Valentimes: Worst and Best of Times

"I'd like to take him. He needs some holistic mending. I have the herbs and oils he will need to restore his energy balance at my place."

Wait. This hippy chick who had intervened to save me from a DWI arrest was now taking it further than I really needed or wanted. Did I agree to this? Did I consent to be placed in the care of Earth Mother? I don't remember any such desire on my part. What if I need real medical attention? What was my New Age healer promising? Did she say herbs and doing something to my 'energy'? Good god. What was happening to me? Did she think that she owed me for my troubles? Did she think that I was some experimental healing project to be toyed with?

Damn it all. I was in no condition to be making any more decisions. What the hell? Let her take me. She seems nice enough now - for a hippy witch doctor kind of woman.

Given the circumstances, the best the cops could do is revert to professional conduct. The sergeant rolled down her window, "No driving sir until you can see straight. I'm leaving you in the caring hands of your new lady friend." Turning to the woman next to me, she left these instructions, "Get him warm and 'energy balanced' -- he needs a break; Friday the 13^th has not been kind to him." The cops shut off their emergency lights, driving their squad cars off in opposite directions.

"Friday the 13^th doesn't have anything to do with what happened to you today. You know this unlucky day business is just superstition. It's silly that so many people still hold onto that bad karma belief. Nothing to it you know." I was surprised by her assertion; for once tonight I thought I agreed with her. I was beginning to believe that it was me who might be wrong; I was becoming susceptible to entertaining the idea that there might be some truth to the notion that Friday the 13^th is unlucky. Funny thing, her clear-headed statement snapped me out of falling for this superstition. I thought that perhaps I'd misjudged Earth Mama; maybe she had some logic and sense in her head after all. Damn, it hurt my head to try and think about this crazy crap.

"You know what your real problem is Gary?" Okay -- here we go; now I get my witch doctor diagnosis. I just stood next to her car, only interested in getting my head to stay on my shoulders while I hoped the throbbing pain would retreat a little with each loud beat of my heart resounding within my skull.

"Gary, your difficulties arise from an energy state where your life force is not properly centered. Your mind, body and spirit are not in harmony with one another nor to the consciousness of the cosmos. You are not holding things lightly; your spiritual muscles are fatigued by gripping everything too tightly. You need to learn the art of breathing and relaxation; you're too rigid to experience renewal and absorb the flow of positive energy. I believe you should learn to feel the enlightening transformation of true nature in all levels of your being." My head hurt. Even if it didn't, I don't think any of that mumbo jumbo download from my New Age guru-rescuer would make any sense. Where does one start with that kind of advice? I'm thinking, probably with a trip to the garbage can.

"You understand nothing of what I've told you, do you Gary?" I gave a grunt as I kept my aching head still. "I sense your blockage. That's all right; I'll take care of you. Get in the car." That I understood. Unfortunately I was out of options at the moment. I got in the car waiting for my next surprise while in her company. But I was not looking forward to it; I hate surprises.

I kept my eyes closed as I rode with an unnamed woman to an unknown destination. After making a few turns through the night streets that brought us to the edge of town, she broke the silence; "Hey man, I want to say I'm sorry to have read your text from your girlfriend. You may not believe it, but I'm sensing your emotional pain quite deep right now. I know you are hurting. I wish you would name your wounds to me. I feel I can offer you an opening to your healing, but it won't be an easy journey for you. I know that."

The car pulled into the gravel drive of an old, wood framed home somewhere out of town. My mystery woman let her Volvo idle with the heater warming my feet while she looked at me in the dark. I kept my stare straight out the windshield; partly because my neck was sore and stiff and partly because I didn't want to look her in the eye. Her tone was soft, genuine and heartfelt, but I found her questions uncomfortable and intrusive. I was not used to such probing and in my weakened state I was too vulnerable to talk to her on the level she was talking to me. I looked ahead at the freezing fog settling about the darkened house and met her request on a level that provided the least amount of discomfort for me; "Name my wounds? I got a bunch. I'd say the front of my head is the worst; the back of my head is a close second. My neck and upper back are sore, there's gotta be some damage there too. My dog bite is not so bad, at least in comparison. The place where you shoved me in the throat and chest, that doesn't matter so much."

