Understanding Sonia

"Special picnic?" she asked with a smile.

"Yeah, first date, and thanks so much for your help."

"I enjoyed it, and I hope all goes well with your picnic."

"Thanks. Me too."

I paid, grabbed the plastic bags, and headed to my place for a blanket and a few bottles of water for backup. Then, it was on to pick up the beautiful blonde.

She was sitting on the steps waiting for me and climbed into my car, glancing into the back seat at the plastic bags. Then those blue eyes held mine, accompanied by a serious look.

"I'm anxious," she said, biting her lower lip. "This is, I think, my second picnic."

As what she said registered, I think my sense of amazement showed on my face. It seemed incredible that someone our age had only been on one picnic. I wasn't that familiar with English culture, but I was relatively sure they picnicked at least moderately.

"I'm not what you think I am," she said quietly.

"Sonia, I've known you for two days, and tomorrow you leave for who knows how long. Are you trying to scare me away?" I chuckled.

"No. At least, I don't think so. I quite fancy you already." She was silent a moment. "I'm sure of it," she finally said.

She pulled my hand off the steering wheel and squeezed it tightly between hers. Then she rubbed the back of my hand against her cheek.

"I wish I weren't going home...well, it's no longer my home, really. I wish I could stay here and get to know you and..." She sighed. "...and you could get some understanding of me as well."

She was certainly creating the impression that understanding her was not going to be a simple process. If she was trying to discourage me, it wasn't going to work. She was here, anxious to be with me, and that told me she wasn't trying to discourage me. Why then was she talking this way? Was she challenging me? If so, I was ready.

We were quickly at the park and found a quiet, grassy spot for the blanket. Even before we emptied the bags, I asked the question that had needed asking since the time it had happened.

"I'm curious as to why--"

"--I asked you for this date? Something clicked after you stepped on my flip-flop and helped me gather up my things. I was excited when you followed me into the class and sat beside me. I wished Peter wasn't there so, well, you know."

"I'm glad," I answered and received a gorgeous smile.

We paused the serious conversation in order to snack on our picnic supplies and share a glass of wine.

"So," I said finally, "this Grampy Paul must be very special to you since you're interrupting your classes to go to England."

"Oh my, yes. He's...he's..."

I received a look that tore at my heart.

"Forget that I said that, Sonia. I can see it's too personal."

"It is personal, but, from what you've said, I think you're anxious to learn about me, and I'm just as anxious and frightened to share with you."

I couldn't imagine what could be so frightening, but she hadn't shared yet, and what she was about to share appeared to be very troubling. It seemed that she sincerely wanted me to know her secrets.

"When I was younger and would lock myself in my room, crying my eyes out, sometimes for days, Grampy Paul was the one who sat on the floor by the door, talking to me and just being there. Sometimes he would slide notes under the door. While everyone else was scolding and lamenting my bad behavior, he was the one who sympathized; and empathized, I guess. I didn't appreciate it till I was older. I just wanted to be alone, but he knew I needed someone to be there for me and with me.

"I should probably go back just a little. My father is a college professor, very organized, and very exacting in his requirements for my mother, my sister, and myself. My mother and Martina had learned to deal with it, but I never did. I was stubborn, obstinate, reckless in the things I did, and very unapologetic about all of it. My father was quite cutting when he tried to correct me, and it hurt. That's why I spent so much time in my early years in my room crying. Whenever I felt like I had failed at something, I ran to the only safe place--my room."

I thought she might be ready to cry at this moment, her eyes sparkling in the bright light of the early evening. She seemed so, well, vulnerable, I guess, and I wanted to do something, but I wasn't sure what needed to be done. Still, I had to try. I held my hand out to her.

"I've known you two days, Sonia, but it's feeling like more than that with every passing minute. Come here and let me hold you while you talk.

"Archie, I don't know."

I watched her hesitate, not sure of what to do, but I felt that something within her was telling her to do what I'd asked, and something else was holding her back. So, if the mountain won't come to Muhammad, then Muhammad will go to the mountain. I slid across the blanket till I was behind Sonia, spread my legs, and pulled her against my chest, the floral aroma from her hair nearly mesmerizing me. She didn't resist at all, resting, what seemed to be, very comfortably against me.

