Vidi, Vici, Veni

"Nick? Really, I'm sorry." Her tone matched her words, she did sound sad. I walked over and unlocked the door, then returned to sitting on the bed. She opened the door slowly and stepped inside. "Hey, I didn't mean to surprise you like that."

"That's just not the place to do that, Vicky. It's too easy to get hurt. I know you didn't mean it and I'm sorry I yelled like that."

"Nah, that's okay, I understand. You want pizza for dinner? I'm buying." She was offering an olive branch, so I took it. I hadn't had pizza in a while so a slice or two wouldn't hurt.

"Sure, I'll just take a couple of pieces of whatever you're having. I gotta keep my abs of steel, you know." I thumped on my stomach. I had a decent six pack so a little pizza wouldn't do that much damage, so long as I didn't make a habit of it.

"Cool, I'll order it in a bit." She turned to leave and as she was pulling the door closed behind her, she turned and smiled at me, "Thanks." Her smile was like her laugh, it wasn't something I got to experience every day so I appreciated it when I could. She had a pretty smile, always had for as long as I could remember.

I hopped back into the shower again to rinse off. No fun time this time, I wasn't in the mood for it after having the shit scared out of me. I put on a clean t-shirt and shorts, tossing the dirty ones in the dirty clothes. After slapping on some deodorant and running a comb through my hair, I headed downstairs.

"I ordered the pizza, they said about 30 minutes. You want a beer?" She was still dressed in the dumpy t-shirt and sweatpants. She had pulled her hair back into a ponytail, though.

"Nah, I'm having the pizza tonight and I suppose there will be plenty of beer tomorrow night at Nelson's. Need to space that out some. I'm going to be beer and pizza free for a while after this."

"So you're really going to go rate wannabe barsexuals for Lee?" She looked as disgusted as she sounded. She popped open a beer and sipped from it.

"Sure, why not? Cynthia may or may not come up with another excuse tomorrow and I haven't had sex in about a week. I just might get lucky, you never know." She wasn't a big fan of Lee, either. As far as I know, he never hit on her directly but he did try to check her out on more than a few occasions before she left for UGA. He was a ladies' man through and through.

The remark about my sex life was straight up gratuitous but I just didn't appreciate the comments. It wasn't like I teased her about her lack of a sex life. I stayed away from that subject, keeping my teasing to her social life in general.

"You could do a lot better than that, Nick. Most of those girls have been banged from behind more times than a Walmart shopping cart."

"It's either them or women Mom's age. I guess I could try for the 18 year olds --"

"Eww, no. Stop. Don't even go there." She made the motion of sticking her fingers down her throat. A lot of the older women I dealt with weren't necessarily bad looking, to me it was weird to even think about fucking somebody my parents' age. Like I said, not my thing. Barely legal high school seniors weren't either. At 26, even 21 year olds were getting to be a little too young for me.

"Look, when low hanging fruit is all you've got to choose from, you take what you can get."

"Maybe this town's too small for you, then." She finished her beer, tossed the can and opened another one. I couldn't see where it had affected her motor function so apparently she was more accomplished at drinking than I would have given her credit for. I didn't expect her to be cloistered at UGA but she was handling downing that beer really well for somebody only 22.

"Where would I go? I don't really have the experience to work at a Division I school yet. Besides, I like this place. The beer's cold and the women are hot to trot."

Vicky choked on her beer. "God, you're a pig."

"Only around you. Smile if you like it." It never failed. Neither one of us could ever keep from smiling when that was said by the other one. She tried to hide it but failed.

The subject then changed to life in Athens compared to here, how her doctorate program was going, and what she planned to do after she finished. It involved a lot of sciency stuff that I didn't understand. She would probably be moving to California or Texas, since most of the tech companies were there. She was obviously excited about her opportunities. I was happy for her, she was entirely too smart for this place.

The pizza came and we ate while still chatting about mundane things. She put the left overs in a freezer bag and stuck it in the fridge while I cleaned up plates and glasses. We then moved into the den to watch TV.

