Valentimes: Worst and Best of Times

My accusations seemed to stun Celenia. Magil sensing the discord, stepped between us while turning to me saying, "Gary, listen to me; you are going to have to lay down your unhealthy defensiveness and listen with your heart of hearts. Celenia will tell you the meaning of what she sees. OK?"

I let out a large audible sigh. With a nod of my head toward Celenia, I acknowledged my acquiescence to Magil's request.

Celenia began to speak to me; "What I offer is not a judgment on your personality. I am looking at the energy field that you are projecting; it is called your aura. Everyone has their own energy. There is meaning and exposed truth in the colors of your energy field. I am only telling you what I see. I speak in honesty and universal truth. Examine your own consciousness and tell me if I have seen your truth. If you are wise you will embrace your true colors and find enlightenment."

"I find this strange if not absurd. But please proceed." I was honestly hoping for an answer to my question as to what was happening; but I remained skeptical.

"Your auras (everyone has several dimensions to their auras) are cloudy, muddy looking; that is not a good sign. I know nothing about you really, but I'm here because Nancy said she has taken in a good man who is in need on several levels, and Nancy wanted me to read you to help her understand what psychic areas are hurting so that she could best serve you. Would you like me to tell you what I see in your auras?

"Yes. I'm skeptical, but interested. Please proceed."

Celenia continued as Magil listened with a rapt attention, "The lack of luster in your auras tells me you have are dealing with a lot of negative energy which has clouded your life. Your emotional aura is not whole and unified, it has broken onto segments. The disintegration will not last long, but I see that you have had an extreme and difficult emotional event recently. I would guess in the last six hours. You aura is a muddy, dark red; you are holding raw resentment and anger. This is the powerful negative energy that is clouding your emotional energy right now. Hopefully you will transition into a better energy state; how soon depends on your willingness to allow your chi, your life energy, to flow and seek a proper balance. Nancy is gifted at helping hurting people like you transcend to a higher place."

Magil interrupted, "His disintegrated emotional aura is a wound caused by a text from his girlfriend this afternoon breaking up with him. And just before Valentimes Day too."

I had to speak up, "OK, two things. First: yeah Celenia, you're correct in that I was surprised and hurt to get a text from Cynthia late this afternoon saying she is done with our relationship. I don't know how or if what you said you see in me is true, but I can't argue with the facts. My heart is crushed and I'm confused in so many ways. Emotionally clouded, all muddies up as you might say. Second: Magil, your keep saying Valentimes. It is not an 'm', it is an 'n'; it is correctly pronounced Val-en-TINES."

Magil snorted in a bemused fashion at my correction. "Gary, I know that. I just feel it is a romantic time and to me it makes all the sense in the cosmos to say Val-en-TIMES. I just like it better that way because it is a time, a romantic time. You understand what I mean when I say it my way, so stop worrying about what is technically correct. Just enjoy the flow of the good times. Besides, tines are like spines. Tines are sharp, I use Valentimes for a softer romantic affect; here's to better times. Understand? Please consider letting me in so I can heal you."

I shook my head in surrender as I heard her explanation. "Magil, you say that with such sincerity. You know, I'm in the mood for some sincerity, healing and better times. Deal. I'll let it be."

Magil beamed at me as she came close to turn the tap and add some hot water to my bath. Celenia asked, "Do you want to hear what other things I see?"

"I'm not sure what to make of your powers, but you're batting a thousand. Please proceed."

"Your dark and muddy red seems to grade into a muddy brown; 'frejole shit brown' I call it. This makes sense to me because that shade of brown comes from a misalignment; a misalignment that is caused by you trying to hold onto something that was not meant to be for you. You will be much freer if you can find a way to release your misaligned desire."

"Are you saying that I caught frejole shit brown energy from my girlfriend - former girlfriend?"

Magil shut off the hot water and followed up on my question, "I don't want to get too personal with your love life, and I really don't want to say..." Celenia finished Magil's thought, "I'll say it; you are holding onto something which you are not supposed to connect with. That something is toxic."

"Is that something, Cynthia?" I asked.

Celenia shrugged, "I can't see every detail. You tell me, is it Cynthia?"

