Tuppence in a Tizzy

Tuppence's head was in a whirl. She was going to have to say something. She couldn't say Tuppence, it was too memorable. She searched around for a name.

"Sally," she blurted out. A look of relief came over Henry's face as if he had momentarily mislaid the name and it had just come to him.

"This is Vi, and I'm Henry. Do sit down dear," indicating a table on the terrace already set with plates and cutlery. The others will be arriving soon."

Others! Tuppence didn't know what to say or do. Her bougainvillea was beginning to wilt and she had nothing on under it.

"Now my dear," Henry seemed determined to engage her in conversation, "what are you up to nowadays. Still at university?"

Tuppence nodded glumly. Well she was.

"And what is it you are studying may I ask?"

Tuppence tried to remember what Sally was studying.

"French and Spanish," she blurted out. Too late she realised her mistake. She should have just said what she was studying, not Sally. Though media studies and art didn't quite have the same ring to them.

"Spanish!" said Henry, "How wonderful. Been here fifteen years and don't speak a word of it myself. Vi! Sally speaks Spanish. Isn't that wonderful?"

"No it isn't. I don't hold with speaking foreign. Foreigners should speak English like civilised people. If it was good enough for Jesus it should be good enough for them!"

"I don't think Jesus spoke English dear."

"Of course he did. Haven't you read the bible? 'Verily I say unto you'. That's English isn't it?"

Henry seemed unclear if it was English or not. A change of subject was needed.

"Here's Carlos with the wine. You'll be able to practice on him."

Tuppence looked with horror as a handsome dark haired man approached bearing a crate of bottles. And there she was wearing nothing but a bit of wilting bougainvillea and getting into a tizzy about a new man. She felt an overwhelming desire to tear the bougainvillea off and leap into bed with him.

"Go on, say something in Spanish, dear."

Tuppence searched her scatterbox of a brain for Spanish picked up on various youthful holidays on the Costa Brava.

"Er... Una cerveza por favor vino tinto gracias una paloma blanca yo soy un hombre sincero y viva Espana," she ended with an attempt at a flourish.

Carlos listened to this gibberish with his mouth falling wider and wider open. The piece of bougainvillea covering the girl's bosoms was slowly slipping down to reveal... His jaw dropped open completely.

"Sus tetas," he gasped, looking down with his eyes to draw attention to the wardrobe malfunction, "Puedo ver sus tetas!"

Tuppence looked at him blankly. What on earth was he going on about?

"Sus tetas," he said more loudly, and then summoning up what little English he had, "Your titties. Can see your titties!"

Tuppence looked down in horror. The wilting bougainvillea had come away from her chest entirely. Quickly she tried to pull it back into place but only succeeded in dislodging it further. In two seconds it had unravelled completely and dropped to her feet.

Roger heard the crash of wine bottles hitting stone paving as he came in through the gate and on to the terrace. There he was greeted by the funniest thing he had seen in his life. Frozen as if in a tableau vivant was the extraordinarily cute dark haired girl from the flight wearing nothing but a look of horror on her face, a delightful blush covering a pair of stunning bosoms and her birthday suit. Around her stood a Spanish waiter, mouth agape, a little man in pebble lensed spectacles and a large woman in a flowery dress. He burst out laughing.

Tuppence looked at him horrified. It was Roger, the red-tee-shirt-man. And he could see her with nothing on. And he was laughing at her!

She felt so much of a tizzy that the blood rushed to her head, then to her feet, she came over all faint and with a loud splash she collapsed naked into the swimming pool.

Roger looked on horrified as suddenly a huge red bearded figure rushed past. Rory had disobeyed the instruction to stay put at the Sol y Mar.

Tuppence, brought to life by the sudden immersion was splashing and screaming in the water as Rory, with a great cry of, "Let me through. I was in the army, launched himself into the pool landing directly on top of her.

When she had screamed out to James to "Do something!" She had rather had in mind something in the order of getting her clothes, or fetching a towel to cover her nakedness. What she was not suggesting was that James should punch Tarquin on the nose.

Now when one English gentleman punches another English gentleman on the nose at a party it is usually a cause for much jubilation as it presages the onset of what is colloquially termed a 'punch up'; and there is nothing livens up a party as a punch up, especially when the cause of the punch up is a cute little dark haired girl who had unaccountably lost all her clothes.

Unfortunately the mayhem resulting from a punch up is such that it is likely to result in the neighbours summoning the forces of law and order.

Tuppence thought it was all really most unfair. It seemed to her that she had been the only one not involved in the punch up and she was the only one sitting in a police cell having been arrested and charged with conduct likely to cause a breach of the piece.

For, as the police rightly surmised, if a girl chooses to prance around in front or red blooded males completely in the nude a punch up is the most likely outcome. Anyway, if you were a policeman which would you rather arrest - some drunken Hooray Henrys or a naked girl?

They threw her out the cells at three in the morning, having been provided with a blanket by a friendly sergeant on the strict understanding that she brought it back the following morning. Sitting on the night bus on the way home she was not best pleased, especially as she had no money and had had to persuade the driver to let her on by flashing her titties. It had all been too embarrassing.

Sally hadn't even been sympathetic. James had a black eye and Tarquin a suspected broken nose. All because of Tuppence and her scatterbrained notions.

It had taken some time for Sally to come round. James however had worked on her so Sally had planned to holiday. Tuppence had no idea that James would be coming as well.

