All Comments on 'Unexpected Help'

allready xMas ? Oo

Spun Christmas Carol, still fun read. ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

I didn't quite understand.

Her best friend drinks at a party, ends up getting drunk, cheats on her fiancé and then accidentally dies in front of her eyes.

It's really horrible.

And she does the same thing a few years later.

She drinks at a party and ends up drunk.

Without her husband, without anyone to watch over her, protect her???

“God bless us, everyone”. A fine adaptation of the Dickens’s classic. I enjoyed it. Well done. Thanks much.

I just cannot read or watch any takeoffs of A Christmas Carol. That's just me.

A few things feel like a stretch but, I can go with them.

Using the classic Dickens tale as the outline for an LW story I enjoyed that.

One small question I had that really had no impact on the tale. Why was the ghost of Shirley's future her least favorite teacher? Since she didn't care for him in real life wouldn't it make sense she at least would have asked Mr Bell that question before he took her off to see her crappy future?

Opening line gave away the plot. Or maybe just set it up. One of the great openers of literary history.

5*

Great twist for a well worn genre. I would have liked more depth on why certain people appeared over others and what she was feeling at each event. You did expand on a couple, but not all of them. Finally, too quick of a conclusion. 4.3*

Nice plot twist!

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Okay, I will address the obvious: "The Past, Present, and Future walked into a bar. Things quickly became tense!"

Five stars, the Bear loved it. Karma says 'Thank you, everyone!' Keep writing. I'm a sucker for happy ending. The only caveat I have is communication, folks. That's what lets blackmail happen. But then, half the stories here would disappear if we all communicated. Cool beans.

The BEAR

I liked this. It was a very pleasant change from the usual stories here.

Never did like "Christmas Carol" / "Scrouge" trope stories; my brain keeps calling 'intellectually property thief'.

This one was put together well. May you meet Mr. Dickens in your afterlife.

Christ it’s only September don’t you think it’s a little early to start the ‘bah humbug’ stories?

eh...

LIT is already is a fantasy site.

but for me, this sort of christmas ghosts type of stories is eh...

kinda too much of a fantasy, I don't like time travel too it is not possible going to the past but present to future is probable.

So I did not finished reading page 1 jumped to the last few paragranphs in the ending just to see if it has a happy ending. And it did. Good.

But I do think Matt was stupid to marry Shirley when he knows she was a college party girl. Not surprise she got drunk and oh here it comes -- the proverbial "date-rape drug".

Of course.

It's reconciliation. eh.

Ok move on...

I see you modeled your story on a very old one. I think it's a less-popular one and you should be able to get away without anyone discovering it. Good luck. Good work.

@franceman, it was supposed to be a work celebration, so her husband wasn't there. She didn't drink too much, he spiked her drinks and drugged her.

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"Marla!! Where did you pick up such language, young lady?" - WTF? She's 16, "screw" is probably the mldet curse word she knows.

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"I would end her visa and send her back here." - "Here?" Shouldn't that be "home?"

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No need to go back and explain the surveillance trap, it was obvious from the result.

Dickens? Okay -- maybe.

But, as I was reading this story, well before it ever hinted at Christmases or Carols, it had me thinking about leopards and their spots.

Kinda ripped off a Christmas Carol

Your knowledge of law -- or, more accurately, the lack thereof--is evident.

Misdemeanor violations of the law are not punishable by jail terms of more than 1 year. And sex offenses are never considered misdemeanors.

An interesting revisitation of the immortal "Christmas Carol" by Charles Dickens, but ...

- Marla ghost: "I never got to apologize to Matt for what I did to him, for hurting him the way I did. I never meant to cheat like that."

WTF ? She knew very well what would have happend in those fraternity parties, since she did it multiple times. Not to speak about the regular getting drunk. So, she MEANT to cheat like that.