"I could sit like this and hold you for as long as you'd allow it. And if you want to talk more, I'm ready when you are." I gave her a gentle squeeze and felt her take a deep breath.

"I wanted Mother to help me, to support me and stand up to Dad, to tell him that I was different and wouldn't fit into the mold he'd created for me. But she wouldn't do it. I think she was afraid that it would cause a split, which was out of the question since their marriage was forever. I never forgave her for that. Is that wrong?" She turned her head, so she was looking at me, those blue eyes waiting for an answer.

"It would be easy for me to say that was wrong of you," I began and felt her stiffen. "But it would be wrong for me to say that too." She relaxed.

"I'm sorry," she said. "It's not fair for me to ask that since you're normal and I'm not."

I gave her a hard squeeze.

"Archie," she grunted.

"Every time you say something silly like that, I'll give you another hard squeeze."

"Ugh. Are you sure you want to hang around a mess like me?"

"Sonia, you're beautiful, and I haven't seen the mess yet."

"I look in the mirror," she said, "but the mess is between my ears."

I chuckled. "What's your GPA?"

"That doesn't mean anything."

"Don't argue," I teased, "just answer the question."

I sensed a gentle "humph," as she hesitated to answer my question, so I gave her another hard squeeze.

"Archie," she grunted again. "It's a four-point, whatever that's worth," I couldn't believe that there was an almost disgusted tone to her voice as she said that.

"Um, Sonia, I would enjoy having a GPA like that."

"I understand that, Archie, I really do. But that part is easy. In a few years, I'll have a Ph.D. That's easy. It's the rest of life that's hard."

I was pondering what she had said and what she hadn't said, the aroma of her shampoo filling my nose.

"Did you just kiss my head," she suddenly asked.

Her question startled me. If she thought I had, I probably had. But how should I answer?

"Sonia, I may have, and if it offended you, I'm terribly sorry. But, I was thinking about what you were saying, and I think that was my natural response."

"It's a nice response," she said, squeezing my arm. "And just so you know, both Martina and I are virgins." We'd gone quickly from a kiss on her head to virginity.

"Does that change anything?" I asked, surprised by what she had just said.

She turned so she was facing me directly.

"Do you know that when you look at me with those blue eyes, I'm helpless?" The smile that appeared only weakened me further.

"I'm glad I wore the flip-flops," she said, "but you may be in over your head."

"If it seems like I'm drowning, I'll count on you to save me."

"You give me too much credit," she replied, "but there's a reason that something clicked within me when I met you."

"I'm glad I decided to sit beside you, even though I was afraid you'd have been happier if I'd gone somewhere else." I chuckled. "When you whispered in my ear, well..."

"I'm going to England tomorrow to be with Grampy Paul, and I'll ignore my mother and father as much as I can." She sighed and rested her head against my chest. "He's going to die, Archie, and that will tear me apart. When he's gone and the lectures from my father about purity, chastity, and perfection are over, I'll be coming home. It won't be pretty."

"Call and text all you can. I'll be happy to pay the extra charges."

"You're sweet, Archie, but my parents are wealthy. They own a huge house in London, a vacation house in Scotland, and raise horses and have a riding stable there too. Despite how much I, well, dislike them most of the time, I have more money than I really need. Money is easy. But thank you so much."

"I just want to keep talking with you while you're gone, particularly since you have no idea how long it will be."

"I will," she assured me. "And keep good notes in the English class."

I let go of her, and we finished the food and had another glass of wine. We packed up and headed back to her place, but the last thing I wanted to do was let go of her. I knew she could see the longing look on my face when I took her to her door.

She smiled. "I often don't kiss on the first date, but under these circumstances, I want that more than anything right now." Her arms went around my neck, and I received the most wonderful and satisfying kiss I'd ever gotten. When we separated, she stayed inches from my face. "You've known me for two days," she said, her eyes searching my face. And you've seen several 'Sonias' in those two days. The Sonia you'll see when I get back from England won't be like any you've seen so far, and..."

I interrupted her. "Shush," I cautioned. "That's the last thing you need to worry about. I'll be right here; in fact, I'll be at the airport to pick you up, and Martina too, because I'm anxious to get that second kiss."

