Try and Love Again

After closing the lid, he felt something he could only describe as bittersweet. The sweet part was knowing he was finally ready to move on. But moving on was somehow hurtful, as though he was somehow betraying the only woman he'd ever loved.

He shook off the feeling and thought, "It really is time. And if I'm honest with myself, it's not a moment too soon."

"Not a moment too soon," he said again to himself only this time he said it out loud.

He went straight to his guitar, sat down, and without the sheet music in front of him, began playing the Tim McGraw song by that name.

By the second verse, he had it and sang the entire song.

"I used to think that love would never find me. And the one who cares was lost somewhere in time. But when you found me I knew I'd found forever. You rescued me just before I crossed the line."

As he sang the chorus, he saw Aimee's face and sang a little louder.

"And not a moment too soon. With not a minute to spare. You touched my heart, when I didn't have a prayer. In my darkest hour, when my world was filled with gloom. Your sweet love saved me, and a not a moment too soon."

He was smiling again when he finished for obvious reasons, but he'd also found his next dedication song and the one he'd sing to close out the last set on Friday.

The song so energized him that Kirk spent several hours after he got up choosing new songs for both days. When he finished, he got out his phone and realized he was smiling again as he 'dialed' her number.

"Kirk? Hi!" she said as soon as she answered.

"Aimee. Hi. How are you?"

"Good. Maybe even...wonderful."

"Then that makes two of us," Kirk told her with a little laugh.

"Last night was very special, Kirk. Thank you again."

"It was special for me, too, and I have another song I want to dedicate to you this weekend."

"Does that mean I have to wait until Friday to find out what it is?"

Aimee wasn't a pouter and couldn't stand women who were. She wasn't passive-aggressive, either, and also didn't care for people who were. So her question was just a question but asked with a hint of excitement.

"Sorry, but yes, you'll have to wait."

"Okay. As someone once said, some things are worth waiting for."

Kirk knew she was smiling and now he was, too.

"Whoever that was, he or she was very smart."

Aimee told him she agreed then asked when she could see him again.

"What time do you go to work?" he asked.

"I'm off on Mondays all day, and Tuesdays until 5pm. Otherwise I go in at 1 o'clock."

"Then let's take advantage of the time and do something today."

"I like the sound of that."

"Is it too cold for you to be outside?" he asked.

It was 40 degrees in Columbus with an expected high of 45.

"No. I don't think so. What did you have in mind?"

Kirk mentioned the Columbus Zoo and Aquarium, and Aimee told him that sounded wonderful.

"When may I come get you?"

"Now would be fine," she told him with a laugh. "I was kind of hoping you'd call, and I didn't want to have to spend an hour getting ready when you did. Just in case."

"If you'll give me your address, I'll be there as soon as I can."

With the information plugged into his phone's GPS app, Kirk jumped in his car and headed her way.

He fired up the Mercedes-AMG GT he'd bought the year after his wife died hoping it would help him forget. The $100,000 price tag meant nothing to him, and he'd plunked down the entire amount in the form of a cashier's check and got two-year maintenance package free for doing so.

It wasn't surprising that the car did nothing to relieve his grief. It was just a toy—a very expensive toy that made him think of her every time he drove it. But as he hummed along in near silence he realized he wasn't thinking of her. He was thinking about a woman, it just wasn't his wife.

After stopping to buy some flowers for Aimee, he hopped back in and turned on the radio. He touched one icon on the digital panel and dialed up Sirius XM then set it to the 60s station and sang along to several oldies before pulling up to the apartment building where Aimee lived.

It wasn't a bad looking complex and reminded him of his own youth when he was first married and saving to buy a home. He now lived in a shamelessly expensive place that was valued at just over two million dollars, and yet he'd have given it away and moved back into a one-bedroom apartment to have another year with Kellie.

But she was gone, and he was finally interested in someone else; someone younger than him who was also pleasant, sweet, well-educated, and as beautiful as any woman he could ever remember.

Kirk hid the bouquet of carnations behind him as he knocked on the door and waited.

"Kirk! Hi!," Aimee said as she opened the door. "Come in, please."

He stepped inside as she closed the door, and when she looked at him again, he produced the flowers.

"These are for you."

Her reaction really surprised him as she teared up immediately.

