- NonHuman
- Untouchable Ch. 01
- Comments
All Comments on 'Untouchable Ch. 01'
by DeliciousKisses
- 12 Comments
Anonymousalmost 9 years agoPossibly one of my favorite stories on this site! Please have the next chapter done soon!
Anonymousalmost 9 years agoHow many clichés can you fit in two pages? I stopped counting after a thousand. Young, dark and handsome billionnaire check
Womanizing check
Doing nothing all day check
Going after the plain looking employee check
Generous but anonymous benefactor to many charities check
Plain employee trying weakly to resist but of course falling for him check
The guy sounds as mature as a four year old and the girl isn't far behind. With the mother being a successful business woman of 45, how old can he be, 12? Early motherhood isn't common in women going for higher education and a career.
And the whole massage thing? Don't get me there. How plausible! The girl's fantasies and inner voice (not inner goddess, note the big difference)? Is she schizophrenic?
Basically, if he starts tying her down and abusing her we'll have a remake of 50 shades, if he goes all puppy eyed we'll have a standard Harlequin book.
The only positive thing is that your writing style is correct. A pity you don't have an original story to tell...
Anonymousalmost 9 years agoMY MOST FAVORITE LITEROTICA STORY! When is the next one gonna come out?!?!
innerpartylovealmost 9 years agoHow can you write such an amazing story and not have...more?! Im dying here! & fuck that person bitching about cliches. Sorry if this isnt edgy enough for you ;D
Anonymousalmost 9 years agoIt's a good start. A masseuse is a woman who gives massages, a man is a masseur though.