We started out on opposite ends of the couch. We were still there when Mom and Dad came home around eight. They ate the rest of the pizza, sat around with us for about an hour, and then went up to bed. By eleven, she was stretched out along the cushions, her head on my thigh as we watched the end of some rom-com she had been wanting to see. By my count, she'd been through five beers by that time. The only clue I had that it was affecting her was her little balancing act when she first tried to stand up after being on her side most of the night.

We turned off the TV, killed the downstairs lights and I followed her up the stairs. Vicky was walking a little slowly up the stairs but, to be fair, I would have too after five beers. She went into her room but I didn't hear her door close until mine was almost completely shut. I stripped down, shut off the light and fell asleep fairly quickly.

I woke up with a massive case of morning wood. Grabbing my shorts from last night, I pulled them on quickly and made a beeline for the bathroom. Vicky was coming out of her room at the same time and she stopped dead in her tracks, staring at my shorts. Nobody will ever mistake me for a porn star but I've never been laughed at, either. She was wearing her usual baggy outfit, complete with socks.

"Sorry, Vicky, I got dibs." I tried to cover it up as best I could without making it any more awkward than it already was.

She stammered, "Yeah, sure, okay." Her eyes never made it up to mine. I headed inside and closed the door. Her cheeks looked just a little red.

She was waiting patiently by the bathroom door as I relieved myself finally and washed my hands. I no sooner had the door open then she barged in, almost knocking me into the wall, and headed for the toilet. I quickly made my exit, wondering if she meant to brush her hand against me like that. Probably not, she just had to go like I did. She had a lot of beer last night for a small person.

She was in there for a while. I had collected my stuff to take a shower and get dressed, so I was standing there when she finally came out. She gave me a little smile as she headed back to her room. The bathroom reeked of air freshener. I couldn't help but laugh at the thought of Vicky frantically spraying air freshener to cover up taking a dump. She had always been funny that way and I guess she never outgrew it.

I had three appointments, all in the early afternoon. I did a little bit of dynamic stretching, working out some of the soreness from yesterday's interrupted work out. Realizing I still had some time before I needed to head out, I grabbed my tanning stuff and headed out back for a few minutes of sun. I couldn't be entirely sure with the sun hitting the windows but it certainly looked like Vicky was watching me for a while. I'd given up on inviting her to join me a long time ago, she always declined because too much sun caused skin cancer, aged skin prematurely, or whatever other reason she could give.

Vicky was in the den when I came back in, watching something on TV. I told her I was heading out to my appointments after a quick shower, and that I'd be back by five. She was not impressed, mumbling something about horny old ladies needing to buy a vibrator, it would be cheaper, or some shit like that.

My first appointment was with Mrs. Parker. True to form, she had a nip slip. Five of them, in fact. She also had a lot of problems with her hamstrings requiring a great deal of assisted stretching, giving me an up close and personal view of her crotch being hugged tightly by her yoga pants.

Mrs. Donner's yoga pants were about three sizes too small again today. It was less a camel toe than a fabric replica of the Grand Canyon. She had trouble keeping her breasts in her top, too. I didn't think her place was that cold but her nipples sure did.

Mrs. Ferguson's yoga pants split right down the middle during a side groin stretch. She had unfortunately decided to go commando. She had also been to get a Brazilian wax recently. I would have never guessed that she found working out so arousing. Her daughter Miranda decided to sun herself in a barely there bikini while I ran her mom through her exercise routine after she changed into an even tighter pair of exercise shorts. According to Mrs. F., Miranda was unattached and could use a gainfully employed boyfriend for a change. I'm sure she could.

Needless to say, I was tipped well. They actually were nice ladies who were criminally undersexed and ignored by their husbands or boyfriends. I loved what I did and I wasn't going to jeopardize my license for a little pussy on the side. It was there for the taking but I wasn't into older ladies and Miranda wasn't my type, being a little too preoccupied with social media. Even if I was interested, keeping my license was more important to me than my libido. I was never rude and always tried to maintain a professional attitude. Mrs. Parker and Mrs. Ferguson referred their friends to me and I wasn't about to kill that golden goose.

