Try and Love Again

"I was right. She's beautiful, Kirk!"

"Believe or not, she was even more beautiful on the inside."

"I believe you," Aimee told him immediately. "Dennis wasn't like that. Not on the inside."

Aimee thought for a moment then said, "It's funny looking back now. I've changed so much, and I'm not sure he and I could even make it together now. But back then, he seemed like the be-all, end-all, and I was head over heels in love with him."

"I'm not sure either of us are true dichotomies as far as the people we are compared to who we were, but we've both changed. I loved the wild and free thing but became a buttoned-down CPA. You were a philosophy major and fell for the...leader of the pack."

Aimee laughed as Kirk added, "I'm not sure what that even means, but maybe we're each a little of both."

"Yeah. I suppose there's still some of the old me somewhere inside, but I like who I've become and can't ever imagine going back to my old ways."

She smiled at Kirk then said, "Although nights like tonight allow me visit there without having to actually return."

Kirk was surprised at the way those words hit him and got serious.

"I was thinking the same thing. Being back on stage and seeing people react to my music made me feel...22 again."

He chuckled then said, "But as you can see, I'm not 22."

Aimee raised an eyebrow, tilted her head slightly then smiled.

"You look pretty good to me, Kirk."

Those words hit him even harder, but he didn't let it show as he laughed a friendly kind of laugh then pointed at Aimee as he said, "You see. That was the old you coming out for a second there and seeing the musician in me. You know, the old me."

He looked away for a second, laughed again, then said, "Or would that be the new me? Or the old, new me?"

She liked his sense of humor and laughed again while sitting there looking at him for several seconds then said, "Maybe. But I think the new me, whoever that is, sees more than the talented musician. And you are very talented, by the way."

Kirk laughed, thanked her for the kind words then said, "Thank you, too, for the very pleasant conversation. I think I've enjoyed out little chat as much as any I've had in..."

He looked up at the window over his shoulder then back at Aimee before finishing his thought.

"In many years."

"I was going to say that very thing," Aimee told him as she smiled again.

"Just not as many years, right?" he replied, getting another laugh.

"I should probably get going. It's going be after 1am before I get home, and as I said, I'm not 22 anymore."

Aimee gave him a look and said, "Yeah, right. You keep trying to convince me you're some...ancient relic...but it's not working."

Kirk stood up then said, "You are too kind, Aimee," as he offered her a hand.

She smiled at him, took it, then stood up, too.

"Thank you for trusting me with the memory of your wife," she told Kirk with genuine sincerity.

"It was just such a pleasure to meet someone I could trust to share it with," he told her, noticing that her eyes were locked on his. "And thank you for the same thing with regard to your fiancé."

There was a fairly long awkward moment when they stood there looking at one another, neither of them speaking or moving.

"Sorry. You were trying to leave, and I'm blocking the way out," Aimee said as she stepped aside.

"Right. That is why I got up, huh?" Kirk asked rhetorically and a little nervously he moved around her.

"Well, goodnight, Aimee."

"Goodnight, Kirk."

"It uh, it was really a pleasure meeting you."

Aimee smiled happily then said, "You, too. I'm still a little surprised at how much we have in common when I wasn't expecting to even talk with you outside of the job requirements."

"Hey, it was a surprise to me, too, Aimee. A very pleasant surprise."

"Yes. Yes, it was," she agreed.

"Well, goodnight," Kirk said again.

"Night, Kirk."

He nodded then moved toward the door when Aimee felt like someone else was speaking for her.

"Kirk?"

"Yes?" he said, stopping and looking over his shoulder.

"Would you maybe like to, you know, could be maybe talk again sometime? Outside of the job?"

Kirk's brain processed a terabyte or two of information in a fraction of a second as he again noticed how beautiful Aimee was and coupled it with the maturity-beyond-her-years sense she exuded, as well as with her educational background, and perhaps most of all, how easy it was to talk with her.

"You know, that sounds pretty...wonderful...to me."

"Yeah? Well, okay. Maybe we can figure out when after you wrap things up tomorrow night?"

"I'll look forward to it," Kirk told her being saying 'goodnight' yet again.

"G'night, Kirk!" Aimee said one more time as he walked away, aware that she was feeling other emotions that surprised her; emotions related to this very attractive older man with the incredible voice who could still bend a guitar string in a way that made her feel alive again.

