All Comments on 'Ch. 05: Virgin Fucks Two Sisters'

Can you give the story some legs

You need to visualize what you're writing, so that you keep it internally consistent. Early in the story, during the striptease, you write that the girls "removed their black tights, revealing cheeks somewhat covered by black panties." A paragraph later, you say that "Finally" they removed their skirts and revealed their panties. Just a total buzz kill to have a story line that makes no sense, where they're magically covered back up and re-revealed. As an author, it's your responsibility to make sure that your story is internally consistent and makes sense. Mistakes like this are jarring and remind the reader that this didn't actually happen, which kills the mood of a fantasy. Just trying to help for next time.

Love it when sisters fuck each other

There ain't no truth to this and you look ridiculous trying to insinuate such things. Just write a story that's conceivable and worth reading instead.

Thanks, AverageBear! I should have more clear that these were super short skirts so when they her over and removed their tights you could see their butt cheeks.

This part of the story is real, BTW!

I’ll pay closer attention to details like that. I agree it’s important!

Reminds me of me and the neighbor sisters, except they lived with me and my parents while their parents were in prison. Except their mom was my ½ sister

I thought it was a great story, especially since at least a small part of it was true. To the criticism of being internally consistent, I did not find that to be the case as girls often wear tights under a skirt over panties and said panties would definately be revealed while removing their tights. It would be fun to read further adventures of these three if you have such plans.

I thought this was a great story, especially knowing that at least a small part was true. The criticism of being inconsistent is unwarranted as many girls wear tights as well as panties under a skirt. The panties would be exposed while removing the tights unless they were trying to be exceptionately demure, which didn't seem to be the thrust of the story. It would be fun to read of further adventures of this trio if that is your intent.

Completely boring. And no sex between the brother and either sister, which was hinted at in the teaser on the main page. And no motivation; if two college-age lezzies wanted an addition to the party, they could find one at school rather than picking on their little brother's good friend. What made a high-school boy so attractive? Or is there a backstory? So many questions, so few answers.

Pretty fast but very well written, clear, erotic and stimulating,

Nice first and second time bruh.