All Comments on 'Unbelievable'

This story starts off intriguing but you just killed the story please tell me that there is a part 2 surely that can’t be it there’s got to be more to this story please don’t end it like be a pussy and drive off surely to god crying this could be a makings of a really really fantastic story but how you ended it makes this story a joke please write more to this story please

That isn’t a story. Maybe for some flash contest, but either have an ending or at least a confrontation.

Is that it.? Or are you going to finish it?

There has to be more!

And then what? I thought it flowed ok, felt the emotions...and then what? It felt like going to see a movie and 10 min in we’ve met the main characters setup the plot then “The End” scrolls across the screen followed by the credits...good start but story needs a middle and an ending...

Are you trying to write a story?

WASTE of fucking time!!!!!!!!! Where are the minus scores? Did you get bored with your own shit?

Great start but it can’t end here.

Let me guess. After catching your wife, you;

Ran away to the mountains like a little girl, or

Sat down stairs and watched television until they were finished, or

Sat at the kitchen table and cried like a baby, or

Got your camera, photographed the whole thing to watch later, or

Sat in your truck with your hand in your pants and thought how hot your wife looked, or,

Waited around to suck the business out of her harry little kitty, or

Called an Uber, grabbed the house and SUV keys, did the money thing so she had nothing, walked into the bedroom, turned on the lights and told her she had ten minutes to be out of the house.

But he should have gotten video. You know the kids will be with mom and want dad to stay with her. she will tell them it was nothing. But maybe the next chapter could be explanation. and did he Retire and travel by himself?

As HDK and many other writers often acknowledge, it's easy to paint the scene of betrayal and your scene was good. It made my heart race as I placed myself in the husband's position, and like your protagonist I imagined him being at a loss as to whether he should just shoot the betrayers (never a good idea, mainly because it pretty much ends the story right there), confront them, or just flee until his mind and emotions settle down.

But, (and it's a big "but"), that's all you've painted. I'm now left wondering if he plans on keeping his knowledge to himself while he drives up to the cabin he originally planned to stay in for the weekend, and while there plan on how to ditch the cheating wife while protecting his interests. Or does he hang around and see if he can gather some more information over the rest of the weekend, or perhaps decide to hire an investigator. I would imagine some time by himself to reflect on what he's seen would be good, and we (the readers) are always keen to see how he reacts and what the final outcome is.

So many interesting ways to continue with the story after this promising start, so do you intend to follow this up?

I see the mountains ahead. What I DON'T see is an ending. Maybe it's beyond the mountains? But without an ending this was a giant, smelly pile of cow manure. I HATE unfinished stories. It's like the author started out on a path, got halfway there and then ran out of ideas. BAH!

1 star

There's no mention of a part 2? This isn't anywhere near finished. I gave a reluctant 3 stars on the basis that there's a part 2.

...to see if this is a part 1 before commenting or voting.

now show us where you're going to take us next

RAAC, or full on BTB?

Please

on to chapter 2?

You wrote a prolog. I’m assuming there’s an actual story coming with this?

Please Finish this story!..So far so good....5 Stars ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ WOOF!

Do not start another story ever.

Not much of a story. Good writing and it could be a good story if it went further.

So a husband finds his wife being fucked in their home. Then he does NOTHING! He backs away without even disturbing them. Oh no, sorry to interrupt your fucken adultry. Carry on. I'll just leave my wedding ring. Don't let me interrupt your busy fuck session, wife and fuck-buddy. This wimp will back away. For fucks sake! He doesn't have to be a 50 yr old, middle aged idiot and attack the far younger guy BUT... he could have opened his wimp mouth and said something! No wonder his wife disrespects him so much.

Somebody was going to eat shit over this??....what a joke! Ran away the pussy!

Why didn't you wait to put this up until it was finished.

Well written, but begs for elaboration - her response or POV, something. Like a book illustration or newspaper photo waiting for a caption to give context and provide full impact to the story. Well done, but leaves me craving more.

wheres the ending ?? ,, its a good start to what could be a good story, no mention of a part 2 or 3 , ,

I know this is your first story and all but, next time please make it more interesting and at least finish the story. And we don't know what you're insuniating at the end, Did he got hit by a car or . . .what?

Very short

There isn't anything wrong with this story, but seems a little spartan on details. And frankly, someone walking away without saying anything comes across as the weakest move possible. Probably typical of the older generation though.

second chapter ?

I'm hoping this is not it !

You've left the ending open , so l hope it is your intention to give us more .

He said they were way too busy to notice him , so why not shoot a little bit of video , just to prove beyond doubt , if need should arise , that she was indeed cheating .