Kirk saw Jerry again on the way out and used a different version of his previous line.

"See you in a few hours, Jerry!"

The GM got up and walked over to him and said, "Hey. I just wanted to let you know that my niece went through some pretty rough times a few years back. She's a really great girl, but she doesn't open up to people, so please understand if she comes across as all business."

"Oh. I...okay. Thanks," Kirk replied, not sure what else to say.

"She's a really good kid, she just needs to meet someone new she can fall in love with."

Jerry shook his head then apologized.

"I'm not sure why I brought that up. I know she's way too young for you, or maybe you're way too old for her, so it's not like..."

He stopped talking for a moment then said, "Never mind. I'm just glad to have you here. I haven't seen this kind of money in...since we opened up."

"Same here, and I'm real happy about you doing so well tonight," Kirk told him before saying 'goodnight'.

As he drove home, Kirk's emotional high faded when he thought about what Jerry had just said.

"You're too old, buddy," Kirk told himself. "You feel 22 again, but you're not. You're not even close. You had a nice time tonight, and Aimee was kind of like icing on the cake with playing for an audience again being the cake. But that's all there is to it. She's a kid, and you're..."

He looked in the mirror, squinted, and even in the dark, could see some lines around the corners of his eyes.

"You're just...old."

It was nearly noon before Kirk woke up, and not having done that in so many years, it freaked him out for a moment when he realized in was already midday.

He sat up, shook off the cobwebs then laughed as he thought to himself, "Oh, the life of a carefree musician."

He threw the covers off then made his way to the bathroom to pee and laughed about having had to go so often the night before.

"You're gonna need some Flomax the way things are going...Grandpa," he said to himself as he flushed the toilet before washing his hands and heading to the kitchen for the coffee he so desperately needed.

As he filled the pot, he thought about the 'grandpa' thing. The truth was he wasn't a grandfather. He wasn't even a father, and that realization made his cute little quip something less than funny. He and Kellie had wanted kids, but they kept putting it off for one reason or another until it was too late. And now, here he was, 42-years old with no kids...and no wife.

That wasn't a road he went down very often, but as he sipped a first cup of coffee, he couldn't help but feel a little melancholy and perhaps even a little sad. He took a sip then wondered if meeting Aimee might have something to do with the way he was feeling. But he was feeling blue, and that wasn't how he'd felt while sitting in her office where he talked with her about things he'd rarely shared with anyone but his brother. And then he remembered what her uncle told him.

"It really doesn't matter, though, does it?" he said out loud when the real reason why he'd stopped feeling good about meeting her hit him. All 42 reasons.

Even though he intuitively knew Aimee was just a warm, friendly person who also happened to be extremely pretty, Kirk still wanted to rehearse a song he'd loved for years. It came out in 1972, and he'd played it back in 1980 as one of the few songs he sang that wasn't classic rock.

It had a one-word title—"Amie." The spelling was different, but the name was the same, and after finishing a second cup, Kirk grabbed his guitar and sat down. He strummed a few chords that sounded right to him, then went for it.

"Amie what you want to do? I think I could stay with you for a while, maybe longer if I do..."

He had to check the lyrics online at one point to make sure he was correctly remembering them, and once he knew, he played it from beginning to end without a mistake.

In spite of what he'd just been feeling, he decided he was going to play it that evening and dedicate the song to her no matter what happened. What she did with it was out of his control, but for now, he Kirk was content to play the 'what if' game for a while. And...maybe longer if he did.

He went over the rest of the second new set he'd rehearsed in case he got hired, and there was no doubt in his mind he could sing and play every one of them. The only question was which song to drop to make room for the new addition. He liked all of them or they wouldn't have been included, but after some thought he made a decision and saved Amie for the last song of the last set.

When he arrived to start setting up that evening, Kirk was treated to a very pleasant surprise.

"Hey, handsome!" Aimee said the moment he walked in.

Kirk smiled and said 'hello' back and asked her how things were going.

"So far, so good. You?"

"Good. Even better now," he told her in a way that hinted that she was the reason for the 'better' part.

She hung out with him as he started setting up and told him again how much she enjoyed his music.

"Thanks. That means a lot to me."

"In our spirit of honesty, I have to confess I've been looking forward to hearing you sing again all day."

"I hope you won't be disappointed," Kirk said with a little laugh as he plugged in the amp.