*********

Roger looked down at the inert figure of the naked girl lying on her back beside the pool. Rory was coughing his lungs out nearby. Disaster wasn't the word for it. One of his ramblers had attempted to murder the daughter of the villa owner, naked in a swimming pool. That was his bonus gone for the season.

Fortunately her rather delightfully plump bosoms were rising and falling with her breathing. With any luck she'd come round soon.

The other hikers fed up with waiting gathered round offering the usual jumble of contradictory advice. However Roger was concerned about one thing. Her legs were separated to the extent that her neatly trimmed private parts were displayed, clearly visible to all and sundry. Should he leave things as they were, her intimate lips fixed in a strange caricature of a smile, or draw attention to the situation by ostentatiously closing her legs.

Tuppence was lying in the sun. She could feel its warm rays on her bare skin. It was wonderful to relax in a secluded spot, far from prying eyes. Suddenly, and to her intense surprise, she felt to hands grasp her bare legs and push them forcibly together.

She opened her eyes with a start and screamed. There was the great red bearded giant. The owner of the villa that she had unwittingly broken into. She screamed again, and kept on screaming until they got her into the villa and put her to bed.

********

"I'm looking forward to seeing this girl of James," Alec Marr was still a good looking man, though by now in his early fifties.

"I trust she'll have some clothes on when we get there," Melissa, Sally's mother said as they travelled on the bumpy road up to the villa. The parents had joined Sally and James on their trip to Majorca.

"It wasn't her fault," James blustered, "that rotter Tarquin tricked her."

"And she fell for it? Taking all her clothes off at a party? Sounds a bit gullible to me."

"Just a bit of a scatterbrain," said Sally, "she gets in a tizzy sometimes." Though she didn't explain that when Tuppence got in a tizzy with a man she usually tore her clothes off and leapt into bed. It was best James didn't know that.

"And she's definitely at the villa."

"I got a rather strange text, but she says she's there."

"Well we'll soon see. There's the villa there. Oh My God. It looks as if a bomb's hit it!"

********

Tuppence lay under the clean white sheet in the bedroom listening to the muffled voices coming from below. She was still completely naked. They'd left her with no clothes on so that she wouldn't escape. That must be the reason. That horrible man with the red beard would want her arrested.

Wrapping the sheet round her she crept to the door. The voices were louder from there. She could here Vi distinctly.

"The police! We ought to call the police!"

The police! Tuppence nearly dropped her towel in fright. They were coming to arrest her! And she'd not get any towel from the local police. She knew that. She'd just have to escape. But how? Then of course the solution came to her. Lower herself down from the window using the sheet. A quick run back to the villa, retrieve her things and scarper. Ref haired man was at Henry and Vi's villa. The plan was foolproof!

For a tomboy like Tuppence escaping out the window was no problem. It was only when she got to the ground that it dawned on her that she couldn't retrieve the sheet and she was stranded naked again. There was nothing for it but to run.

Down on the terrace they were discussing what to do next.

"Call the police," shouted Vi, though why the police would be interested nobody knew.

Roger was trying to calm her down when suddenly, "Oh My God! No!"

He had spotted the naked figure of Tuppence running back up the hill to the Sol y Mar.

The others followed his gaze, and as one they set off in hot pursuit.

*******

"What on earth!" Alec Marr was staring at his beautiful swimming pool filled with bits of wood and bougainvillea.

"Tuppence," shouted Sally, "Are you there Tuppence?"

Tuppence heard her calling as she came round from the back of the villa. Sally had found her! She was saved! How she had done it Tuppence didn't know. But she was saved!

She raced round to the front.

Mouths agape the newcomers watched as the stark naked Tuppence rounded the side of the villa rapidly followed by a man in a red tee shirt, a huge man with a ginger beard, a woman in a flowery dress dragging a little man in pebble-lensed spectacles and an assorted group of hikers.

Tuppence looked round in alarm. She'd done it again. Paraded in front of everybody in the nude! In front of James, his parents and even as she realised now, Roger the red tee-shirt man.

And they were all laughing. Poor little naked Tuppence, her cheeks so red, the look on her face so comical. They shouldn't have laughed, but who can resist laughing at a cute girl caught in the nude. It was just so funny!

As for Tuppence. Tizzy didn't even half describe what she felt. Her cheeks burned, she didn't know what to cover with her hands and she remembered she'd been lying with her legs apart.

There was only one thing to do.

She collapsed into the pool.

Roger tried to stop him, but he was too late.

"I was in the army," yelled Rory as he launched himself on top of her.

********

"Are you all right? Sorry for laughing and all that."

Tuppence was lying in bed under a crisp white sheet upstairs in her old bedroom at the Sol y Mar. She wasn't naked. Sally had thought it wise to lend her some pyjamas.

"You mean this really is your villa?" she asked.

"Of course," said Sally, "Sol y Mar - Sally Marr. Dad thought ever such a clever play on words."

"Sorry about the bougainvillea."

"Don't worry somebody's come to fix it. You get some rest now."

Tuppence nodded. Rescue by Rory took some getting over.

"And no more tizzies!" said Sally as she left the room.

"Absolutely not!" replied Tuppence, "and she really meant it."

But as she looked out the window a face suddenly appeared there. The man come to mend the trellising, up a ladder and peering in. It was Carlos, the good looking man who had warned her about her titties.

Carlos smiled and waved, and then his mouth dropped open. The cute little girl with the nice titties was tearing off her pyjamas.

Tuppence was getting in a tizzy again.