by XxEarBudsxX
TOO SHORT,BUT INTERESTING ENOUGH
YOUR A GOOD WRITER. LET IT ALL OUT.
PLEASE WRITE MORE
i agree that if you can try and make it longer. some of this story makes me think of others i have read, and while that isnt a bad thing it is starting to get kinda chaotic so be careful
In my opinion you put too much suspense and it just makes me want to skip through the chapters to the ending.
Your writing is rather disjointed. Intriguing, but disjointed. You also need to do some editing (proof-reading) as there have been a few typos (such as through, when it should have been threw). Keep working at it.