True Love

I'd like to thank Blackrandi, Cagivagurl and George Anderson for their tremendous help. I'd also like to mention Laptopwriter, who was involved in coming up with the idea.

*

I needed to get away. It was all just so unbearably perfect. The only alternative to leaving was to puke on the spot, something that might be frowned upon in the lobby of a four-star luxury hotel.

There was a whole bunch of things I just couldn't stand anymore. Our full-time hero Ralph had chosen the hotel, and of course, like everything he touched, it was so damn perfect. Just one minor flaw would have made it bearable, but there wasn't one.

My perfect friends were even worse: Ralph, the guy every man aspired to be. He wasn't just handsome. He was one-in-a-million beautiful. He was polite to a T, always pleasant, the life of every party. He was the best buddy anyone could ever wish for. No bad breath, not a hair out of place, always fashionable. He was every mother-in-law's wet dream.

Then there was his wife, Dani. Everybody loved Dani. Literally. There was no exception. Every girl had tried to be like her since we were little kids. They couldn't even hate her for being perfect; she was too nice for that. Pretty, although not outstandingly so, with a personality that just made people flock towards her. Of course, all the boys were instantly in love with her, and of course, as she'd always been Mr. Perfect-10's girl, she had always been unattainable.

Then there were Maria and Paul. Their role was being the perfect sidekicks for Ralph and Dani. Just like them, they had been a couple since the beginning of time. All they needed to do was to admire and support the star couple, and they did that with total devotion. They were somewhat good looking, but not enough to divert attention from where it truly belonged.

Then there was me. The eternal bachelor. The one everyone tried to encourage not to feel like the perpetual outsider. In truth, the one everyone pitied.

I just needed to get away. Away from this feeling of being unwanted, superfluous, tolerated. Away from the unbearably happy couples, especially from Mr. and Mrs. Perfect 10. I just couldn't watch them being all lovey-dovey anymore. Perfect smiles. Cute pet names. Loving gazes. It was like being trapped in a sappy romance novel all day long.

I knew they liked me for some reason and wanted to make me feel as good as possible. They regularly tried to hook me up with some nice girls they knew. They assured me they didn't understand why a nice-looking guy like me hadn't been snatched up a long time ago.

It was just more than I could stand.

I stumbled out of the hotel through the front door and welcomed the uncaring chaos of an unknown city around me. No one gave a fuck about me. No one was concerned, pitying or giving good advice. It was like a breath of fresh air. I had always been introspective and a bit of a dreamer. The anonymity was exactly what I needed.

I stood in front of the hotel and just watched the traffic for a few minutes. The city was brightly lit and busy. Everyone seemed in a hurry, and I seemed to be in everyone's way on this busy sidewalk.

Once again feeling unneeded, I went with the flow, trying to find a calmer spot, where I could just be. Finally, I found a darker, less busy side street. As I explored the less beaten paths, I tried not to think about what the others were doing after they had retreated to their rooms.

I had paid absolutely no attention to where I was going. Ralph usually watched out for me and kept me out of trouble, but he was still back in the hotel, probably getting busy with Dani. I couldn't stop myself from imagining how they had sex. I was certain their poses, expressions and hair would be flawless and everything would look like a high-class erotic art photoshoot.

These thoughts distracted me for a while, until I snapped back to reality. Damn, this was not looking good. Not at all. I was well and truly lost in this unknown city. The whole trip was a disaster, as I knew it would be, but this was the icing on the cake.

I should have got myself a T-shirt with a huge "5" on it, because that's what I was. The perpetual fifth wheel. I guessed I would end up being buried as the fifth corpse, squeezed into a four-person tomb.

I knew it was partially my own choice, but that didn't mean I enjoyed it. I imagined them all snickering when I wasn't around. They were probably asking themselves what was wrong with me, if I was still a virgin at 23, what my problem was. Still, in my presence, everyone was usually discreet enough to not mention it. They still invited me on their trips and I just disappeared whenever they needed a bit of privacy. The trick was to act as if it didn't bother me.

Still, I had no choice. I had always accompanied them and wasn't about to change that. I would never bring a girlfriend, mainly because I didn't have one, never had one and probably never would have one. I was the perpetually single guy in the group. In a horror movie, I would be that weird loner who gets killed first. It sucked.