She laughed. "Martina will take us to the airport, but if you'd like to pick me up, I'd love that. Just beware." She leaned toward me, and I got kiss number two way before I'd expected it.

I gave her a final hug, and she headed inside. I wondered what our next meeting might be like.

***

Texting began when she got to the airport and continued until her plane left. For the nine days she was there, we talked once each day and texted the rest of the time. I knew that she was doing her best to stay upbeat when we talked, but I could sense a daily change as her Grampy Paul's condition deteriorated. Plus, it wasn't like he might recover, so it was just a matter of watching him decline and finally die.

On the fifth day that she was away, I received a second call from Sonia, surprised to find it was Martina instead.

"I called you on Sonia's phone, so I could be sure you'd answer."

"Is everything okay?" I was sure she could hear the desperation in my voice.

"As good as it can be. There's nothing unusual happening. I wanted to call you with a heads-up about my sister."

"Should I be worried about that?"

"We talked a good bit on the plane," she said, not really answering my question. "She feels a very special connection with you, after only two days. I've never seen her like this before."

"Is that a warning? If so, it's not needed since she's struck a chord with me too. She's a treasure."

"Not really a warning at all, but the Sonia that will be coming back will be different than the one who left, at least temporarily."

"She told me that too."

"It's only going to be a couple of days, and we'll get away as quickly as we can. Mum and Dad have been relentless, thinking they're being helpful and constructive but making us miserable. Sonia said you'd be picking her up at the airport. I'm glad since I think you can be very good for her. But be careful with her, okay."

"Wow. Martina, I don't know what I'm doing or what I'm getting into, but I'm ready for whatever. This is day seven or eight. I can't wait to get her back."

"It won't be long. We'll keep in touch."

I spent hours thinking, anxious to be with Sonia, but also sure there were things I didn't know and needed to understand. I wished she would move in with me, but the way she'd told me she was still a virgin meant that probably wouldn't happen. Plus, moving in together after just a few days was a little unrealistic, even though these were unique circumstances.

It was difficult to concentrate on schoolwork, but I needed to do that to keep from becoming a nervous wreck. I took careful notes in the English class, things Martina had said periodically breaking in on the lecture. It was when I was leaving the class that my cell phone vibrated. It was Sonia.

"He's gone, Archie. I wish you were here, but you aren't." The face I was seeing had an agonized look but no tears.

"I'd give almost anything to be there right now. I don't even know the right questions to ask."

"Just seeing you there and knowing how you feel is doing more for me than you know. Just two more days, and we'll be coming home. That little flat is my home now, not this God-awful place with the constant haranguing and criticizing. Don't criticize me, okay, Archie?"

I forced a smile. "No worries, Sonia. That won't happen. You'll have to be satisfied with compliments from me."

Her face changed like she was attempting a smile, but the tragedy that was enveloping her wouldn't quite permit it. It wrenched at my heart, though.

"You'll be there to pick me up?"

"Yes, just text the flight number."

"I will, or Martina will. Everything about me is jumbled right now. I need to go and sit with Grampy Paul for a while. Will text and call you tomorrow. Be there for me, okay?"

"I will, Sonia. Count on it."

We texted, and she called the next day and the following day from the airport, and I got the flight number.

I was at the airport two hours before she was scheduled to land as I was sure that something would happen that would delay me or keep me from being there altogether. I couldn't imagine how that might affect her, but I knew it would devastate me. The announcement came that her plane was landing, and I went to the baggage area to meet her.

I'm here, are you?" came to my phone.

At the baggage area, and hurry I replied.

My heart was pounding so hard I was certain that people standing close to me had to be able to hear it. Plus, it seemed that I was having trouble breathing. I stood at the bottom of the escalator from the arriving flight's area until I finally saw both her and Martina heading down toward me. When Sonia saw me, she smiled, a huge relief for me.

She stepped off the moving stairway and walked directly to me, not saying a thing as she laid her head against my chest and put her arms around my waist. Following her lead, I hugged her gently. Then those blue eyes looked up at me.

"Despite all that's happened, you can't imagine the happiness that filled my heart when I saw you waiting for me. It's absolutely senseless, but I was terrified you wouldn't be here."

