All Comments on 'Unbelievable'

Low

Now I

....part two is coming. Thanks for the comments.

I agree with the other comments indicating more is needed to bring this to The End

Cool story, bro!!

Good start

Nothing to distinguish it from a thousand other stories with the same setup

Your story obviously needs to continue. Contrary to some responders; a forceful response does not need a couple dozen uses of the word “fucking”. Keep it reasonably intelligent, spelling out the end of the marriage. Save the rough response for Mr. Gym bag.

Or maybe a To Be Continued at the end?

That's really disappointing unless it's an oversight. You've taken a pretty standard LW beginning and written it quite well. That's the appetizer. I want the entree and the dessert. I'll look for a continuation before voting.

I was really liking it until I got to the end and it was over. Not a fan of 1 pagers. Especially when they don’t have a ending. More parts.

I wish authors would warn readers about incomplete stories. Just a pt. 1 in the title would be enough.

No way he doesn't say something. Only if this was second time or more would he feel words meant nothing. He can still drive away but a wtf or a you bitch yell is expected on the way out.

This can't be all there is, right? Please finish the story.

Nothing worse than anonymous commenters.

They read this for free and are too lazy to make a profile or God forbid write a story themselves. But they know everything don't they.

The story feels real an the exp. was for me once upon a time.

My Thoughts;

I drove away, but wrecked the truck, walked for a mile and got picked up by the cops and driven home as I wasn't connected to the truck and it was snowing. The cop saw the guy leaving and on the front porch as we drove down the street, kissin her good bye.

I got out and walked in, took a warm shower and went to be. your turn,

looking forward to how you go from here,

John

Is a fitting title to a story that is barely 1 page long, intentionally incomplete, and deliberately antagonizing to the readers. Congratulations, you just pxxxxx off every reader that took the time to read your short beginning.

Yes, and---

Just a tip: An average Lit page can hold up to 3500 words. One page chapters are not only unnecessary, but irritating to most readers. The audience here has a nice attention span and can easily read five page, or longer, stories without blinking an eye. Your story, but it never helps to piss off your readers with meager chapters.

You should also begin multi-chapter stories with a chapter number and a "to be continued" at the end, so people aren't fuming about wasting their time reading a story with no middle or end.

First time writer, cool. Thanks for taking the plunge and posting. If you're unsure about the best way to proceed, email one of the OGs and ask. They are mostly kind and willing to help a hommie out.

I kinda wish this was the first chapter, because I was enjoying your writing.

Way too short. The story had barely begun and then just stopped. If there is part 2, there needs to be some twists. At the moment, it is a stock standard words by rote pissy little btb. Boring as batshit so far. 1 star.

Typical LW fodder but enjoyable anyway. One major problem. The story is much too short even if there is more to come. Readers, as you can tell from the comments, don't like to be left hanging. They read these stories to be entertained and something this short doesn't do that. If you have more, post it as soon as possible and make each posting longer. Just my opinion.

Woodmanone

Please make your chapters at least 2 pages, have your next chapter ready to post or readers will lose the thread of the story.

I took out my I-phone and put it on record. After an hour quickly ran downstairs and skidaddaled out of there. Free at last Free at last. Thank God all Mighty I'm Free at last! Free to go and find a younger twat. Just trade her in for a newer model with real tits.

you have good start, now for the rest of the story.

thanks for writing

Are the other categories like this? Most comments sound like spoiled 12 year olds.

Whiny brats bitch about a brand new writer, who is clearly better than many on here, breaking the unwritten rules. Then they will be bitching next about not enough good stories. Time enough later to berate him if he turns it into a willing cuck story. 😁

This is a great start, I am hoping that you will continue.

Looking forward to the rest.

The wife seems like an irredeemable big cock, backstabbing whore so I hope you let the husband get his pride back and knock her slutty old ass down a few notches.

Well......it's a start. Not much build-up, jumped right to the "o-shit she fucking him and I can't believe she's doing this"! Well you should have shot them. Now you have painted yourself into a corner!