Right before I left, there had been those damn suggestive smiles, those knowing looks again. It meant they needed to get rid of me for a while, hoping I'd understand. Of course, I acted unaffected, giving them thumbs ups when they hurriedly retreated to their rooms.

What looked like a normal evening with good friends in a stylish bar had suddenly turned into a miserable guy, sitting all alone, holding his glass for comfort. I tried to act cool, as if I was enjoying my sophisticated drink, as I hoped people were not staring at me, pitying me. That pity was the worst about this fucked up situation.

That was when I needed to leave the hotel in a hurry.

At first, it felt good, I felt free, and anonymous, until I suddenly felt lost. I really didn't have the slightest idea about that area. Ralph had been there quite a few times, so he suggested the destination. The same Ralph who was currently enjoying Dani. Ralph, Mr. Perfect. Mr. Everybody's Darling.

Your car breaks down in the middle of the night? Call Ralph. Need a kidney? Ask Ralph. The guy you could rely on. Everyone's best friend.

He wasn't exceptionally tall. Many guys, including me, were taller and more muscular. No, he was definitely on the delicate side. His features were finely chiseled, almost femininely pretty. Always smiling, always charming. Females immediately wanted to take care of him, to please him, to get his approval, his attention, to get even one look. It was sickening to watch.

I continued to think about our little group as I walked along, still not knowing where I was. This area seemed even darker, poorer and less busy, which suited me just fine. I wanted to be alone anyway, and the darkness suited my mood.

I thought about Dani, as I did so often. She was the glue that held us together. Everyone loved Dani; there was simply no reason not to. The difference was, while I always suspected Ralph's perfect behavior was a conscious decision and required some effort for him, being nice was just natural for Dani.

A slight noise from behind pulled me back to reality. Where the fuck was I? This area wasn't just less busy, it was completely deserted.

I looked around, trying not to panic, and saw two shadows following me on the sidewalk. No reason to worry, I thought, that's to be expected in a city. The dark clothes and hooded faces wouldn't have worried me as much if there hadn't been two quite similar shadows in front of me.

Sighing, I realized there was no exit and all I could do was wait and see if my paranoia was justified.

"Need help?" one of them started the conversation. I wondered if he used the same line every time.

"No, thanks. How about you?" I replied, trying to sound cooler than I felt.

"Hmm, yeah, now that you mention it. We seem to be a little short on cash."

"Ha, what a coincidence. So am I." I wondered why they even bothered talking to me and wondered when the violence was about to start.

"Funny, man. Tell you what, you give us your money and keep your life. How about that?"

I had to admit, the deal sounded tempting.

"That is a generous offer. I hate to disappoint you, but I really don't have much..." was all I could say before I was interrupted by a voice behind me that was a bit too light to really be seen as a threat. It was a voice I knew very well. How the fuck did he always manage to do this?

"Just leave him alone and I might not harm you," he calmly said. It was Ralph, of course. Ralph, the pretty boy. Ralph, the one strangers constantly underestimated. Ralph, who, I was sure, was looking forward to this.

The guys looked at each other, unbelieving, before they had to laugh.

"Ah, and who would you be? Shouldn't you be at home with your mommy?" The guy snickered. "How will you tell Mommy that the bad guys took your spending money, boy?"

Ralph stood there, looking lost and fragile, with his hands in his pockets. It was too dark to tell if his eye was ticking or his neck was turning red.

"Leave my mom out of this. Even without her here, I'm your worst nightmare."

Two of them had started to move towards him, but hesitated for a second. Despite his non-threatening appearance, that statement was just too bold to ignore.

"Look, I enjoyed our conversation so much, I want to do you a favor. This will not end well for you," I added. I didn't really want to warn them; I just wanted to avoid a fight. Ralph was a mean bastard when he was in fight mode, but four thugs was a lot, even for him.

"What is he, some kind of black belt?" The sneer in his voice was obvious.

"No." I wanted to add, 'He's a sadist,' but I didn't. "Worse," was all I said. I mentally shrugged my shoulders. There was no avoiding it now.

"Get him, boys. I will take care of this one," the conversationalist said, pointing at me.

They followed his orders by circling Ralph, and I wished he'd at least take his hands out of his pockets. This was just plain arrogant.