Anyway, a good LIT adaptation of a masterpiece fairytale. 5*

Nice little story that shows how, telling your spouse your being blackmailed or coerced, takes the power away from attacker. If the victim does what this character did, thinking she can handle it, things always get way worse and instead of the couple working together to mitigate the deed that caused the blackmail or coercion, the results are nuclear because of the lying and betrayal.

Liked it a lot, more deep fantasy, than erotic

Is it already Christmas? 5*!

Nicely done, although this was totally transparent (like the apparitions) from start to finish.. There is a certain symbolism to Marla saving her friend from disaster after she had gotten into a similar situation to that which caused Marla’s demise. 5 stars because you are still a writing newcomer here.

Let this be a lesson to you.

A story from the twilight zone!

Very nice!!

Missed the mark.

I'm sorry are we supposed to feel sorry for someone stupid enough to marry a cheating whore?

Stories depicting women as helpless and brainless are a form of misogyny. Or maybe you just never met any intelligent women? How hard is it to lure the stupid asshole into any number of situations where the wife can demonstrate rape, or a drowning accident, falling off a cliff or out of a window, or just a mugging escalating into a murder. The wife was in complete control of this guy's cock, and could use that to set him up. Just get him drunk on a boat and then give him a push; simple. Oh, right, the visiting angels wouldn't approve. Never mind, just take the fucking and live with the consequences. Most women I know would not.

A Christmas Carol jazzed up. You should credit it.

Scores 3/5

I don’t believe that Dickens would have anything to complain about.

"A Christmas Carol" meets Loving Wives and a fine Burn the Bastard story ensues. Nicely done, Bry1977. There are many other classics that could find new a new and appreciative audience if they were given a LW twist. I hope you will turn this into an expanding collection of familiar tales imagined in new ways.

Not really LW. The base of this story is not a wife getting raped then blackmailed. That happens a lot (unfortunately.) Having supernatural advice from her mother, a math teacher, and a college friend … all long dead … is the critical focus of this tale. And Sweetie was guilty of not trusting her Hubby, but could hardly be labeled ‘adventurous.’

not rated.

Where do idiots come off thinking that women are whores and asking for it? Get serios Anonymous. Is that what you think about your mother, grandmother or any girl Friends that you may have had. Learn to use your hand to save those poor women.

There are two elements that need to be proved to convict someone of any crime.

Actus Reus and Mens Rea... the deliberate thought that leads you to committing a crime, and the actual act of committing a crime.

If you do something that is considered wrong, but did not do it of your own volition, then you will not be convicted of that crime.

Shirley did not set out to cheat. Being loaded up with alcohol and drugged without her knowledge, then videotaped to blackmail her was all against her will. Not something that she wanted to participate in, not something that she would do deliberately. Not something that she would choose to do if she had full control of her faculties.

That does not make her a cheating whore, lujon2019, but for you to declare her one, makes you a blithering, biased, embittered idiot.

Nicely done! enjoyed that quite a bit.

A very brief, superficial and meager account of Marla's slippery slope to agreeing, accepting and committing multiple adulteries with her boss. The author, apparently, wants to tell us that - in order for the spouses to remain faithful to each other or, in order to stop the ongoing, albeit "involuntary and forced" infidelity towards their partner - some kind of higher and otherworldly intervention must happen? People, look into yourself, listen to your inner voice! It's all there! Your Soul, your essence! She'll never lie to you, but you're not free to shut her up either...

I kind of like it. Kept my interest. Good writing and story structure. Three stars.

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Here is where it fell short of a higher rating in my view:

- One too many ghost. Eliminating any one of them and nothing is lost.

- Marla and her preamble tale is dramatic, but it is also irrelevant. She is not really the story.

- Stronger story if flipped: Shirley died trying to save Marla and Matt, then came back to do it again.

- Why didn't the ghost "beam down" sooner? Drugged and blacked mailed is cool, but divorce crosses the line?

Dickens did it first and best, but I enjoyed the heck out of this version. Great imagination.

Marla

Marley

Nice move :)

Very "A Christmas Carol"-like :)

I think Dickens would approve.

Most important thing, sue the company.

