, like Ralph did. Of course, I hoped she'd leave Ralph, but it had to be her own decision. I decided not to mention it.

"Dani, you really need to leave Ralph." So much for that decision.

She didn't reply, but looked at me sadly.

"It's not that easy, Andy. I have to take care of the man I love. I need to make sure he doesn't get hurt."

"Even if he hurts himself?" I answered, assuming she was talking about Ralph.

She looked at me surprised and a bit dismayed.

"Dani, do you honestly believe he loves you?"

"What? Well, of course. He's going crazy about this whole situation."

Okay, time to spill the beans, I decided.

"Really? You know what? I think he's always been the center of attention and he craves that. He needs the power that comes with it. He needs the confirmation; he needs to feel important."

"What's that got to do with anything?"

"Did you ever consider that he's just using you? That he's just using all of us? That we are the stage and the audience for his little dramas?"

She shook her head, but I saw that her faith in Ralph was beginning to waver.

"I'm not sure, Andy. It sounds like a cop out. Yes, he likes the attention, but this sounds like a cheap way of justifying me leaving him. I can't deny the love he feels for me."

"Okay..." I replied, shrugging and not willing to move into that minefield any further. If what I said was true, and I didn't know it for sure, it would be a blow for her self-esteem. She would never have been loved by Ralph, just used. I knew how flattering it must have been for her to be his chosen one, to be in the limelight together with him, to see other girls want what she had.

We sipped our coffees in silence. I tried to watch her expression without being obvious, and she was deep in thought. It was a big step for her to even consider that all her fighting and suffering for her marriage might have been for naught. All she would have done is serve a purpose in Ralph's scheme. Suddenly, she seemed to have come to a decision.

"I need to go home now."

Of course, I tried to hide my disappointment. I had years of training: hiding my true feelings when it came to Dani was something I really excelled at.

"I see."

I wanted to cry, beg, shout, convince her, but I knew it wouldn't help. It would have to be her own decision. If she made it, I would fight for her. As long as she didn't, I would still support her, as I had done for so long.

For two people who had spent the night in an embrace, the weirdly stilted hug and stammered stereotypes that were our goodbye were a bit inappropriate, but it seemed as if a wall had appeared between us. I felt as if I had played my cards too soon and had lost.

"Don't worry about me," were her parting words, but that was exactly what I did. As I always did, I felt the need to protect her, and as always, I never could. For the next few days I was pretty busy, mostly with worrying and imagining terrible things.

I shuffled home on a grey afternoon, once again contemplating my shitty life. There was nothing I could do about the fucked-up Dani and Ralph situation. That meant there was nothing I could do about the fucked-up Andy situation. Once again, I toyed with the thought of leaving everything behind and starting anew somewhere else. It was a nice thought, as long as I managed to ignore the fact that nothing of the sort would ever happen. Everything would remain the same. We were all securely tied into our roles in this cheap little play.

Suddenly, I felt a push to my back, out of nowhere. While I was still busy stumbling forward, I thought that as a kid, it would have been no big deal. I would have just sat on my ass and looked what just happened. I was an adult, so I stumbled around like an idiot, trying to prevent the unavoidable.

I finally collided with a lamp post in the most undignified way possible before my ass made ground contact anyway. I looked around, trying to understand what just happened and saw Ralph standing there. He looked at me in exactly the same way he had always looked at my enemies, which disappointed me a bit. I had been on his side for an eternity, and I didn't feel I deserved this.

"Ralph..." I said, mostly just to say anything.

"You fuck... You asshole... You've ruined everything."

"What?"

"You. Me. Dani. That's what you've ruined. It's always been you and Dani. I've always been the odd man out."

That was absurd. It was exactly the other way around, so I answered in the most obvious way. "What the fuck are you talking about?"

"Ralph!" That was Dani, sounding unusually stern. Where had she even come from? Ralph seemed just as surprised as his head jerked towards her.

"Dani. Stay away. I will deal with you later."

I didn't like the sound of that, not at all.

"We had a deal, Ralph," she shouted, pointing a finger at him. What did she mean by that? What kind of deal did they have? Her perfectly manicured finger somehow looked inappropriate, given the potentially violent situation. The nail was painted bright red and looked really hot.

"I don't give a fuck, my dearest wife. You have been cheating all the time. You've broken our deal."

Surprising both of us, Ralph hit her straight in the face. Not very hard, but with a closed fist. This was too much. I was a peaceful guy, but this was too much. It was wrong to hit anyone anyway, but hitting my Dani was unthinkable. I had no idea if my neck turned red and my eye started to tick, but I felt like Mr. Hyde anyway, for the first time in my life.

I simply approached him, steaming inside, and he simply watched me. We both knew what was about to happen. At some point, my fist would connect with his face. I did what was necessary and he did nothing to prevent it. I had not much idea about fighting, but he did. Still, he just stood there, waiting for it to happen.

As if in slow motion, I pulled my hand back. His mouth turned into an unexpected slight smile. His arms just hung limply to his sides. It was unreal. I delivered my punch, amazingly clumsy and ineffective. My fist somehow connected with his face, but to him, it was nothing. A joke. A fly touching his face.

His head was at least jerked to the side as I hit him, but annoyingly, his contented smile had grown even bigger as he stumbled to the ground theatrically. I knew I was playing his game, following his rules, but there was nothing I could do about it. He had hit Dani, for God's sakes.

He sat on the ground with a smug look on his face. He touched his lips, looked at the fingers and saw the blood from his split lip. He grinned; his teeth impossibly white between his perfectly shaped bloody lips.

"See?" he said, pointing at me, then at Dani. "I knew it all along. I did everything for you, both of you. I was the best friend and the best husband you could possibly have. This is how you pay me back." He didn't seem disappointed, though. The whole scene was like watching a rehearsal for an amateur drama group. I almost expected someone to shout 'once again, but with more emotion this time' from the background.