I got back to the house at about 5:30, Mrs. Ferguson's wardrobe malfunction was to blame for the delay. Vicky's car wasn't there when I pulled into the driveway. That was slightly confusing. She almost never left the house two days in a row. There was also an Amazon box on the porch for her, so I brought that in and set it on the kitchen table so she'd see it. It was kind of heavy, so I figured she bought more books. She liked real books, not the electronic kind. I kind of did, too, but the e-books were easier to carry around on my phone and I didn't have to keep track of what I did with it.

I headed upstairs and took a long shower. I did a little manscaping while I was at it, since I was planning on getting lucky tonight. Alcohol, horny college girls and an athletically built attractive young man made for an excellent recipe for a good time. I stroked another one out in the shower to take the edge off and keep from misfiring early.

I chose my clothes carefully, opting for tight Levi's with a black pearl snap shirt. This particular shirt fit me well, tight across the chest and biceps with a good taper to my waist. I had a nice pair of dark ostrich boots and matching belt that I only wore for special occasions and this certainly qualified. Add in my vintage John Deere ball cap and I looked absolutely studly. A pair of aviator sunglasses completed the outfit and I thought I looked like I had stepped off a tour bus straight from Nashville.

I heard the front door slam downstairs and knew that Vicky was home. I waited until she got to the top of the stairs before stepping out into the hallway. Her reaction did not disappoint.

"Sweet Jesus, no. Hide the sheep, it's the country fuckboy." She rolled her eyes so hard I was surprised she didn't hurt herself.

"Do I look good or what?" I had to twist the knife just a little.

"Are you auditioning for a Village People tribute act? You'd be a lock." She was trying hard not to laugh. Her eyes kept dropping down to my waist and then back up to my face. "Lil Nas X called, he wants his outfit back."

"Hey, I'm straighter than his stripper pole."

"Umm, no." She had a lot of bags in her hand, so she walked over to her bedroom door and tossed them inside. "My God, did you paint those pants on, Nick? Pro tip, you're gonna need a cucumber or somebody's gonna mistake you for a girl."

"So I've got a nice ass, huh?" It was hard not to laugh.

"Again, no. After a couple of beers, you'll look good to any of those bar clowns with a pulse. Just trying to protect you in the men's room."

"You're just jealous."

Her laughter was contagious. She disappeared into her room with a parting shot, "It's almost time to go play 'Pick a Ho, Win an STD'. Good luck, you're gonna need it. Don't forget to stop and buy some rubbers. I think Masterson's has the extra small ones back in stock now."

I gave her the finger. She was right though, it was time to head out. I was going to leave my truck at home so I could get started on the drinking and not have to worry about it. I requested an Uber, which just so happened to be Miranda Ferguson. She spent more time gawking at me in the mirror than paying attention to the road. Vicky's comments had stung a little bit but Miranda's reaction made me feel much better.

The bouncers knew me, they had played ball at Southeastern Georgia, so I had no trouble getting inside. There were a couple of grumbles about not having to pay the cover like everybody else, but as soon as I pinned on the "Judge" button, they stopped.

Lee was behind the bar when I walked in. He gave me some of the same shit Vicky had but I knew it was good natured. He looked just as good as I did. As usual, there was a little bit of jockeying, with guys trying to position themselves between us and their girlfriends.

Mr. Nelson was supervising setting up the stage. I went over to say hello. He and Dad had gone to school together. Where Dad had cultivated a more urbane approach to dealing with people as a doctor, Mr. Nelson was still an old school country boy. He saw me coming up and gave me the once over. "This ain't no gay bar, son." His grin gave him away, though. I actually liked the guy, he didn't mind people being themselves as long as they didn't get out of line in his bar. I would rather go toe to toe with both bouncers before taking him on, though. He grew up in this bar and his actual blood, sweat and tears stained the floor in places.

"Hi, Mr. Nelson. Dad says hi. How are those exercises working for you?" He had torn up his knee unloading a truck. After the surgery, I had helped him with rehabbing it.

"Doing well, Nick. I appreciate you helping us out. It's hard to get good looking girls without handsome judges. Unfortunately, we couldn't find any so you, Lee and Donnie will have to do." Donnie was another trainer from the school, specializing in weight training. He was built, absolutely all muscle. He was also gay. My odds of getting laid just got better. Donnie attracted girls like no straight guy could and I had no problems with picking up a stray at closing time.

