Used Ch. 02 - Happy Anniversary, Jenny!

Author's note: this is a follow-up to my story "Used." I realized there was a bit more to be explored in Jenny and Mike's relationship. Emotions and desires, once unlocked, no matter how they were unlocked, do not just quietly, peacefully, go away. No matter how we may personally feel about them. How does one resolve that? How does one come to terms with it?

There was a knock on the door of the cheap hotel room. Looking through the peephole, I saw it was Mike. I cracked the door, then retreated to the farthest corner of the little room. Mike entered, closed the door, and looked at me, standing across the room. He looked at the angry expression written across my face, my hands balled into fists, ready for a fight.

Mike looked at me, and with sadness, he said, "So that's how this is going to go? I guess I deserve it, Jenny, my love."

I grabbed the lamp on the table and threw it at him with all my strength. But he was as fast as he was strong. He easily dodged the lamp, and by the time it shattered against the door, he had crashed into me, pinning me against the wall, holding my wrists behind my back.

"Jenny, please!" he said, crushing me in a bear hug. "It doesn't have to be like this, baby!"

He had put his lips next to my ear, and I turned my head and tried to bite him. He jerked back out of the way. "Please?"

I looked him in the eye, full of fury, and said, "Yes. Yes, it does have to be this way. And you know why. Now quit stalling!"

He began tearing my clothes from my body, having no trouble at all holding me down despite my very best efforts to escape his clutches. By the time he had me naked, thrown on the bed, and mounted me, I was soaking wet and more than eager to receive his cock inside my body. As he plunged his cock inside me, my back arched, I inhaled as deeply as I could, and Mike began thrusting in and out of me like a machine. He brought me to three orgasms, and then I felt him coming, his cock pulsing deeply within me, splashing his seed throughout my vagina.

We lay for a few moments like that: hot, covered in our sweat, chests heaving even as the aftershocks of the orgasms he gave me traveled through my body and soul. My fingernails lazily trailed across his back and shoulders as I reveled in the afterglow.

Then I remembered what day it was. And why I was here. My fingernails stopped caressing him and dug into him like claws. Or at least, I tried to claw him. He sensed the change in my mood even before I did, and I barely even made superficial red marks on his back before he was again holding my wrists behind my head. The entire time, he still had his cock buried inside me. It pushed me towards another hard orgasm.

Once again, he was holding me helpless. Once again, he was raping me. Once again, I was furious with him, even as I felt another orgasm building within me! Once again, my heart filled with love for this wonderful, terrible man.

###

It was supposed to be my "special day." The first anniversary of my introduction into a larger world of human sexuality than I had ever dreamed could exist. Oh, it was a forced introduction, to be sure. At the time, I had believed I was being raped by a man I had thought was one of my dearest friends. Then, I had my first sexual experience with another woman, the lovely Nadine. That, too, was forced on me. But I realized I was, as I had suspected for some time, bisexual. I learned my husband had been exploring his sexuality, and had come to believe he was gay. That was why he hadn't approached me to make love for over a year! I learned he had a boyfriend, even! And I was then, with my full consent and participation, fucked senseless all night long by my rapist, my estranged gay husband, his gay boyfriend, and Andy, the husband of Nadine.

After all I had learned and experienced in that short, terrifying-yet-wondrous couple of days, I wasn't angry at Mike and Nadine. On the contrary, for the most part, I was intensely grateful to them! At that time in my life, I was in a bad place and couldn't see any way out of it. I didn't know it at the time, but I needed them to force me into a place where I was uncomfortable, scared, terrified, and bewildered. I was forced to confront all the things I thought were so awful and see them for what they truly were: not mountains that couldn't be scaled, but rather, gifts. Gifts that I had to learn to accept. That I had to prepare myself, emotionally, to realize the value of the ordeal they put me through. In the year that followed, we all became lovers, having a Friday or Saturday night party at one or another of the group's homes. I was well and truly satisfied. Emotionally, sexually, and romantically happy! My marriage with Dave was stronger than ever, and the home we had made for our girls was more secure than ever.

So, like I said, today was my special day. I had made love with each of my lovers, starting with my husband that morning. And then I made love with Paul, my husband's wonderful boyfriend! Then I spent the afternoon making love with Andy. It had been a lovely day.

Except, as the evening drew near, as the sun set, I was to meet my final lovers. The ones who had planned and instigated my... I only just now realized I don't even know what to call what they did to me... my non-consensual sexual intervention? As each moment of my anniversary day passed, my anger with Mike and Nadine grew. And with my anger, my desire to be forcefully taken again also grew.