"I had no idea what kind you like, and these seemed..."

Aimee held the bouquet close with one hand and put the other behind his head as she kissed him.

"These are perfect. Thank you. I love them."

"Oh...good," the confused, older man said.

"No one has ever bought me flowers before. This is so unbelievably sweet."

"Wait. Never?" Kirk asked as he followed her to the kitchen.

Aimee set them down, dried her eyes, then tried to explain her thoughts on romance and why she'd never really experienced it before.

"Even with your fiancé?"

"No. Not really. He was good to me, he...he just didn't do romance."

Kirk moved behind, and as she began trimming the stems, put his hands on her shoulders.

"I'm a diehard romantic," he said quietly as he moved his face closer to hers.

"I believe you," she replied very sweetly. "You made me cry."

"As long as they were tears of happiness, I won't apologize."

"They were, and again, I love the flowers, Kirk."

"You look amazing, by the way," he said as he kind of ran his hands up and down her arms.

"Thank you. You look very nice yourself."

He started to move away when Aimee asked him where he was going.

"I wasn't sure it was okay to keep standing there."

"I'll let you know if I get tired of it," she said, turning around just enough to smile at him.

Kirk moved even closer and this time he wrapped his arms around her waist.

"That's much better," she told him as she kept trimming. "So what did your brother say when you mentioned me?"

"He was happy for me."

"Does he know how old I am?"

"I didn't mention your exact age, but I don't think he'd care. Why do you ask?"

"Well, I was talking with my mom this morning, and I kind of mentioned that I met someone; someone I really like."

"Uh-huh. And?"

"And...I also mentioned this...guy...was older than me."

"And?"

"My mom asked me how much older and..."

"Did she gasp when you told her?"

"No, but it got quiet for a couple of seconds."

"So I shouldn't expect to be going there for dinner anytime soon, right?"

Aimee finished the last stem and laughed.

"No, but you should expect my mom...and my dad...to be in the audience this Friday."

"But no pressure, right?" Kirk teased.

She turned around and put arms around his neck and smiled.

"My parents never approved of anyone I ever dated. Especially not my fiancé. Don't get me wrong. They were extremely hurt when they found out he'd been killed in the accident, but I think they were also relieved on some level."

She paused then said, "I can't help but think they believe I'm making another mistake."

"Can you blame them?" Kirk asked in a pleasant way.

"I get it. Parents always want the best for their kids, and after my rather...checkered past where men are concerned...I understand."

Rather thank talk about something out of his control Kirk asked if she was ready to go.

"Yep. Just let me get my coat and we can get going."

When Aimee saw his car she just stood there.

"This...is...really nice," she said as she ogled the Mercedes.

"Thanks. It was my attempt to feel better after losing my wife."

"Did it work?" she asked as he opened her door.

"Not a lick," he replied, getting a laugh as she thanked him and got in.

When Kirk sat down she told him it was as beautiful inside as it was out.

He laughed then looked at her and said, "I agree. It really is beautiful inside...now."

Aimee understood what he meant, and as Kirk leaned her way, she leaned his and they kissed for two or three seconds in a way that sent pleasant chills through both of them.

"You brought me flowers, you opened my door, and you complimented me. Twice. You are indeed a very romantic man, Kirk Nelson."

He started the car then asked, "So I'm doing okay?"

Aimee looked over then said, "Well, so far anyway," as though the jury was still out.

Kirk laughed then told her she'd better get used to it.

Aimee tilted her head as though she were thinking then said, "I believe I could live with that."

It was more than a little chilly, even with her coat and gloves, but Aimee forgot about the weather once she and Kirk started talking while walking around and holding hands. He didn't know much about philosophy, and she knew virtually nothing about accounting. And yet they talked for nearly four hours straight with an hour slowdown for lunch. Topics ranged from the weather to losing a loved one and neither had ever met someone as easy to talk to as the other person.

For Aimee, it was something even deeper. The conversation was like...icing on a cake. In this case the 'cake' was the way she found herself truly attracted to someone who wasn't a bad boy. Even when Kirk was in the band and playing local gigs, he was still the same kind, thoughtful person, and for the first time in her life, Aimee didn't need dangerous.