I did not want to go too deep on this topic. "Anything else that you see?"

"Oh yeah. I definitely see a thick gray aura. You are not open to your natural life forces. You are blocking the good and the peaceful with your doubts and negativity that you are wearing like a big winter coat. You need to find a way to open up to the sunshine."

Even though I might regret it, I was warming to all that I was being told by Celenia. I probed this new age thinking with a question, "Celenia, let's say I did 'open up'; what would happen to me?"

Celenia nodded, looked again at my chest area with unfocused eyes. "Underneath all of your gray, I detect your indigenous personality aura is yellow, lemony yellow if it were not mixed with all of your cloudy negativism."

"Tell him what lemony yellow means," requested Magil.

Celenia filled me in, "Your indigenous aura is a lemony yellow one which speaks of a man who values the mind above heart. You are detail-minded, you are a micromanager. You are a perfectionist, which explains why I see so much gray surrounding you as I try to explain about psychic phenomena; you have not learned to live outside of the tangible. You are captive to your small, tight mind and a single dimension, the physical. You have sacrificed your heart and have shut off your chi. You are out of your natural alignment." A shiver went down my spine. She was dead on.

"OK, I was real skeptical when you two started in with me. I am less so now. The fact is that all you have said is true. What should I do with this information?"

Celenia broke out into a broad grin, "Great question. I believe you can work toward harmony in all of your being. I tell you, it was no accident that you have connected with Nancy. She has a bright green with some turquoise in her aura; she's a healer with a little magic. You need to place yourself in her hands. She can do you some good - if you let her. Don't be so gray."

Magil was pleased to have her gifts enunciated before me, a skeptic, but a diminishing skeptic. Magil asked her friend, "What is your idea on where I should start?"

Celenia replied with what I thought was a sly smile, "He has physical injuries; rest and some herbs will work I suspect. More pressing is that he has a wounded heart. It was a painful wrenching from a woman - a toxic woman, but no less painful for the crushing of his masculine force that is meant to flow from his sacral chakra. Nancy, you're the gifted healer here; I think you know exactly what he needs.

"A tantric lingam focus and alignment?" Magil inquired of her friend.

"Yes. That's what I think he needs, a tantric lingam massage. I think he will respond well." She pressed her lips tight together and the corners of her mouth rose high on her cheek bones. "I hope I was of some help. Let me hear how it goes Nancy. Good night you two."

I had no idea what was being discussed.

Celenia floated out of the bathroom, leaving me naked an in confused awe. I heard the door shut behind her as she let herself out. Magil left me alone too. I surprised myself in wanting to believe what I was hearing about psychic energy, invisible auras and undocumented chi. Maybe I still don't like surprises, but maybe I was getting used to them. Magil returned with a silk kimono, "Here, let me help you out of your Saint Aquinas bath; I trust it has begun to alleviate your deep sorrow."

I eased myself up, feeling aches and stiff, but also a transformation of sorts. I was getting a little better I thought. "Don't move your sore arms; I'll be happy to dry you off. Hold on to me if you need to balance while I rub you dry." She finished toweling me down, then helped me slip into the kimono. I hated to admit it, but I enjoyed Magil's attention.

"I'll put your clothes in the drier after our supper. Sorry, it's not very fancy fare, a bean stew and some fruit. I'll warm up some homemade bread, though it's a few days old. Do you want tea or wine with our meal?" I suggested the wine since a good glass had been recommended by Saint Thomas Aquinas himself, I pointed to the plaque next to the bathtub. Magil opened her fridge and brought out a bottle of French white, appellation Loire Valley. I was beginning to admire my green-aura hippy chick.

As we drank our wine out of cut glass tumblers, she looked into my eyes, "Gary, would you be comfortable with letting me touch you? I feel that I can transform you with a tantric massage that would be very personal and would transition you into a healing space, but it will involve some emotional intensity. I don't know if you are ready for that right now. I will need your permission. I will need you to work with me on breathing and relaxing. I will be offering a sense of divine love. You may find it too powerful at this time. What would you like?"

"Your friend was right on with everything she said she saw in me. Honestly, this is all new and quite strange. She told me to place myself into your healing hands. I've never had someone care for me like you have done for me this evening. I will trust you. I will follow what you want me to do. I think it might be good for me."