Yes, even though their actions worked out to make my life so much better. Even though, at first, when I thought I was being raped, I enjoyed it.

How dare he do to me what he did? How did he know his actions wouldn't have destroyed me? How did he know I had always, secretly, wanted to make love to a woman? How did he know I would accept Nadine as a lover? How did Nadine know it would all work out for the best?

Yes, I am grateful to Mike for pushing me out of the rut where Dave and I had found ourselves. It was a toss-up as to how our marriage would end: divorce due to irreconcilable differences, at best. At worst, the marriage would have ended in an affair when either Dave, or I, got caught by the other. So yes, honestly, I am grateful for what Mike and Nadine did to me. Eternally. In the last year, my life, all of our lives, have been so much better. But also, when I think about how it was done to me? I'm still angry about having been forced into it!

###

I was lying on my right side, with Mike spooned against me.

"Feeling any better?" he asked.

"Bastard!" I spat the word out with more venom in my tone than a snake.

"Well, at least you're talking to me," he said.

"How did you know it would work?" I asked him.

"For the millionth time, dear Jenny: I didn't know this would work. I figured there was maybe a 25% chance it would work."

"Bastard!" I said.

"Jenny, I had to do something. You were so unhappy. Life had so much more to offer you, but you couldn't see it. You were boxed in on every side by all the things you believed: that good women don't want more sex than their husbands may be willing to provide. That good women don't fantasize about having sex with other women. That good wives don't ever think of cheating on their husbands. That being raped would be the end of your life, forever. All of that had you so thoroughly boxed in I was afraid you might even contemplate suicide. So yes, I took a chance. On something terrible that might have backfired like crazy."

"Something that might have left me an emotional wreck!" I shouted. The afterglow had faded, and like a fire not thoroughly extinguished, my fury had come roaring back to life. I tried to get out of bed, but Mike, damn him, held me tightly against his chest in a grip far too firm for me to break.

He said, "But instead, you came through it. And it worked. Are you not happier in your life than you have been in a long, long time?"

"I am."

"So? Where is the harm done?"

"No harm done, I guess," I said. "Except that now it seems that once a year, nothing will truly satisfy me until you take me against my will."

"I can accept that you will be furious with me once a year. I can accept that you would be furious with me for the rest of your life. Sometimes I wonder why you don't try and kill me."

"I've thought of it," I said. "But if I did, who could meet this need of mine? So you'd better stick around for a good long while, asshole. I'll gladly, joyfully, willingly fuck you all year long. But on this day of the year, you have one job: satisfy this need you have created in me. You have to accept my anger, and me fighting against you, even while I orgasm from your cock violating me."

He kissed the back of my head and said, "Go to sleep, lover."

"Don't think I won't have my revenge," I said. "You'll be lucky if I don't set you up to be gang-raped by a bunch of gay bikers," I said.

"Promises, promises," he said. "Anyway, I know most of the gay bikers in Houston. Great guys."

After a moment, we both began to laugh.

"Well," I said, feeling happier than I had all day, "Don't you ever do something like this again."

"I won't," he said. "As long as I think it's not necessary."

Just then, we heard a knock on the door. It was Nadine!

"Y'all started without me? She try to claw your eyes out?" she asked Mike. He turned and showed her his back, where my fingernails had managed to make a series of red marks.

She clapped her hands in delight and said, "Oh, Jenny! That's my girl!"

She embraced me in a full-frontal hug. "Jenny? Baby, what's-" I tried to slap her face, but physically, I was no match for Nadine. She caught my hand easily, brought it to her lips, and kissed it, all while holding me in constant eye contact.

"I'm mad at you, too," I said. "You tricked me. You lied to me. You played with me, you forced me to have sex with you."

"If I had asked, you just would have said "no,"" she said.

"You didn't even give me the chance to say yes or no! How? How can you do that to someone?"

"Because we loved you," she said.

"We had never even met, at that point. You bi-" Nadine halted me by clamping her hand over my mouth.

"Lover," she said. "Baby, please listen to me now, ok? You do not ever call a Black woman a "bitch," do you understand? I have heard that word all that I care to hear in my lifetime." She removed her hand from my mouth.

"Even if she rapes you?" I said. On hearing those words, Nadine seemed to lose all her sternness, all her resolve. With tears in her eyes and pleading in her voice, she asked me,

"Oh, Jenny! Can't you forgive us? We had to do something! We didn't know what to do any more than you did. But we couldn't just let you get caught in some stupid affair with a man who doesn't deserve you. Or one who would end up taking advantage of you. Sooner or later, you would have cheated to meet your needs. And that would ruin your entire family! Or, you would eventually catch Dave with Paul. You'd have divorced him at that time, wouldn't you? Yes, we maybe could have done this differently, maybe even better."