"I can assure you that won't happen."

When Kirk smiled Aimee smiled back.

"I also have another confession to make," she said.

"Oh?"

"Yes. I was kind of...thinking about...you."

Kirk stopped doing what he was doing and again said, "Oh?"

"Uh-huh. Pretty much all day."

He smiled again then said, "I had no idea you were a masochist."

"Ha-ha! Make fun if you like, but it's the truth."

He got a little more serious then said, "Speaking of the truth, I kind of thought about you today, too."

"Really?"

"I even have a song I plan to dedicate to you."

"Kirk. That is so..."

"Aimee? Where the hell are you?" Jerry hollered out.

"On stage!" she called back.

"What? What are you doing up there when I need you out on..."

He saw her and Kirk then shook his head.

"Ah. Okay. Now I understand," her uncle said as he climbed the stairs and shook Kirk's hand.

"Well, that makes one of us," Kirk said after the handshake.

"Uncle Jerry? Don't you dare!" Aimee said as she saw him opening his mouth.

"Okay, but only if you get back to your job. One for which I am paying you quite well."

"Quite well. Ha!" she said with a flip of her long hair that made Kirk smile and her uncle shake his head.

Aimee turned to leave then smiled at Kirk and told him she was looking forward to hearing the song then walked away.

"What song?" Jerry asked.

"Oh. Just a little something I thought would make your niece smile."

Kirk smiled when he said that but Jerry didn't.

"Just be careful, okay?" Jerry said rather sternly.

"Um...okay?" a surprised Kirk replied.

"Much to my chagrin, Aimee seems to...think very highly of you, Kirk."

"How so?"

"She didn't say much last night or when she came in today, but it's what she did say that concerns me."

Kirk had gone back to setting up and didn't ask what Jerry meant.

"She...she seems to really like you, Kirk."

"I like her, too."

"No. Not like that. I think Aimee...really likes you. As in...likes you."

Kirk stopped again and felt his pulse quicken.

"Really?"

"Yes. Really. And I don't want to see her get hurt again. You understand that, right?"

"Of course. I wouldn't want that, either."

"Whew! Good. I don't know why I was so worried. I knew you were a decent guy, but I kind of look out for my niece, you know, and in case you hadn't noticed, she's a very pretty girl."

"I noticed," Kirk replied in a polite way.

"It's obvious she's way too young for you, and now that we've talked, I know you don't think of her...like that. But I did want to at least mention it."

Kirk didn't comment and Jerry added, "A father figure can't be too careful, right?"

"No. I don't suppose he can," Kirk replied, a forced smile accompanying his words along with feeling crestfallen.

Jerry also walked offstage, and Kirk reminded himself he already knew what his current boss had just said. But after talking to Aimee what her uncle said still hit him hard. For now, though, he needed to finish getting ready, and he had a job to do for the next three hours.

Aimee appeared again a couple of minutes before the curtain went up, and when Kirk didn't return her smile she asked if he was okay.

"Sure. I'm fine. I think I just needed a dose of reality. That's all."

Aimee gave him a puzzled look then asked if he was ready.

"Yeah, sure. Let's do this!" he said as he tried his best to smile with no luck.

Aimee's introduction was even better than the previous night as she raved about Kirk's Friday performance.

"And for anyone who was here last night, you won't be listening to the same songs. Kirk has a whole new playlist for us, and if you're as excited about hearing him sing as I am, give it up for Mr. Kirk Nelson!"

The place was nearly packed as word spread quickly about an amazing new singer in town. A 42-year old 'new' singer who'd played all around the city 20 years before and who was as good as ever.

The applause was just what Kirk needed to fire him up and remember why he'd quit his very lucrative job in order to play again. He thanked Aimee then told the audience he hoped they'd enjoy the show.

He turned around, and with his back to the room played the opening riff to Magic Carpet Ride and the room went crazy. People were up and dancing in seconds and 'gettin' down' to the kind of music he used to play.

He turned around, looked at the audience, then roared, "Why don't you come with me little girl—on a magic carpet ride!" and got another round of 'woos!' from the women and a couple of 'hell yeahs' from the men.

Energized, Kirk tore it up for another 40 minutes before taking his first break. He hadn't even set his guitar down when Aimee appeared beside him.

"Oh, my gosh! You are rockin' it!" she said, a huge smile on her face.