I was interrupted by being shoved against a wall, trying to stay standing. I knew if I fell, I'd be dead meat. I might have been the biggest guy in this little event, but I wasn't a trained fighter.

Ralph was, and while my dance partner and I were busy trying to figure out how to best start the actual fighting, we were distracted by an ugly sound, like a bone breaking, followed by a pained howl.

"What the fuck," my self-assigned minder said, briefly shifting his attention towards them. I didn't bother, as I could imagine what was going on there. Instead, I used the opportunity to punch him in the face.

I hoped it somehow hurt him. I even hoped it hurt him more than it hurt me. The pain in my hand was intense, and I briefly wondered how the guys in the old movies could do this for hours and still look fresh from the barber shop.

My move had at least re-gained my attacker's attention, and I used the opportunity to punch him with my other, still good hand. This time, it hurt less and had more effect on him. He stumbled and I thought my first adult training session as a fighter was going well. After a few hundred of these fights, I might actually be able to hurt someone.

There was a vicious cracking sound again from behind Talking Man, and this time we both looked. Two attackers were down, but the third seemed pretty quick on his feet. Ralph and Guy Number Three were circling each other, and Ralph had this look on his face. The look I hated. The look I knew so well. The look we had all learned to fear since we were little kids.

He was my best friend in the world, but in situations like this, he was nothing short of the devil. All that's wrong with humanity was combined in that look, all that's revealed when the thin veneer of civilization is removed. He was a predator on the hunt, and he derived raw pleasure from it.

My companion looked a little worried now, but before I could land another of my symbolic punches, he delivered one out of nowhere. It wasn't symbolic. I never saw it, but I sure felt it. I also felt the wall helping him by hitting the back of my head.

"This shit has to end," he commented, producing a long, vicious looking knife from nowhere. "Sorry, man. I never had to do this before," he added, as he unceremoniously shoved it towards my neck. Unlike Ralph, he didn't seem to enjoy the task at hand, and seemed genuinely sorry it had come to this.

His head suddenly flew sideways as Ralph's kick connected. I looked behind him and saw three figures on the ground, all of them injured but crawling and moaning. Ralph took the knife from him and dropped it into a drain.

"You need to stop doing this, my friend," Ralph said jokingly, although I was pretty sure I had never done anything like it before. I wished his voice hadn't sounded so damn unaffected.

"Thanks, man," I replied, trying to hide how much this had shaken me. "You saved my life."

"I know. That's what friends are for. You are my friend, you know? My best friend in the whole world. Just never forget that. Right?"

"I know," I answered, but I didn't feel it. The predator face was still there, just about to be covered by the mask he usually hid behind to pass himself off as human. His features had softened, but the eyes were still cold and hard.

"You know, Andy, I love you. Honestly, I totally love you. You're my only real friend in the world. I'm just afraid one day I'll have to kill you, if you keep doing shit." I had no idea if it was a joke or not. I didn't even know what he meant by 'doing shit.' Wandering into dark side streets?

He laughed as if it was the best joke in the world, but I was puzzled. What the fuck was wrong with him? A question I had asked myself numerous times. Unfortunately, I was one of the few persons who saw the true Ralph. The sight was not pretty, and it was getting worse.

Numbly, I followed him past the still moaning group of attackers. The way back to the hotel was more complicated than I remembered, and I wondered how Ralph had found me. Was he tracking me somehow? Why? That was scarier than being robbed. Without him, all I'd have lost was a few bucks. As it was, he had helped create a life-threatening situation where he had to save me. Still, without a doubt, he had saved my life.

How had he known where I was? How had he known I was in trouble? He should have been in bed with Dani. I was just about to ask him when he silenced me with a huge man-hug.

There was never any planning or preparation when Ralph showed up on my doorstep. That's just how it was. No meaningful discussions, just two dudes hanging out. Two nuked pizzas, a few unhealthy drinks and a PlayStation. I briefly wondered if Dani was busy somehow and wanted to get rid of Ralph, but it was actually a great afternoon.

As always, I kicked his ass at all sports games, and he never seemed to mind. In fact, he seemed genuinely happy for me. We played, fought and mock argued until we were exhausted and content.