Magil turned up the heat in the room and lit more candles around a soft mat that she placed on the floor. Magil arranged a couple of small pillows on the mat and then draped them with towels. She pulled a vial of oil from the cabinet and set it next to the mat. "Gary, this will be your place. Despite what you may think, my purpose this evening is to draw your consciousness into a relaxed state so that you can get in touch with your damaged masculine inner core and breathe in to expand your spirit. I will be focused on your lingam, your Wand of Light. You need to unite with your core masculine energy after an emotional trauma. We will work on this together. Are you comfortable doing this?"

"When you say lingam, are you using a new word for my penis?"

Magil answered in a tone as if she was speaking in church. "Yes. This is a sacred exercise to bring forth your masculine energy. I will be focused on your sacral chakra, I will be projecting divine love on your Wand of Light, a strong source for renewal of your shattered core energy, your lingam is your penis in the language of tantric massage. This will enable you to work through trauma." Magil came to me and placed two soft, warm hands on my cheeks and placed her nose close to mine and looked into my eyes. She held her stare until I was comfortable with her dwelling in my personal space. While still looking into my eyes, and perhaps even into my soul; she slipped the kimono off my shoulders and let it drop. She took my hand and led me to the mat and had me lie flat on my back, placing a pillow under my head and my hips. My head was tender, front and back, but the throbbing pain had ceased. My neck and upper back remained stiff, but I was not in pain as long as I didn't flex beyond a limited range.

We were bathed in candle light as she spoke, "The purpose of my lingam massage is not sexual climax. But whatever happens is fine. I don't know what will happen with you, but I am not here to sexually excite you. I am here to bring light and healing to your masculine core. I can begin to heal your emotional pain and raise your spirit -- if you let me. Would you like to journey with me as I escort you closer to the divine?"

When I got out of bed this morning, I would never have guessed in a million years that I would be answering such a question. "I'm a little hesitant, this is pretty strange business; but I am ready for you to lead me on," I told her in as confident a voice as I could muster.

Magil spread my legs and slipped in between them, sat cross-legged and then removed her robe. I felt I was in the presence of a goddess of feminine beauty and healing. I watched her breasts sway in the low light as she placed her robe to the side and picked up the vial of oil from the floor. The sway of her breasts had a strange mesmerizing affect on me as their sight seemed to fill me with a sense of soft, feminine comfort and a sweet peace as they moved before me. They were full, but not so much round as cylindrical. I found myself contrasting Magil's bare chest with that of Cynthia's; I felt Magil was showing me an intimate and sensual side of her body, but it was not overtly sexual. When Cynthia would allow me to look upon her bare chest, it was always a sign that it was my task to provide pleasure to her through her nipples. With Magil, it was totally different; I was the one being served. I was surprised that a woman would come to me in a caring and sensual way without expectations placed on me and my actions. I was surprised, and for once, this was a good surprise.

In an easy whisper Magil told me that communication was essential for us as she worked to heal me. "We will begin by breathing together; we will breathe from our bellies." She placed her hands on my lower abdomen, "Breathe from here." We drew several breaths together and she told me to continue, "Fill your lungs, don't hold it in, but exhale and relax." I followed her instructions and I watched her breasts rise and fall in unison with my breaths. I knew I was falling into an enchanted state watching Magil just breath. I felt like I was losing control of my situation, but for once, I was not panicked; I found it quite the opposite, I found it peaceful. "Gary you are breathing in harmony with me, you are doing well." I smiled at having a woman speak kind and encouraging words to me. I became relaxed by her touch and our breathing.

Magil poured some of her oil onto her palms, "I am going to begin to massage your skin with oil; speak to me if any of this makes you uncomfortable." I nodded. I again thought of Cynthia, and how I was on edge always trying to interpret her moods and fearing that I would do something that she didn't like; this was a different approach. Not to mention that I was the one receiving all of the attention, this was novel and pleasant. Magil began lightly massaging my pectoral muscles, asking how I liked it and if I wanted her touch to be lighter or firmer. She spent time rubbing my chest and as she bent forward, I could feel her gently swinging breast graze across my stomach. The sensation of her warm hands and breasts on my flesh made me feel I was no longer who I was when I awoke that morning. I felt like I was somebody different. I had to consider that Magil's offer to escort me closer to the divine was more than new age dippy hippy words, but there may be some reality to this stuff after all.