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The most important thing here is intent.

She didn't cheat! She's totally innocent. The only thing she's guilty of is having sex with her boss for years. Behind her husbands back. And lied for years. And decided to continue having sex rather than coming clean. And herself believing she was cheating and referring to it as an affair.

That was an interesting take of the Charles Dickens A Christmas Carol plot. It was well done and made for an enjoyable read. 5*.

Great story! We Al make mistakes. It's nice to believe mistakes can be forgiven.

@anon talking about actus reus and and mens rea. She had years and years to tell her husband, to tell the police, to do something other than just let herself get fucked whenever her boss wanted it. To prevent other women from becoming victims. At some point, enough is just enough, and she is no longer just a victim. I lack the proper vocabulary to adequately express it, and she doesn't become a perpetrator, but maybe complicit? She doesn't stop being a victim, either. Sigh.

Anyway, as a husband I'd divorce her, period. Because she lacked the trust in him to go to him when it first happened.

@Wargamer, the similarity to "A Christmas Carol" was so obvious that a credit would have been redundant.

Find adaption to a Christmas story by Charles Dickens I believe..

🎵 Only If For A Night 🎶 (florence + the machine)

Captcha

The only thin better was to have this story happen at Christmas! *5*

The first day at the office after the promotion party, Shirley brought Mr Deetz his coffee. After he drank it, he started feeling dizzy. He tried to get up but his legs were wobbly. He saw Shirley at the door smirking, tried to utter "Shit!" as he realised what was happening but before he could do that he fell face first and blacked out.

He woke up, naked and tied to a St Andrews cross in an empty and abandoned warehouse.

He started cursing at Shirley but the second he did that he felt a whip hit his legs and immediately winced in horrendous pain.

And so his torture began. Shirley took great pleasure extracting information from him. After whipping him as hard as she could even after obtaining what he said was the truth, he gave him some drugged water and went to his house to check for evidence of his crimes.

She was not able to access the laptop and the safe as the pins he gave her were wrong. She took the time to seduce, drug and bring the waiter to the warehouse as well.

Apparently he knew everything and had been a participant from time to time in the blackmailing activities.

He found himself in a similar situation as Mr Deetz and received the same treatment as the other. After he was blacked out, she went to his home and gathered evidence.

Compared to Mr Deetz he was telling the whole truth. It wouldn't help him much, but at least he would not be waterboarded. When he woke up.

After she got back at the warehouse, she broke a couple of amonia tablets at their noses to wake them up.

She whipped Mr Deetz over his balls leaving deep welts all over his genitals and informed him that lying will be punished dearly.

She tilted the cross until he was facing the ceiling, placed a cloth over his face and, grabbing a couple of large juggs of water, proceeded to waterboard him.

After 15 minutes she got the right codes from him, which she immediately tested, then continued for an extra 45 minutes of waterboarding because of his initial lie.

While Mr Deeyz was filled with dread and despair, both of them were spiritually and physically broken.

After checking the files on the laptop, she pulled out her phone and made some calls to some of the abused women.

One in particular was an immigrant with family members in some not so nice gangs. After she informed him of both their situations she managed to arrange a car to pick them up from the warehouse.

The car was able to enter the warehouse and drobe right up to them. They were informed that the only punishment that was fit was the same thing they did upon others: rape, abuse, humiliation, mental and physical torture and blackmail.

Only they were not going to come back from where they were going as they will have 20 years to pay for the damage they had caused.

Way to make an excellent tale out of the Christmas carol. I gave it 5 stars. THAT being said, no way a woman would allow her boss to get away with something like this, unless she was addicted to his money and power. How many times does a woman dump her husband, to marry someone with a lower paying job, and to live in a smaller house? Answer, never. Take that into account, next time some Narcissist bitch, starts spewing nonsense about them no longer being “ emotionally connected, to there for her, etc.” I will buy that, when she re-marries down.