I hugged her again, doubly aware of the challenge facing me for the next few days and possibly much longer. Hopefully, much longer. I looked past Sonia and saw Martina, both hands raised with fingers crossed. I was sure she'd be a help and resource for the future.

We gathered Sonia's luggage and said goodbye to Martina, who gave me a big hug. We made our way to the parking garage, Sonia repeatedly thanking me for picking her up. In the car, she held onto my hand, and I don't think her eyes left my face the entire forty-five-minute drive. We carried the luggage inside, and I turned to her.

"You can't imagine how happy I am to see you again," I said, my voice nearly cracking. She took two steps, threw her arms around my neck, and immediately sobs were wracking her body. It continued for long minutes as she gasped for breath. It was something I'd never seen or experienced, and my heart ached for her, ached so much that my tears joined hers.

"I didn't cry there," she finally said, each word interrupted by a sharp sob. "I wouldn't let them see that. I'm never going back." The sobs began again, and I helped her to the couch, where I held her against my chest, the tears leaving dark spots on my shirt. With a few gasping breaths, the tears at last stopped.

"Should you be in class?" she asked, the first hint of a grin shaping her face.

"First, I would be here no matter what classes I had, and you'd better know that," I said with a chuckle, " but today is Saturday, so no, I shouldn't be in class."

"I'm clueless," she said, and the simple chuckle that followed was priceless.

I was still holding her against my chest and wasn't going to release her until she asked. Looking at that tear-stained face, the blue eyes, and those soft and inviting lips, I knew what would happen. Without a word, I put my hand behind her head and brought it toward mine. She wasn't resisting, and when our lips touched, she pressed hers against mine. It was a marvelous kiss, just lips but still filled with a warmth and passion I'd never experienced before. Two more quick and tender kisses followed.

"How many kisses is that?"

"I'm not counting, just enjoying," I answered.

"This is our third day together, and I'm sure I've kissed you more than I've kissed anyone else."

I wasn't going to say what I was thinking, that it seemed impossible that a gorgeous twenty-one-year-old could have done such a small amount of kissing. But, as long as she was willing to continue kissing me, I wouldn't complain.

The smile was disappearing from her face, and I wondered what might be coming next. She was biting her lower lip.

"I want and need to tell you things about the time I was away, but if we stay here..." She paused and took a deep breath. "But if I stay here, it will be more tears now that I'm with you. If we go out, like to our favorite Wendy's, something I don't understand will keep that from happening, and I can talk to you, or with you, as I'm sure you'll have questions.

"Wow. Okay, let's go to Wendy's then, if you're sure."

"I am, and it's my treat."

I chuckled. "Not needed," I countered.

"It's not much, but it's what I can do for you."

"Sonia..." The look I was getting said, "shut up," so I did.

The drive to Wendy's only took about three minutes, and she asked me about the English class and if I had good notes for her to review. I wasn't a four-pointer, but I took good notes, and I was sure they'd be very useful for her. I admitted to her that I'd had trouble concentrating on my other classes while she was away, but now things would be back to "normal."

At Wendy's, we ordered, she paid, we got our food and found a table, away from everyone as best we could.

"It was horrible," she said, finally. "Dad was Dad, which made it doubly bad. You need to realize that I'm not me; I'm what my dad has structured me to be. I've never been allowed to be who I really am. He wouldn't permit it. I had to be what he imagined and wanted me to be. But, inside, I wasn't that person, so I was constantly failing to be what he wanted. I couldn't handle failure, and that's when I retreated to my room, sometimes for days at a time. Grampy Paul would sit by my door and tell me I hadn't failed, but even if I had, I could learn from it.

"I would climb out my window and sit on the roof...and cry, and wonder why I didn't just jump off and end the torment. It was Grampy Paul's voice that kept me tied to this world. And now that voice is gone."

The pleading look on her face told me I had to be the best substitute for Grampy Paul that I could be. I wanted to be that and more. But could I?

"I told you about football, um, soccer for you. I played it in high school. I hold the school record for the mile run. And I played tennis some too. I paint and have three of my creations in galleries downtown. I was Julie Andrews when our school did The Sound of Music, and I danced in The Nutcracker at Christmas last year." When you're at my flat again, I'll play the piano for you."