She approached me again and pressed herself against the front of my body, wrapping her arms around my shoulders and looking me in the eyes. "But we did what we did, Mike and me. We lured you out to his place, then forced you to submit to us. It was hard on you. But we brought you into the light again, Jenny! Isn't your life better now? Your marriage is intact and stronger than ever. You have made a good, secure home for your kids. You have welcomed all of us into your life and your heart. And we have all been blessed to have you take a larger part in our lives!"

"I know," I said. "It's all true, what you said. I know it. I am happier now. But, God. God! Sometimes all the anger comes flooding back. Because none of it was with my consent. And along with it comes the obsessive need to feel that helplessness again. To be taken, against my will, by a stronger partner, forcing me to submit to their needs. I don't know how to deal with these conflicting emotions and desires! And you and Mike did this to me!"

"Against your will, yes. At first. Until after we had brought you around. We had you ready for an evening you only knew would be some sort of group sex orgy but had no idea of who it would involve or what was to come. And you were ready to engage in it willingly, despite how we had treated you, and despite the fact that you would then be knowingly cheating on your husband." We looked into each other's eyes, and she said, "Don't you dare deny it."

"MIKE!" I shouted. "Why does it have to be like this? Am I going to have to go through these episodes of hating you two, so bitterly, every year? WHY?"

He embraced me from the front, Nadine from behind, and said, "Like Nadine told you once: I don't know why life has to be filled with so much bad stuff. Things we don't want, but are forced to endure. But I do know that we can take almost any bad situation, any bad event, and turn it into something beautiful."

"Is that it?" I asked. "Is that why bad things have to happen? Until something bad happens, we can't make something beautiful from it?"

"That's as good of an answer as I've found anywhere," Nadine said, whispering it in my ear.

"Jenny," Mike said, "You can hate me all you want. If you're happier, overall, and the price is that every year you hate the sight of me? I can live with that. I love you."

"So, then, what?" I said. "Do I really love you two? Or is this just some kind of trauma bond, where the abused feels love for their abuser?"

"You could ask the same question about life: if we say we love life, which is the source of all the bad things that happen, are we just professing a trauma bond? I don't know the answer to either of those questions. I only know that almost any bad situation or event can be made into something better. If we're willing to put in the work to get there."

"I need to know why I love this so much!" I said. "The angry sex. The struggle I know I will lose. The forced fucking! The rape! Why do I want that? What is wrong with me?"

"Nothing is wrong with you," Nadine said. She had stepped away for a moment and when she returned, I could tell she had removed her clothes. "Some people like their sex rough. Some like it hurtful. It's all tied up in our bodies. The part of us that is an animal, looking for a suitable mate. There's nothing wrong with you, baby. You're just human."

Nadine, now naked, pressed her taught body against mine. She turned me around to face the wall, and said, "Now, sweet little princess, let's get you raped! What do you say to that? Mike and I, going down on you, holding you down, playing with you, fucking you, raping you all night long." She brought her lips to my ear and whispered, "Ready to get raped?"

I was going to say no. That'd show them! I was turned on like mad, my musk streaming down my inner thighs, so strongly had Nadine's words resonated with my body's animal desires. But! I'd refuse them, anyway! I opened my mouth to tell them what they could do with their rape fantasy. But what I heard myself say was,

"Yes. Oh yes, please."

They took me to the bed; Nadine lay down on her back, legs spread wide. They positioned me on my hands and knees in a 69 over Nadine. Mike Held my arms behind my back, and Nadine wrapped her legs around my shoulders. I wasn't going anywhere until they were done with me. Mike entered me at about the same time I felt Nadine's lips fasten themselves to my clit. Almost immediately, I started coming. Not the hard, final-act orgasm. This was a lower-intensity, much longer-lasting orgasm. They held me in that state for at least 45 minutes before they let me up, put me on my back, and Nadine sat on my face, her hand playing with my clit, while Mike fucked my ass. The orgasm that hit this time damn near knocked me out. It made me squirt!

Collapsing on the mattress sandwiched between my two lovers, a contented sigh escaped my lips.

"Happy anniversary, Jenny!" they both said at the same time.

I started bawling like a baby. Somehow, I managed to stammer out,

"I love you both so much."

END