Thanks for the story. Hope you both expand upon it more and continue submitting stories.

I hope it won't end up with him being a willing cuckold. And speaking of willing, Schwanze1 you bitch as much as the rest of us 12 year olders, So getting a fucking grip.

It's kind of hard to judge quality with only about half a page of story. Actually, closer to a third of a page.

Typical cliche LW story. Nothing new here. Schwanze is German for cucky guy.

I gave it a 3 and 5 stars lit up.

With the fallout. Please. Oh and btb her.

You write well. I certainly hope that this is only the first part of a longer story.

Whether it is or not, keep up the good work. I look forward to reading more of your stories.

3 stars. I never do more than 4 for a one page story. While the writing is great, the story leaves too many strings hanging. Hopefully a follow up chapter will tie some of the loose ends up and take the reader along for the roller coaster ride

FTDS ....FINISH THE DAMN STORY!....it is set up and needs a proper ending.

"Buckeye Fan"

You just knew what he would find when he got into the house. Until you've been there you don't know what you would do. Yes, we want the BTB chapter 2 to be as well written as this one, a 5*. Once he gets over the shock, he'll go back. I want to read THAT story.

detroitdave

Is there a chapter 2, a jump off a cliff or just, who knows?

T.T.

Cannot write anything else but a standard shallow cliche?

Why didnt he shoot them?

There is an escape to this story. The young guy is on top of the lady banging away in his daughter's room. The kicker is his overnight bag is in the master, but they are screwing in the daughter's room. We can have the old, and one of my personal favorites, mistaken identity. He flat out tells the reader it is his wife. Could he be mistaken in the heat of the moment? Could his daughter resemble his wife when covered by a big cocked young guy? Could this be an unreliable narrator? If you haven't written the story yet, I suggest you use this plot device!

I like the way HDK thinks. I guess that's why he is one of the best writers ever in LW. I would never have thought of that scenario.

Where is the end.Without more this is just a load of crap.

I would like to read what all he does to his wife and the lover.

He just walked away. Not a good way...but what the fu...k?

not even a story

No why? No who? No revenge? Who cares? There is another story (I'm sorry, I forget the name and author) where he says, "Your punishment is that you don't get to have me, to love me." I'll bet that punishment of this wife is worse than anything else he could do. The young stud will be gone and she will be alone. Her kids will know what she did. She'll live alone. That's sometimes the worst punishment anyone can receive. Good story.

UNBELIEVABLE ...BULLSHIT !!!

Their are time that a writer would leave an ending as a cliffhanger and times when the story needs no end....

THIS IS NOT ONE OF THEM !!!

You left this story with a BIG void that you assumed the reader would take the Ring on the table and Teary Eyes driving to complete a story.... Nope not this time !

Either write a continuing story or an alternate ending.

If this is an example of this writer’s abilities it is a good thing he/she/they quit with one story... well actually part of one story!!!!

....you started and shit your pants, be a big boy go back to school and do what your teacher taught you....FINISH the DAM STORY....or go home and sit in a shitty diaper.......your the Unbelievable ONE

Bill......1 because I can't give you a ZERO

Too much time has passed

I do recommend that you finish the story. But make sure it's the story you want to write and not the story others want you to write.

Decent start, but needs to be finished.

That's what this reminds me of...a lengthy haiku

Where's the rest?????

I know, grab the little fucker by the ear - it's a Krav Mga submission point - and make him kneel and lick your boots. Then, toss his ass outside. Before he stands up, toss the cheatin' wife on top of him!

Not even halfof story.sorry i read what little there was

a start and no ending......1 start for hanging up on your readers

Part Two is coming? It's been a year and a half.

No story just words

I have no idea why when the husband catches the wife in the act the feel the need to creep out of the house. Why not walk in and raise hell

Cliche.

finish the D story. agree with OPrime your house your wife why sneak out what a wimp thing to do

Nobody is going to eat shit because you'd have made that happen when you found them instead of walking away like a clutz!

Well done. Anything else is simply a wind down from the climax. Pun intended.