"Oh, good. It seemed like they were liking it okay.

"Okay? They were loving it!" she told him. "Me, too!"

"I know the place is mostly country, but you really think my stuff is working?"

"Oh, it's working. Trust me, okay?"

Kirk's good mood took a hit when he remembered his conversation with Jerry. He looked away to avoid Aimee's stare then said, "If you'll excuse me."

"Oh. Sure," she said as she stepped aside while Kirk passed her without speaking or even looking her way.

It hurt her for a moment, but she told herself he probably just really needed to use the restroom again.

She quickly let it go as she recalled the song she'd enjoyed so much. She turned around as though she were facing the audience then played the air guitar as she growled, "Well, you don't know what we can find. Why don't you come with me little girl, on a magic carpet ride." She growled but sang quietly enough that no one would hear her as she lowered her head and let her long hair fall then threw it back like a female rock star.

But just as suddenly as she began, she quit. And the reason she did was that she remembered the special song Kirk promised he was going to sing for her. That thought made her smile, and she couldn't wait to hear it or see Kirk again.

Aimee stayed there and waited for him until he returned. But like before, he seemed brusque and almost terse as he said, "Excuse me. I need to get ready for the next set."

"Oh. Sure. I'll uh, I've got stuff to do, too," Aimee replied, now wondering what was going on.

Aimee took care of a couple of things that had to get done, but rather than listen to the second set, she went to her office and closed the door. It was embarrassing to admit that she was hurt by the cold shoulder, but the truth was, it did hurt. She sat there just staring into space when she heard a tap on her door.

"Aimee? You in there?"

"Um, yes. Just a second, Uncle Jerry."

She checked to make sure her teary eyes hadn't bled into her mascara then told him to come in.

"We've got a packed house tonight. What are you doing in here?"

"Oh. Sorry. I just needed a minute."

"For what?"

"It's nothing. Just personal stuff," Aimee said, trying to sound convincing as she made herself smile—unconvincingly.

Her uncle sized her up then asked, "Is it Kirk?"

His niece looked away so fast that it answered his question.

"That sonuvabitch! I told him not to try anything with you! I'll fire his ass right now!"

"Wait. No. You don't understand!" Aimee said, pleading as her uncle turned around, his face screwed up in anger.

"Oh, trust me. I understand. The aging rocker gets a gig and hits on the pretty, younger girl thinking he can still pull that shit. Well, let me tell you, it ain't happening here!"

"Uncle Jerry! Stop! Just...stop."

He did stop but he didn't turn around as Aimee walked up behind him.

"He didn't try...or do...or say...anything."

"Then what's going on, kiddo?"

Jerry turned around and could tell his niece was tearing up and asked her the same question again.

"It's...nothing. Just a misunderstanding."

"Aimee? You're my niece and I love you. So if this...dirtbag...said something to you, just tell me."

She turned around and grabbed a tissue off her desk then tried to explain.

"It's not him."

"Then what is it? What's going on?"

"I...I kind of...I think I was maybe, you know...flirting with him a little."

"Hold on. Your really do like this guy? I had the impression maybe you did, but I...I didn't really think it could be true."

Aimee was losing the battle as her mascara began running down her cheek.

"I don't know. Maybe."

"I don't understand."

"I don't, either. I just know that he and I...we...we connected. We really connected. And I thought maybe there was, you know, something more there. But he was just so...cold when I saw him. I was so happy and couldn't wait to see him and thought he'd feel the same way, but it was like I suddenly had leprosy or something."

"Oh, no," Jerry said once he realized what was going on.

"Oh no what?" Aimee asked as she finished drying her eyes.

"I...I may have kind of made a big deal out of him not...hitting on you."

"What? Why would you say that to him?"

Her uncle stood there just staring at her, not knowing what to say.

"I got overprotective, okay?" he finally mumbled.

"Uncle Jerry. I'm 27 years old! I love you, too, but I am not a child and I don't need to be protected!"

"I'm sorry, Aimee. I...I'm just sorry."

Now Aimee felt bad for her uncle and hugged him as she told him it was okay.

"Just don't try and decide how I should live my life, okay?"

"I won't. I promise. Do you...forgive me?"

"Of course I forgive you."

"I can talk to Kirk if you'd like me to."

"Thank you, but that's okay. Now that I know what's going on, I understand why he reacted the way he did."