All Comments on 'Valentines Day Special'

A most unusual marital counseling session!

5

Good story, but the POV changes are insanely distracting. At one point, you wrote” When Frank nodded my head.”

Very, very good, my friend!

Pay more attention to your writing!!

"He sucked it in and bathed it with my tongue. "

Do not change Tense during a sentence! That one goes from Third person (he) to First Person (my)!

Very nice story, particularly where the couple gets back together and opens up.

Nice story, I so want to be Frank. My English is better though............

Damned near unreadable due to POV and tense changes, wrong word use, and just plain confusing writing. The story concept is great and with proofreading and an edit, this would be worth 5 stars.

Very good story. I liked it even though it di have some grammatical errors that have already been pointed out.

Looking forward to reading more of your stories

5stars

Who was the fourth person? Frank, Lucy, and Maggie we know. But the "I, me, and my" was never identified. e.g. "There was a flood around the head of his dick and down along my whole shaft," and "Frank stopped moving with my hips planted against Maggie's ass." Or, maybe someone changed the story from 1st person to 3rd person and did a poor job of editing. Otherwise, an erotic Valentine's story.

RJDinNY

Your point of view changes when it should not:

quote: There was a flood around the head of his dick and down along my whole shaft. unquote. If it is too hard to proof read your own work, get someone else to do it for you.

Other wise it is excellent writing

Liked the story, but keeps swapping from third to first person towards the end which put me off

I agree with the others who enjoyed this story, but noted the first to third, to first person swaps. it can be very distracting to your readers. Having said that, I've spent a significant part of my 40+ year career doing tech writing (Network Practices, Training Guides, etc.), but I don't have 1/100th of your creative talent. I'm a very good editor/tech writer, and I'm willing to spend time editing your stories if you are interested. Please let me know if my offer is one that interests you.

Thank you for another entertaining story!

Good story. Got a few pronouns confused and a little confusing. Needs editing but 4 * it was interesting. Thank you.

I started this story as third person. I had to put it aside for other work and when I came back I carried the story forward as first person. Just before the end, I caught what I had done and rushed to change it over to third person. I missed a lot of things as I had never done that before.

I've done an edit that I hope will be up shortly.

Thank you and I hope you guys will understand.

Did the story description get mixed up? There's nobody named Dave in this story

Pretty much what others said. The story was a "5" but the first-to-third person changes were so distracting I ended up giving it a 3. Why did you rush to change it? Take your time. Writing is art, and just like painting or drawing or sculpture, rushing it does not produce great art. Re-read and correct, then re-read again and correct, and then one more time, usually leaving at least a few days in between each re-reading. I've done that with the stories I've published here, plus the four novels and another dozen short stories all in the mainstream world.

But, again, the story--the concept and the follow-through were excellent. Oh, one more thing--too much groaning and yelling.

I echo comments about it being a 5 if it gets some intensive proofreading. It looks like somebody drafted the story in first person and then did a poor job of changing it. There are also some misspellings.

Also, who is "Dave." Dave is mentioned in the description.

I think that if the story had been completed in first person pov, it would have been a better story. The mix up has already been mentioned enough. As it is, it comes off with very little passion — very little energy. Seems somewhat forced to get it all described without enough insight into the characters inner feelings, thoughts, etc. I'm not going to vote because I don't want to pile with a rating — the author already knows it was a bit rushed. Stuff happens and I didn't pay much for reading ;)

It took a week for the edit to go through so the story should be more or less in third person now. Thanks for understanding.