Also , the guy left his bag in the master bedroom , presumably he must have undressed and left his clothes there too ? Worth having a bit of a rummage , see who he is , take pics of any ID ....... or just take the lot and dump it down the road somewhere .

Good beginning but we need more so get to it .

Good writing but nothing to it. What's happened next?

Doesn't wanyone have an original thought anymore

missing details for me to truly enjoy

That's all you give us?

Well, fuck this "story"!

Or was this all? He could at least have captured some video with his phone. Sounds more like he will be the one eating shit, especially with no proof. In the future, please grow these little stories up a bit more, and let them mature a little, before posting.

Where's the Ending

Pretty good start to a very well used plot device. Not sure where you are going with this. It feels very unfinished (and short)

I hope this is the first chapter, otherwise reading it was a total waste of time.

More please.

Yeah, this is only the beginning of a story. Which is really frustrating.

Author, you got to give more than this. Your MC may well be shell-shocked by what he saw... but this everyday stuffs for us LW readers! You essentially gave us nothing! For what it is... yeah, sure, it's a nice start. But, damn, we don't even have names in this bitch! It's really all surface-level, with nothing truly tangible in it. I don't even know if I should rate this. Honestly, I would preferred that your repost it with THE REST OF THE STORY, so I can actually judge it properly.

"Somebody was going to eat shit over this, and it wasn't going to be me." 'Sounds like a fun read to me; too bad you didn't add it here. And, if that was the plan all along? Then you should have titled this piece "Ch./Part 1", and, honestly, should have made this flash way longer.

As it is now, though, this feels like a missed opportunity. Too bad, really.

. . . there are only so many ways to catch someone screwing around on you, but the coming home unexpectedly one has been done to death recently.

But, hey, at least it wasn’t in the marriage bed. She showed him some respect there.

If this is the complete story, it sucks. If it is a first chapter it still needs more flesh. It feels like you stopped in the middle of a conversation and walked away.

It is a ColdCountry when spineless men and willing cucks are celebrated.

You need part 2

I hope you can pull rabbit out in Ch.2 and turn ColdCountry into something like:

When Hell freezes over!

Are you planning on doing 20 more of these 3 paragraph “stories”? I can see it now...chapter 19, chapter 20...really should finish the entire story and not post bits and pieces.

Looking forward to the continuation of this. A great start.

Finished?

Stop turning in incomplete cliche work. Write the whole story and then turn it in. Has good bones but write it all then submit.

Where is the resolution??

Only half a story so far...

Things change in our lives, now how will he handle this. I'm hoping for understanding and a new way of life for them to enjoy together.

So many things you could have gone on with. Total waste of an idea by ending it there.

Sure hope there's a Part 2 to the story!

You're going to be villified for leaving a cliffhanger, just an FYI. Snapshot scenes are great, but a forewarning that that's all it is might help.

Some guy is fucking his wife and he is impressed by the mountains? Give me a break! What kind of shit is this? That young asshole should be in the hospital or morgue! Too many wimpy ass stories on Literotica! Highly successful men don't walk away from a confrontation! They take control and kick ass! What a lame story! Don't write any more of this shit! DISGUSTING!

good start and cries out for some further chapters

This isn't a story, it isn't even fleshing out the participants. FTDS

If there is not to be a part 2, next time label it as a flash story. Also, the language is a bit formal -- "retrieving a firearm" doesn't convey anger/loss/angst as well as "getting a fucking gun," The former is a bit sterile for such an anger moment.

I have a large vocabulary. But at that moment, were this a real moment, I would not be using the former phrase

"Somebody was going to eat shit over this, and it wasn't going to be me. " was much more laden with anger, and emotional.

When are you going to finish the story

please continue the story

No story here. Waste of a read.

hope there will be more

Hope there's a part 2.

As mentioned above. Its a good begining. I would like to see a couple of more chapters

Where is the rest of the opera?

Sorry. Got angry at shortness of story. A very good beginning that had angst and just a sudden end.

Give us the rest.

Thanks for the submission.

This is really part 1 of a 2 part story. So don't leave us(your readers) hanging.

...that this is only part 1.

Nice set up for a story.

I like it! It would be interesting to know how she reacts when she learns that he knows. She seems like the type that can hold two conflicting opinions at the same time - love and betrayal.

I hope there’s a follow-up.

Nuther chapter?

So far, so good!

audience what to expereince the cheating whores suffering

this is only a third of a story

Where’s the rest of it?

no wonder this has a low score. You might as well have just said 'I found out...' and it would have covered everything here

Excellent start to a good life taking a bumpy detour. Nice and plausable start. Where in the mountains does our poor bastard go??