Oprime, plus 1! How would you do that, and if you did, how would you ever look in the mirror again?

Too short, no discussion, definitely no retribution against either. Also, no real ending. Author must've had a call then forgot about this story before posting. A shame- coulda been a nice one. 2* bec. of the above.

1 star unfinnished

I wish this author continued to provide stories, either a continuation of this or a new story. It's well written.

OK, so where is the story? This is nothing but a fragment of an idea, not even enough to be considered an introduction to a story. Can’t believe it was accepted as a submission. Zero stars for zero story.

Ok, and,

Not complete

It seems like 1/2 of a story.

Lazy writing. This is a fragment of a partial idea in its earliest stage of conceptualization. It is NOT a story and quite frankly should never have been accepted or published. The editors were asleep at the switch the day this came in.

THAT'S IT? THIS WAS IN NO WAY A STORY. IF IT WAS PART 1 IT STILL ENDED WAY TO ABRUPTLY. APPARENTLY, THE AUTHOR DOESN'T KNOW HOW TO FINISH THIS..

It is the start of a good story, So 4⭐s. But, it is disappointing that, as this was posted in 2019, there has been no follow-up. I sincerely hope that nothing unfortunate has happen to the author or author's family, that made it not possible for this story to be continued.

-

Pasqual

What the hell is the point of a story with no ending??? Let's see, how does this sound? "I found my wife and her lover in our bed. I pulled out my 9 mm and fired two shots... The End! Like it???

what a fail of a story shouldve just finished it one way or another not half assed the end

Don't listen to these idiots. You have the skeleton of a very good story here. You just need to slow the story telling down and be more descriptive. Keep writing....and burn the bitch.

Decent start to a story line. Hopefully you will come back to add to it.

Like the other comments it is simply an intro to a story.

Not even worth giving stars to.

OK, this is at best a decent intro to what ought to be a real story. It is not even close to being an actual story yet. Can’t understand why this collection of words with no plot, no characters, no explanation nor exploration was permitted here.

Go ahead and set the hook, don't play.

Wish you would carry on with the story. Very good start with a wronged and now very spiteful husband. You

should try to finish it. All of us guys want to see what someone else would do thrown into that situation.

Why the hell didn’t you finish the goddamn story?

...to the previous comments.

Basically the author quit after typing in, "It was a dark and stormy night." The End. And all under the umbrella of the "came home early" trope.

What is there is really well written, then....(crickets....) no page two!

My first read of this author so I'll try, try, try again.

Willowghby

Good Start, don’t agree with not getting the firearm, very good move for interrogation and by the sound of it needs some answer from the slut and the arsehole, sounds something of a wimp, when u posting the next part?

Incomplete!

There should be a policy against such stories.

It was well written till then

This story was incomplete. It definitely should be completed. Why did you stop writing

Finish it. Quickly, please. The Bear didn't like it, much.2 stars.

The BEAR

Don't waste your time writing it if you can't figure out how to end it.

Is that the end of the story? A ‘to be continued’ or ‘Chp. 1’ would be helpful.

What you've written was well done. But you really need to finish it.

First story!

4

FTDS Please !

Great slice of life. As it stands it is all that needs be said. Five stars.

[26.11.23]

Short, concise, compleat!

11/10!!!!!

This was a pretty piss poor vignette, not a story at all. Two stars.

JPB

Ok what was written, but no ending. 3 stars.

ONLY A CHILD (of ANY age) would trip-over their own unbridled excitement so much so as to damn near choke themselves to death on their own enthusiasm in prematurely sending-in for publication, the introductory outline of a preliminary prologue to a story concept that was barely started!,

Seriously though, all would-be writers, really SHOULD kerb their enthusiasm to get into print, until they've

(1)-FINISHED the story, (2)-re-read it through 3-days AFTER the final revision, & (3)-had a THIRD-PARTY individual run it over twice with a critical eye!

Nothing actually wrong with what little was written, but it was little more than a curtain-raiser. That, I think, only works with an open invite for all manner of alternative middles-and-ends to what you have introduced us, and set the stage for...