by BigBalls6969
The story was very fun and as others have pointed out, find someone to help you proofread it. Additionally, there is some issues in the second paragraph where you switch between talking about an individual and more than one person. It gives away the surprise at the end and is confusing to read.
Still, I enjoyed it and will likely be reading more from you lol.
Thank you for writing this story. I read a lot of stories in here to figure out new ways or better ways to please my master. Thanks for some great ideas! -stef
I really enjoy comments. Please comment as it will help me to write better stories. If you have any suggestions, I'd love to hear them.
Thank you FullCircle56, I am looking for one now. I see that I need one.
Thank you very much JJgreenville, I surely will take your advice.
I thought that as a first story, you did a wonderful job. I did notice the "TBC" at the bottom and I do hope you'll be giving us more and not let any negative feedback get you down. Most times a writer will get a piece started, get negative feedback, and completely abandon the tale. I do hope you won't fall into this category. You do have writing talents and it would be a damned shame to see that talent go to waste by not using it. I look forward to the next part and I sure hope you're up to the task here. Thank you for sharing with us, too.