All Comments on 'Veronica'

i do believe there will be a second part

I don't know if it's dialect but sometimes the sentences are difficult to follow in terms of structure and seem nonsensical.

Something mighty wrong with Peter. Why would he even consider childsupport backpay? Is he insane? She left with the kids, untracable. The kids might not be even his and obviously she was also cheating with his mother. Then there was his dropping Veronica in a heartbeat for people he doesnt even know anymore, because of a memory. The heck? He needs help and Veronica might be better off without him in her life.

Another disjointed tale told in lingo vernacular.. are you a South Islander, you come across as one.

Scores 3/5

You really need an editor. And even in the 80's I'm pretty sure that taking children out of the country without their Father's consent was illegal. When Jane shows up, have her arrested and send the kids back to Australia and foster care. This was a complete train wreck.

1 star

I had a hard time understanding part of it which made grading it hard. My guessing at what you were saying gave you a 4*

I think the abrupt ending sucked.

Veronica is bipolar or something

None of the shit with the returned wife was relevant. She left, they're divorced, end of that story. If wanted to meet him, it should have been on his terms, when it did not intrude on his new life. Considering how she left, there would have to be paternity questions. And let's not even get into the circumstances around the first conversation with this woman he's gonna ask to marry him; in her pussy while a guy with an overly large dick is working up a nut in her ass. Only a full on faggot goes for something like that. Sure, shy around women does not mean you marry a whore.

Too many open issues to earn the ratings it otherwise would get.

??? Seems Kiwis are crazy.

Unnecesarily 'notchy' and disconnected, not really contiguous. The children 'Jane' reappeared with need DNA testing before he pays anything to or for them. Then pay her to leave with the kids and cut the nasty bitch adrift!... This was a really poorly constructed tale which made it totally unenjoyable and not worth more than the 2** I gave it....

Overall, very nicely done!!!

.

Thanks for the fine story!

.

Of course, the Usual Suspects will hate it, because no one was immolated.

STRANGE!!!!!!!!! LOVE. Slap hapy papy #9

OMFG this gave me a headache.

Kinda stupid in my opinion. All over the place.

I was enjoying the story, thinking "this is a 4 or maybe 5* effort!"

Then it went off the rails so badly a random word generator would have been embarrassed to the point of dismantling itself in a vain effort to save the minds of readers.

2*

What was this story about?

Very... clinical?

Good story? In what universe?

Kia ora bro. Nice plot, but I feel you rush things along a bit. Kinda liked it though, keep writing!

Strong start, crap finish.

you're crazy

Damn

I just have one thing to say.

What the hell was that I just read?

In the end you wanted to much. 2 or 3 lines are missing. Be clear what you want to tell. A little rushed in the end.

The ending was confusing and a little bit difficult to understand but I get it eventually. You rush too much. I wish you make it smooth. Good premise though

This story was kinda boring and went no where. 1 star

Time was compressed then immediately stretched, making it difficult to read. Jane leaves. Jane shows up. Veronica disappears though they had an appointment/date. Kids show up. Kids are dicks. Kids disappear. Boing-bing-bong. Everywhere.

Just for the plot 3-stars

Wow, there's not a single person in this story I like. It not hot or anything.

Pointless, unreadable drivel.

I got bored halfway through the first page. Life is too short to read crap like this

Made no damn sense at all.

Very weird.....should never have been written.