"Yeah, I know about those. I feel you are holding some sharp pain from your girlfriend's message to you this afternoon. And, ah, right before Valentimes Day too. Would you like to tell me about that wound now -- but only if you want to?"

There was that mispronunciation of Valentines yet again. But the annoying part was her probing into my shattered life which made Cynthia's cruel text become real for the first time. It was a surprise how sharp and raw it now felt once she mentioned it out loud. It was a soul-shredding stab in the ribs that now out hurt all the others. It felt like real physical pain, which surprised me. I thought I felt the urge to cry. I would have cried, but it would have hurt my shoulders to heave with sobs. I fought back the emotion, inhaling quick breaths to control the pain of a broken heart. She reached over as I worked hard to control myself and rested her hand upon my shoulder. "Gary? I know you are broken and raw right now. I hope you also know you are not alone and abandoned right now. I will offer you care and healing as best I can. For as long as I am needed." She reached up to touch my cheek with the back of her hand. I did not know how to receive her. I sat in silence, frozen in pain, stranded in an unfamiliar world in unimaginable circumstances. My world had collapsed without warning despite my careful plans. This day was hell. It was a surprisingly awful day. I hate surprises and the messes they create.

"Will you let me care for you?" I grunted in a noncommittal affirmative.

She pressed my seatbelt button to release the clasp and came around to open my door. I eased my way onto the ground as she escorted me through a creaking wooden picket gate and an overgrown garden path that led to her door. She flipped the switch next to the door to illuminate the interior. I glanced around with my dull wits; I was struck by the curious décor. There were lots of shelves, even some in the middle of the room. Books and a few magazines on some shelves, but plenty of others were dedicated to long, dangly plants, metal and wood canisters and strange old jars. This was not a well kept, orderly living space that allowed one to function efficiently, but that did not surprise me. With her arms wrapped around my midsection I was guided to a couch covered in large, overstuffed pillows with intricate embroidery. I was to lie down and seek comfort. She left my side and hurried into the kitchen area, returning with a long, thin burning stick. She began to light numerous candles all about the room, cutting off the electric lights once she'd finished.

"This will be a good start for you. I've only lit the candles that will provide the best therapeutic aroma for you. The electricity in the lights is too harsh for a broken being such as you are tonight." It was strange reasoning at the least, but it was a soothing atmosphere. I was wary of what was ahead, but for now, it was all right.

"Gary, I need you to relax and breath out your bad energy that you have collected inside your body. While you are releasing the negative and resting, I'm going to call a friend to see what she can do to help me help you. She's has a wonderful and strong third eye. She will know." I'm listening and thinking; none of this is based on science, this is all bull. Maybe it would work if you believed it would work, like Voodoo or some placebo effect. "Don't move. I'm going to make the call." In another lifetime I would have run from this weird sister, but under my circumstances I couldn't move much, even if I had somewhere to escape to. My fate was sealed. I wasn't going to be moving anywhere fast.

"Celenia is coming right over. She is going to read your aura and advise us. You're lucky, Celenia can see very deep."

"Who or what is Celenia? Is that a mineral of province of Spain or what?"

With some mirth in her voice covering what I took as a serious warning, "Celenia is a good friend. I'll warn you not to make fun of her, she has powers, but if you project too much of a heavy reaction to her, she will not be able to do you as much good as she otherwise might. So try and drop your level of rigidity and allow your positive energy to flow more freely. OK?"

"OK. But I have no earthly idea of what you just said. Nothing is making any sense today."

"If you let it, it will."

"So, the powerful and mystical Celenia is coming over to 'read' me. Since I'm new to this mind reading trick I'll need some information. For starters, please tell me who is it who has taken me into her home tonight?"

A look of complete surprise covered her face as her mouth dropped open. She laughed a heavy laugh as she slapped her knees and then skipped over to me and placed her hands on my cheeks. "Oh Gary. How did I let that happen? My, my, my. Why yes, of course, you may call me Magil -- with one 'l'. A double 'l' would tend to make a negative block, fencing out the higher karma of my name and making me impermeable to good graces."