I went over and said hello to Donnie and his partner. They were good people, I'd gone to high school with both of them, and they always told some of the best gay jokes. Lee brought over a round, so we sat and bullshitted for about twenty minutes while the staff struggled with the dance pole.

Nelson's was one of those places that never seemed to age. Sawdust on the floor, real wood furniture that was all scarred up, and the pervasive smell of stale beer and cigarette smoke, even though smoking indoors had been banned years ago. It was always clean but years and years of smoking and drinking had left its mark. By the end of the evening, it would be smelling like stale beer, cigarette smoke and rampant hormones. Hopefully with a side of female desperation.

They finally finished installing the dance pole and Donnie went over to test it. I've seen videos of people doing a flag pose on a pole but had never seen it live. Donnie did it effortlessly and held it for a couple of minutes. Unless these girls weighed more than Donnie, which was unlikely, it would hold.

About 7:30, they announced registration for the three events. The girls could choose between any and all of them. The winner earned one hundred dollars, second place would get fifty, and third place would win twenty five. Everybody got a t-shirt, whether they were in the wet t-shirt contest or not.

The girls were all lined up over by the offices but Mr. Nelson was having trouble getting the scanner to work. After about ten minutes of swearing, he yelled "fuck it", tossed it on the bar and visually checked IDs. He was careful, making one girl show a school ID or something else with a birthday on it because she did look too young to be in a bar. Lee and the bouncers knew a bunch of the girls personally so it didn't take long.

The wet t-shirt contest was first, to be followed by the bikini contest, and then finally the pole dancing contest. Donnie and another weightlifter friend brought out a large metal tub and placed it in front of the dance pole. As the lights in the bar area faded, I could see it was a pretty packed house. There were a lot of phones out as the stage lights came up. Social media would be a shark tank later.

The first girl out was dressed much the same as all the contestants were, an extra-tight t-shirt to go along with super short denim shorts and various types of heels. She had coppery red hair, worn long and slightly curly. Almost every girl had opted for sunglasses, the stage lights were incredibly bright tonight so everybody could get a good look at the contestants and none of them were going to be wearing a lot of clothes. Her skin was extremely pale, like a natural redhead. She strutted to center stage and slid out of her heels to step into the tub. She waved to the crowd as one of the bouncers poured a bucket of water over her shoulders, making sure to soak the front of the t-shirt.

She stretched her arms out to the sides and shimmied, much to the delight of men in the audience. She had nice sized breasts, a little large for her frame but sitting high and firm. Her nipples were a little puffy and an appropriate size for her tits. They were hardening as the water cooled. She brushed her hands against them and there were a few murmurs from the girls in the crowd that sounded disapproving. The guys, including me, approved.

Then Mr. Nelson introduced the judges, starting with Donnie. He bowed and flexed for the crowd, to cheers and applause. He made a production of checking #1 out, front and sides, and wrote on the little clipboard we had been given.

Lee was next, the crowd booed good naturedly and he flipped them off, to laughter and catcalls. She preened for Lee, who looked like he might be getting a little too close. Mr. Nelson said something to him as he walked off stage and Lee nodded. I don't think he would be getting that close again. Mr. Nelson had a reputation for running a clean and safe bar. Lee knew that. He liked the ladies and that sometimes got the better of him.

After my introduction, to a few jeers from guys I knew and a couple of feminine sounding whistles, I took a look at the first contestant. As I approached #1 from the side, there was something about her that struck me as being familiar. I was sure I had seen her around the school somewhere but couldn't place it. Her body was killer, shapely legs running up into a nicely proportioned ass. Those tits were even more magnificent close up, the nipples were noticeably jutting out. She pretty much kept her eyes on the crowd until I got directly in front of her. I stopped to get a good look at her tits when she reached up, slid her sunglasses down her nose and winked at me.

Vicky. It was my sister.

I had barely taken a sip of my beer but hadn't yet swallowed it. It spewed through my nose and onto the front of her shirt. I started choking. She just smiled at me and again thrust her arms out to her sides and shimmied as I stumbled off the stage, still trying to catch my breath. The crowd loved it. I got more jeers and catcalls on my way off.