by hells_angel4eva
nice : ) apart from the repeating lines its great, and if you wana whine about repeating lines theres a page long story about "the god of war" that uses the same phrases so often it makes me want to slap someone lol, this is rly good, be more descriptive (descriptive words) and this'd be great :D
I liked how the story flowed from one dream to the next. Nicely done.
By liberally using the 'fuck' word may not make your story exciting or hot. Instead it would become cliche and make your work trashy.
And best to leave repetitive phrases alone. "Oh God, I'm horny. Yeah, we all know you were being fucked by a good-looking vampire but you don't have to tell us again and again. It became a chore to read.