Meh. Yes she was raped. She for some inexplicable reason did not recognize anything wrong besides being drunk and never got tested and succumbed to blackmail sex (which is rape) for several years. Yes she was drugged and learned of it later from the apparitions and got the confession out of the sleaze later with her husband's help. But seriously? Caving to blackmail sex to cover up an extramarital one off tryst, makes no sense unless the husband is a true Old Testament type with no forgiveness, which Matt clearly is not. It never makes sense to have more extramarital sex to cover up a prior instance. Come clean, get help, confess, bego for mercy. Even without knowing about being drugged, she should have done that. The only legitimate reasons to cave to blackmail sex (temporarily, not years) are credible threats of physical violence to loved ones and family, and maybe (in some cases) serious financial or legal ruin. And the latter two only to buy time to get help. Even the first case of credible violence threats, get help. Maybe even disappear with family. Seriously. Subjecting oneself to rape tp cover up prior sex with or without consent, makes zero sense. Maybe she does it once or twice out of fear, but loathing the rapes and being degraded and her guilt should cause her to come clean and beg for help and mercy. Years makes zero sense. That shows a serious mental defect. While the husband is obligated yo get her free of the situation and get justice, knowing that she never came to help for years, is really hard to swallow. Not an easy thing to reconcile. Comes off a as too black and white here. Especially with the high frequency and being treated horribly by the asshole. Showed serious lack of self respect. She needs major therapy. Not a lot of marriages would survive such a long pattern of continued rape. She coukd have confessed a long time ago. What a mess.

Great story, a different take on a cheating wife story 5*

The Earlier that evening portion was redundant, or at least misplaced. I did enjoy the tale though, Four stars worth.

JPB

Yes, this story doesn't make sense for two years of sex/rape. That would result in very visible and serious emotional symptoms, and hubby, unless he was an ivory tower, head in the clouds type, would have twigged onto it after a week or two. I could believe a month, but not more than that.

I am curious about how something like this would play out in reality? I think that many women would finally reach a point of "Screw it, I'm packing a pistol instead of a lunch". Then when their a-hole boss called them in to take dicktation, instead they would just "blow" him, right between his eyes.

There should be a law that 1) extends the workplace as part of your home or castle. You should have the right to feel as safe and secure at work as you feel in your home. 2) That blackmail is a form of assault endangering the individual's emotional, financial, spiritual, and physical stability and well being (Matt could have assaulted Shirley after her confession. Resulting in Shirley's hospitalization or even death. A confession not required except for Deerz's blackmail of Shirley.) 3) Because Shirley at her work/home was blackmailed/assaulted by Deetz as well as sexually assaulted in fact. Shirley was within her legal rights to protect her body, mind, financial and spiritual well being by blowing a 3 inch diameter hole out the back of Deetz's fat head.

To protect yourself and your family you should have the right to hârag (kill) a blackmailer without being charged with râtsach (murder).

Great twist of old story.

Excellent writing and a realistic set of ghosts ! 5*

Sorry but for this poor little sensitive soul, this clumsy Dickens-parody fell flat on it's tender little bum! As Dickensian plagiarisms go, this was far more a Bleakly-housed Little Dorrit than a Festively Redempt Scrooge! Unfortunately I Wince-Pied too often, and so flicked from the middle straight to the end, without passing go OR picking up $200, just so I could deride it with some festive scorn, this starry night-before-Christmas-Eve and award it it's very own festive Lone Star!

R.S.

Your last statement cracked me up about the apparitions. The Bible is clear, there are no apparitions or ghosts as questioned. In my years of study it is plain and clear. You die, your body is put into the ground and decays but your spirit goes to one of two places depending on who you belong to, there is no lingering in this plane and if you see ghosts, they aren't ghosts but demons of Satan to trick you. 5 BIG ASS STARS FOR YOUR STORY! Very enjoyable, thanks!

Shut up Randog

loved it

For a fictional story that had multiple ghosts, you sure picked a lame revenge. You could have drugged him and had a train run on him, could have him eliminated by zombies. Anything except that short ending