"I need to do something about Dani," he suddenly said. While it wasn't technically forbidden to address serious issues, it just rarely happened.

"What's up with you? You always seem so happy." I was still half focused on the game.

"Don't know. She seems so... I don't know... distanced, somehow... recently."

"Okay, what did you fuck up?" I asked without having thought about whether I really wanted to know.

"What?" he snorted. "Why me?"

"Come on. Dani is Dani. We all know she never fucks things up."

"And you're the relationship expert, right?"

Ouch, that hurt. I would have preferred not to mention my most obvious weakness.

"Okay, so what's the plan?" I answered, ignoring his jab. "You need to make something up to her? Woo her? Cook a nice meal for her? Give her a foot rub? Buy her a nice gift? Take her on a surprise trip?"

"A gift? Nice idea, man. Come on, let's buy one. I will need your advice."

Yeah, advice from the relationship expert, I thought bitterly, but kept my mouth shut.

Ralph's introspective mood was suddenly gone, replaced by an almost maniacal level of activity. I shook my head, knowing the shops were about to close and that whatever he had done wrong to irritate Dani, it probably couldn't be fixed like that. It was just not how she ticked. She wasn't really interested in material things.

A few minutes later, he had chosen a shop at which to spend a moderate amount of money. Problem was, the shop was already dark, which was not surprising as it was after closing time. Unfortunately for her, a young salesgirl was just about to lock up.

"Sorry, wait a moment, please."

She looked around, her face clearly saying 'no chance, buddy' until she looked at Ralph more closely.

Ralph turned on his fashion catalogue smile and I knew she was toast. I had seen this before and knew exactly what was going on. She was a young average looking girl, with the average level of insecurity. Ralph wasn't average at all, and he certainly wasn't insecure. He knew the power he had on some women, and he enjoyed using it. If there was a weakness, he saw it and exploited it.

She looked at him like a deer in the headlights. His wide smile seemed so genuine. His teeth were whiter than the law allowed. His eyes were so fascinatingly blue. The carefully tousled mop of hair, the tanned skin, the model like features. She had never been close to a man that attractive and he would get what he wanted; we all knew it.

"Please, you need to help me. I'm begging you."

Problem was, he didn't seem to be begging. It sounded suspiciously as if he was just telling her what to do. Unwilling to look away from him, she just nodded while trying to unlock the door without having to look at it.

She finally succeeded, and we were inside the shop, which was brightly illuminated again. She moved as if she had to pee, but I knew she was just in a hurry to get home. We were keeping her from something really important, that was obvious. Ralph knew it as well as I did, but he enjoyed it, while I didn't.

"Come on, Ralph, hurry up. I'll kick your ass at the game."

"Relax, man. We have all the time in the world. Right?" he added, looking at the shopgirl, enjoying his power over her.

She just nodded, looking conflicted, but powerless. I began to suspect he was doing this solely for my benefit. This was a demonstration of his power over women, and it was for some reason done to impress me, while that poor girl had to pay for it. He might have real concerns about Dani, but this had nothing to do with her. Not anymore.

I'd had enough.

"Okay, I'm sure you can do this without me. I'm going home, you can join me when you're ready."

She hadn't really noticed any of this and still seemed to be busy being starstruck. His smug expression was suddenly gone, though. He looked around as if he expected her to help him.

"Come on, Andy. I need you here."

His arrogant confidence crumbled like a thin facade, and even his spell on the poor girl seemed to weaken, as she dared to look at her wristwatch.

"See you," I said, while marching out of the damn store, angry at myself, at Ralph and at this whole fucked up situation. I had thought this was just a casual evening with a friend. It started as a pleasant surprise, as we hadn't had many of those recently. Instead, it seemed he just used me like he used this poor girl, just to let me see this demonstration of... what? Of his power over women? His power over other people, including me? That he was more attractive than me? I was painfully aware of that fact already and always had been. That certainty had been the bane of my youth. Fuck. Luckily, he didn't return to my house.

In theory, hosting our gatherings was a rotating duty, following an inscrutable schedule controlled by Dani, Maria and Lisa. For some reason, during the summer, we always ended up in my garden, which was totally okay for me. I was the only one with a house, thus the only one with a private outdoor pool. I guess my lack of a relationship had a side benefit or two, as I could focus my time and energy on my career.