In fact, the cake might even be layered with Kirk's romantic nature comprising the base and his thoughtful, caring manner the second. The icing was the way they were communicating. As their first date was coming to a close, Aimee realized they hadn't had a single disagreement on anything. It was possible they'd somehow avoided some topic that would later prove to be problematic or even a deal breaker, but so far, it felt like living in a dream.

When they got back to the car, Kirk finally let go of her hand and Aimee told him she'd never held hands that long with anyone in her life.

"Not even with your fiancé?"

"He wasn't the handholding type. He was more the uh...let's get it on...type."

Kirk laughed then sang the title of that song.

"Let's get it on! Come on, baby, let's get it on!"

There was a part of her that wanted to tear his clothes off and...get it on...even if that meant doing it in the back seat. But another part of her didn't need that anymore. She was getting exactly what she needed, and Aimee felt something she couldn't never remember feeling. It was a kind of contentment, and it was a feeling that seemed superior to lust and hot, steamy sex. The word 'spiritual' came to mind, and if this what spiritual felt like, she wanted to sign up for it as long as she lived.

As they drove back to her place Kirk asked if he was still doing okay. With her.

"You are way beyond 'okay'," she told him with a smile that warmed his heart.

"In fact, I can't remember ever having a nicer time. With anyone."

Kirk started to answer, but Aimee had one more thing to say.

"I know you had many days nicer than this with your wife, so you don't to tell me it was that good for you or even close to it. I just needed you to know how I feel."

"Okay. Fair enough," Kirk replied. "But I will say that this has been the best day I've had since I learned about my wife's diagnosis."

Aimee reached for his hand and once she had it she told him why the day was so special to her.

"In the past, I had this...conception...about what it meant to be in love. And while I honestly believe I was in love before, I had no idea this kind of lo...relationship...was even possible."

Kirk only smiled as he hoped she might continue.

"I think that maybe somewhere deep down inside I knew that something was missing. But because I'd decided that the only kind of man who could...scratch my itch...was someone who was..."

"Dangerous?"

"I was going to say...exciting...but..."

She looked over at Kirk then said, "But today was more exciting than anything else I can ever remember doing."

He raised an eyebrow then gave her an 'are you okay' look which made her laugh.

"I know how that sounds, but I'm beginning to realize that this is what's been missing from my previous relationships."

"What? Walking around in the cold?" Kirk teased.

"No, silly. Substance."

"Substance?"

"Yes. Substance. Meaning. Um...maybe...solidity. Or..."

She looked over at him again then said, "I'm not sure I can put it into words, but whatever this thing is I've needed but never had, you provided today."

"And you provided me with something just as valuable," Kirk told her.

"Oh? And what might that be?" she asked, a warm smile on her chilly face.

He took a quick second to look right at her before saying, "Hope."

She smiled but didn't ask what he meant, so Kirk explained.

"I've felt...hopeful...since my decision to start playing again. But being hope...full is just a concept. It's a positive feeling. But since I met you I've had hope again. Real hope."

He looked her way again then said, "And that feels pretty wonderful."

"I'm glad, Kirk."

He squeezed her hand then told her, "And I think you're pretty wonderful."

Aimee then squeezed his and said, "You see. That's the thing I'm talking about. You have this way of making me feel..."

She wanted to say 'loved' but was afraid he would take it the wrong way. But then, she wasn't really sure how she meant it, and as she looked over at him, she knew there was more to how she felt about him than she was ready to admit.

She settled on 'special' and got a warm smile in return.

"You are that, Aimee," he told her. "You're very special."

Aimee felt her pulse race and told Kirk he was, too.

Now it was Kirk's turn to take a risk.

"Aimee?"

"Yes?"

"I...I have feelings for you."

Aimee's heart pounded as she felt happier than she could remember.

"Like...pity?" she teased.

Kirk laughed then told her how he felt.

"I haven't had feelings for any woman since, you know."

She moved closer then reached for his hand and said, "Would these feelings possibly be...romantic?"

Kirk didn't smile when he answered her. He was as serious as she'd ever seen him when he answered her question.

"Yes."

"Well that's very interesting," she told him as she put her arms around him.

"Oh?"

"Uh-huh, because I have the same kind of feelings for you."

"Oh!" he said, raising his eyebrows high then smiling at her.

"This is where you're supposed to kiss me," Aimee informed him. "In case you've forgotten how this works."

