All Comments on 'Twins Pt. 01'

Loved it! Please continue with part 2.

You could have done so much more with this storyline, in a lot less words. Adam and Allison alone, then together would have been a lot better story. All this government experiment stuff just dilutes the story, as sone bringing all these other characters. Disappointing.

Enjoying it, and looking forward to more, however, you need to improve a few things. It’s unlikely that Ali would reach 18 before having her first period.

Also, it appeared as the grandparents were ‘his’ or ‘hers’ when in fact they were both of theirs. Maybe referring to them as maternal for Ali and paternal grandparents for Adam would be clearer.

It’s still enjoyable though and I’m looking forward to seeing how they develop.

Loved it. Pl44de continue it.

Interesting story, but they act like 13 year olds. A level students are 18 and she’s just getting her first period?

Nice.

Shame about time line and obvious editorial mistakes, hint get use to at least getting your he's and she's correct.

Thanks all the same good read if a bit repetitive in spots.

Great story looking forward to lots more.

Be interested to see what you do with this story!

5

Hopefully this can be construed as constructive feedback...... I found the story idea to be really promising and the delivery extremely frustrating. So much exposition already and then a lot of the interaction was turned into exposition instead of putting the reader in the scene. Good writing describes the moment at of it's happening in real life. So kind of details..... The smell of the candle being blown out. The squeek of the door.... The sigh and shiver...... Shudder.... Fermenting to breathe again...... The writer must borrow all the details and emotions from real life to make a fantasy a living thing. Great ideas here...... Didn't make it real to the reader. Thanks for the story. Hope this somehow inspires instead of just criticizes.