She slowly advanced from my torso down to my inner thighs and down my legs. The slow, sensual process moved back to my abdomen as she reminded be to breath deep. Magil spread the aromatic oil into the skin around my hips and then back to my thighs as she focused on my mood. I felt as if I was being worshiped. I was unsure why I was now at the center of this tender woman's touch and healing concentration. I was transformed into a new creation with Magil's quiet connection to my body. I found I enjoyed her presence and the vision of her feminine form with the curve of her hips and the candlelit shadows playing off of her breasts, shoulders, neck and graceful face behind her long dark hair.

Magil took some more oil and circled her hands until she was pressing into the area just above my penis, rocking her hands while she pushed into my muscle and skin. In a continuous motion she slid her supple fingers down to my balls. Using the most delicate and caring caresses, she moved my balls as if they were being gently washed by warm waves on the shore of some tranquil sea. "Is that comfortable for you?" I groaned in ascent to express my bliss. My bliss was also signaled by my stiffening dick. I could feel it thicken and grow heated as she worked around what she called my lingam. I felt the blood flow into my Wand of Light and maybe I was imagining things, but I also felt as if wholeness and a sense of power were filling my loins. Magil took notice of my growing erection, "I see your Wand of Light is receptive, you are to welcome what come to your masculine center. Do you feel your strength collecting? Allow your Wand of Light to find its balance and be at peace with masculine confidence."

Magil moved her hands up my sides as she extended herself over my chest, pressing her breasts into my chest and with a sultry whisper, she asked, "May I touch your Wand of Light?"

"I think I've been waiting for that question for awhile. Yes, please. I think I'm ready." I relished the moment that our two bodies pressed tight, then I spoke up and told her, "Magil, you are so sweet and kind..." She put her right index finger onto my lips and made a shushing sound as she held her finger there for a moment to bring me to silence. She then slowly move her single finger off my lips, down my chin, throat and chest; returning to my penis, my Wand of Light, my lingam. As she withdrew, she did so in a way that her nipples traced a path across my chest and stomach. She sat erect and seemed to shake her shoulders just a bit as I watched her beautiful breast withdraw from their contact with my skin. I thought that she might be teasing me a little, jiggling her pair; but then I remembered that this was supposed to be sacred and serious. She must not have been teasing me as I watched with enchantment - was she?

Magil dripped a bit more oil and then cast a loving look at my lingam. She was devoted to my healing and my pleasure and she was doing wondrous things for my spirit and body. As she stroked me, my semi-erection stiffened in her hand. Without looking at my face, she said, "Your lingam is your source of energy and light." Magil squeezed the base of my shaft in her hand, pulling up slowly and sliding her hand off. She switched hands and again squeezed the base and slipped her grip up my rigid shaft and off. Her slow strokes focused all of my energies into a tight laser beam so that I felt I was all lingam. I was now but a concentrated Wand of Light. After repeated strokes moving up my lingam, she watched my breathing and began to stroke me starting at the top and slowly moving to the base; first with one hand then with the other. Magil had been explicit that this was not about sexual arousal, but I was a mere mortal, and I could not help but feel my balls tighten and sense the growing desire to thrust and inseminate. Her long, silken strokes made my glutes tighten and I was growing eager and out of control, I wanted to use my Wand of Light. My loins began to ache as I tensed. Surely she felt how hot my rod was becoming and how hard I was. Did she understand that a lingam at this stage of arousal demands to explode? My desire to enter her and unload my hot semen was becoming unbearable. This was no longer spiritual for me, it was intensely carnal. Magil watched me as I was showing signs of sexual desire. "Talk to me, are you feeling close to ejaculating?"

"I can't help but be turned on by your exquisite handling of my lingam Magil. At this rate, I won't last much longer." I was being honest, but I was not sure if I was behaving as I was expected. I was used to being told by Cynthia how to behave and not to make a mess.