Is this a part one? Hopefully there is another chapter. This is a good start but seems unfinished. Thanx!

Loklie

so when does he get revenge on the bitch i hope it doesn't end here give more i think he should have tossed her ass to the curb along with her toy boy he has a gun use it to clear the house then lock the slut out let her go home with lover boy he should not be the one to leave

where?

I don't say anything, I leave property that I pay for,. I don't even take a couple of pics, to show when my kids ask why I;m divorcing the whore. Nope I tuck tail and run.

WTF?????

Painful, Cliche but good! Would like to read how you develop this. Please give us a continuation!

Don't quit your day job. This a bunch of bs. Nobody but a pussy would see his woman fucking another guy in his house and turn tail and run. What a looser.

More needed. Part 2 please.

I read your story with a hope of finding an author's distinctive take on what may be (and is, in this case) a rather well-explored theme. After all, the sudden "changed plans--unexpected return home to find______ something shocking" is not at all unusual in the LW genre. Right?

So the plot unfolds with the usual "disoriented disbelief" and various expressions of rational disorientation. The main character decides to leave behind his wedding ring, with not even a note, and goes off driving while having scattered notions of doing something. And then it ends!!

Is there a continuation planned? I hope so, because as it stands now, there really isn't even a story here.

It is your tale. Something some here forget ;)

I’ll wait till I see the next step in this little episode before I rate.

Incomplete, finish the story and I’ll comment and vote on it.

This is't even a flash. Even flash stories have endings.

ColdCountry is a new writer and may not know how many words fit on a page, or that he must always number chapters in a story. The setup was pretty standard, but it is always a big hit. An unsuspecting husband finds his wife is betraying him in the worst way. If every story began that way, we would read them all. It grabs the readers' attention and makes them want to know what happens next. On the other hand, he may have intended this as the entire story. If that is the case, I humbly suggest he quickly write a few longer chapters to add on and claim it was his intention to post a multi-chapter story from the get go.

I hate it when the author stops like this. I also would have gotten the gun even to just scare the devil out of them. That being said, I still gave it five stars.

He should have got his gun and shot into the roof next to the kids ear. The next thing he should have done was used the but end of the gun to hit him in the ear and ask why he rapeing his wife. Next a round should be put in his balls and call the police.

Could have condensed it down to three sentences. My trip was cut short. Saw my wife being fucked. I left the house.

We don’t know enough about him or his wife to really care yet. I would probably turn to page 2, to see where this will go, but I’m not checking back each day, to see if you have posted another sliver of the story.

No score. Incomplete.

I do hope part 2 comes along, soon.

Waiting for the rest of the story before rating. Do not care for the running away crying. Just showing that gun would have made for a good confrontation. You don't have many way to take this but hopefully it will be interesting.

Now what!

Are you kidding me?! Was this the whole story or just a chapter? You do not indicate more is coming so we're left to wonder.

If this is only a chapter, GIVE US MORE than you did before you cut it off. If this is the whole story, really?

Don't be like some others who think a chapter is one page or less and keep putting it out in tiny pieces. Nothing will piss off the natives more than that, unless of course this was the whole damn story.

This is a start, but only a start. Where's the rest of the story?

Unbelievable that you thought this was worth posting in this state.

<P>

There's no chapter number, so this would seem to be all you were planning, but what's there isn't much. If you were planning more then, yes, a chapter number was obligatory. It's just the old "husband comes home to find his wife fucking and leaves" cliche -- and very, very little more than just posting that.

to go fishing? See this LW knows him so well that she actually got him the perfect gift. Exactly what he wanted. I mean, she knew that even caught in the act of ultimate betrayal, she knew that he'd rather leave and go off fishing, instead of confront her.

However, (I read it twice), it seems like he left the fancy new fishing reel behind?

That doesn't make any sense whatsoever. It must have been very out of character for him to do that.

May be he really WAS so mad, that he forgot it? Could be....

Now, how is going to catch that record-breaker without that reel? And it must have cost a lot of money, too! I bet he'll be TWICE as mad by the time he gets to the mountains, that he'll really cuss up a storm at his own stupidity in forgetting it. Gosh golly. What a mistake to have made!

Guess you needed a break after all that copying and pasting and changing names and a few details to make it look original. About as original as a box cake.

If that's all you got save yourself and us some time and just read actual works of literature.

I'm sure I can paint at least part of a master work. The part that is all black and the part that is all white. What you have here is part of a story. I think it needs a little more substance to become literature, even bad literature.

An incomplete story - is that all you have?