"Magil it is. My Magil with a missing 'l'. Magil, my thanks for getting me out of those cuffs earlier. I wasn't thinking too well and the way those cops were looking at me, I think I was heading for a night in the drunk tank." She smiled as I offered my thanks. I looked in her eyes and realized that these were the first decent words I'd said to her. I'd resorted to rebukes, sarcasm and grunts in my wounded communication with her up until now.

"Did you like the way I drove your car? See, I got it back on the street, but I did it in an unconventional way. It wasn't going to be backed out directly, so I took another way. I see and do things in unconventional ways, ways which work though." Magil was obviously proud of herself as she recounted the experience.

"The cops told you it was 'impressive'. I'll leave it at that."

"I'm going to start brewing you a cup of herbal tea to aid in your recovery while we wait for Celenia. Please excuse me." Magil busied herself in the kitchen, selecting a pinch of stuff from several different jars and canisters to concoct my custom brew. I submerged myself in her stack of pillows trying to get a grasp of her unconventional ways. Perhaps her ways may work for me, but I had serious doubts.

"Gary, I know what you need right now, and the good part for you is that it is pretty conventional; something that you can understand and enjoy. You need a nice hot bath. The warm bath waters will feel good on your sore muscles. I'm going to let your healing herbal tea steep for a minute while I get your bath set up. Stay right there Gary." Of course my physical condition meant that I was going nowhere, even if I wanted to.

Magil returned to the room, "Ah, you're still dressed. Are you to stiff to undo your clothes?"

"I was just waiting until my bath was ready. I was going to undress myself inside the bathroom."

"Can you stand up?" I tried to rise from my cushioned position but discovered my joints had stiffened and my neck, shoulders and upper arms were not cooperating in getting me up on my own two feet.

"This is embarrassing; I can't get up without feeling like I'm going to snap into several pieces." I rolled onto the floor thinking a solid surface would make it easier for me to stand upright. I could sit up, but it was not easy to stand.

"Oh Gary. You poor man. You look like you're worst off than I thought. I see pain on your face. Stay right there, I'll help you." Magil bent down and asked me to lie flat on my back. I did.

She untied my shoes then moved up to unbutton my shirt removing my clothing with minimal participation on my part. She then unbuckled my belt and was going for the waistband clasp when I said, "Wait Magil. I think I can do that myself."

"No need, I'll take care of you. You're fine. Lie still Gary." Before I knew it, she'd slipped my damp and muddy slacks off leaving me in my skivvies supine on her floor.

"Oh my! You're bath! Magil sprung up and dashed to the bathroom to check on the tub of hot water. I rolled over and managed to get to my knees and bring myself to a standing position and started shuffling toward the sound of running bath water. I rounded the corner to the bathroom to see Magil adding some liquid to water. "I think some soothing aroma will hasten your healing, come right in." As I stood at the edge of the tub, Magil turned to me and before I knew it, she'd pulled down my underwear and asked me to step into the tub.

"Hey, Magil. I could've done that myself."

"Oh you needn't worry, I'm happy to help. You know that I believe that the human body is beautiful. There is no shame in my house. Display your beauty and be comfortable and free in the creation that is before us."

Balancing myself with my hands on the edge, I eased into the aromatic waters. The water felt good. I felt naked and exposed, because I was. I did not like being surprised by Magil's undressing me so quickly, stripping me buck naked in front of her. I slumped into the hot waters and covered my privates as Magil watched to make sure I was comfortable. "I'll leave you to soak, call me if you need anything. I'll bring your tea to you in a moment. I'm going to launder our clothes; we both got off to a mucky start this afternoon by the bridge right after your bunny crash."

A plaque hanging next to the tub was inscribed: Sorrow can be alleviated by a good sleep, a bath and a good glass of wine -- Saint Thomas Aquinas. I knew of Thomas Aquinas and I hoped his wisdom applied to my situation, but I had my doubts. Magil brought a large hand-thrown pottery cup to me as I soaked. The steaming potion smelled exotic, like a rainforest with heavy accents of other spices, of which cinnamon was the only one I recognized. I sipped the brew and tried to sort out my thoughts on Cynthia. What had happened there, what went wrong? And now what was going to happen here with Magil? This was a complex set of issues. I didn't see how I could fit this in to my spreadsheets. I was in a strange woman's bath tub and I had no clear and logical way of making sense of my situation. I was stressed.