"Was that an age comment?" Kirk asked, trying not to smile.

"Well, you are old, but..."

Before she could finish Kirk lowered his head then tilted it slightly before pressing his lips to hers.

Aimee stopped talking and kissed him back so passionately it surprised him. The kiss included a little flicker of her tongue, and by the time the kiss ended, Kirk felt himself 'rising to the occasion' and pulled away slightly to avoid any chance she might notice.

"You are the most amazing man I've ever met, Kirk Nelson."

"I'm tempted to try and be humorous and tell you you need to get out more, but what you said just made me so happy, I'm going to just say 'thank you'."

Aimee smiled happily, pulled him to her, then said, "Yeah, you should stick to singing."

She looked up at him, smiled again, then told him, "You'd never make a living doing standup."

He pretended to be hurt then laughed.

"You make me so happy."

"You make ME so happy."

"That makes me happy."

It was her turn, but Aimee wasn't sure what to say next so she started laughing.

"Hey, does that mean I might have a future in comedy?" Kirk asked.

"No, but it does mean..." She got very serious then looked into his eyes and said, "It means I might be falling in love with you." If Aimee's kiss had surprised him, her words just blew his mind. But before he could say anything she said, "I'm freezing." Grateful for the distraction, Kirk replied, "Then let's go inside somewhere warm and have a cup of coffee or hot chocolate."

"Hot chocolate? Mmmm. Lead on, dear sir!" Aimee grabbed his hand then hooked his arm, but Kirk pulled it away but only to put it around her and pull her closer. "Am I gonna have to buy you marshmallows, too?" he asked. "Oh, right. You are a starving artist. Well, a starving...singing artist, but still..."

"Still?" Again, Aimee got serious. "I honestly don't care about money beyond paying my bills. So please don't take my kidding the wrong way, okay?" She had no idea how much money Kirk had, and the truth was, she really didn't care. Life had taught her that the old saw about money not buying happiness was true. She'd never had much to speak of and didn't need more. In fact, having a lot of money seemed like it would be a burden in some ways. For now she was having too much fun to think deep thoughts, and she was chilled to the bone, making a cup of hot chocolate—and Kirk's company—the only things she needed or wanted. For the next hour or so, Aimee sipped her way through two cups of warmth while Kirk nursed a large cup of black coffee. They talked the entire time with many meaningful looks during the short pauses. By the time they decided to head home, both of them felt like they'd known the other forever. They knew that wasn't true, but it felt so wonderful to have someone to talk to, laugh with, and who shared so many things in common, that they allowed themselves to believe it. During their back and forth the subject of children came up, and Kirk gingerly probed around the issue after explaining how he and Kellie had often discussed having them. "Until my perspective on men changed, kids were the last thing on my mind. Having one always seemed like some kind of lifetime sentence."

"And now?" She smiled at him then said, "Now that seems like the most wonderful thing on earth."

"I couldn't agree more," her older date told her. "But?" Aimee sensed he wanted to say something, and that she could tell impressed him. "I uh, I just realized I might be the oldest dad at ball games or piano recitals," he said, smiling to hide his own age-related concerns. "Someone has to be, right?" Aimee said with a laugh. "That wouldn't bother you?" She got a little more serious herself and tried to explain. "Had I married any of the guys I ever...liked, and that includes my ex-fiancé, I'd already be divorced. And miserable." Kirk had questions but let her talk. "But with you, it doesn't seem that way," she said rather quietly. "How does it seem?" he quietly asked. "It seems...pretty wonderful."

"You're pretty wonderful, Aimee Arot." The way she smiled at him caused another stirring, and Kirk realized he might well be falling in love with her, too. As they drove home they held hands but said very little. It was as though they both needed time to 'digest' everything they were feeling before moving on to something else. And as far as Kirk was concerned, the silence, like the song by Simon and Garfunkel, was as golden as anything he'd ever 'heard'. Aimee's parents were in the audience that Friday night, and while they were more than a little leery about the older man their daughter said she was falling in love with, they left with the realization that Kirk was the kind of man they'd always wanted for their only daughter. Just someone maybe ten years younger or so.

******

Six months later

"You ready to go?" Jerry asked. "We've got chairs in the overflow room, and I'm expecting a packed house again."