I could hear the front door open and close as a woman's voice called out, "Nancy?"

Magil answered, "Celenia I'm in the laundry room." I was surprised to hear the sound of a mechanical appliance, a washing machine, start up in Magil's house. I was thinking this place was run on pixie dust and moonbeams.

"I am so pleased you came to help us. I don't want to tell you too much ahead of time about him, I don't want to bias your reading. But I need to know what you see and get your advice. I can tell you that he's just been through a lot of negativity, poor guy."

"Where is he now Nancy?" asked the lady who had just entered the house.

"I put him in some hot water with a positive aroma and I gave him a mix of teas to help restore him and make him receptive to your reading. Do you think what I did will help you at all?"

"Can't hurt." I could hear Celenia's answer through the bathroom door.

To my surprise, the two women came barging through the closed door without so much as a knock for my consideration. Magil had undressed and was wearing a bathrobe. She turned to her guest witch doctor and tossed her head in my direction, "This is Gary. He's pretty broken I sense. What do you see?"

"Wait, wait, wait. Wait just a doggone minute. Can't a guy have a private bath? Can you wait for me to finish here before we gaze into your crystal ball?" I did not appreciate getting a couple of surprise visitor to my private bath. I disliked all of these surprises being sprung on me.

"Gary you need to trust me, trust us, if you want us to restore your balance and health. Can you relax and do that for me?" Magil was pleading with me as if I was a small child that was about to have an inoculation at the doctor's office. This was supposed to be for my own good.

"OK. But first a question for you Magil, or whoever you are. You tell me to call you Magil, with only one 'l', and then your friend shows up and calls you Nancy? What is the truth here?"

Celenia answered for her, "Actually her name is Lil, but she calls herself Magil, but everyone knows her as Nancy." The physical pain in my head from today's injuries had subsided, but now my mind was wobbling with this weird explanation. Who are these people? This is a weird rabbit hole that I've fallen down into.

With no further elaboration on the names, Celenia held her finger tips lightly on her cheeks and forehead as she seemed to zone out a bit as she stared at my naked body in the bath tub. I held my tea mug over my genitals just in case I needed some protection from these strange doings.

Celenia shifted her head as if she needed to view me at different angles while I sat like a collected sample in a specimen jar for the curious world to view and pontificate upon.

This took a couple of minutes. Everyone was silent. Turning to Magil, "Nancy, as usual, you're right. Your poor man here is manifesting a lot of damage and chi blockage. I see he's encrusted with a lot of negativity, some of it looks fresh and raw."

Magil's face showed a pained and contorted sympathetic expression, "What do you read?"

"His auras are all very murky. On top of that, they are also shattered - I don't usually ever see that."

With a shadow of growing disaster creeping across her face, Magil seemed to struggle to ask her next question, "What colors do you see for him? Not black I hope."

"His emotional aura shows a dark and muddy red that washes into a murky brown. This aura is broken, shattered as I said. He has not imbibed the full pain yet; his grip on this pain is still forming. His broken emotions have yet to settle into him. That is why I feel this is a very raw and recent emotional wound. He is in bad shape. I'm glad he's with you, your bright green aura is the kind of harmonious energy waves which this fellow needs to be surrounded with."

Magil nodded solemnly, "You see his emotional aura; do you see any others?"

"I do detect them. They're dark. I see a lot of gray; tending toward pewter more than black though. That's a good thing."

Magil pressed Celenia for information on my colors, "If I can find a way to let his life energy overcome his negative doubts that are blocking the flow and power of his chi; can you see what aura would shine through? I mean if I brought him healing and he was able to transition into a higher understanding, what would you see in him?"

Celenia returned her vacant stare to my chest with a far off look. "He has buried it deep under his skepticism and negative doubts, but I see a hint of a lemony yellow if he were to free his soul energy."

"All right, wait a minute. What are you two twisted sisters talking about? Your words and concepts sound really weird to me, and besides, I don't see any of those colors. I think you're making up words and seeing things that don't exist."